Friends for a Season & a Reason

Christine: 00:00:12

hey everyone.

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Welcome back to the Beer Project.

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We are your hosts, Christine,

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Alexandra: And Alexandra.

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Christine: and we're so

happy you're joining us.

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Today.

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We're digging deep into a topic

that we've all experienced in

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one way or another, friendships.

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friendships last a lifetime while others

come into our lives for just a season.

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But how do we know which is which and

what happens when it's time to let go?

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In this episode, we're sharing our

personal experiences with all kinds

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of friendships, the ones that shaped

us, the ones that surprised us, and

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the ones we had to walk away from.

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Let's talk about the joy, the heartbreak,

and the lessons that come with navigating

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friendships for a season and a reason.

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Welcome back.

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Okay, so this, I'm excited for today's

conversation, but I think I wanna

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throw it to Alexandra here and say,

ask her started this conversation.

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Alexandra: Well, Christine, as per

usual, many of our conversations for

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this podcast do start out of quotes or

things that we've seen on Instagram or

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around other places, and I feel like

this is especially apropos opening up

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with one of Christine's favorite people.

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And if you've heard last week's

conversation, then you'll know

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exactly who we're talking about.

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It's a quote from Alex Hermo and talking

about when to let friendships go.

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So he said, when you have the friends

who are telling you must be nice,

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or you think you're better than us,

or, oh, so we can't drink anymore,

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that's when you can be like, yeah.

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Then what?

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Well, then we wouldn't be friends.

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You're not going to be friends

with him eventually anyways.

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He promises you if you want to

ultimately become the person.

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You want to become, you're

only going to reject.

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They're only going to reject you

harder and harder until eventually

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you have nothing to share about.

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And the only thing that

you'll talk about is the past.

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A great way to know when to

cut a friend is to is when

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they only talk about your past.

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And it's one of those really uncomfortable

things the first time you do it.

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But then you get more and more

comfortable with it because they're

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like, I would never live your life.

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And you are like, I know.

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Also, don't trade your

self-respect for someone else's.

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It's easy to lose theirs

and hard to gain yours back.

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So Christine, being this in a

very face, facetious way that

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he's your favorite person, what is

your first reaction to that quote?

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Christine: So

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for those who maybe don't know,

last week when this first came

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up we, we talked about another

quote from this, this gentleman.

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I,

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okay, so it's not that I don't like him.

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I don't know him, so I

can't pass a judgment on his

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character or anything like that.

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how he approaches life and how I

approach life is slightly different.

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And that's

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Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

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Christine: does things differently.

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There are things that I've

heard him say that I think are

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great advice, but, you know,

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just wanted to put that out there.

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But having, having heard

this, I think initially

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I was like, wow, that's

a little harsh, but.

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I think it's a great way

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sort of look objectively

at a situation, right?

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So, and I think he does say

the first time, it's gonna

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be really uncomfortable me.

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It probably will always be

uncomfortable, but I think in the long

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run it's, it's to help protect you.

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It's to help you continue to grow.

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And I think it makes a lot of sense.

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Like

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it's important to cut those

toxic people out of your life,

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Alexandra: Hmm.

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Christine: Or, or those people who

are just not moving with you anymore.

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It doesn't mean

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Alexandra: Yeah.

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Christine: to move in the same

direction, but as forward is usually

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Alexandra: Cool.

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Christine: continuously, continually

moving forward is always the goal.

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So.

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That's my initial thoughts.

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How about you?

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She does not have the same, I

don't think she really knows

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much about this person, so,

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Alexandra: no.

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Definitely not.

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And sorry guys, I do sound a little

bit sick today because I am recovering

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from some sort of head cold.

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So bear with me as I drink

my tea and we're here.

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Okay.

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So yeah, I don't de, I definitely don't

have the same, I think initial reaction

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to Alex or Realey as Christine does.

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I don't know a whole lot about him.

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I think the snippets I have

seen, I haven't, I've gone okay,

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yeah, that makes sense to me.

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It's funny reading this 'cause of

course I think we saw this on a video

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and I'm sure if people searched any

of that quote that I read out, they'd

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be able to find the original video.

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But it is kind of, to me what reading

it, it seems a little bit disjointed.

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'cause it's I think we were coming in,

in a conversation that I was having with

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somebody else and, but there were parts

of it that really resonated with, with me.

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And some past experiences that I've had.

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And I know when we first talked about,

you know, doing the podcast, we had

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a, we have a shared Google document

that we just dump a lot of ideas on.

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And I think at the time I was going

through one of, call it a friendship

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breakup where this really hit home for me.

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And kind of the,

particularly the part where,

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and I'll get into this a little bit

later, but the, I was trying to change

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my life in the sense of become the

person I wanted to become instead of

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trying to fit into other people's molds.

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And the, some of the friends I was

friends with at the time did not

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seem to react very well to that.

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And it was kind of all they could talk

about was the past or not even helping

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or supporting each other move forward.

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And particularly me in that situation

where I was like, yeah, it is time.

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To, to move on and say

I don't want their life.

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And it seems like they don't want to

move forward in a similar direction

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where we're all growing that it

was just a, a divergence of paths.

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But like Christine said, and, and

like Alex Ramey said, it is very

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uncomfortable the first time to,

I think cut ties with people.

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And I just, I kind of think I

have a, an ability to cut, like

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really cut ties with people.

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And then in my head I will overthink it

and chew on it later and come back to it.

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But with those people, I'm pretty

much a hard break and be like,

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no more contact, like I'm done.

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Yeah, I've had a few like romantic

ex partners who were like,

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nah, I'm friends with my exes.

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And I'm like, yeah, not me.

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And that seemed to surprise that when we

broke up and I'm like, no, hard break.

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I'm the same way with friends.

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It is very uncomfortable.

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But it, it, I guess it does kind of

get easier and I think kind of figuring

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out what, who are the people worth

having in your life because you are all

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tracking a similar direction, is, is a

valuable skill and it can be difficult.

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Christine: Mm.

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Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: So Christine, what was the

next quote that really kind of got us

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thinking about this conversation and we're

like, we need to do an episode on this.

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Christine: Yeah, so this one came from

Tyler Perry actually, and he says,

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there are people who come into your

life sometimes to be there for a season.

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They weren't meant to be there always.

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Sometimes we find ourselves hooked

up with people that we think are

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there for a lifetime, but only

supposed to be there for a season.

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are people who come into your

life like boosters for a rocket.

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If you've ever watched a rocket go

into space, the boosters fall off

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when it reaches a certain altitude.

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Some people are not equipped to handle

the altitudes that you're going to,

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so don't be afraid when they fall off.

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They're not bad people, they're just,

they just couldn't go where you're going.

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Thoughts?

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Alexandra: I think it's a, I think when

we were talking about this episode and

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formatting it, I was like, this is a

much more hopeful quote and and view.

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Whereas like you said, the Alex

from Moey, one can be a bit.

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Objective and blunt.

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And sometimes I think this

is a much more hopeful way.

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And similarly for that same situation

I was talking about earlier,

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that I'll get into it in a little

bit, this one felt like, yes,

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okay, time to cut relationships.

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And then this one's okay.

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'cause I would go back and go,

why did this friendship fail?

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Or why couldn't I make it work?

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And so then realizing that, particularly

with those people who I thought would

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be in my life for a long time, just

kind of going, it was, it was like

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a temporary joint so you could go on

your path and they could go on theirs.

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But I like that, like it really helps,

particularly I think for people who maybe

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feel very deeply about relationships and

particularly when they don't continue

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and maybe wonder why or feel guilty that

they could have done more or something.

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This is a wonderful quote to go, Hey.

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It's exactly as it was supposed to be.

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What do you think Christine?

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Christine: I think this, this one

appealed, appealed to me a little more.

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I like the imagery of it.

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I think it makes sense.

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It helps make sense of some potential

situations you might encounter.

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And I know for me, I've often wondered,

like Alexandra said, didn't this work?

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Sometimes I feel really guilty

or regretful, but if anything,

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this helps remind me like.

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It's a learning experience, so

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reflect on those situations, but

don't beat yourself up over it,

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I guess is the, is my takeaway.

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Know that

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when that happens, don't be afraid of

it, I think is a, is a really sort of

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helpful takeaway because yeah, I I,

we're gonna get more into it later in

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this, in this conversation, but when

I've sort of come around to thinking

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like, when, when you lose a friend,

there's a grieving process you go through

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yeah, sorry, I just sort of, as you were

talking, I was um, to sort of maybe give

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some background as to why I sort of feel

like a little distant in this moment.

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I, I just sort of was time traveling

a little bit and thinking about

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thinking about a situation that

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hasn't sat right with me.

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And I think for, in a lot of cases,

and would love to dive into this more

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with, with you and for those listening,

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what has stuck with you when

you've lost the friendships?

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For me, I think I don't necessarily,

I think what sticks with me the most

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is how, how it sort of all plays out.

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What can keep me up at night

is how I handled the situation.

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I think for a lot of people,

perhaps at least for me, when,

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when thinking about this, it's like

not a comfortable thing, right?

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And it, there's no right way to do it.

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So I sort of like tend to,

what sticks with me the most

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is how, I may have handled it.

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And most, most of the time

it's not well because it's not

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something one likes to think about.

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Alexandra: Right.

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And it's not something

that's scripted in a movie.

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So it is pretty much the raw, unfiltered,

unedited version where, you know, when

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you go back and reflect on it, you're

like, oh, I could have said this or

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I could have done this differently.

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: I think the part of that

Tyler Perry quote that really sticks

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with me is they're not bad people.

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They just couldn't go where you're going.

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And it's really interesting

how you related the, the ending

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of a friendship with grief.

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And there's like the five stages of

grief and anger can be one of them.

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And sometimes.

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Maybe this is me and not everyone,

but like I, you don't wanna be the

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bad guy, particularly in situations.

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So sometimes it's easier in your anger

and frustration of losing friendships,

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even if you're the one calling it quit to

say they were this or they weren't that.

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And then I like how this quote is going.

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They weren't bad people, they

just can't go where you're going.

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And, and that really takes,

I think, some of that

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anger and wind outta that sail,

particularly on that piece

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of the grief, the anger part.

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And then it's okay to just like more in

the loss of that friendship and what you

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more in the death of what it could have

been in your mind versus what it was.

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So it, I think it allows you to

see it very much what it was.

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: make sense?

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: Okay.

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Because I was like.

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Hopefully I was like in my foggy

brain today, like I'm hoping

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this is all coming out sensical.

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: but yeah.

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So on a slightly lighter note before

we kind of dive into some of those

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scenarios that Christine and I were

talking about the last quote to kind

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of wrap up this whole friends for a

season and a reason thing was soulmates

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come in the form of friends too.

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It's not just about romance.

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Sometimes it's your best friend who

makes you feel whole, who understands

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you the most when the rest of the

world doesn't understand you at all.

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Christine: Yeah, I love that.

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think, you know,

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this is what my experience

has been, right?

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I've, I've, you know, when it

comes to, to romance dating, I

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have a little experience there.

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But for me, the, the thing,

the relationships that have

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sort of helped shape me the

most have been my friendships.

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And, I love, I love this,

I love this, this idea.

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I think it's totally true and spot on.

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and I think, you know, you can

have more than one soulmate.

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So

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Alexandra: Hmm,

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Christine: What about you?

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Alexandra: absolutely.

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Christine: What do you think?

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Alexandra: And I think this is a

really important thing to think

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about, particularly if you're

in a stage of evaluating your

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friendships and seeing which ones.

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Our best for the both, both parties.

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I think this is something really important

to remember is, is this person that

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you're friends with, somebody who makes

you feel whole, who understands you,

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and do you make them feel whole and do

you understand them wholly not what you

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think they should be or how you think

they should behave, but who they are

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and do they accept you wholly as who

you are without needing to change you?

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And I think those are some the

friendships that we ought to strive for.

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And finding your soulmates and

friends rather potentially than

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a collection of people who just

happen to be in our lives, you know?

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And plus it makes some of those ones

that really stick throughout your

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whole lifetime, that much more special.

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Christine: absolutely.

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Alexandra: So, Christine, on on the

whole, what do you think of these quotes?

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That we pulled today.

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Christine: I, well, I think they,

they all offer great advice.

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It's definitely helped sort of spark

different ideas for myself, how, and has

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encouraged me to really think about this.

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'cause I don't know if, I mean, I would

be interested to know, has anybody

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else really thought about this before?

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Is this something I, I, I don't know.

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I, I, I sometimes find myself

reflecting on these things.

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And I think this, just these

quotes really helps put them.

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Put help put my feelings into words,

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Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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So yeah, I like many things in life,

I take things with a grain of salt.

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I think it's good, a good reference.

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Yeah, that's how I'm feeling right now.

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Alexandra: I agree with that.

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There's definitely some stuff of the

Alex or Mo that bits in pieces of

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makes sense to me in certain contexts

and relationships, particularly about

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the one where a friendship, if you can

only talk about the past and it seems

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like you have little or no connection

in the present or moving forward,

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that may be an indication of that

relationship falling by the wayside.

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And I think it's just particularly the

Tyler Perry just kind of helping take out

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some of the hurt of losing friendships

that you may have thought we're going to

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be there for a long time and they just.

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Weren't ever meant to be.

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But like you said, taking things with

a grain of salt and I think it's really

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context situation dependent as well.

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Like the Alex Ram Moley quote is

probably not the same for every

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relationship that needs to end.

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It is just some stuff naturally

terminates and comes to a conclusion.

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Christine: Yeah.

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I was just thinking one thing

that these don't really address

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is that conversation before the

final conversation of a breakup of.

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I, I guess I'm of the mind of if

something's not working, I wanna

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have a conversation about it

and see if there can be any work

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Alexandra: mm-hmm.

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Christine: On both sides.

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Because, you know, all relationships,

it's, it takes two to tango.

314

: 00:18:19

It's like a, a two-way street.

315

: 00:18:21

So, that's, I guess, one piece

that really hasn't been addressed

316

: 00:18:25

Alexandra: True.

317

: 00:18:25

Christine: with these quotes here.

318

: 00:18:26

And I think, you know,

319

: 00:18:29

that's, that's, that's a important

piece of it, at least for me.

320

: 00:18:32

I'm not necessarily, if I, if I see the

hope in any kind of relationship for

321

: 00:18:39

improvement, I wanna try and go after that

because, know, I care for that person.

322

: 00:18:44

And it's hard to, hard to away

from something you care about.

323

: 00:18:49

Alexandra: Right.

324

: 00:18:50

And I think that rolls us nicely

into what we were next gonna talk

325

: 00:18:54

about, kind of digging deeper

into both of our experiences.

326

: 00:18:59

And I feel like to stay on topic of what

you were just talking about, of that

327

: 00:19:04

conversation before something ends I

think we went through a rough patch in our

328

: 00:19:08

friendship for a little bit that we like,

329

: 00:19:10

Christine: I

330

: 00:19:10

Alexandra: you know, came through

and were stronger friends than ever.

331

: 00:19:14

And that was when I was in my first

graduate program and I just kind of, I.

332

: 00:19:20

Shut down.

333

: 00:19:21

I basically, not

334

: 00:19:26

in my mind, I wasn't like harshly, I just

kind of withdrew from things to focus

335

: 00:19:30

on something that was so massively I

336

: 00:19:36

mentally consuming.

337

: 00:19:37

I was working on my thesis and a

practicum exhibit and Christine

338

: 00:19:41

was like, reached out at someone.

339

: 00:19:42

She's Hey, can we go get

lunch and talk about stuff?

340

: 00:19:45

And I just feel like our

friendship is, you know, something.

341

: 00:19:48

And I went to that and I was so, I

remember being so nervous and so upset

342

: 00:19:53

and so anxious because I was like, I

don't like when people are upset with me,

343

: 00:19:57

particularly somebody I really care about.

344

: 00:19:59

And, but it was a really

good conversation.

345

: 00:20:01

I think we went to something

like the iron pig or something.

346

: 00:20:05

Christine: Yeah.

347

: 00:20:06

Yeah.

348

: 00:20:06

Alexandra: and it was like, and it was, I

don't know about you Christine, but for me

349

: 00:20:13

it was really awkward, but it was really.

350

: 00:20:15

Christine: Yeah.

351

: 00:20:16

Alexandra: A wonderful part of our

friendship, and I think it made me

352

: 00:20:19

realize that people who are meant to

be in your life will take the time

353

: 00:20:24

because it's important and have those

conversations, even if one or both parties

354

: 00:20:28

are really anxious or concerned about it.

355

: 00:20:30

And I, I'm so grateful that

you did that, and you didn't

356

: 00:20:35

just let me kind of withdraw so

much that our friendship faded.

357

: 00:20:39

So thank you.

358

: 00:20:41

Christine: Oh, of course.

359

: 00:20:42

Well, thank you for

coming to lunch with me.

360

: 00:20:45

Yeah, I, I agree that for me, was feeling

awkward and anxious, and it was, it was

361

: 00:20:51

the first time in my life where I really

took a proactive approach to, Hey, this

362

: 00:20:58

is kind of funky and I really wanna

talk, talk this out with you, because

363

: 00:21:06

it's that, it's like how people

interpret things differently, how

364

: 00:21:12

people hear things differently.

365

: 00:21:14

Whether or not you meant

366

: 00:21:16

Alexandra: Yeah.

367

: 00:21:16

Christine: something to

come across the way it did.

368

: 00:21:18

Like people are going to you

know, they're, they're not always

369

: 00:21:21

gonna see it the way you do.

370

: 00:21:23

So for me was, I knew I had, I knew

I had something special with you and.

371

: 00:21:33

I wanted to address it, and glad

that we did, and I we're 100%

372

: 00:21:38

stronger for it closer because of it.

373

: 00:21:42

And I know that I can come to

you and and say, Hey I, this

374

: 00:21:47

isn't sitting right with me.

375

: 00:21:48

Let's talk it out.

376

: 00:21:49

Or I can come to you and for your

advice on other things, just because

377

: 00:21:55

like we allowed ourselves to be

378

: 00:22:02

messy and accept the mistakes that we've

made and not hold it against each other.

379

: 00:22:10

I'm

380

: 00:22:10

Alexandra: and it was super helpful

because of this last semester, kind

381

: 00:22:16

of hit a same patch where I was like,

I can, could already feel myself

382

: 00:22:20

starting to pull back from things.

383

: 00:22:21

And not so much from like our

friendship, but like just in general

384

: 00:22:24

and going like feeling withdrawn.

385

: 00:22:26

So I think I went to Christine

and when I was talking about can

386

: 00:22:29

we put the podcast on hiatus?

387

: 00:22:31

I just need to finish.

388

: 00:22:32

And I was like, okay, but you

know, because I don't, you know,

389

: 00:22:36

want our friendship to suffer.

390

: 00:22:38

Christine: Mm-hmm.

391

: 00:22:39

Alexandra: there, I think I went to you,

I'm like, this is, I'm just overwhelmed.

392

: 00:22:41

And there was days that Christine

just listened to me complain

393

: 00:22:45

on the phone about, you know,

394

: 00:22:47

Christine: Let it out.

395

: 00:22:47

Alexandra: and things.

396

: 00:22:48

And then there was other times where it

was just like, I think we just sat on

397

: 00:22:50

the phone for a while just in silence.

398

: 00:22:53

And it was super helpful because

then I didn't feel like I had to.

399

: 00:22:59

Constantly be like fully giving

everything into our friendship

400

: 00:23:04

when during that hard time.

401

: 00:23:05

And Christine was also there

just to be able to hold space

402

: 00:23:08

for me as I went through that.

403

: 00:23:09

And so it was really helpful.

404

: 00:23:11

And we did end up playing Flo

tag quite a lot last semester.

405

: 00:23:14

But it was, it was a really helpful

touch point going, remember, okay,

406

: 00:23:17

last time I went through kind of this

and I did withdraw And that was not

407

: 00:23:21

my intention, it was just my habit and

to, to kind of push myself to, with the

408

: 00:23:27

friendships that were really important,

trying to continue to reach out.

409

: 00:23:32

And I think sometimes,

you know, I think that's.

410

: 00:23:35

But Christine, she's that's really that

what matters is that you, you're trying.

411

: 00:23:39

And that was really helpful.

412

: 00:23:40

And it also took me out of some of

the, the craziness that was happening.

413

: 00:23:45

It was kinda like, okay, there is

the light at the end of the tunnel.

414

: 00:23:47

There is these wonderful friendships

that this is just, whatever craziness

415

: 00:23:51

was happening was just for a season.

416

: 00:23:53

Christine: Mm-hmm.

417

: 00:23:54

Alexandra: And this friendship is not

for a season, so don't let it suffer.

418

: 00:23:58

So,

419

: 00:23:58

Christine: Yeah.

420

: 00:23:59

Alexandra: yeah.

421

: 00:24:01

On that note, Christine, do you wanna open

up and talk about some of the experiences

422

: 00:24:06

you were time traveling to earlier?

423

: 00:24:08

I.

424

: 00:24:08

Christine: Yeah.

425

: 00:24:08

So I think to give a little background,

if you've been a listener for a

426

: 00:24:13

long time or if this is your first

time here Hey, Christine here.

427

: 00:24:18

I grew up to like small

schools my whole life.

428

: 00:24:24

I was a Catholic school kid, so my

class sizes were always smaller.

429

: 00:24:30

But I also just had a small

close knit group of friends.

430

: 00:24:35

I wasn't the person, and I'm still not

the person who has had like a big group of

431

: 00:24:40

friends at school, like the quote unquote

popular group, whatever that means.

432

: 00:24:45

But.

433

: 00:24:47

That always was okay with me.

434

: 00:24:49

I as long as I can remember, I

have been seeking those deeper,

435

: 00:24:53

meaningful relationships.

436

: 00:24:55

However, due to the environment I was

in, the people I was surrounded with at

437

: 00:25:00

school, always didn't workout for me.

438

: 00:25:03

And at this point in my life, I

don't have a strong relationship

439

: 00:25:09

with anyone I met prior to college

besides my family, of course.

440

: 00:25:14

But, and, and also that's not to

say I'm not friendly with lots

441

: 00:25:17

of people, but I guess like many

things, my definition of friendship

442

: 00:25:22

has always been a little different.

443

: 00:25:24

I've I've always found myself.

444

: 00:25:27

I should say I've been, I've found

myself reflecting on this a lot at

445

: 00:25:31

a lot of different points in my life

when I've been different ages and in,

446

: 00:25:35

in different stages and environments.

447

: 00:25:37

And I always sort of ask

myself, why do I feel this way?

448

: 00:25:43

And something I've come to learn

about myself and accept is that

449

: 00:25:47

I'm, I'm a fiercely loyal person.

450

: 00:25:49

Once you become one of my people,

I'm gonna fight for you with

451

: 00:25:53

everything I have no matter what.

452

: 00:25:56

now I, I've learned and I know that I

need to fight for myself just as much.

453

: 00:26:03

And a cer and at a certain point, it's

important to evaluate, those relationships

454

: 00:26:09

that aren't working for you anymore.

455

: 00:26:12

And my God, that can

be really, really hard.

456

: 00:26:16

Because for me it's, I.

457

: 00:26:20

I put so much of who I am into

everything, into those relationships.

458

: 00:26:24

And to think that that it

doesn't work out is really hard.

459

: 00:26:30

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

460

: 00:26:31

Christine: and not only like that,

that idea of grief I was mentioning

461

: 00:26:34

briefly earlier not only am I grieving

loss like this person that I've

462

: 00:26:41

lost, I'm also sort of like grieving.

463

: 00:26:45

Like I'm, I'm that my efforts have

sort of, I haven't come, come through

464

: 00:26:54

to what I thought they would be.

465

: 00:26:56

Alexandra: Right.

466

: 00:26:57

Christine: so

467

: 00:27:02

yeah.

468

: 00:27:02

Alexandra: Well, and I also don't think

you're a person who, or many people

469

: 00:27:06

are go into any sort of friendship

expecting it to end, you know.

470

: 00:27:10

Christine: True.

471

: 00:27:11

Absolutely.

472

: 00:27:12

No, that's not certainly where

you sort of see it ending up.

473

: 00:27:18

And I think something that I have

been trying to work on more is I

474

: 00:27:24

think, like I mentioned earlier,

seeing it as a learning opportunity

475

: 00:27:28

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

476

: 00:27:29

Christine: and looking back on the good

times of that you had with that person.

477

: 00:27:35

Like for instance, I had one

really good friend high school.

478

: 00:27:45

There were, and, and I've talked about

this before per perhaps probably even

479

: 00:27:50

on here, like the four years that you

are in high school, in my opinion,

480

: 00:27:55

is the most change you go through

in the shortest amount of time.

481

: 00:27:58

You come in 15 and you end 18, which

you're apparently an adult by the

482

: 00:28:05

time and you go through so much.

483

: 00:28:07

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

484

: 00:28:07

Christine: And so because so much

happens in such a short amount of

485

: 00:28:12

time, for a lot of people, those

relationships last a really lifetime.

486

: 00:28:20

I went to an all girls Catholic

school went through a lot with

487

: 00:28:25

the relationships I made there.

488

: 00:28:27

Went through a lot personally.

489

: 00:28:30

I think for the first

time I learned my life.

490

: 00:28:32

I.

491

: 00:28:32

To be open and honest that was when I

first struggled with some depression.

492

: 00:28:38

so

493

: 00:28:42

I left that time in my life thinking

that my best friend was gonna be with

494

: 00:28:46

me no matter what through everything.

495

: 00:28:49

And unfortunately, that hasn't worked

out the way I thought it would.

496

: 00:28:53

And we went to different colleges

and naturally we just didn't

497

: 00:28:57

keep us in touch with each other.

498

: 00:28:59

You know, when we were on breaks,

we would see each other and it would

499

: 00:29:02

be like all times, you know, it was

kind of like that sort of thing for.

500

: 00:29:06

And I have relationships like where we

don't stay close in contact with each

501

: 00:29:11

other, but as soon as we're together, it's

502

: 00:29:13

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

503

: 00:29:14

Christine: were separated.

504

: 00:29:15

That was sort of the feeling I

had this, with this friend of mine

505

: 00:29:20

and, you know, I love her still.

506

: 00:29:22

I'll always think, I think

I'll always love her.

507

: 00:29:25

She helped me through a really

pivotal time in my life.

508

: 00:29:31

So

509

: 00:29:35

I think it took me a while though

to come to terms with the fact

510

: 00:29:39

that this wasn't going to be the

relationship I thought it was.

511

: 00:29:42

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

512

: 00:29:44

Christine: and that's hard and I

513

: 00:29:49

still sort of grieve that.

514

: 00:29:51

I think about that almost every other day.

515

: 00:29:56

So I.

516

: 00:29:58

Yeah, I think, I think other one other

point I just wanna to share is that , one

517

: 00:30:06

of the most important things is community.

518

: 00:30:08

So I believe that we are meant to

surround ourselves with many different

519

: 00:30:14

people who love and support you.

520

: 00:30:16

I will say I have a very strong

support system with my family, but I

521

: 00:30:19

think it's almost more important to

surround yourself with found family.

522

: 00:30:25

because

523

: 00:30:28

I'm trying to figure out how

I wanna put this into words.

524

: 00:30:30

Like the difference between your, your

family that you were born into and the

525

: 00:30:35

family that you choose to a lot of, some

people don't stay in contact with their,

526

: 00:30:42

their, the family they're born into.

527

: 00:30:45

I love them all fiercely and dearly.

528

: 00:30:47

But I, there's certain things

that I know just because

529

: 00:30:53

we experience things at the same time,

it's clouded by how I experienced

530

: 00:30:58

it and how I went through it

531

: 00:31:00

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

532

: 00:31:00

Christine: I felt.

533

: 00:31:01

And for them, same thing, like

it's hard to separate yourself.

534

: 00:31:05

Whereas when it comes to

found family, it's like

535

: 00:31:11

you're choosing each other.

536

: 00:31:14

they're not necessarily,

537

: 00:31:18

Hmm.

538

: 00:31:22

I guess when I look at our

relationship, because you're the

539

: 00:31:26

closest thing to, to somebody, like

you're deeper than, our relationship

540

: 00:31:30

is so much deeper than a friendship.

541

: 00:31:33

You're truly like a sister to me.

542

: 00:31:37

Alexandra: Yeah.

543

: 00:31:39

Christine: We come together everything

that we've experienced individually

544

: 00:31:44

and when we're facing something

together, we're able to be kinder

545

: 00:31:49

to each other almost in terms of,

546

: 00:31:55

in my opinion, like your family

installed all the buttons and

547

: 00:32:00

they know how to press them.

548

: 00:32:03

I don't know, am I explaining?

549

: 00:32:04

Sorry if I'm not

explaining myself clearly.

550

: 00:32:06

I'm trying to, I'm trying to put into

words a feeling and that's really hard.

551

: 00:32:14

Alexandra: Yeah.

552

: 00:32:14

It's,

553

: 00:32:14

Christine: my apologies.

554

: 00:32:15

Thank you for bearing with me.

555

: 00:32:17

But, but my takeaway away,

556

: 00:32:20

the point I'm trying to make is

surrounding yourself with, in community

557

: 00:32:26

is super, super important because for,

I recently heard something that in

558

: 00:32:33

today's world, we tend to put everything

on one relationship for most people.

559

: 00:32:39

That's, that can be your boyfriend,

girlfriend, partner, husband, wife.

560

: 00:32:44

But if you think about that,

there's so, there's so much that

561

: 00:32:48

we go through as human beings

and naturally, after a while, I.

562

: 00:32:53

Putting everything on

something, it starts to weaken.

563

: 00:32:56

So by widening your circle, and it helps

take the pressure off the one and, and,

564

: 00:33:01

and it's then supported by the group.

565

: 00:33:07

yeah,

566

: 00:33:08

Alexandra: I think that also kind

of talks to that friendships aren't

567

: 00:33:12

something that can be taken for granted.

568

: 00:33:14

They do take work

569

: 00:33:16

Christine: Mm-hmm.

570

: 00:33:17

Alexandra: a romantic partnership.

571

: 00:33:18

It's not just the choice that like,

oh, hey, we're going to be friends.

572

: 00:33:23

We're in the sense of romantic partner

like we are together like every day.

573

: 00:33:27

It typically takes work on both

parts and both sides and yeah.

574

: 00:33:32

And sometimes your found family is who

helps you through the buttons that your

575

: 00:33:38

family knows how to push and do push.

576

: 00:33:41

And you know, and you definitely are

a sister to me, and you have done and

577

: 00:33:48

been there for me so much and I hope

that I have been there for you as well.

578

: 00:33:52

So

579

: 00:33:53

Christine: Yeah, absolutely.

580

: 00:33:55

Alexandra: one of, one

of my favorite people.

581

: 00:33:59

Christine: Oh, well, thank you.

582

: 00:34:00

Same here.

583

: 00:34:01

And yeah, thank you for bearing

with me as I try to, to put into

584

: 00:34:05

words all of the feelings that I

feel, I feel a lot of feelings, I'm

585

: 00:34:08

sure a lot of people can relate.

586

: 00:34:10

Alexandra: Well, and it's not

something that, you know, we may

587

: 00:34:12

think about, but how often do we try

to articulate some of this, you know?

588

: 00:34:17

So it can be very difficult

to get what's in our head out.

589

: 00:34:21

Christine: Yeah.

590

: 00:34:22

I have big feelings.

591

: 00:34:23

I think a lot.

592

: 00:34:24

I don't always know

how to articulate well.

593

: 00:34:27

Alexandra: Yeah.

594

: 00:34:27

Christine: But something, something

to work on, I think you know.

595

: 00:34:30

A great way to, in the past that has

helped me do that is I try and talk it

596

: 00:34:35

out with you or someone else that's really

close to me, try to journal about it.

597

: 00:34:43

Just write things down, like not

overthink it, just try and get it,

598

: 00:34:46

Alexandra: Yeah.

599

: 00:34:47

Christine: and get it out.

600

: 00:34:47

And I honestly don't always like

to go back and read things when I,

601

: 00:34:55

because it's hard for me

to articulate my feelings.

602

: 00:34:57

I just know it's not gonna

be exactly I'm feeling.

603

: 00:35:02

But the act of getting it out of your body

604

: 00:35:04

Alexandra: Mm-hmm.

605

: 00:35:05

Christine: super helpful.

606

: 00:35:06

So, yeah.

607

: 00:35:09

Anyway.

608

: 00:35:13

Okay.

609

: 00:35:14

Onto you.

610

: 00:35:16

Alexandra: Not like you're

like, here, toss the hot potato.

611

: 00:35:18

It's no atory.

612

: 00:35:19

You're like, okay, well

thank you for that.

613

: 00:35:21

You know, hot potato,

we're all go with hot tea.

614

: 00:35:24

So, I'll first jump into that conversation

or what I alluded what I alluded to

615

: 00:35:30

earlier, and I think I've mentioned

this on the podcast before, definitely

616

: 00:35:37

in a couple different conversations.

617

: 00:35:38

But more focusing now on like

the friendship aspect and,

618

: 00:35:42

and there for just a season.

619

: 00:35:45

When I first moved to the state I'm

living in, I didn't really have community.

620

: 00:35:50

It was after my last graduate

program and I didn't have a job.

621

: 00:35:54

And my parents were like, well,

you're moving, you're moving with us.

622

: 00:35:56

And oh, by the way, we've moved state.

623

: 00:35:58

And I'm like, okay.

624

: 00:35:59

'cause I grew up in Southern California

and, and they moved to North Carolina

625

: 00:36:03

and I was like, I don't know anyone.

626

: 00:36:05

I didn't have any community.

627

: 00:36:06

I felt very lonely.

628

: 00:36:08

My sister was gonna move down

and come to to law school, but

629

: 00:36:11

that was after a little while.

630

: 00:36:12

And so,

631

: 00:36:16

I just, you know, it was weird.

632

: 00:36:18

It was a weird time, strange time.

633

: 00:36:20

I was very, very lost and because

I felt very lost, I didn't.

634

: 00:36:26

I have a whole lot of confidence in

myself particularly as it came to, to

635

: 00:36:30

friendships and making new friends,

or particularly trying to put yourself

636

: 00:36:35

out there and date in a new place.

637

: 00:36:37

So all of that's rumbling around

in my head and I am introduced to

638

: 00:36:43

a group of people through through

blood relatives connections.

639

: 00:36:47

So this is a really interesting

thing where sometimes your blood

640

: 00:36:50

family or who's married in you

find people, but again, they're not

641

: 00:36:54

always the people there for forever.

642

: 00:36:57

So anyways, these this group, these

group, this group of individuals

643

: 00:37:01

were very interested in psychic and

metaphysics, and it was really awesome.

644

: 00:37:06

I was like, cool intuition development.

645

: 00:37:09

Awesome.

646

: 00:37:09

So it was just a, I think it was like a.

647

: 00:37:13

Bimonthly thing we would get

together and, and practice

648

: 00:37:16

intuitive development and stuff.

649

: 00:37:17

And I was like, okay, I'm finding my

peoples, I'm finding people who are

650

: 00:37:22

interested in similar things that I am.

651

: 00:37:25

And I really,

652

: 00:37:28

it's such a hard time reflecting on

that relationship, those relationships.

653

: 00:37:32

Right.

654

: 00:37:33

I am very grateful to them for many

things, for reintroducing me to

655

: 00:37:39

my passion for, you know, psychic

work and practices as well as,

656

: 00:37:44

you know, interest in metaphysics.

657

: 00:37:47

And they really allowed me an

opportunity to grow and I thought

658

: 00:37:50

it was a very supportive set of

relationships and friendships

659

: 00:37:55

and they were for a while and we.

660

: 00:37:59

They had started a podcast at which,

at the, that time I was a part of.

661

: 00:38:03

And there was a few moments

where things start to go.

662

: 00:38:09

Like that inner warning bell would kind of

rain go Hmm, maybe this isn't quite right.

663

: 00:38:13

But I kind of ignored it because it

felt like, oh, I think I finally found

664

: 00:38:18

my, my group, my other found family,

the people, my community down here.

665

: 00:38:23

And,

666

: 00:38:26

and I think in many ways

667

: 00:38:28

they couldn't be who I thought they were.

668

: 00:38:31

They could be, and I couldn't

be what they needed me to be.

669

: 00:38:35

And, and I felt for a while,

like I was starting to.

670

: 00:38:39

Not surpass, but move past

them in certain practices and,

671

: 00:38:43

and develop and grow further.

672

: 00:38:44

And I don't think they really liked

it and I felt stifled and they

673

: 00:38:50

saw it this way and I wanted to

explore this or something like that.

674

: 00:38:54

There was just a huge disconnect.

675

: 00:38:55

And I felt because they were the people

who reintroduced me to a passion and I

676

: 00:39:00

had felt for a long time these are gonna

be the friends I have for a lifetime.

677

: 00:39:03

There was such resistance to

678

: 00:39:09

figuring out that these

friendships were not really

679

: 00:39:12

meant to be around for that long.

680

: 00:39:13

And, and particularly they were around,

they were people I would close with

681

: 00:39:18

at the time of my dad's passing.

682

: 00:39:19

So, you know, that was also

hard coming to terms with okay,

683

: 00:39:26

you know, I think I really, I.

684

: 00:39:29

I think I wanted to be angry at them.

685

: 00:39:30

I wanted them to be the bad guys.

686

: 00:39:33

Because it made it easier to let

go of those relationships and

687

: 00:39:35

say, oh, they weren't supportive.

688

: 00:39:36

And, and in some ways they were really

not supportive about many things.

689

: 00:39:40

Which again, red flag going off.

690

: 00:39:43

But I think I can look back and go they

were the, the boosters on a rocket.

691

: 00:39:48

They really, I am so grateful that

they reintroduced me to one of my

692

: 00:39:52

greatest passions, but that was just it.

693

: 00:39:56

They had to fall away.

694

: 00:39:57

And like Christine, I think I've feel

so deeply and I struggled for so long

695

: 00:40:03

with like guilt of like, how, why

couldn't I make these friendships work?

696

: 00:40:06

If I had just done this or if I just

had dealt with like my frustration

697

: 00:40:11

or disappointment that they weren't

the mentors I thought they would be.

698

: 00:40:16

And maybe just tried to

see them as they were.

699

: 00:40:18

Well, if I had seen them as they were,

I would realize that it was temporary.

700

: 00:40:22

So there was just a lot of,

when those, that relationship

701

: 00:40:25

and those relationships ended.

702

: 00:40:28

'cause it was multiple friendships.

703

: 00:40:29

I think it did two things.

704

: 00:40:30

I think it kind of helped me clear

away what I do want outta my life.

705

: 00:40:34

And I do want supportive people, people

who, you know, support where you're

706

: 00:40:38

going, who may not necessarily be doing

the same thing I'm doing, but at least

707

: 00:40:44

show an interest or oh, how's that going?

708

: 00:40:46

What, what's it like?

709

: 00:40:47

Tell me about it.

710

: 00:40:48

Oh yeah.

711

: 00:40:49

That you know, Christine's asked like,

how, how are your readings going?

712

: 00:40:52

Or what, what new book are you reading?

713

: 00:40:54

And I'm like, oh, I learned

this really cool tarot fact.

714

: 00:40:57

Or, you know, something like you

can kind of gee up but don't have

715

: 00:41:00

to travel the exact same path.

716

: 00:41:01

Or even if you are, you can, you travel

together, even if it's not at the same

717

: 00:41:06

pace, but you're both supportive and

it's not like you are upset, somebody's

718

: 00:41:11

moving ahead maybe at a faster pace than

you are, but you're just moving together.

719

: 00:41:16

And so I think that was

a really big thing there.

720

: 00:41:19

And I felt like I failed, personally.

721

: 00:41:21

I had failed because I wasn't

able to make friendships work.

722

: 00:41:25

So, that was one thing.

723

: 00:41:27

And then recently I had another

friendship, which I think was kind of

724

: 00:41:31

coming to its own natural conclusion.

725

: 00:41:34

But there was just something weird that

had happened and I realized I had shut

726

: 00:41:39

down a lot from my program and just,

or not even shut down, it was just kind

727

: 00:41:44

of conserving energy and figuring out

where to put stuff and trying to reach

728

: 00:41:48

out when to, to friends when I had time.

729

: 00:41:51

And I think it was one of those

things, like I had caught that person.

730

: 00:41:56

Maybe a not so great day and then

just kind of the way it worked.

731

: 00:42:00

I think things are okay, but I think

they're running their natural course.

732

: 00:42:04

And I think it was really, especially

since it was after that huge group

733

: 00:42:08

of friends that I have no longer have

in my life, I'm kind of realizing

734

: 00:42:11

more and more that people do come

into your life and they may seem like

735

: 00:42:15

they're there for a very long time,

and if they are, that's awesome.

736

: 00:42:17

But if they're not just really

appreciating, and like Christine said,

737

: 00:42:23

remembering the good times out of those

friendships and relationships, the things

738

: 00:42:26

that were important during those times,

739

: 00:42:28

Christine: Mm-hmm.

740

: 00:42:29

Alexandra: And learning from, you know,

what worked outta that, you know, how

741

: 00:42:34

I responded to things, how I would

respond differently going forward if

742

: 00:42:39

given, you know, a different opportunity

to address something like that.

743

: 00:42:43

So I hope that makes sense.

744

: 00:42:44

But yeah, the.

745

: 00:42:46

The grieving part of letting friendships

go, and well realizing, realizing

746

: 00:42:50

that it's okay to let friendships go,

that sometimes they are not ever meant

747

: 00:42:56

to be more than just a short period

of time, which is, like we talked

748

: 00:43:02

about in, don't necessarily go into

a friendship saying, well, this is

749

: 00:43:05

gonna be a two year friendship, and now

we're coming on that two year deadline.

750

: 00:43:10

Christine: Right.

751

: 00:43:12

Alexandra: it's been nice.

752

: 00:43:13

Have a good life, you know, so, but

yeah, Christine has seen me through

753

: 00:43:16

those friendships and those, you

know, friendship breakups as well.

754

: 00:43:20

So,

755

: 00:43:22

Christine: Yeah.

756

: 00:43:22

Yeah,

757

: 00:43:24

Alexandra: but yeah.

758

: 00:43:25

Christine: I know I talked a lot

about my friend from high school,

759

: 00:43:29

but, you know, went through

it a few times in college too.

760

: 00:43:33

It's, it's never easy to have

those conversations and it

761

: 00:43:36

really hurts in the moment.

762

: 00:43:38

And I think it took me a while to sort

of articulate what that feeling it,

763

: 00:43:43

and it is a, your, a grieving process.

764

: 00:43:46

And it's strange to grieve

someone who's still living, but,

765

: 00:43:50

just I think the, the major

takeaway is show yourself grace.

766

: 00:43:54

Show them grace.

767

: 00:43:55

I mean, obviously if they're, if it

doesn't end well well have a nice life.

768

: 00:44:01

But um, yeah, yeah.

769

: 00:44:03

Wish and No, I will, but yeah, just, just

show yourself grace, be kind to yourself.

770

: 00:44:08

Life's short, but it's also a long

road, so take care of yourself.

771

: 00:44:15

Alexandra: Yeah,

772

: 00:44:15

Christine: It's important.

773

: 00:44:16

Alexandra: and I think it makes.

774

: 00:44:20

If we think about life is short, right?

775

: 00:44:22

Christine: Mm-hmm.

776

: 00:44:23

Alexandra: Why are we holding

onto relationships that are

777

: 00:44:26

friendships that are not

778

: 00:44:30

supportive, not the best, not, you

know, something that brings us pain.

779

: 00:44:35

You know, you want to be surrounded by the

people who make your eyes light up, who

780

: 00:44:39

Christine: Inspire you.

781

: 00:44:40

Alexandra: your soul, bring it a

light and, you know, feed, you know,

782

: 00:44:45

feed something who add value, not

because of what they do, but just

783

: 00:44:50

really bring something to your life

and you bring something to theirs.

784

: 00:44:54

And I think Christine had seen

something recently saying something

785

: 00:44:57

about time length of a friendship as

an adult, and it'll go the distance.

786

: 00:45:03

Christine: Yeah.

787

: 00:45:03

Yeah.

788

: 00:45:04

So if studies have shown studies

have shown apparently that if a

789

: 00:45:08

friendship has last seven years, it's

likely to be one for your whole life.

790

: 00:45:14

So yeah, I think we're, we're

definitely over the 10 year mark

791

: 00:45:19

Alexandra: Definitely.

792

: 00:45:21

Christine: So you're,

you're stuck with me.

793

: 00:45:24

Alexandra: Oh yes, absolutely.

794

: 00:45:26

Christine: we're gonna be the old ladies

recon havoc, somewhere causing trouble.

795

: 00:45:30

But,

796

: 00:45:30

Alexandra: Oh, definitely.

797

: 00:45:31

I, I can't wait.

798

: 00:45:32

I can't wait for that.

799

: 00:45:33

It'll be so much fun.

800

: 00:45:35

Christine: exactly.

801

: 00:45:36

Life, life is a lot of fun

when, when you're a part of it.

802

: 00:45:40

So I love you made dear.

803

: 00:45:44

Alexandra: This is fun.

804

: 00:45:45

But yes, definitely.

805

: 00:45:46

This is not a season.

806

: 00:45:48

This is the whole, all

the seasons friendship.

807

: 00:45:52

All the seasons.

808

: 00:45:53

Christine: Yes.

809

: 00:45:55

Yeah.

810

: 00:45:56

All right.

811

: 00:45:56

Well, I think before we wrap up,

Alexandra, would you like to share

812

: 00:46:02

some advice with, with those listening?

813

: 00:46:05

I know

814

: 00:46:06

Alexandra: sure.

815

: 00:46:07

Christine: together some

great great points here.

816

: 00:46:09

So I'm, I'm ready to learn too.

817

: 00:46:11

Alexandra: Okay.

818

: 00:46:12

Okay.

819

: 00:46:13

So at advice, I was trying to

think of when writing up the notes,

820

: 00:46:15

like what we were talking about.

821

: 00:46:16

So kind of let's, let's jump

back to that first part where we

822

: 00:46:19

were talking about those quotes.

823

: 00:46:20

And the great thing there is, as

Christine had mentioned, taking, you

824

: 00:46:23

know, a handful of salt when you listen

to thought influencers or you know,

825

: 00:46:31

people in social media take what they

say with a grain of salt, use your own

826

: 00:46:37

experience and understanding to figure

out what works for you and what resonates.

827

: 00:46:41

And that you can't give up

responsibility to somebody else to

828

: 00:46:44

fix your life or your relationships.

829

: 00:46:47

Just because somebody said it

on the internet, you know, just

830

: 00:46:51

because we say it, you know,

take it with a grain of salt.

831

: 00:46:54

If it works for you, if it

makes sense, then absolutely.

832

: 00:46:58

But we are ultimately responsible for, I.

833

: 00:47:01

Everything that we do

and the relationships and

834

: 00:47:04

friendships that we're in.

835

: 00:47:05

And if they're not working for you, then

it may be time to take steps to end it.

836

: 00:47:10

Or as Christine and I went through

Rectify, where we kind of came

837

: 00:47:14

together and said, what's happening?

838

: 00:47:16

Through, you know, just events

in life, kind of going, oh

839

: 00:47:19

yeah, here's a, a realignment.

840

: 00:47:22

And then,

841

: 00:47:23

Christine: Yeah.

842

: 00:47:24

Alexandra: you know, as we mentioned,

for some it can be difficult to let go of

843

: 00:47:27

friendships and see those connections only

as temporary installments in our life,

844

: 00:47:35

especially if they've been there

during a pivotal time or change

845

: 00:47:39

in transition to your life.

846

: 00:47:40

So be kind to yourself as you

reflect on those relationships

847

: 00:47:44

or as you choose to end them.

848

: 00:47:46

Don't be too hard or judgmental on

yourself or, you know, if you can

849

: 00:47:50

even the other people in the situation

about why it didn't work, just kind of.

850

: 00:47:55

Saying it is what it is and, and what

you want differently going forward.

851

: 00:48:00

And I think that really is the huge

thing, learning from past friendship,

852

: 00:48:04

successes and failures so that you

can move forward and, and build that

853

: 00:48:09

community of people who, who let you up.

854

: 00:48:12

And Christine, I'm gonna, I'm gonna

leave this last one to Christine

855

: 00:48:15

because it more recently than I have,

and I haven't really dug into this

856

: 00:48:20

Christine: I've

857

: 00:48:21

Alexandra: book.

858

: 00:48:21

Christine: a lot of wonderful snippets

from Mel, Rob Mel Robbins lately.

859

: 00:48:28

She's wonderful.

860

: 00:48:28

I think I, I wanna read her book,

but she has she has this, this

861

: 00:48:33

theory that I think so beautifully

brings me a lot of comfort and peace.

862

: 00:48:39

The, the Let Them Theory.

863

: 00:48:40

I'm really curious if anybody else

has heard of this, but it's, the let

864

: 00:48:44

Them theory is acceptance that there's

certain things out of your control.

865

: 00:48:47

So if especially when it comes to

other people, you can't control how

866

: 00:48:51

they're going to show up or react.

867

: 00:48:53

If, if they're, if a friend

isn't showing up in the way that

868

: 00:48:58

you were hoping that they would

like, them you can't control it.

869

: 00:49:03

So don't waste energy

trying to, trying to.

870

: 00:49:09

So that's definitely something

I I, I definitely wanna

871

: 00:49:12

try and put into practice.

872

: 00:49:14

it's, I think one of those

things that can be easier said

873

: 00:49:16

than done, especially when it

874

: 00:49:17

Alexandra: Absolutely.

875

: 00:49:19

Christine: to those really sort of

pivotal relationships in your life.

876

: 00:49:24

But I think it also can bring you

a lot of comfort, you know, sort of

877

: 00:49:30

just relinquishing the fact that you

can't control certain things and.

878

: 00:49:35

Alexandra: And kind of

879

: 00:49:36

Christine: the reality.

880

: 00:49:37

Alexandra: bring you back into focus.

881

: 00:49:39

The only thing that you can

control or influences yourself

882

: 00:49:43

and how you respond to situations.

883

: 00:49:46

I really like that.

884

: 00:49:46

So that or let them Theory

book and the Five High.

885

: 00:49:52

The high Five.

886

: 00:49:55

Habit.

887

: 00:49:55

Five something.

888

: 00:49:57

The Five Habit.

889

: 00:49:58

There's another one of her

books that I'm definitely

890

: 00:50:01

Christine: we'll, we'll look it

up and throw it down into the

891

: 00:50:03

Alexandra: yes, I think it's the

High Five Habit or something.

892

: 00:50:07

Something like that.

893

: 00:50:08

Christine: five

894

: 00:50:08

Alexandra: I think so.

895

: 00:50:10

Christine: oh

896

: 00:50:12

Alexandra: we both

really Mel Robbins work.

897

: 00:50:13

So.

898

: 00:50:14

Christine: I'm, well, I'm just

recently discovering her more and

899

: 00:50:17

more, so I'm not familiar with this

other book you're talking about.

900

: 00:50:20

Alexandra: Okay.

901

: 00:50:21

And I know that there's one that's

like the, the dreaded four letter

902

: 00:50:24

F word and it's the word fine.

903

: 00:50:27

She's got some a TED

talk on that plus a book.

904

: 00:50:30

So I think I wanna talk about

that at some point later.

905

: 00:50:33

But I, anyways.

906

: 00:50:36

Christine, any of their last

pieces, pieces of advice that you

907

: 00:50:40

wanna give to our listeners today?

908

: 00:50:42

What they can take away

and put into practice?

909

: 00:50:45

Christine: So I guess the one sort

of takeaway I'm certainly taking away

910

: 00:50:52

from this conversation is that this

is definitely something like you're

911

: 00:50:56

gonna continuously ruminate on.

912

: 00:51:00

I certainly know I will be, and.

913

: 00:51:06

I think

914

: 00:51:09

try and find the levity in,

in these situations too.

915

: 00:51:15

I think that's important.

916

: 00:51:17

and just be kind to yourself

and to, to others around you.

917

: 00:51:23

We're all trying to do this great

experiment thing called life, so

918

: 00:51:26

we're not gonna be perfect at it.

919

: 00:51:30

Yeah.

920

: 00:51:31

Alexandra: a, a friend tell me

recently, be kind to your past self too.

921

: 00:51:35

Don't judge your past self for what you

know today that you didn't know then.

922

: 00:51:39

Christine: Yeah,

923

: 00:51:40

Alexandra: So, particularly as

you think about friendships that

924

: 00:51:44

have fallen by the wayside, it's

925

: 00:51:47

Christine: Yeah.

926

: 00:51:47

Alexandra: don't be overly harsh.

927

: 00:51:48

Christine: show your past self-love.

928

: 00:51:50

Alexandra: Yeah.

929

: 00:51:51

Christine: and show them love

because they were doing the best

930

: 00:51:54

they could with what they had, with

the tools they had at the time.

931

: 00:51:58

Alexandra: And that's a

wrap on today's episode.

932

: 00:52:00

I think we've certainly talked

our listeners ears off for quite

933

: 00:52:03

a while, and we hope that this

conversation has resonated with you.

934

: 00:52:06

Whether you're reflecting on friendships

that have shaped your life, ones you have

935

: 00:52:10

outgrown, or the one connections that

continue to evolve with you, remember,

936

: 00:52:15

it's okay to let go, to grow and to

honor the roles people played in your

937

: 00:52:19

story without holding onto them forever.

938

: 00:52:22

But the conversation

doesn't stop here next week.

939

: 00:52:25

We're diving into something that feels

especially relevant after today's

940

: 00:52:28

topic, making friends as an adult,

why is it so different and honestly,

941

: 00:52:33

so much harder than it was when we

were kids who were at university.

942

: 00:52:36

We'll share our own experiences,

the awkwardness, the wins, and the

943

: 00:52:40

lessons we've learned along the way.

944

: 00:52:42

Until then, take care.

945

: 00:52:43

Be kind to yourself and as

always, thank you for being

946

: 00:52:46

a part of The Mirror Project.

947

: 00:52:48

Christine: Hi guys.

948

: 00:52:49

See you soon.

949

: 00:52:50

Alexandra: Bye.