Episode 28

Breaking the Ice, ft.Travaris

Episode 28: Beyond Small Talk: Mastering the Art of Deep Connections

Welcome to The Mirror Project!

Welcome back, dear listeners! We are your hosts, Alexandra and Christine, and we are thrilled to have you join us for another episode of The Mirror Project! Today, we're diving into the depths of human connection with a special guest, my dear friend, Travaris. Travaris has a remarkable gift for asking thought-provoking questions that cut through the fluff and get straight to the heart of the matter. In today's episode, we'll explore how to move beyond small talk and forge deeper connections, guided by Travaris's wisdom. So, if you're looking to skip the surface-level chit-chat and dive into meaningful exchanges, this episode is for you. Let's break the ice and see where it leads us!

Stay Connected

Before we dive in, make sure to hit that like, subscribe, or follow button on your favorite listening platform. Let's make this journey together!

Guest Introduction

We are excited to welcome back our guest, Travaris, who was our very first guest in Season 1! Travaris is passionate about keeping Girl Power alive, inspired by the Spice Girl era. When she's not plotting ways to make the world a better place for women, she enjoys reading and writing. For more of Travaris's insights, check out Season 1 Episodes 5 & 7, where we had an enriching conversation on body image and health. Welcome back, Travaris!

A Lesson in Asking Questions

In this segment, Travaris shares her expertise in asking meaningful questions that break the ice and foster genuine connections. We'll discuss identifying your own agenda in conversations and recognizing different types of conversationalists, or "Whos," you might encounter. We also delve into various question types, such as realistic hypotheticals and either-or questions, which can be fun and engaging.

Travaris offers examples like, "If you had to eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?" and "Waffles or pancakes?" These questions are designed to reveal deeper insights about a person in a light-hearted manner. Travaris introduces us to some playful and thought-provoking questions that can serve as conversation starters. From hypotheticals like choosing one food to eat for life to either-or scenarios like preferring waffles or pancakes, these questions help uncover preferences and perspectives. We'll also discuss more serious hypotheticals, such as whether you'd accept a perfect year of life if you couldn't remember it afterward. These questions are great for sparking deeper discussions and understanding someone's values and priorities. In this lively segment, we explore some classic debate questions that can add a fun and challenging twist to conversations. Topics like "What size does a dog become a dog?" and "Is a hot dog a sandwich?" offer light-hearted debates that can reveal surprising insights. We'll also tackle more profound questions, like "Who is the more emotional gender?" and "Is water wet?" These debates not only entertain but also encourage critical thinking and open-mindedness.

Applying the Lessons to Romance

Transitioning from general conversations to romantic connections, we explore how the techniques discussed can be applied to dating and relationships. We'll talk about asking questions that go beyond the surface, such as "What is a goal you have set for yourself that has nothing to do with money?" and "What’s one quality you have that you don’t want to see in your romantic partner?" These questions help foster deeper understanding and emotional intimacy.

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Q&A

In the Q&A session, we address some application questions. Can these principles be applied to same-sex romantic partners, and are there any specific adjustments needed? When might these techniques not be appropriate? Travaris also shares her recommended resources for further reading and practice, offering valuable tips for those looking to enhance their conversational skills.

Closing Thoughts

And that wraps up our deep dive into the art of breaking the ice! We hope you enjoyed our conversation and that Travaris's insights will inspire you to move past small talk and foster genuine connections. Remember, it's not about having the perfect opening line but about being present, curious, and authentic in your interactions. Whether you're at a party, a networking event, or just meeting someone new, try out some of the techniques we discussed today. You might be surprised at how quickly you can go from strangers to meaningful conversations.

Thank you, Travaris, for joining us and sharing your wisdom. And to our listeners, thank you for tuning in! Join us next week as we explore the fascinating dynamics of growing up as an only child versus growing up with siblings. We'll dive into the unique experiences, challenges, and advantages of both, and we can't wait to share our insights with you. Until then, keep breaking the ice and making those connections count!

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Join Us Next Time

As we close, don't forget to hit that like, subscribe, or follow button on your preferred platform. Keep the conversation going, and we'll catch you on the next episode!

Transcript
Alexandra:

Welcome back to your listeners.

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We are your host, Alexandra,

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Christine: And Christine.

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Well,

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Alexandra: Into the depths

of human connection.

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This week, we are thrilled to

welcome back a very special guest

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and my dear friend Traveris.

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Now Traveris isn't just a guest.

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She's the queen of cutting through

the fluff and getting straight

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to the heart of the matter.

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Traveris and I met at a very

pivotal time in my life.

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Right around the time my dad passed

away, her knack for asking thought

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provoking questions and our front Tina's

arsenal of dad jokes become unexpected

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lifelines during a challenging period.

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Each day I would tell my dad about

the latest questions Chavares had

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asked, which always left me pondering.

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And after his passing, her wit and warmth

were bright spots on my days at work.

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When we sat down to plan our topics

for:

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to happen and there was no better

person to guide us through the art

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of breaking the ice than Traveris.

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So if you've ever struggled with

small talk or wanted to skip the

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service level chitchat to forge deeper

connections, this episode is for you.

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Get ready for a delightful and

insightful conversation on how to

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bypass the usual pleasantries and

dive into meaningful exchanges.

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Let's break the ice

and see where it leads.

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Christine: Before we delve into

today's riveting topic, make sure to

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hit that subscribe, or follow button

on your Preferred listening platform.

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Take a moment to do it now

before it slips your mind.

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Trust us, we're not getting

started without you.

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Let's make this journey together.

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Alexandra: That said, I want to welcome

back and reintroduce our guest Traveris.

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She is no stranger to this podcast

as she was our very first guest

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to hear more from Traveris.

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Go check out season one, episodes

five and six, our two part

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conversation on body image and health.

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Born in the Spice Girl era,

it's Traveris's mission

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to keep girl power alive.

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When she's not plotting how to make

the world a better place for women,

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she enjoys reading and writing.

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Welcome back, Traveris.

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Travaris: Thank you for having me.

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It's such an honor to be asked back.

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I feel like a local celebrity.

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Alexandra: You

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Christine: you are.

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Alexandra: our circle.

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Christine: Yes,

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Travaris: Thank you.

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Christine: of course.

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Alexandra: So today I think we

are definitely handing over the,

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I don't know, handing over the

power to you, Traveris, to lead

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us in this conversation About

how to break the ice, Get to

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know people more so we leave you

ourselves and your capable hands.

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Travaris: okay, and let's start.

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I'm so excited.

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Someone asked me to talk

and That's what I do best.

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Okay, so I'm gonna jump,

I'm gonna jump right in.

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Hello everyone out there.

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In this episode, I will offer a how

to on getting past boring weather

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conversations and allow you to

connect, learn, and deepen the

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bonds with the people around you.

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Grab a pen and paper because you

may want to jot down some notes.

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I will go over how to identify your own

agenda when speaking to people, the type

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of conversationalist, and the various

types of questions you can ask to deepen

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Each section will offer tips, personal

anecdotes, and some expert source tips.

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After this episode, you'll feel

more confident and won't fear

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awkward party conversations

or dread long elevator rides.

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Let's get talking.

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Alexandra: I love that.

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Travaris: Okay, let's

start with a question.

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What is the one thing that everyone on

this planet always wants to talk about?

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And there is a right answer.

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Alexandra: I think I know.

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Christine, you want to give it a shot?

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Christine: Themselves.

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Travaris: that is correct.

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Ding

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Christine: Wow.

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Travaris: This could be true, but

in most conversations, a person

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is going to talk about their past,

things they've accomplished, their

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kids, their pets, their passions,

the things that make them, them.

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People like to feel seen and visible.

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So use this to your advantage

when chatting anyone up.

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Okay first, okay This is kind of

basically designing like a course.

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So we're gonna have

steps and like ABCs, so

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Alexandra: Love

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Travaris: if you If you didn't

want to think about anything,

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this is not the episode for you.

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Okay All right.

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All right.

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So the first step I said to

identify your own agenda.

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What does that mean?

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So since having deep conversations

will forge deeper bonds, you need

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to identify what and why before

you're just doing this with anyone.

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This is a form of intimacy and

you need to exercise discretion.

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So here are my most common agendas.

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You can identify your own.

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A would be classification and survival.

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Whenever I start a new job, go to

a social event, or I'm in a group

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of people I don't know, I employ

tools to learn the people around me.

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I'm reading a book by the name of.

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women who run with wolves.

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And it quotes, it is said that a

single wolf knows every creature

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in her territory for miles around.

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It is this knowledge that gives her the

edge and living as freely as possible.

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I act as the wolf.

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You won't know a person inside and

out with a few conversations, but you

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will be surprised at what information

people will volunteer when you get

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them comfortable with talking with you.

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Reason B is exploration or interest.

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I want to learn more about a person

because I find them interesting, dateable,

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or they have a skill or have achieved

something that I also want to achieve.

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This is the reason.

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This is a more for networking reasons.

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You know, Hey, I'm at work and you

know, Janice is really good at yoga.

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I want to get into it.

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So I might chat Janice up.

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Okay.

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And C, to build trust.

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People work and perform better when

they trust you or see you as an ally.

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This makes me comfortable in a setting

because I know the people around

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me trust me and I can trust them.

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This also allows you to

ask for favors more easily.

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I had this thing with a woman I

worked with and she loved coffee.

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I don't, I hate coffee and Monday,

on Monday, we all had coffee dates.

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It was just me and her in the copy room,

her drinking her cup of coffee and us

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talking, and it was like an inside joke.

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Every Monday I had to have my

coffee date, with no coffee.

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And this helped me because

later on, Justin Bieber came to

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town, and I am a closet bitch.

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Not so closet now, but Belieber and

I really wanted to see Justin Bieber

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and I was like I cannot afford this

and I don't want to sit in nosebleeds

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where you're like basically not even

in the same room as them So I was like

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I'm not gonna go if I can't have the

experience I want and somebody was

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like, you know, like We, you know, we

have we can get free tickets to that.

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And I was like, for real?

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They were like, yeah,

just go talk to Aggie.

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And that's the woman I

had coffee dates with.

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So I'm like, this is perfect.

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Of course she's gonna.

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And she was like, yeah, how

many tickets do you want?

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And she gave me a parking

pass and everything.

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And I think having those

coffee dates really helped

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because that would've been

awkward and weird to just

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Alexandra: You're like, hey,

I don't really know you that

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well, but could you do this?

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Travaris 2: Okay, so these

are a few of my agendas.

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You can come up with your own.

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So you remember what I said

about discretion earlier?

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So I've just started a job at a

police station and I work behind the

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desk and I do a lot of other things.

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But one thing that two of my trainers

have told me emphatically, they were

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like, listen, never ask the why.

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So when people come into the police

department, they're, Asking you questions

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from I was in a hit and run to here's

a simple parking ticket and they train

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you to not ask people why they say

get the what the when and the where

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but never ask why they said because

people will tell you your whole life

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story and they'll tell you stuff you

don't need to hear so they was like any

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time a person starts to talk too much.

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You say, Hey, we can get you

in touch with an officer.

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And you tell them, because one time a

man walked into the police department

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and begin to talk to the lady

behind the desk and she's listening.

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And he eventually admitted to

murdering a woman and she became

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the star witness in a murder trial.

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And they're like, you don't

want that to happen to you.

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Do you?

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I'm like no that's a very extreme example.

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And I'm pretty sure that wouldn't

happen to the average person, but

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I'm using that story to illustrate.

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Please be careful with who you are talking

to and sharing these conversations with,

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because you don't want to get attached

to people you don't need to be, you know?

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So always remember be very selective.

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Okay.

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So now that we've identified

what your agenda is, step

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two is to identify the who's.

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Okay, sure, there are over a billion

people in the world, and no two

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people are alike, but these are

loose classifications of people I run

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into when talking and bond building.

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A is what I call Cessie's

Rule of Conversationalist.

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This is, this rule was named after

one of my roommates in I went to study

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abroad in Mexico and she was my roommate.

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She was awesome.

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Shout out to Cecilia Hansen.

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So we had a classmate in common and one

day we were talking in our room and she

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was like, you know, Sue's the type of

girl that asks you how you're doing.

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So you'll ask her how she's doing.

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And after that, I've never forgotten it.

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And I was like, cause a

lot of people fall here.

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So these people are not

genuinely interested in you.

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They're looking for an opportunity

to dump, vent, complain, or get pity.

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I found that the average person

doesn't listen to them when they speak.

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So they're just looking for an ear.

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Engage at your own risk.

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You don't really need to be an active

participant in this conversation.

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You can nod and add the

occasional, Oh, wow.

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And this person will be glad when they're

able to get something off their chest and

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you didn't really have to do anything.

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So watch out for those people just

before you start using all your

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skills, just Hey, is this the one

that really wants to talk or they just

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want to vent Letter B is the mirrors.

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These people are actually interested,

or they're just very polite.

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Either way.

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They're good people to talk to.

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You ask a question, they ask one.

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You share something about them yourself,

they share something about themselves.

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As you can see, they are called

mirrors because they give

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you what you're giving them.

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I listened to a YouTuber by

the name of Shallon Lester

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and she offered this insight.

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Mirroring is something that

even sociopaths do, which

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makes them so dangerous.

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They seem engaged, and all they're doing

is giving back what you're giving to them.

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They don't actually feel the

emotion or share feelings.

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They are mimicking.

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So how can you use this to your advantage?

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Every conversation you will

have will not be interesting.

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But you can really make someone

feel heard or listened to.

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For example, I'm not really a dog person,

but I know a lot of people with dogs.

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And people with dogs like to show

you pictures of their dogs and

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tell you stories of their dogs.

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And I listen and ask questions.

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If they seem excited about a particular

thing about their dog, I continue

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to ask about that specific thing.

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Although I can't relate, I give

someone the space to talk about

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something they really love and

eventually the conversation shifts

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and moves to a topic I can relate to.

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A takeaway tip is, this is also

from Shallon, she says, if you don't

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know what the person is talking

about or it doesn't interest you,

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mimic their facial expressions.

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If they seem pretty excited,

mirror that in your expression.

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If they seem bummed out, soften your

expression to show you're supportive.

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Remember, you don't have to

be interested to be engaged.

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Okay.

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Time for another question.

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was the last time you

felt truly listened to?

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Who were you talking to?

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And this is for the audience and you too.

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Alexandra: Okay.

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Christine: Well, I was going

to say, like, well, the

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Last topic we just recorded, I felt

pretty listened to by Alexandra.

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Travaris 2: That's amazing.

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Alexandra: thank you.

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Travaris 2: and current.

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Christine: Yes.

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Alexandra: I would definitely

say the two of you I've had both

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had recent conversations with

you both where I felt very hurt.

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And then of course.

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I'm a therapist.

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I think it's also her job

to listen, but you know,

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but

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Travaris 2: Gotta love those.

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Okay, great.

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So the last type of person that

you would find in conversation

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are what I call the hosts.

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Think of a talk show host

or hosts at a house party.

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This person knows how to entertain

and make you feel comfortable

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enough to tell them anything.

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This is the conversationalist

you want to be.

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Think of a person who is great

at making you feel heard.

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What do they do to make you feel that way?

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These people show genuine interest and

are not in a rush to snatch the mic

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or get the conversation back to them.

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They actually listen to hear and

understand, not just to respond.

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They may say things like,

tell me more about that.

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Can you elaborate on that please?

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And how do they make you feel?

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Posts are not just one hit wonders.

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They remember specific details

about your life and ask follow up

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questions when they see you again.

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Like, how was your cousin's birthday?

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Surprise birthday party.

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Was she surprised?

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also make you feel safe enough to open up.

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They aren't judging you

or using you for anything.

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They just want to hear

what you have to say.

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Tips on how to be a good host.

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most people want to talk about themselves,

turn that part of you off for a second.

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Don't rush in with a story that

matches or tops the other person.

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Let them have their glory.

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We all want to feel special,

but want to know what's next.

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better than that.

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Making someone else feel special and

knowing that you're responsible for that.

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Tip two, explore a person's

emotions when they are opening up.

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Ask them how something made them feel.

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Use some of their, your mirroring

skills when they speak of something

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that has moved them or bummed them out.

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Please read the room

before delving into this.

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Wait until someone trusts

you enough to do this.

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You will know when they start

offering information or wanting

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to go beyond surface level things.

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Do not, I reply, do not, this

is in all caps, pry or force

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information out of anyone.

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This will make them recoil and that is

the opposite of what a good host does.

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Okay, and the last tip is remember

that being a host is selfless.

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So try not to expect to get this

treatment reciprocated often.

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Most people are not used to being

listened to and may want to talk to

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you for the sole reason of getting a

feeling they don't get anywhere else.

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Do not take this personally.

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Again, exercise discretion and

set boundaries to avoid burnout

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or forming bonds with people

that are taking advantage of you.

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Alexandra: Do you mind if I

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jump in Travers?

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That makes me think of a story

because the other really amazing

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conversationalist in addition to

Travers that I know is my mother.

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You both have this

ability to talk to anyone.

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And it's quite incredible.

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And I think my mom shared the story

with Traveris that she was at a party

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with my dad and he was Manager works his

way up to kind of executive type levels

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within a couple of different companies.

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And there would be one that he spent a

lot of time at, uh, like Christmas parties

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with everyone from work and spouses.

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And so my mom got really good at

introducing and talking to people.

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Probably using a lot of the techniques

that Traverse has mentioned here,

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listening, asking questions, mimicking

and being that amazing hostess.

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And until she got to one executive's

wife, who she could, it didn't matter

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how much she tried and she tried so

hard, but the conversation, I think

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they could even talk about laundry or

something like something so benign.

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So the fact that the next time, I guess

my mom was the only person that this Woman

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this man's wife had ever really spoken to

during or would actually listen to her.

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So that the next party this

woman came seeking my mother

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out that she had to run away.

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Christine: Oh, no.

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Alexandra: She was like, I'm sorry.

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I can't, I can't be the host

of personality of tonight.

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Travaris 2: I love that.

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Alexandra: She's like, Right

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Travaris 2: love that story.

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Shout out to Candace.

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She is amazing at speaking.

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We can talk about anything.

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And you really feel listened to.

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I remember one time I was having

a conversation with your mom.

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And she was like, I was nervous

about asking a question.

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She was like, I already know

what you're going to ask.

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And she knew exactly what I was going

to, I'm like, Oh, she has powers.

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She can all anticipate what

the next person that's a whole

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nother personality in this.

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So yeah, shout out to Candace.

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Alexandra: craving more of our company.

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Join the fun over on YouTube at near

project pod, dive deeper into our world,

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engage with us on a whole new level.

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Don't miss out on the excitement

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Travaris 2: Okay.

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So I know you guys all probably

okay, let's get to the good stuff.

345

:

Where, what kind of questions

do I need to be asking?

346

:

Okay.

347

:

So I have put these

questions in like groups.

348

:

So we'll start with the first kind.

349

:

I call this the realistic hypothetical.

350

:

And most hypotheticals are

crazy and outlandish, but some

351

:

can be grounded in realism.

352

:

An example is If you had to

eat one food for the rest of

353

:

your life, what would it be?

354

:

Most people think for a

while and ask can I do this?

355

:

What if I cooked it this way?

356

:

Is that cheating?

357

:

They get really into the details

and they're just really interested.

358

:

And you know what?

359

:

All I did was ask what

your favorite food was.

360

:

You know, that really

heightens the question from,

361

:

Hey, what do you like to eat?

362

:

What's your favorite food?

363

:

And you say like pizza.

364

:

That's the end of the conversation.

365

:

That's done.

366

:

That's over.

367

:

Pete said some one word answer, but

I'm like, if you could eat one food

368

:

for the rest of your life, you'd be

like, oh could I put mushrooms on it?

369

:

Does that count?

370

:

Like when I was in Mexico, I asked

the guy that was dating this question.

371

:

He's like tacos.

372

:

He's you can make anything into a taco.

373

:

And I'm like, fair point.

374

:

So

375

:

that's

376

:

the first one.

377

:

B is the either or start simple.

378

:

These are questions where you just simply

ask the either or I just, I'll randomly

379

:

ask the person waffles or pancakes.

380

:

And I always add a joke with that.

381

:

I always say waffles are

just pancakes with abs.

382

:

And people always think that's so funny.

383

:

it's

384

:

true.

385

:

I mean, think about it.

386

:

If you think about it,

it's the same batter.

387

:

Just in a different thing, and people

have gotten really serious about this.

388

:

This girl was like you can't

just ask that, because what kind

389

:

of pancakes, are they the small

ones, or how did you make them?

390

:

And I'm like, it's literally

waffles or pancakes.

391

:

Alexandra: Okay.

392

:

So Trevor, are you a waffles or a

393

:

pancake

394

:

Travaris 2: It depends.

395

:

I'm actually not a really breakfast,

good I'm not big on breakfast

396

:

if I have this weird, Craving

to eat like a full breakfast.

397

:

I'm probably gonna reach for a

waffle first because they don't,

398

:

I like a lot of syrup and butter

399

:

And waffles kind of don't

get as soggy as fast.

400

:

I mean I don't mind, I don't mind a

pancake, but i'm a very slow eater.

401

:

So what pancakes you got about what?

402

:

Probably five minutes before

they're gonna get all like

403

:

Christine: Well, also, fill up the abs

of the waffle with that butter and syrup.

404

:

Travaris 2: Exactly.

405

:

Yeah.

406

:

What about you guys, waffles or pancakes?

407

:

Alexandra: Christine

408

:

Christine: I guess traditionally pancakes

because I eat them so fast that it doesn't

409

:

really matter, but I do love a waffle.

410

:

I actually, yesterday

tried for the first time.

411

:

There's a bubble tea and crepe place

right next door to where I work.

412

:

And I got something from there and I

tried something called an egg waffle.

413

:

I don't know if either of you have

heard of this before, but the best

414

:

way I can describe it, as I was

telling my parents last night was

415

:

like, it's if bubble wrap and waffle.

416

:

Were that like came together because

not the grid waffle, but it's got

417

:

these bubbles that are really cakey

and fluffy, but then it's still

418

:

got the crispiness of a waffle.

419

:

So I really enjoyed that.

420

:

So maybe I'll say egg waffle.

421

:

Travaris 2: Okay.

422

:

Wow, she brought up a whole new category.

423

:

I didn't know that.

424

:

Christine: I did.

425

:

Alexandra: I'm definitely

a waffles person.

426

:

I think I enjoy the syrupy, the

waffle pockets, as I heard on

427

:

an Instagram video recently.

428

:

And I like the crunchiness, but

I will say every once in a while,

429

:

there is a moment where I do want a

pancake and it makes me think of the

430

:

time when Christina and I were in

university and we were on a dance team.

431

:

There was I feel like there's a place

that we would go after the breast

432

:

cancer walk performance and they

433

:

served pancakes that were

the size of a pizza pie.

434

:

And if

435

:

you wanted to take it home, they

would literally put it in a pizza box

436

:

to

437

:

Travaris 2: that's too much pancake.

438

:

That's too

439

:

Christine: It's good if it's good if

you're on a team because, you know,

440

:

you don't have to buy a lot of food.

441

:

One pancake could feed three, five people.

442

:

Um, take your slice.

443

:

Travaris 2: don't know why they

gave me this worst the worst visual

444

:

of a cold like gummy pancake.

445

:

I'm, sorry

446

:

Alexandra: Oh,

447

:

Travaris 2: Oh oh my

god cold pizza in a box.

448

:

Okay.

449

:

I'm there a cold pancake.

450

:

I'm like, oh, never mind Okay

451

:

Christine: I will say I've gotten pretty

good at pancakes, if I do say so myself.

452

:

No, I'm kidding.

453

:

Travaris 2: That's a good skill to

have that's a very good skill to have

454

:

Christine: There, there's a fine

balance because it's like you want

455

:

the cake to be nice and fluffy and

soft on the inside, but you do want

456

:

a little bit of crispiness on the

outside, but you don't want to burn it.

457

:

So it's like a fine, you

got to find the balance.

458

:

And the first pancake is always a mess.

459

:

Like you, you mess up flipping it.

460

:

And anyway, we've gotten off

on quite the tangent about

461

:

pancakes.

462

:

Travaris 2: See?

463

:

See, listen, I told you.

464

:

is literally just, I just, asked you about

465

:

waffles and pancakes and,

466

:

we told three stories, I learned

about bubble pancakes you know.

467

:

That's only the first one.

468

:

Christine: waffles.

469

:

Yeah.

470

:

Travaris 2: Yeah Okay, the next one

is the next one is like hot or cold

471

:

beverage Most of the people here.

472

:

I mean in this country there I think a

lot of people just they love coffee and

473

:

it's just so funny to see I Know offense

to people who love coffee but I've seen

474

:

very and like I think it's like literally

like a drug addiction because I've seen

475

:

people that are like They will bite

you if they don't have their coffee.

476

:

Like I've had a teacher one time, she said

she was in a foreign country and she's we

477

:

were lost and it was early in the morning.

478

:

My mom was screaming at me

and she's like, how dare she?

479

:

She said, I hadn't had my coffee.

480

:

Why are you even talking to me?

481

:

I haven't had my coffee, mom.

482

:

And it was just like, I was like, Oh my

God, like this is over a cup of coffee.

483

:

And people are like, no, this has to

happen if I want to be a human today.

484

:

And I'm like, I, Oh, okay.

485

:

Yeah.

486

:

So then it's actually funny

because, you know, Alexandra was

487

:

actually asking me, did I like tea?

488

:

And I just learned last year, I don't

think I like Like hot beverages,

489

:

unless I'm sick, like soup and

like tea and coffee and stuff.

490

:

That's Oh, I need to be like, it

has to be like zero degrees outside.

491

:

I need to be under the covers.

492

:

I'm a smoothie type of

girl, smoothies and icies.

493

:

I'm like a child, like this summer, like

probably 80 percent of my diet has been

494

:

smoothies, like I was running at cookouts.

495

:

Milkshakes, I had Chick fil a frosted

lemonade i've had 17 juice shop smoothies.

496

:

I was like a kid like I was like, I love

this Like I just can't I couldn't get

497

:

enough like I could not get enough because

it's you know Who wants to cook in the

498

:

summer, you know your meals in a cup like

I love it So i'm a cold beverage girl.

499

:

What about you guys?

500

:

Alexandra: I'm a cold coffee girl.

501

:

So I kind of

502

:

straddle, like I love, I totally

get the coffee addiction.

503

:

And I think within coffee, there's

like a, I would say a sub genre of,

504

:

are you a traditionalist coffee?

505

:

Are you a iced coffee?

506

:

So there's the, you can get

even deeper layered there.

507

:

But I am definitely much

more of an iced coffee.

508

:

Drinker.

509

:

I have to have a lot of ice in my water.

510

:

I, but I don't like a whole

lot of ice in my ice coffee.

511

:

I want it to be cold,

but I don't want it to be

512

:

too watery.

513

:

But I agree with you.

514

:

I drink more tea when I'm ill.

515

:

Or I need to like clear out my head.

516

:

But if I ever want to tea or have

a cup of tea, I go to Christine.

517

:

Christine: Yes.

518

:

I am not a coffee person either.

519

:

Ris.

520

:

Travaris 2: okay

521

:

Christine: I am a tea, I'm a

fan of tea, but I am a cult.

522

:

I'm a cold drinker, like

a cold drink drinker.

523

:

I.

524

:

Drink something hot seasonally if I'm

a not, if I'm like trying to go to

525

:

sleep, I'll make a cup of tea, but

it's been too hot and I'm, I run hot.

526

:

So I'm a cold.

527

:

Yeah.

528

:

Yeah.

529

:

I'm a cold cold

530

:

Travaris 2: Justice for cold drinks cuz

you know, somebody would look at you funny

531

:

for saying you want a smoothie in January

They're like, oh, are you want ice cream?

532

:

And you're like, but you're drinking

coffee in June Like it's like why is

533

:

it like coffee?

534

:

It's a year round drink But if I

want like some ice you're like,

535

:

oh it has to be hot outside.

536

:

I'm like, no, that's not true

It can happen at any time.

537

:

oh, sorry.

538

:

Okay.

539

:

So another question, another

either or is east or west coast.

540

:

I was in the military and you meet

people from all walks of life.

541

:

And I love to ask, which, you

know, what they say, east coast

542

:

or west coast, best coast.

543

:

And I'm like, okay, but I always

ask people who have went to each

544

:

coast which coast do they prefer?

545

:

Or another either or question would

you can ask is if people have been,

546

:

if they're from another country, or

if they've moved back from a state and

547

:

they've, you know, settled, you can say

which part of the country do you prefer?

548

:

Do you prefer home?

549

:

Do you prefer this part?

550

:

And a lot of people actually, a lot of

people say they prefer where they move

551

:

to, and some people are like, no, where

I live, where I'm from, it's like the

552

:

best place ever, so that's a really

good question to kind of learn a lot

553

:

about a person, just asking them where

they're from or which coast they prefer.

554

:

Alexandra: I

555

:

Travaris 2: Okay,

556

:

next are the debate questions.

557

:

This is not your 12th grade debate.

558

:

Presidential debate.

559

:

I mean, class debates.

560

:

These are a form of kind of

a sister to the either ors,

561

:

but kind of takes it further.

562

:

I'll tell another story.

563

:

So I'm new at the PD.

564

:

So one day we were all just sitting around

and I left the room and I came back in

565

:

and they're like, Oh, let's ask her.

566

:

Let's ask her.

567

:

And My friend, my coworker was like,

Oh, she doesn't like dogs, so she

568

:

wouldn't be able to participate.

569

:

And the man was like, no, she doesn't

have to like dogs to answer this question.

570

:

And the question was, and funnily enough,

I did it and I love this conversation.

571

:

It was like the most interesting

conversation I've had about dogs.

572

:

The question was, what size

does a dog become a dog?

573

:

And they were like, The man that

posed the question, he's hilarious.

574

:

He was like, if you can

carry it, it's not a dog.

575

:

And I was like, you know, he,

you know, I was like, I agree.

576

:

I was like, even though I don't like

dogs, I was like, I've always been

577

:

a person that if I were, sometimes I

like fantasize about if I were a dog

578

:

person, what kind of dog I'd have.

579

:

And they're always big dogs.

580

:

They're always the like huge

dogs, like dogs that you

581

:

would not be able to pick up.

582

:

Christine: Yeah.

583

:

Travaris 2: I just don't like small dogs.

584

:

I'm, every time I see somebody

with a small dog, I'm like, why?

585

:

What'd you pick that dog for?

586

:

What made you want that dog?

587

:

And I just, I don't, I didn't like

dogs, but it was a great debate,

588

:

like small dogs versus big dogs.

589

:

And it was just, it was fun.

590

:

You don't have to always

have a, dog in the fight.

591

:

You see what I did there?

592

:

To be in the conversation, you can

just have an opinion about something.

593

:

And more questions like this is who's

the more emotional women or men?

594

:

This gets men fired up.

595

:

And I'm like, you're proving my point.

596

:

You're proving my point.

597

:

See, look at you getting so mad about

a silly question, but that's a fun one.

598

:

I use that on the date map a lot.

599

:

And the amount of hits that I

got for people who just wanted to

600

:

argue with me, which was quite fun.

601

:

It was amazing.

602

:

Another one is a hot dog a sandwich?

603

:

A lot of people would say it's meat

and bread, but like hot dogs are not

604

:

classified in my head as sandwiches.

605

:

Like that just does hot

dogs are like hot dogs.

606

:

That's just its own

607

:

Christine: They're on their own category.

608

:

Yeah.

609

:

Alexandra: to a taco than

610

:

Travaris 2: Yeah.

611

:

Cause the way you have

to hold it to eat it.

612

:

And then another question,

I love this question.

613

:

Cause this is a lot of people like, I was

talking to my friend and she's yeah, I'm

614

:

not high enough to have this conversation.

615

:

Is water wet?

616

:

There's this scientific

debate about is water wet?

617

:

Like water I say that it's not.

618

:

Water makes things wet.

619

:

Because think about it, if you're, because

I was watching like Wizards of Waverly

620

:

Place when I was a kid, and like he walked

in his room and I think his bed was wet,

621

:

and then all of a sudden his room filled

with water, and he's everything's all wet.

622

:

He's or is it?

623

:

Because when you're underwater, you're

not like, I'm all wet you only say that

624

:

when you get out of the water and you're

around dry things So is water wet?

625

:

So there's this like I say it's

not but yeah, okay I have to circle

626

:

back to a hypothetical a realistic

hypothetical I left off and this is

627

:

like one of the best questions and I

asked everyone this It's really good.

628

:

It's It asks, if someone came to you

and said that you can have the year

629

:

of your life, like there's no limit to

anything that you can do, like you can

630

:

have all the money you want, you can

always take that vacation, you won't have

631

:

to work, all of this, after the year is

over, you will not remember anything.

632

:

Would you still take the year?

633

:

This is one of my favorite questions

to ask people because it Separates

634

:

people into the i'ma live in the moment

type of person and I am a memories

635

:

type You know life can get really

636

:

sucky sometimes life can like, you know

I don't i've learned this life is not

637

:

easy on anyone and Sometimes when you're

like having the worst year of your

638

:

life, you can think hey, but I remember

one year and you know, I did this or

639

:

that one time I was in university and

they had pancakes the size of pizzas.

640

:

That was, you know, That's something

that we can think about but some people

641

:

are like I don't care about that I'll if

I can live the best year of my life I'm

642

:

gonna take it and they don't care if their

memory has been wiped or anything and Some

643

:

of the responses that I get from people

because one thing I do I didn't write this

644

:

down But I want to tell everyone listening

It's not always what you're asking.

645

:

You are like learning things

about people, about what they, how

646

:

they're answering the questions.

647

:

Like,

648

:

Are they forming their arguments?

649

:

How are they articulating themselves?

650

:

You know, how much fun are

they having with a question?

651

:

Are those, are they one of those people

that have no imagination and they

652

:

can't answer and their question, their

answers are very like I don't know.

653

:

You learn so much from a person.

654

:

That's why I love these questions.

655

:

Cause I, you know, I don't.

656

:

It really doesn't matter to me if you

pick I'll take the year or I don't,

657

:

but it really shows me what kind of

person you are and how you think.

658

:

I've heard people say what

if I die the next year?

659

:

What if, you know, I didn't take the

year and then the next year I'm dead?

660

:

Or one woman, the best

response I've ever heard.

661

:

The woman who does my hair,

she said, she's each one,

662

:

each option is the same thing.

663

:

And I was like, what do you mean?

664

:

She was like, if you don't go, you

never, it never happened to you.

665

:

But if you do go, you won't remember.

666

:

So she's either way you

end up at the same place.

667

:

I'm like, you're a genius.

668

:

Oh my God.

669

:

Alexandra: Oh my gosh.

670

:

Travaris 2: I'm like, that's so true.

671

:

Alexandra: So it's almost

at that point, why not take

672

:

the year?

673

:

Because if you're not going to know,

674

:

Travaris 2: It's not going

to hurt you either way.

675

:

And I have,

676

:

Alexandra: I bet you bring up a great

point, Traveris, because it's not

677

:

really, it's not just the questions.

678

:

I mean, you even, as we have

experienced already on this episode.

679

:

Learning why people think the way

they think, or how they think,

680

:

and their thought processes

of how they choose stuff.

681

:

These are so multi

682

:

Travaris 2: yes.

683

:

I love them too.

684

:

I call my I'm like a head detective.

685

:

I'm always like trying to get somebody

to tell me something about themselves

686

:

that, and I get a lot of info this

way but with the debate questions,

687

:

I do need to put this out there.

688

:

This is an election year.

689

:

We're all going crazy.

690

:

We're all living in a simulation.

691

:

Remember to avoid topics like

debating heavier topics like

692

:

religion, politics, and politics.

693

:

And I remember like the other day

in the office this guy was like,

694

:

so who are you guys voting for?

695

:

And i'm like, I don't think

we should talk about that.

696

:

Like i'm not gonna say that So just if

you want to take it deeper do this at

697

:

your own risk And I would only say do

this with people that you actually know

698

:

I would not ask Carmella at the coffee

shop like what she thinks of Donald Trump

699

:

So yeah, like just be careful because you

can't really control conversations like

700

:

that because they get really out of hand

So just avoid deep topics with people You

701

:

don't know how they feel or you know who

people who might get really emotional.

702

:

Okay, so I have some more

personal questions I've asked

703

:

Alexandra a few of these.

704

:

She probably knows all these but the

first one is okay and these are only if

705

:

You've gotten to a place that this person

trusts you like I said the exercise and

706

:

discretion with people But also when you

need to do things number one is what's

707

:

one thing you never have to question

about yourself That's not something you

708

:

ask somebody first day you meet them.

709

:

That's kind of weird.

710

:

So don't do that stick to some And

then you can get to more personal

711

:

ones as this one's number two is if

you weren't in the profession you're

712

:

in now What would you be doing?

713

:

I actually sent a job interview

and this one was like, oh my

714

:

god Like I really don't know.

715

:

I've never thought about that.

716

:

So that's one and then The

last one is what has been your

717

:

favorite compliment to date?

718

:

You know, people get complimented, but

what, which, what compliment actually made

719

:

you feel like, wow, this person sees me.

720

:

I feel really good about that.

721

:

Or what do you like to be complimented on?

722

:

So those are more personal.

723

:

When you get to know someone these

are more like friendship questions or

724

:

whatever, but yeah, so we're gonna wrap

up the session of Because this session

725

:

that I taught you this is more about

a platonic and businessy kind of realm

726

:

They're low stakes and then I'm gonna

offer a little bit of tips about how to

727

:

apply this to romantics Situations but

before we move on Alexandra and Christine

728

:

you guys have any inputs, any things you

want to, you know, circle back to, ask

729

:

questions about, anything you want to add?

730

:

And then we can go into

the romantic place.

731

:

Alexandra: I feel like I'm going to use

Carmela the coffee barista as my litmus

732

:

test for questions to ask.

733

:

I'm like, okay, is this a question

I could ask Carmela at the

734

:

Travaris 2: Oh, I love

735

:

that.

736

:

I love that.

737

:

I love

738

:

Christine: That's good.

739

:

Alexandra: further doubt our

relationship kind of, or romantic.

740

:

So I like that there's my litmus test.

741

:

Christine: That's

742

:

Travaris 2: Read the room.

743

:

If you

744

:

can't ask Carmella at the

Carp, don't ask that yet.

745

:

ask, if you can ask, what

would Carmella answer with?

746

:

Yeah, can't do that don't ask.

747

:

Alexandra: I also feel like

I have to share one of the

748

:

questions that Travarius, when

749

:

we working together, you had asked

me and I think I took a little

750

:

bit to answer this or it came back

751

:

next day, but it's still by

far one of my favorite ones.

752

:

Um, What's one food that you absolutely

love in one form but can't stand

753

:

Travaris 2: Oh yeah, I remember now, yeah.

754

:

I love that question.

755

:

Christine: What was your answer, Alex?

756

:

Alexandra: Cream cheese.

757

:

Christine: Okay, so you

don't like cream cheese or

758

:

Alexandra: No, I absolutely

love cream cheese on a bagel.

759

:

I'm not a fan of cheesecake or

many other situations where cream

760

:

cheese can get warm except for in

a very few specific circumstances.

761

:

Travaris 2: that makes so much

sense because like I never thought

762

:

like my friend actually thanks

for bringing this up Alexander.

763

:

I my friend actually brought this up

and I had never thought about this

764

:

and Shout out to my best friend clark

if you're listening She was like, I

765

:

don't really like hot fruit and i'm

like, what are you talking about?

766

:

Like who eats hot fruit, but she was

like anything with a pie Just a filling

767

:

with a and I was like, you know what?

768

:

I've never thought about it.

769

:

Like when you're eating a pie you're

seeing hot Fruit and I was just thinking

770

:

like what I was like my whole life.

771

:

I feel like I've just been going

along with this thing and I

772

:

never really thought about it.

773

:

Like you are eating hot apples.

774

:

You're eating hot cherries.

775

:

And I was like that we typically don't

eat fruit warm, but we do we love

776

:

pie, but I'm like, that's a good one.

777

:

She's yeah, I'm not a hot fruit.

778

:

Alexandra: it's so funny because

my brain didn't even go to pies.

779

:

I went to grilled pineapple.

780

:

Travaris 2: Oh, I did at first

when she said that I said that too.

781

:

I'm like who's just

eating grilled pineapple.

782

:

But then when she said

pie, I'm like, oh wait.

783

:

Pie is way more of a popular accessible

answer than grilled pineapple.

784

:

Christine: pie, cobbler, crisp

785

:

Travaris 2: Yeah,

786

:

Christine: If you eat it a Danish

right out of the oven, I guess

787

:

Alexandra: True.

788

:

Yeah.

789

:

Christine: Yeah, I guess you

could wait till it's cold

790

:

Then eat it

791

:

Travaris 2: I feel like that's even

792

:

Alexandra: But then the pastry is kind of

793

:

Travaris 2: that's even weirder.

794

:

I

795

:

Christine: it's not your thing.

796

:

It's not your thing.

797

:

Travaris 2: Yeah, my answer

to this question is eggs.

798

:

Like I have this such a weird relationship

with eggs It's some days where I'm like,

799

:

I want eggs and then it's weird I can't

smell eggs if I'm eating them Like if

800

:

I'm eating them I have to not be able

to smell them because the moment that

801

:

the steam that I that's why I can't eat

eggs like super duper hot cuz it's boiled

802

:

eggs I have to eat them cold, but if

I can smell the egg, I will literally

803

:

like the food might come back up.

804

:

I'm like, oh my god I can't

I don't know what it is.

805

:

And I have a brother he had a weird

relationship with cheese My mom used

806

:

to always have to make like lasagna

With a part a portion of with no

807

:

cheese in it and then one day he was

eating pizza I'm like, ah, I caught

808

:

you and he was like, no, I like pizza.

809

:

I'm like well pizza has cheese on

it He said I like it like this.

810

:

I don't like it.

811

:

He can't it's certain things.

812

:

He just You Like I made a broccoli and

cheese casserole and he was like, oh, it's

813

:

okay I'm almost like remember he doesn't

like cheese and i'm like he does though

814

:

because he eats pizza and cheeseburgers

Like so it's like a weird thing

815

:

Alexandra: I like

816

:

Travaris 2: Yes, okay anything

else you guys want to add before

817

:

we go to the romance section

818

:

Alexandra: I'm

819

:

Christine: No, I like

being the student for once.

820

:

Travaris 2: Oh I love it.

821

:

Christine: Not constantly

talking for the episode.

822

:

Travaris 2: Yeah, like my like Fantasy

is like being a talk show host.

823

:

Like I think I'm a talk show host.

824

:

So this is great for me I

825

:

Christine: Yes, you're doing great.

826

:

Travaris 2: Oh, I appreciate it.

827

:

Okay, so let's

828

:

Alexandra: I think we're

soft launching your

829

:

career here as a talk show

830

:

Travaris 2: I'll have to shout you

guys out on my show when I get it

831

:

Alexandra: I love it.

832

:

Travaris 2: Okay, so let's add romance

i'm not a dating coach in any means of

833

:

the Any means of any kind of way, but

I've kissed my fair share of frogs.

834

:

So I've also learned from the, you

know, various men that we have.

835

:

Okay, so are you, so we'll start with

this, are you checking out the guy,

836

:

the cute guy in your office, or your

favorite, or does your favorite grocery

837

:

store have a cashier that makes you

suddenly excited about purchasing grapes?

838

:

All these apply, all these rules

and tools that I've given you can

839

:

apply in a romantic situation.

840

:

Okay, like you're doing the same

thing, we're just gonna switch

841

:

gears and just remember a few

things before we dive into that.

842

:

Number one, observe your crush.

843

:

The stakes are a little lower when

you're using the above skills on

844

:

a classmate or a coworker because

you don't really care if Joan, an

845

:

accountant, found your joke funny.

846

:

My advice here is to watch your crush

before initiating a conversation.

847

:

Are they single?

848

:

Do they know you exist?

849

:

Are they attracted to you?

850

:

It cuts down a lot of stress when you

have gathered data on your subject.

851

:

If you don't have to access on

this person on a daily basis,

852

:

you may have to act fast.

853

:

Say you see someone you find

attractive in a grocery store.

854

:

Grocery stores are great

for meeting people.

855

:

Ask them about something

they have in their basket.

856

:

Which brand is better?

857

:

Have you tried this?

858

:

A guy who did this to me recently in

the grocery store, he saw me at the

859

:

granola bars and asked if I tried

the oatmeal raisin kind and struck up

860

:

a whole conversation about granola.

861

:

It was easy and low stakes and

although I knew he fancied me, it

862

:

took a lot of the pressure off the

situation because How bad are you

863

:

gonna choke when talking about granola?

864

:

You know, when people, when you're being

approached, it can get very nerve wracking

865

:

not only for the person approaching

you but for you too, because you kind

866

:

of know okay, this person's trying to,

you know, ask me for my phone number.

867

:

They're gonna, and it gets kind of

awkward, but if you're talking about

868

:

something as benign as granola you can

really relax because it's it's granola.

869

:

What are you what's the scare in that?

870

:

Oh, so okay.

871

:

So if you can't use the items in a

basket, ask them to hand you something.

872

:

Say, hey, I can't reach

the honey on the top shelf.

873

:

You mind grabbing that for me?

874

:

I was watching something once or reading

something and a girl said that when

875

:

she goes to the bar, she finds men she

finds attractive and ask them to save

876

:

a seat for her or watch her purse.

877

:

Men love feeling like they

are useful and this is a great

878

:

way to start a conversation.

879

:

She's I'll just say, hey,

can you save my seat?

880

:

And she's I'll go to the bathroom

and then he's If you saved it,

881

:

then we start talking and I'm

like, Oh, that's really funny.

882

:

Cause you know, men, they want to feel

like they're, you know, doing something.

883

:

So that's a good way to, that's a good

segue to be like, Hey, you're single.

884

:

Okay.

885

:

So make number two is make

yourself available for a chat.

886

:

Yes.

887

:

This whole episode has been about

chatting and talking, but make sure

888

:

you're making yourself approachable.

889

:

In case someone wants to talk to you your

crush may be gathering data as well I read

890

:

a book called make every man want you by

maria for like for leo And I recommend

891

:

this to any woman who's looking today.

892

:

It was by far the best book.

893

:

I've read on this subject I

promise you if you read this book.

894

:

It will be money well spent because

most dating books have women

895

:

jumping through hoops to get a date.

896

:

But this book gives you the

advice to become the type of

897

:

woman that men chase after.

898

:

So instead of being, always having to be

the host or being the person that is, you

899

:

know, getting the conversation, she shows

you how to become the woman that people

900

:

want to like just naturally come up to.

901

:

So make sure you're making yourself

approachable to make your crush come

902

:

to you and do the heavy lifting.

903

:

Being approachable means

being open to conversation.

904

:

Is your default face RBF?

905

:

Now, RBF, it has its place in the world.

906

:

I love using it when I

don't want to be approached.

907

:

It actually can happen in the opposite.

908

:

If it's a guy, you're like, please

don't ask me about granola, please don't

909

:

ask me about granola, put your RBF on.

910

:

But, Is that your default face?

911

:

Being approachable means, you

know, are your arms crossed?

912

:

Do you avoid eye contact with

people when they talk to you?

913

:

Do you fake smile or not at all?

914

:

Granted, you know, some people can

get away with a fake smile, but a

915

:

lot of times, fake smiles, they come

off as fake and people can know that.

916

:

So are you genuinely smiling?

917

:

Are you genuinely engaged?

918

:

All of these things, crossed

arms, not making eye contact, Fake

919

:

smiling or not smiling at all.

920

:

These are people repellent.

921

:

So if you're guilty of these, fix this if

you want to have more people approach you.

922

:

Okay,

923

:

Alexandra: Can I

924

:

jump in

925

:

Travaris 2: thing Yeah,

926

:

Alexandra: just typically but

you were talking about, you

927

:

know, body language and stuff.

928

:

And that made me think of there's

a guy on YouTube Spidey and his

929

:

channel is called the behavioral

arts, which is really interesting.

930

:

If you ever want to learn more

about like just body language.

931

:

Body behavior and kind of interpreting

and interpreting that I think would

932

:

be a great compliment to everything

that traverses just mentioned.

933

:

If you want to deepen your skills and

perception of what people's body movement

934

:

stocks, he recommends a lot of great.

935

:

Books and content on that.

936

:

But yeah, it just made me think,

937

:

Travaris 2: that's great

938

:

Alexandra: I need to work on my RBF.

939

:

Travaris 2: read 60 percent of

communication is nonverbal So we use

940

:

words to communicate but a lot of that

Is done through our body because I can

941

:

tell you anything It's with my uncle used

to always say the mouth is designed to

942

:

say anything You can tell me anything

But your body's not gonna lie and it's

943

:

a lot of things your body does that you

are not Cognizant of that other people

944

:

can read so You know when your body

will tell on you when your mouth won't

945

:

especially your face faces They'll your

face will say things that your mouth

946

:

won't or can't so Be careful with that

947

:

Alexandra: So I definitely want

to circle back to that after you

948

:

finish your lesson, because so much

of dating can happen through online

949

:

And I want your take on how we can

have that authentic communication if

950

:

we aren't getting that 60 plus percent

951

:

of

952

:

Travaris 2: That's a great question.

953

:

So I'm almost done here and then we

can like circle back to online because

954

:

this is 2024, the year of the, you

know, dating's not like our parents

955

:

or even when I was in high school.

956

:

So yeah, we can go back.

957

:

So number three, the last and

final tip is look the part.

958

:

You wouldn't roll out of bed

and go to an interview with you.

959

:

I hope you wouldn't because you're

not getting that job if you did.

960

:

Would you present a

project at work in sweats?

961

:

No, so if you're looking to be a

host or be the person everyone is

962

:

dying to talk to, look the part.

963

:

I'm not asking you to

become something you're not.

964

:

But think about people who've walked

in a room and they turn heads.

965

:

What do they look like?

966

:

Yeah, I'm not saying you need to

look like, you know, Blake Lively

967

:

or anything, but how are they,

how are you holding yourself up?

968

:

Like a lot of times just presenting

yourself well and bathing and fixing

969

:

your hair takes you a long way.

970

:

Find out your magnetism

and let it shine through.

971

:

Okay, so just like I gave questions

about the personal realm, I'll give

972

:

three romantic questions to ask.

973

:

These will be helpful on

dating app because I've asked

974

:

these or have been asked.

975

:

Number one is what is the goal

you have set for yourself that

976

:

has nothing to do with money?

977

:

I actually got asked that on a date and I

was like, Oh, this is an amazing question.

978

:

Number two.

979

:

Alexandra: I will be

980

:

Travaris 2: Oh, please, all

of these are for you guys.

981

:

And number two is, what is one thing

all your exes would say about you?

982

:

If your exes were in a room, what

is one thing they would agree on?

983

:

I know what mine is, but it's

not appropriate for they,

984

:

they all say I was crazy.

985

:

None of my exes have said I was

the same woman, but hey, whatever.

986

:

They loved it.

987

:

And number three, what's

one quality you have?

988

:

That you don't want to

see in a romantic partner.

989

:

What is your double standard quality?

990

:

What is one thing you're like, Oh, no,

I can be this way, but you better not.

991

:

And I think I, to be honest, a lot of

people have like good answers for this.

992

:

Cause I do think that

relationship is balanced.

993

:

So there might be one person that might

be, may have a quality that the other

994

:

person is no, I have to balance that.

995

:

So I can't be that way.

996

:

Like you have two combative

people in a relationship.

997

:

You're not going to get far people

who shut down and you know, they

998

:

can't, you know, solve problems.

999

:

And that's.

:

00:45:05,390 --> 00:45:06,310

That's also not good.

:

00:45:06,340 --> 00:45:10,010

So yeah, those are the three

questions that I have for that.

:

00:45:10,010 --> 00:45:11,030

But yeah, let's go ahead.

:

00:45:11,230 --> 00:45:14,530

Alexandra, what are your questions

and, you know, what do you want to talk

:

00:45:14,540 --> 00:45:16,634

about as far as the dating app realm?

:

00:45:17,169 --> 00:45:20,089

Alexandra: Oh cause a lot of what

you're talking about has, would

:

00:45:20,089 --> 00:45:25,049

rely on open body communication

and kind of gauging people's facial

:

00:45:25,049 --> 00:45:26,609

reactions and how they're responding.

:

00:45:27,649 --> 00:45:31,179

How do you suggest people

get a good feel for that if

:

00:45:31,179 --> 00:45:32,279

they're talking to people on an

:

00:45:32,595 --> 00:45:35,615

Travaris 2: My tip for this, because

I've had, you know, quite the experiences

:

00:45:36,015 --> 00:45:40,815

on dating apps is I would say as soon

as you can get the date off the app.

:

00:45:41,325 --> 00:45:45,640

I think I always say that dating

apps is a way of connection is not

:

00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:47,520

where your relationship should live.

:

00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:52,080

So when you meet someone and you

cause I, the way I approach dating

:

00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:53,540

apps was it's a numbers game.

:

00:45:54,100 --> 00:45:54,680

Everyone you

:

00:45:54,740 --> 00:45:57,460

swipe on or everyone that

swipes on you is not going to be

:

00:45:57,460 --> 00:45:58,990

someone that turns into a date.

:

00:45:59,330 --> 00:45:59,880

And it's not

:

00:45:59,890 --> 00:46:01,840

intended to cause you know, Hey,

:

00:46:01,949 --> 00:46:07,924

Say you got I don't know, 20

swipes, 15 of those turned into Hey.

:

00:46:08,314 --> 00:46:11,074

Seven of those were

like, Hey, how you doing?

:

00:46:11,094 --> 00:46:14,264

And it went into a conversation about

the end of the, about two or three days.

:

00:46:14,264 --> 00:46:17,784

You're probably going to be down to two

to three options and I've always picked

:

00:46:18,324 --> 00:46:23,144

From those and the person that I like

the most I pushed the conversation until

:

00:46:23,154 --> 00:46:27,854

it was off the app the tip I have for

that is do not if you are talking to

:

00:46:27,854 --> 00:46:31,114

someone and you connect us to someone and

they've Shown that they like you and you

:

00:46:31,114 --> 00:46:36,699

like them Your conversation should not

remain On the app like you should have

:

00:46:36,699 --> 00:46:42,209

about I'd say two days on the app and

then phone numbers need to be exchanged

:

00:46:42,239 --> 00:46:43,639

and then a date needs to be planned.

:

00:46:43,649 --> 00:46:46,929

That's the way that I saw it

because I feel like a dating

:

00:46:47,039 --> 00:46:48,239

app is just kind of like that.

:

00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:49,409

It's like the matchmaker.

:

00:46:49,669 --> 00:46:52,999

You're not going to just, you're not

going to live at the matchmaker's house.

:

00:46:53,019 --> 00:46:55,629

You're not, you're going to

eventually be like, okay, thanks.

:

00:46:56,384 --> 00:46:57,194

Now we're off.

:

00:46:57,314 --> 00:46:58,794

She's just the connector.

:

00:46:58,804 --> 00:47:00,344

It's not a place that you should live.

:

00:47:00,344 --> 00:47:03,054

And I think a lot of people

just stay on the dating app.

:

00:47:03,064 --> 00:47:05,764

Like Hinge's slogan is the

app meant to be deleted.

:

00:47:05,784 --> 00:47:08,994

I love that because that's exactly

what it's, the app is successful.

:

00:47:08,994 --> 00:47:09,694

You don't need the app.

:

00:47:10,364 --> 00:47:12,084

So keep that in mind.

:

00:47:12,084 --> 00:47:13,484

If you're talking to someone,

:

00:47:13,698 --> 00:47:14,098

Christine: Yeah.

:

00:47:14,314 --> 00:47:17,054

Travaris 2: you need to, or the

person, whoever you're chatting

:

00:47:17,054 --> 00:47:20,164

up or who's chatting you up, they

need to make the move of, Hey!

:

00:47:20,594 --> 00:47:22,514

How can we, you know,

how can I talk to you?

:

00:47:22,574 --> 00:47:24,904

Let's meet in person cause

then you're going to be cut.

:

00:47:24,914 --> 00:47:28,884

You're going to cut yourself off

at the knees if you remain online.

:

00:47:28,884 --> 00:47:31,724

Because like you said, a lot

of that body language is lost.

:

00:47:31,724 --> 00:47:35,424

And also pair of paraverbal

is also can be misconstrued.

:

00:47:35,434 --> 00:47:38,374

How you say something, what's

the tone of voice you cannot.

:

00:47:38,539 --> 00:47:41,259

Gauge that with texting because a

lot of times you read a text and

:

00:47:41,259 --> 00:47:43,269

you're like, Oh, wait a minute.

:

00:47:43,279 --> 00:47:44,389

What did he mean by that?

:

00:47:44,399 --> 00:47:46,279

Or that was really mean.

:

00:47:46,379 --> 00:47:47,184

Did he mean it like that?

:

00:47:47,184 --> 00:47:47,544

And he's Oh no.

:

00:47:47,544 --> 00:47:48,054

I was just joking.

:

00:47:48,064 --> 00:47:49,184

You know, you cannot,

:

00:47:49,814 --> 00:47:54,324

you really decipher in text is I don't

know, just you need Rosetta Stone for it.

:

00:47:54,334 --> 00:47:58,724

So you need to get out off the

app and to that coffee shop or

:

00:47:59,054 --> 00:48:00,444

wherever it is that you want to.

:

00:48:00,864 --> 00:48:01,604

You want to go?

:

00:48:01,991 --> 00:48:05,711

Alexandra: I feel like you've really

changed my perception and I think

:

00:48:05,711 --> 00:48:08,716

I'm going to start Trying to use

your rule there, Traveris, which

:

00:48:08,716 --> 00:48:12,086

by the way, shout out to Traveris

for being an amazing wing woman.

:

00:48:12,416 --> 00:48:16,936

She helped me set up my Hinge

profile a year ago, which sadly

:

00:48:16,936 --> 00:48:18,206

has not seen a lot of use.

:

00:48:18,566 --> 00:48:20,246

So I may have to work with her to

:

00:48:20,246 --> 00:48:24,066

update it based on this conversation

and get some debate questions

:

00:48:24,096 --> 00:48:24,566

going.

:

00:48:24,876 --> 00:48:28,206

Of course, the ones that

Carmine Carmella would owe to

:

00:48:28,206 --> 00:48:28,586

prove.

:

00:48:28,797 --> 00:48:34,147

Travaris 2: of course like I get so

excited and another thing I want to tell

:

00:48:34,147 --> 00:48:38,727

people that are listening and maybe having

like little problems with dating is that

:

00:48:39,527 --> 00:48:46,317

A lot of people get so anxious and so with

dating, just make it, find an element.

:

00:48:46,447 --> 00:48:47,647

I dare you right now.

:

00:48:47,667 --> 00:48:48,737

I challenge you right now.

:

00:48:48,787 --> 00:48:53,427

What is one element of dating that

you find fun and focus on that?

:

00:48:53,457 --> 00:48:56,337

A lot of people, like I read a meme

like two or three weeks ago and

:

00:48:56,337 --> 00:48:57,677

they were like, dates are so weird.

:

00:48:57,687 --> 00:49:00,637

She said, of course, I'm going to

dress up for my romantic interview.

:

00:49:01,157 --> 00:49:06,652

In a way, dates are kind of like

romantic interviews, but They, this

:

00:49:06,652 --> 00:49:07,712

person's not going to give you a job.

:

00:49:07,712 --> 00:49:09,862

So we're, the stakes are lower.

:

00:49:10,152 --> 00:49:14,232

The lies I tell in interviews are

amazing, but you don't have to do that.

:

00:49:14,712 --> 00:49:16,712

And I actually read a meme one time.

:

00:49:16,712 --> 00:49:20,442

It said interview is a

conversation between two liars.

:

00:49:20,442 --> 00:49:22,502

And I don't think I've ever

heard anything truer than that.

:

00:49:22,842 --> 00:49:24,932

Of course we don't have

a toxic work environment.

:

00:49:26,502 --> 00:49:31,312

Anyway, anyways, I got off track, but find

something about dating because if you're

:

00:49:31,332 --> 00:49:34,072

going to all, if you're going to think

of dating Oh my God, no, I can't do it.

:

00:49:34,222 --> 00:49:35,652

Then you're not going to do it.

:

00:49:35,672 --> 00:49:41,182

So one of my favorite elements about

dating is getting dressed up, picking

:

00:49:41,182 --> 00:49:46,162

out an outfit, telling my friend like,

Oh you know, he said this or like doing a

:

00:49:46,162 --> 00:49:48,472

whole debrief in the car with my friends.

:

00:49:48,912 --> 00:49:52,212

After find something that you

can look forward to in dating.

:

00:49:52,222 --> 00:49:56,852

Even if you don't hit it off

with Ross 23 miles away, you can.

:

00:49:57,277 --> 00:50:01,237

Like I had fun, you know have fun

or you can say, oh I really like

:

00:50:01,247 --> 00:50:06,387

trying new restaurants or you know, I

really Doing this or it could be fun.

:

00:50:06,397 --> 00:50:11,797

Don't make it like this big scary

You know is this stranger I met

:

00:50:11,797 --> 00:50:15,257

online gonna be my husband like

make it fun any other questions or

:

00:50:15,257 --> 00:50:17,837

any other tips you want or need?

:

00:50:18,253 --> 00:50:18,853

Answered

:

00:50:20,627 --> 00:50:23,197

Alexandra: I feel like I need a tiny

Travera sitting on my shoulder during a

:

00:50:23,423 --> 00:50:25,132

Travaris 2: yeah, we can

:

00:50:25,613 --> 00:50:26,433

have that arranged

:

00:50:26,433 --> 00:50:29,477

don't say that don't don't

don't Don't don't mention that

:

00:50:30,266 --> 00:50:31,356

Christine: Get a new earpiece in.

:

00:50:31,657 --> 00:50:35,057

Travaris 2: Yeah, exactly

Secret service level of dating.

:

00:50:36,436 --> 00:50:37,296

Christine: Oh, that's fun.

:

00:50:37,307 --> 00:50:40,317

Alexandra: A a television podcast host in

:

00:50:40,317 --> 00:50:40,947

dating.

:

00:50:41,008 --> 00:50:42,388

I think a matchmaker.

:

00:50:42,509 --> 00:50:46,159

Travaris 2: I love the concept of

dating is so like fun to me And I think

:

00:50:46,199 --> 00:50:50,059

also we're in the generation of like

people who everything is online so

:

00:50:50,079 --> 00:50:56,768

conversation skills or just the art of

conversation has died and people just

:

00:50:56,768 --> 00:50:58,608

don't really know how to talk to people.

:

00:50:58,608 --> 00:51:02,408

And I'm like, dating can get really scary

if you don't know how to talk to someone.

:

00:51:02,418 --> 00:51:04,998

Of course it's gonna be scary if

you're used to all your interactions

:

00:51:05,018 --> 00:51:08,948

being over Instagram or on a dating

app and then you have to go out.

:

00:51:08,978 --> 00:51:09,778

It makes sense.

:

00:51:09,788 --> 00:51:14,368

So I think just teaching

people to be more, okay get off

:

00:51:14,368 --> 00:51:15,718

your phone, come talk to me.

:

00:51:16,128 --> 00:51:19,358

You know, and that's another

thing about dating apps.

:

00:51:20,218 --> 00:51:23,088

Like you might have a

great, think about this.

:

00:51:23,758 --> 00:51:24,448

Think, okay.

:

00:51:24,448 --> 00:51:26,698

You've had this great

conversation with this guy.

:

00:51:27,033 --> 00:51:31,773

On a dating app and then you say you've

been talking for two weeks on a dating

:

00:51:31,773 --> 00:51:35,373

app and then someone finally acts let's

make this let's go out and then you meet

:

00:51:35,373 --> 00:51:40,073

the guy and you're you're like, oh, he's

a great conversationalist, but I can't

:

00:51:40,123 --> 00:51:44,143

please like just don't I had a friend

tell me the story that she's like to

:

00:51:44,143 --> 00:51:45,853

various I met this guy and he was great.

:

00:51:46,378 --> 00:51:49,238

And he, she's he even looked like

his picture, but she was like, it was

:

00:51:49,248 --> 00:51:53,218

something about him that when I met him,

I was like, she's let's sit at a very

:

00:51:53,218 --> 00:51:55,108

large table and you sit on that end.

:

00:51:55,108 --> 00:51:56,358

And I sit on this end.

:

00:51:56,358 --> 00:51:58,198

She's I just couldn't put my finger on it.

:

00:51:58,198 --> 00:51:58,888

So think about it.

:

00:51:58,898 --> 00:52:02,848

Like the longer you spend on a dating

app, you might be making a bond that

:

00:52:02,848 --> 00:52:05,498

you're like, Oh, in two or three days,

I could have known that this isn't

:

00:52:05,498 --> 00:52:07,818

going to work out because very pleat.

:

00:52:07,878 --> 00:52:08,768

I don't want you to touch me.

:

00:52:08,958 --> 00:52:12,208

It's so there's so many

motivations to get it off the app.

:

00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:13,350

Alexandra: I love that.

:

00:52:13,536 --> 00:52:15,506

That, yeah, this makes so much more sense.

:

00:52:16,076 --> 00:52:19,656

And even I think with friends too,

like platonic relationships, this

:

00:52:19,656 --> 00:52:24,186

is something that could you can very

quickly find the people that you want

:

00:52:24,186 --> 00:52:27,096

to deepen a connection with and be

like, you were somebody I want to build

:

00:52:27,096 --> 00:52:29,196

a friendship with versus this is okay.

:

00:52:29,206 --> 00:52:29,986

Being an acquaintance,

:

00:52:30,701 --> 00:52:31,351

Christine: Mm hmm,

:

00:52:31,401 --> 00:52:31,981

Travaris 2: Like I always,

:

00:52:32,625 --> 00:52:33,095

Alexandra: does all

:

00:52:33,211 --> 00:52:33,841

Travaris 2: no, I'm sorry.

:

00:52:33,841 --> 00:52:34,171

Go ahead.

:

00:52:34,255 --> 00:52:36,945

No, cause I always gauge that I'm sorry,

this is a little off topic, but like

:

00:52:36,955 --> 00:52:40,785

friends at work, I always gauge that

as, are you at my, at friend work?

:

00:52:40,785 --> 00:52:43,895

Or are you like, I can go

out in public with you?

:

00:52:43,935 --> 00:52:46,415

Cause you know, some people you're

like, Oh, you're fine to eat

:

00:52:46,415 --> 00:52:47,875

lunch with in the conference room.

:

00:52:47,875 --> 00:52:49,565

But please don't ask

me about Friday night.

:

00:52:49,995 --> 00:52:51,865

I guess I'm going to have

to make something up.

:

00:52:54,154 --> 00:52:54,754

Christine: that's so

:

00:52:54,754 --> 00:52:55,134

true.

:

00:52:55,159 --> 00:52:55,379

Alexandra: sense.

:

00:52:55,810 --> 00:52:56,310

All right.

:

00:52:56,370 --> 00:53:00,600

So for those who may be listening who

are not interested in the opposite

:

00:53:00,600 --> 00:53:05,160

gender, does all of what you've mentioned

for the romantic portion work for

:

00:53:05,190 --> 00:53:06,470

couples who are interested in the same

:

00:53:06,806 --> 00:53:07,226

Travaris 2: I do.

:

00:53:07,966 --> 00:53:09,226

I'm glad you asked this question.

:

00:53:09,326 --> 00:53:12,736

Yes, it does, because you have to

understand people like to connect and

:

00:53:12,736 --> 00:53:17,616

people, all these questions have no

gender, they have no, you know, you

:

00:53:17,616 --> 00:53:20,616

have to identify this way or that way.

:

00:53:21,076 --> 00:53:23,106

So this totally works on same sex.

:

00:53:23,166 --> 00:53:27,446

I've been in relationships with

women and I feel like the emotional

:

00:53:27,446 --> 00:53:28,276

bond with a woman is the best.

:

00:53:28,926 --> 00:53:32,766

It goes a lot deeper than it does with

a man because men are our compliments

:

00:53:32,796 --> 00:53:35,846

when it comes to emotional and

women are more like our same things.

:

00:53:36,236 --> 00:53:41,126

So a lot of things that I have

employed with men, I employ with women

:

00:53:41,126 --> 00:53:42,856

sometimes with even greater success.

:

00:53:42,856 --> 00:53:46,345

Um, Because women are just connectors.

:

00:53:46,415 --> 00:53:49,015

I was reading something about

the difference between men and

:

00:53:49,015 --> 00:53:51,655

women and they were talking about

men have emotions, but they do

:

00:53:51,655 --> 00:53:53,365

different things with their emotions.

:

00:53:53,365 --> 00:53:57,175

Like when a man is posed with

a threat or a problem, he is

:

00:53:57,175 --> 00:53:58,325

going to be forced to act.

:

00:53:58,825 --> 00:53:59,845

He's gonna want to act on it.

:

00:53:59,855 --> 00:54:00,855

It's okay, this happened.

:

00:54:00,855 --> 00:54:01,765

Okay, the house burned down.

:

00:54:01,765 --> 00:54:03,295

What do we need to do a woman?

:

00:54:03,355 --> 00:54:06,385

I'm not in this case, but women want

to talk women want to talk it out

:

00:54:06,415 --> 00:54:09,905

Think about a problem or something that

maybe you know didn't go well at work.

:

00:54:09,905 --> 00:54:12,495

Your boss is crazy What's the

first thing you're gonna do?

:

00:54:12,525 --> 00:54:13,735

You're gonna call your person.

:

00:54:13,745 --> 00:54:16,265

You're gonna connect you're

gonna talk it out Are you

:

00:54:16,265 --> 00:54:17,585

getting advice from your friends?

:

00:54:17,635 --> 00:54:18,585

Probably most of the time?

:

00:54:18,585 --> 00:54:21,305

No, you're not a lot of the times

women just want to be heard.

:

00:54:21,335 --> 00:54:24,675

So employing these You

know, relationship bonds.

:

00:54:25,215 --> 00:54:28,515

I've been very successful

with women as well as men.

:

00:54:28,515 --> 00:54:33,595

But yes, these apply in any situation you

want them because at the end of the day,

:

00:54:33,595 --> 00:54:37,275

we're just people and we want to connect

and we want to feel seen and heard.

:

00:54:37,795 --> 00:54:43,015

And you can say, and you never

know what you may say to somebody

:

00:54:43,775 --> 00:54:45,325

that makes them feel that way.

:

00:54:45,325 --> 00:54:49,615

Like I was watching you last night

and he went to a party and He was

:

00:54:49,615 --> 00:54:53,225

like really drunk and this girl

kept coming to him after the party.

:

00:54:53,225 --> 00:54:53,875

She's you know what?

:

00:54:53,875 --> 00:54:54,965

You said to me that night.

:

00:54:55,425 --> 00:54:58,275

I've never felt that way before

you made me feel seen and he's

:

00:54:58,275 --> 00:55:00,965

just yeah And he didn't even

remember what he said to the girl.

:

00:55:01,055 --> 00:55:05,065

Like he was like, I was drunk I don't

know what I said to you, but she just like

:

00:55:05,065 --> 00:55:08,835

she just kept saying it like oh my god No

one's ever talked to me like that before.

:

00:55:08,835 --> 00:55:15,715

He's oh, yeah that So yes, this happens

in every situation any more questions.

:

00:55:15,715 --> 00:55:15,855

I don't know

:

00:55:16,089 --> 00:55:16,909

Alexandra: have got a comment.

:

00:55:16,909 --> 00:55:19,169

I feel like a lot of the questions

and things that you've taught us

:

00:55:19,259 --> 00:55:22,633

today have, I'm definitely not

somebody who's super comfortable.

:

00:55:23,183 --> 00:55:25,283

I'm definitely somebody who's

trying to be more comfortable

:

00:55:25,283 --> 00:55:26,293

putting themselves out there.

:

00:55:26,293 --> 00:55:29,923

So this definitely feels, whether

it's through meeting people or more

:

00:55:29,923 --> 00:55:34,943

in a romantic sense, putting gives me

comfortability with putting myself out

:

00:55:34,943 --> 00:55:39,263

there, being a bit more assertive in

a very fun, flirty, lightweight, that

:

00:55:39,263 --> 00:55:41,603

also gets serious information back.

:

00:55:41,653 --> 00:55:44,523

So it, you know, it makes it a

little less scary and brings in

:

00:55:44,523 --> 00:55:47,313

a lot of that levity and fun that

you were talking about for dating.

:

00:55:48,258 --> 00:55:49,788

And also general, just general

:

00:55:49,859 --> 00:55:52,249

Travaris 2: Yeah and then one

thing about this that I've learned.

:

00:55:52,339 --> 00:55:57,839

Is that if you can't like I'm,

Alexandria's my personal friends, so

:

00:55:57,839 --> 00:56:02,514

I know, but if you can't, if it's, if

the attack Think if you can't just go

:

00:56:02,514 --> 00:56:05,334

to you can't go straight to the top

of the mountain I know dating can get

:

00:56:05,334 --> 00:56:10,844

very nerve wracking but use these tips

that I've given in a workspace to where

:

00:56:10,844 --> 00:56:14,668

you're It's low stakes because I feel

like when you build your muscle with

:

00:56:14,678 --> 00:56:18,758

talking to people in general Yes, it's

still gonna be that layer of nerves

:

00:56:18,788 --> 00:56:22,528

when you're dating somebody But at

least you can say I know how to do

:

00:56:22,528 --> 00:56:24,673

this You know, I've done this before.

:

00:56:24,973 --> 00:56:26,253

I've used this question.

:

00:56:26,283 --> 00:56:31,463

I get, because you'll come up with your

own arsenal questions that you like,

:

00:56:31,463 --> 00:56:32,973

okay, this question is always successful.

:

00:56:33,023 --> 00:56:34,973

This person, this question

will get someone talking.

:

00:56:34,973 --> 00:56:39,033

So if you can practice on people

like your mom, Christine, myself,

:

00:56:39,403 --> 00:56:43,913

you know, people at work, Carmela,

like if you can practice on them.

:

00:56:44,758 --> 00:56:47,578

Then that's gonna build your muscle

if you're not practicing these skills.

:

00:56:47,618 --> 00:56:50,678

Anyway, yeah dating is gonna be like,

oh my god I don't want to do it.

:

00:56:50,688 --> 00:56:55,388

So just get practice because i've read

somewhere a long time ago called They

:

00:56:55,388 --> 00:57:00,463

were like flirting doesn't always have

to be like Romantic like they were like

:

00:57:00,463 --> 00:57:03,993

flirting is just when you can talk to

somebody and make them feel good for the

:

00:57:03,993 --> 00:57:06,733

day Like this guy was like I flirt with

women all the time I'm not attracted to

:

00:57:06,943 --> 00:57:11,043

just he was like if I can get a smile out

of a board cashier He's like that makes

:

00:57:11,043 --> 00:57:12,533

me feel better because I made her day.

:

00:57:12,813 --> 00:57:16,193

So it doesn't always have to be

like Oh you know, I hope I get a

:

00:57:16,193 --> 00:57:19,976

date like it's Like at the police

department, there's a little custodian.

:

00:57:19,976 --> 00:57:20,506

He's so sweet.

:

00:57:20,516 --> 00:57:22,946

He's an older male, older gentlemen.

:

00:57:23,576 --> 00:57:26,456

And he was lifting the trash

out of the bag the other day.

:

00:57:26,456 --> 00:57:28,186

And I was like, Oh, look at you.

:

00:57:28,186 --> 00:57:29,136

I know you work out.

:

00:57:29,136 --> 00:57:30,566

And he's like, how can you tell?

:

00:57:30,926 --> 00:57:33,376

And I'm like, Oh, I see your

muscles popping out of this shirt.

:

00:57:33,646 --> 00:57:34,716

The man's 50 years old.

:

00:57:34,736 --> 00:57:35,416

He's bald.

:

00:57:35,686 --> 00:57:37,026

And he's like, I'm blushing.

:

00:57:37,096 --> 00:57:37,316

And

:

00:57:37,370 --> 00:57:38,140

Alexandra: Oh,

:

00:57:38,436 --> 00:57:39,666

Travaris 2: of skills and a low stakes.

:

00:57:39,706 --> 00:57:44,206

Do I find the custodian man

that dumps the coffee out of the

:

00:57:44,206 --> 00:57:46,056

trash like a man I want to date?

:

00:57:46,176 --> 00:57:46,416

No.

:

00:57:46,416 --> 00:57:48,396

And he knows that we were just having fun.

:

00:57:48,406 --> 00:57:51,476

Flirting doesn't have to be, you

don't always have to have an agenda.

:

00:57:51,476 --> 00:57:54,696

The agenda is I just want to

make someone feel special and

:

00:57:54,706 --> 00:57:56,106

get a smile on somebody's face.

:

00:57:56,136 --> 00:58:01,336

So if you can see that as a way that, you

know, it doesn't, it can be low stakes.

:

00:58:01,356 --> 00:58:03,176

It can be as high or as

low stakes as you want.

:

00:58:03,176 --> 00:58:06,816

I think a lot of people think dating

is another just this other category

:

00:58:06,816 --> 00:58:10,206

and it's not like it's you're

already doing these things daily.

:

00:58:10,206 --> 00:58:13,866

If you're a human being You're just

doing it now with a different in

:

00:58:13,866 --> 00:58:15,356

a different situation or context.

:

00:58:15,586 --> 00:58:18,386

So you definitely have

the skills alexander.

:

00:58:18,416 --> 00:58:18,696

I know

:

00:58:18,696 --> 00:58:19,076

Alexandra: I love

:

00:58:19,086 --> 00:58:19,506

that.

:

00:58:19,916 --> 00:58:22,186

You definitely know I'll

be texting you to practice.

:

00:58:22,196 --> 00:58:24,186

So you're like, Hey, how's this

:

00:58:24,432 --> 00:58:25,752

Travaris 2: Yeah, i'm like,

give me your best line.

:

00:58:25,812 --> 00:58:26,732

Give me your best line

:

00:58:27,004 --> 00:58:30,316

Alexandra: and I have already put that

book that you mentioned into my Amazon

:

00:58:30,316 --> 00:58:30,566

cart.

:

00:58:30,592 --> 00:58:34,472

Travaris 2: I promise guys like I

don't and to be honest that book

:

00:58:34,472 --> 00:58:38,212

is a lot about manifestation too

Like she actually says in the book.

:

00:58:38,712 --> 00:58:41,997

You She's I named the book this

strategically because she's I know

:

00:58:41,997 --> 00:58:45,447

that I get the interests of every

woman, but really this book is just

:

00:58:45,447 --> 00:58:49,167

basically telling you how to be a

magnetic woman, not only towards men,

:

00:58:49,167 --> 00:58:51,507

but to job opportunities, to business.

:

00:58:51,827 --> 00:58:53,857

It's not just about getting a date.

:

00:58:54,147 --> 00:58:59,347

Cause you know, there's millions of things

out online, cosmopolitan articles, like

:

00:58:59,907 --> 00:59:02,237

TV shows dedicated to how to get a man.

:

00:59:02,247 --> 00:59:03,137

But she's yeah.

:

00:59:03,137 --> 00:59:09,047

But what about becoming the woman that

men are now like, Oh, I gotta have you.

:

00:59:09,457 --> 00:59:12,787

And I loved it, and I loved that book

for it, so it is a really good book.

:

00:59:12,976 --> 00:59:13,456

Alexandra: Okay.

:

00:59:13,956 --> 00:59:17,026

It's funny that you're talking about

manifestation because when Christine and

:

00:59:17,026 --> 00:59:23,504

I were recording last week's episode we

were talking about kind of what we think

:

00:59:23,504 --> 00:59:27,229

and want to speaking stuff to the universe

and that can be, you know, compounded by

:

00:59:27,229 --> 00:59:31,939

what we're reading or what we're listening

to or watching in television or movies.

:

00:59:31,939 --> 00:59:37,119

And I was like, currently I am

reading a lot of romance smut books.

:

00:59:37,569 --> 00:59:41,759

And in, in them, I see connections of

like characters that are a little bit more

:

00:59:41,789 --> 00:59:44,229

awkward and funny and quirky and flirty.

:

00:59:44,229 --> 00:59:48,584

It's not this, granted it's, So of

course this person's edited it and

:

00:59:48,584 --> 00:59:52,404

it's been, you know, reviewed, but the

characters seem a bit more quirky and

:

00:59:52,404 --> 00:59:54,044

funky, not everything's so perfect.

:

00:59:54,044 --> 00:59:56,604

And it's many things come

blurting out of their mouths.

:

00:59:56,694 --> 00:59:57,574

And I'm like, I love this.

:

00:59:57,604 --> 00:59:59,464

This seems funny, genuine.

:

00:59:59,464 --> 01:00:02,264

This is the kind of flirting

and banter that I'm looking for.

:

01:00:02,285 --> 01:00:03,035

Travaris 2: I love it.

:

01:00:03,324 --> 01:00:03,754

Alexandra: so if you're interested.

:

01:00:04,649 --> 01:00:08,639

Maybe this book will help me manifest

that kind of relationship that I've

:

01:00:08,639 --> 01:00:10,669

been reading on a page into reality.

:

01:00:10,745 --> 01:00:11,115

Travaris 2: Yeah.

:

01:00:11,875 --> 01:00:14,855

sent my friend, she's a, my co

worker actually, I should say.

:

01:00:14,855 --> 01:00:17,895

She has a little sticker on

her water bottle, and it's it

:

01:00:17,915 --> 01:00:19,575

says, Tall, Dark, and Fictional.

:

01:00:20,095 --> 01:00:20,965

And I was like,

:

01:00:20,985 --> 01:00:21,225

that's

:

01:00:21,815 --> 01:00:23,875

cause don't we men in our books?

:

01:00:23,885 --> 01:00:26,875

Cause they're like, why can't

real look and act like this?

:

01:00:27,365 --> 01:00:31,295

I remember I was watching a video and

this man, he was like, this is why women

:

01:00:31,295 --> 01:00:32,835

are so disappointed with real life men.

:

01:00:32,835 --> 01:00:34,785

He was reading one of his

girlfriend's smut books.

:

01:00:34,875 --> 01:00:39,285

She was like, Oh, I understand

average man is boring to you.

:

01:00:39,345 --> 01:00:41,755

Cause if this man came up to

me, even I'd be interested.

:

01:00:41,765 --> 01:00:47,930

Like it was Oh, but actually Alexandra,

you said something really like you said,

:

01:00:47,970 --> 01:00:49,260

character made me think of something.

:

01:00:49,260 --> 01:00:50,060

I have another tip.

:

01:00:50,460 --> 01:00:51,540

And I've actually this.

:

01:00:51,670 --> 01:00:56,530

If you do not feel completely at your

most comfortable or confident or most

:

01:00:56,540 --> 01:01:02,980

charismatic self, think of a person that

you do see that or you do view that way.

:

01:01:03,310 --> 01:01:07,330

And channel their I've used this so

many times and I'm like, oh my god.

:

01:01:07,440 --> 01:01:11,270

The way that it works is, say I

don't know say you're not good

:

01:01:11,270 --> 01:01:14,260

at flirting or you don't you feel

awkward on dates or something think of

:

01:01:14,260 --> 01:01:16,290

someone that You know is good at it.

:

01:01:16,420 --> 01:01:18,090

It could be a real life person.

:

01:01:18,100 --> 01:01:22,950

It could be a celebrity it could

be a friend and just think of that

:

01:01:22,950 --> 01:01:25,780

person, like kind of think, okay,

so how would they handle this?

:

01:01:25,820 --> 01:01:27,920

What would this person do?

:

01:01:27,920 --> 01:01:30,520

And I had to have this really hard

conversation with this guy once I

:

01:01:30,520 --> 01:01:31,910

did, I was not interested in him.

:

01:01:31,910 --> 01:01:34,760

He was very sweet, but I just

didn't want to continue the

:

01:01:34,760 --> 01:01:36,330

con like continue with him.

:

01:01:36,840 --> 01:01:38,950

And I had to have a phone

call with him about it.

:

01:01:38,990 --> 01:01:41,760

And I was so nervous because

I was like, Oh, he's so sweet.

:

01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:42,950

And I feel bad about doing this.

:

01:01:42,950 --> 01:01:45,410

But I was like, who would

handle this like a boss?

:

01:01:45,810 --> 01:01:46,590

Who would?

:

01:01:47,030 --> 01:01:49,080

Who would do this without any problem?

:

01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:53,650

And for some reason, Kim Kardashian

came to mind because she's very like.

:

01:01:54,500 --> 01:01:57,550

She's such a business woman, but

she's also very she's a woman

:

01:01:57,550 --> 01:01:59,020

who has her emotions in check.

:

01:01:59,490 --> 01:02:03,960

So she's not like weepy, Oh my God,

she's not going to be over apologetic.

:

01:02:03,960 --> 01:02:05,600

She's just going to get

straight to the point.

:

01:02:06,110 --> 01:02:09,110

And I don't know why she came

to mind, but I channeled Kim

:

01:02:09,120 --> 01:02:10,390

Kardashian through that call.

:

01:02:10,880 --> 01:02:13,790

And I was just like, it was a

very easy conversation after that.

:

01:02:13,790 --> 01:02:14,930

Cause I stopped thinking about myself.

:

01:02:14,950 --> 01:02:17,890

Self and stop thinking about all the

things that I felt like I couldn't do

:

01:02:17,890 --> 01:02:19,830

it and thought about someone who could.

:

01:02:19,890 --> 01:02:21,150

And it really helps.

:

01:02:21,150 --> 01:02:24,600

So sometimes if you have to channel

or lean on someone else in your

:

01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:26,115

head, do that 'cause that also.

:

01:02:27,065 --> 01:02:30,265

It makes you focus on that

person and not yourself, and it

:

01:02:30,275 --> 01:02:31,925

takes you out of your anxiety.

:

01:02:33,339 --> 01:02:34,129

Alexandra: I love that.

:

01:02:34,699 --> 01:02:36,119

And that's definitely something I will be

:

01:02:36,355 --> 01:02:36,995

Travaris 2: Yes, I am.

:

01:02:37,545 --> 01:02:41,465

Alexandra: We have really gotten

quite an in depth course today.

:

01:02:41,465 --> 01:02:41,625

I

:

01:02:41,625 --> 01:02:42,125

love this.

:

01:02:42,155 --> 01:02:42,405

This is

:

01:02:42,405 --> 01:02:42,835

great.

:

01:02:42,835 --> 01:02:46,465

I think this is really going

to help and hopefully entertain

:

01:02:46,485 --> 01:02:47,465

a lot of our listeners.

:

01:02:47,811 --> 01:02:48,831

Travaris 2: I'm glad I was here.

:

01:02:48,831 --> 01:02:49,141

Thank you.

:

01:02:49,141 --> 01:02:50,541

This has been really fun for me, too.

:

01:02:50,541 --> 01:02:53,461

I love, you know, talking and,

you know, just, you know, sharing.

:

01:02:53,461 --> 01:02:55,211

So thank you so much,

guys, for letting me do

:

01:02:55,753 --> 01:02:58,303

Christine: well, it was a pleasure

having you join us denature various,

:

01:02:58,393 --> 01:03:02,683

and that wraps up our deep dive

into the art of breaking the ice.

:

01:03:03,163 --> 01:03:05,203

We hope you enjoyed our conversation and.

:

01:03:05,203 --> 01:03:06,463

that traverses insights.

:

01:03:06,463 --> 01:03:07,063

will inspire.

:

01:03:07,063 --> 01:03:07,393

you.

:

01:03:07,416 --> 01:03:08,138

to move past?

:

01:03:08,138 --> 01:03:10,388

small talk and foster genuine connections.

:

01:03:10,808 --> 01:03:11,828

Remember, it's.

:

01:03:11,828 --> 01:03:14,768

not about having the perfect

opening line, but about being.

:

01:03:14,768 --> 01:03:19,478

present, curious and authentic in

your interactions, whether you're at

:

01:03:19,508 --> 01:03:24,158

a party, a networking event, or just

meeting someone new, try out some of the

:

01:03:24,158 --> 01:03:28,148

techniques we discussed today, you might

be surprised at how quickly you go from

:

01:03:28,148 --> 01:03:30,398

strangers to meaningful conversations.

:

01:03:31,178 --> 01:03:34,028

Thank you again, traverse for

joining us and sharing your wisdom.

:

01:03:34,388 --> 01:03:35,378

and to our listeners.

:

01:03:35,408 --> 01:03:35,708

Thank you.

:

01:03:35,708 --> 01:03:36,488

for tuning in.

:

01:03:37,208 --> 01:03:40,538

Join us next week, as we explore

the fascinating dynamics of

:

01:03:40,538 --> 01:03:43,838

growing up as an only child

versus growing up with siblings.

:

01:03:44,288 --> 01:03:48,488

We'll dive into the unique experiences,

challenges and advantages of both.

:

01:03:48,668 --> 01:03:50,498

And we can't wait to

share insights with you.

:

01:03:51,188 --> 01:03:51,878

Until then.

:

01:03:51,908 --> 01:03:54,728

keep breaking the ice and

making those connections count.

:

01:03:55,238 --> 01:03:55,838

Chat soon.

:

01:03:56,285 --> 01:03:58,685

Alexandra: Are you enjoying the

banter and insights we're serving up?

:

01:03:59,205 --> 01:04:03,145

If so, consider tossing some support our

way through our buy us a coffee page.

:

01:04:03,505 --> 01:04:06,125

Every bit helps in fueling

this passion project of ours.

:

01:04:06,635 --> 01:04:09,271

Find the link in our show

notes and visit our link tree.

:

01:04:09,471 --> 01:04:11,741

We are immensely grateful

for your generosity.

:

01:04:11,927 --> 01:04:15,207

As we wrap up, remember to hit

that like subscribe or follow

:

01:04:15,207 --> 01:04:16,747

button on your preferred platform.

:

01:04:16,967 --> 01:04:20,007

Until next time, let's keep the

conversations going and we'll

:

01:04:20,007 --> 01:04:21,397

catch you on the next episode.

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About the Podcast

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About your hosts

Profile picture for Christine Borowsky

Christine Borowsky

Introducing our enchanting co-host Christine, a nostalgic soul with a creative spark and an infectious optimism. A devourer of books, a music aficionado, and a film buff, she's immersed in the art of storytelling. Nature is her sanctuary, from forests to oceans. Eager for adventure, she's a perpetual learner, finding growth in every experience. Family and friends provide her comfort and joy. Unafraid of uncomfortable conversations, she navigates them with humor, believing they're vital for understanding and growth. Join her and Alexandra on this podcast where creativity meets curiosity, and laughter blends with wisdom.
Profile picture for Alexandra Montross

Alexandra Montross

Meet Alexandra, the spirited co-host of this captivating podcast, where everyday topics transform into enchanting conversations. With an old soul and a knack for the eclectic, she weaves a unique blend of organization and quirky charm into each discussion. Alexandra's passions span from wellness to metaphysics and dive into the thrilling world of entrepreneurship. Tune in for her lively perspective and insightful takes, adding a touch of magic to every episode alongside Christine. Get ready for a journey where Alexandra's vibrant energy and depth of knowledge create an unforgettable podcast experience.