Episode 16

Asking for a Friend

🎙️ Be the Idiot – The Courage to Ask the Question

Episode Summary:

We’ve all been there—smiling, nodding, pretending to understand while secretly panicking inside. From classrooms to corporate meetings, we’ve learned to equate confidence with certainty. But what if the real strength lies in admitting what we don’t know? 

In this episode of The Mirror Project, we’re embracing what Simon Sinek calls “being the idiot”—the bold act of asking the question no one else wants to ask. We’re exploring how curiosity can trump ego, why vulnerability is a strength, and how getting comfortable with not knowing might just be your greatest superpower.

🔹 Why we fear looking “dumb”—and how that fear holds us back.

🔹 The surprising power of asking anyway—and how it builds trust, connection, and clarity.

🔹 How embracing curiosity can change your relationships, creativity, and leadership.

If you’ve ever held back a question out of fear—you’re not alone. This one’s for all the brave beginners. Let’s get into it.

🎧 Listen Now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite platform!

 

✨ The Fear of Looking Stupid

✔️ Why we’re afraid to ask questions—and where that fear comes from.

✔️ How “not knowing” became something to hide.

✔️ The real cost of staying silent—in work, relationships, and growth.

 

✨ The Power of Asking Anyway

✔️ “Being the idiot” = choosing curiosity over ego.

✔️ What happens when one brave question unlocks understanding for everyone.

✔️ How leaders, teachers, and teammates can model this courage.


✨ Curiosity as a Superpower

✔️ Simple ways to build a habit of asking more.

✔️ How curiosity fuels creativity, connection, and clarity.

✔️ Embracing the beginner’s mindset—at any stage of life.


📲 Connect With Us!

💬 Follow us on Instagram, TikTok, & YouTube: @mirrorprojectpod

☕ Support us on Buy Me a Coffee: Support Us Here

📩 DM us your questions & topic suggestions – We’d love to hear from you!

👉 Next week’s episode: Healthy or Just Trending? We’re unpacking the influence of social media on health, wellness, and self-image—beyond the filters, fads, and #bodygoals.


Hit like, follow, and subscribe—and remember: it’s okay not to know. See you next time! 🎙️✨

Transcript
Alexandra:

Hey, welcome back to The Mirror Project.

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We are your host, Alexandra.

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Christine: And Christine.

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Alexandra: We've all had that moment,

where we nod along, pretending to

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understand well, part of us quietly

panics, afraid to ask the question

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that might make us look well dump

from school to the boardroom.

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We're taught to value answers, to be

confident, be certain, but what if

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the real power lies in the opposite?

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What if the key to growing, connecting

and truly understanding is being

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willing to say, I don't get it.

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Today, we're talking about the

courage to be the idiot in the

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best way, inspired by Simonson.

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Next idea, we're exploring what

happens when we choose curiosity

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over ego, vulnerability over

performance, and learning.

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Overlooking good because asking

the question no one else will ask.

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That's leadership, that's

bravery, and that's how we grow.

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We want to extend an invitation to lean

into not knowing, to get comfortable

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with the uncomfortable, and to see

that wisdom often begins with one

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simple thing, So let's get into it.

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so Christine, what started

this whole conversation?

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Christine: Well, I many things.

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We saw something online, uh, that sparked,

like it really resonated with both of

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us and sparked a idea and conversation

that I think is a great, will translate

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wonderfully to today's episode.

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I believe you and I have learned about

Simon Sinek, but in like separately you, I

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think learned in, in school more about him

and his work and read some of his stuff.

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I was introduced to

him by my dad actually.

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He, he I started following him

and was sharing stuff with me.

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And he is a great thought leader.

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Just seems to be a very genuine, kind

person who is trying to sort of break

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the norm of like corporate America

maybe, and like the com, the corporate

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culture and just, but also just like

how that translates to our lives

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and how we can be as people and just

remember the humanity in all of us.

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And so to that point, uh, we ran,

we came across a clip of his, from

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a conversation he was having where

he talks about being the idiot.

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And I think let's play it for everybody.

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Alexandra: And I think there was

another one that on the very same

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topic that you had shared that

was like, know, be the idiot.

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Don't be afraid to ask questions.

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'cause people do tend to be

afraid of looking stupid.

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And I feel like if anyone looked at

our, um, Instagram it would just be

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a chaotic of like inspiring stuff

and silly stuff that we laugh at.

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So this

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: Anytime I run across

Simon Snicks Sinex stuff, I'm always

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sending it to Christine and be

like, oh, hey, did you see this?

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Christine: Yeah, yeah

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Alexandra: I also love his

presence, the way he talks.

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It's, I don't know, it's something

very warm and engaging and you want to

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keep listening, or at least I feel that

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Christine: yeah.

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Oh, definitely.

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Well, it's like, you know, he is in

there in that moment with you, right?

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Like, obviously I've not met

him personally, but you can

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just sort of see through the, I.

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Clips and content we've seen of him,

the conversations he's been a part

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of, you can like truly tell that he's

100% in the moment focusing on what's

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happening right there in front of him

rather than like, what the million

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things or going on around him and his

life and whatever the case may be.

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And it's nice.

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It's comforting.

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It's nice to know that he, like is

one, a change maker who's out there,

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who's got a good head on his shoulders

and maybe is doing it seems like he's

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doing things for the right reasons

and just trying to remind all of us

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to be kind to one another and learn

from one another and specifically

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ask be okay with being the idiot.

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Ask the questions.

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Alexandra: I

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Christine: let's.

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Alexandra: how in that story he

prefaced it without, like over

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prefacing what he was gonna say.

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Hey, realize I don't have an MBA and

I don't wanna slow the meeting down.

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Can you say that again?

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Slower?

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and I think that's a great way to

say, I'm not an expert in this field.

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I don't have that, higher level

requisite knowledge that you have.

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So please explain it to me.

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And I think the mark of somebody

who is presenting an idea able

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to explain it at all levels.

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And so that then I

think, opens up a thing.

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But when he was saying that the

other C level suite executives

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were like, I didn't get it either.

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me that goes to say like an MBA,

which is people who've listened

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to probably know that I have, I've

talked to other people with MBAs

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and what we learned our programs.

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Similar, but different.

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Um, so I think that kind of goes to

show that like even with a degree,

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there's not necessarily, everyone

has the exact same knowledge.

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So sometimes more difficult con

like concepts or you're trying to

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explain something, implementing

it's okay to slow down and, yeah.

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Ask the question because as he,

like his story indicated, many

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people probably don't know and

they're so afraid of looking stupid,

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A question.

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: guess that leads

right Nextly into Christine.

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Why do you think people are so afraid

to ask questions in public Is it

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just the fear of looking stupid or

is there something else you think?

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Christine: Oof.

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I think that plays a large role in it.

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It's probably like one in like

the top three reasons why.

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And I think it's obviously very

different to everybody 'cause

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everybody's personality is different.

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I think ego can play a role in it.

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If you don't wanna like, be seen as

somebody who doesn't know something I

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feel like that can be a negative trait

of somebody who's kind of like egocentric

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or, or, maybe even a little vain.

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But I think ultimately is nobody

likes to be made to feel stupid

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or like they don't know something.

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And I think it's because people

don't take the time anymore.

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I don't know, I feel like when we were

kids there was more of, that space

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obviously, because you, you literally

know nothing when you're a child.

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Like more space for you to.

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Be taught something or know, like

there was an understanding, like you

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don't know everything and that's okay.

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And there was more of an intention to take

the time to help you understand hopefully.

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I know that's not always the case, but

I feel like once you reach a certain age

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and become an adult and you're out in

the world, and I mean, we talked about

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this when we were talking about our

parents a couple of episodes ago thinking

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like, oh, we had the impression that you

know everything, but then you wake up

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and realize that's not the case at all.

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So, and that just becomes more apparent

when you're an adult because if I don't

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know what I'm doing, then everybody around

me must not know what they're doing.

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But I think it's easy to forget that

because it, because people pretend,

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I think in an effort to sort of.

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Hide their fear of not knowing

something they like fake it.

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Obviously, like the phrase, fake it to

you and make it, but it can be isolating.

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made to

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Alexandra: that kind of a scary thought

if we accept that everyone else probably

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doesn't know what they're doing, that

we're all out here just operating just we

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don't just, I guess this works to me as

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Christine: Yeah.

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Well we all know.

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Alexandra: like likes to know the outcome,

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Christine: Yeah,

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Alexandra: the assumption that

other people must have it figured

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out and to accept that they don't.

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You're just like, oh crap.

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Christine: yeah.

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Alexandra: There's no

actual handbook for life.

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Christine: There really isn't.

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But that's, that's the thing.

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The beautiful thing about

building relationships right,

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is you're gonna meet people who.

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Maybe know more about things that

you don't know and vice versa, and

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that is an opportunity for you both

to learn from each other and to grow.

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I think it's one of the, it's in my

opinion, it's, it's a severe character

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flaw If you think like, uh, you already

know everything and there's nothing

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left for you to learn and you don't

have any desire left to learn because

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that's a crock bs in my opinion.

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Like, you obviously don't know everything

and you're just set in your ways.

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And trust me, I struggle with

being set in my ways at times too.

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But I, I try my best to carry

that sense of curiosity.

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And remembering like, there's still, for

me, there's still so much for me to learn.

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That's one of the things why, reasons

why I love that we're doing this because

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we're learning so much from each other.

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I.

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We will, we're gonna continue

to learn from those out there

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who are part of joining this

community and this mission with us.

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So that just sort of

fuels the fire for me.

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Alexandra: And like every topic that we

pick, then we end up doing a little bit

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of research and finding stuff out but I

think it's always a good reminder to just

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say like, yeah, it's okay to be a novice.

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It's okay to be like, Hey,

I don't know about this.

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Particularly if you talk to somebody

who knows a lot about something

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and you're going, let's say music.

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I.

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Christine knows a lot about music.

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If she were to start telling me

stuff about music sheets and notes

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and patterns, I would be like,

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Christine: i'm sorry, what?

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Alexandra: Yeah.

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What?

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We slow down again.

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But I could not along go.

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Yeah, absolutely I have.

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Yeah.

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But then I didn't learn anything, you

know, expand my own knowledge base.

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I just to, to limp along in a

conversation from which then

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Christine could go and operate.

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Well, she totally got that part.

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So now let me talk about more complex

things and I'm going here, what the heck?

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I'm sorry.

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Can we slow down?

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I need to go back.

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Christine: Mm-hmm.

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Alexandra: And I think to build

on your answer, Christine, I think

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sometimes what keeps people from

speaking up, some of it is that fear.

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Of looking stupid, right?

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Like just we're afraid we'll look stupid,

but I don't know about other people.

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But then I start to think about what will

other people think of me if I say this and

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I look like, then I start to worry about

other people's thoughts about me and,

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you know, well they'll, they'll probably

think I'm dumb and stupid and they won't

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come to me, or they won't, you know?

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So it, you know, it's a really insidious

kind of cycle and it kind of leads into

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the shame, maybe like some shame around

what we think it means to be dumb

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or not as smart in a specific area.

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So do you ever feel like you were

conditioned to feel shame around

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not knowing information or that

you've seen other people feel

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like they've been conditioned to,

to feel shame for not knowing?

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Christine: That's a great question.

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I don't know if I was ever made

to feel shame, like explicitly,

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Like I was, uh, I'm grateful that the

environment I grew up in, I had parents

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and teachers for the most part, not all

the teachers were great, but they were,

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they, there were, there were some that

were wonderful and, and sort of like

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allowing that curiosity to grow and, um.

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Allowing me to ask questions.

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I think there was a voice in the back of

my head sometimes that would say, like,

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don't, like who, that would sort of

discourage me or make me feel like

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bad about like, why I don't know this.

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But I never really encountered

that that much until I

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started to get older, I think.

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And like my peer group grew and I was

around just a larger environment maybe.

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And obviously like if you are not

exposed to certain things, there's no

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reason for you to know certain things.

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So, but I think as I started to get older,

I started to notice how people would sort

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of speak to each other and, I think maybe

it was more like peer to peer shaming.

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Like, why don't you know this

rather than maybe an adult figure.

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What about you?

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What, what would, what

has your experience been?

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Alexandra: I think in school

there was a little bit of shame.

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The, I dunno if I've talked about it

on the podcast, but probably haven't.

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I know we've talked about it.

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I went through a private education

growing up and there was a period

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all within the kind of same

system, but like different schools.

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I went to one kind of like capped

out at a certain grade, so then

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I went to a different one and the

one I was at from second grade to

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early part of fifth grade before my

parents moved me to a different one.

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That school I'll say, I definitely felt

there was a sense of pressure around shame

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of not knowing, not all teachers, like

you said, Christine, some were really

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great, but certainly when I got to third

grade teacher was like a little iffy.

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My second and fourth grade teacher's

great, my fifth grade teacher.

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Definitely, I feel like played into

the shame, and that's why I was

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only there for a quarter before my

parents moved me to another one.

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And they were an auditory only learning

school, like they would, teach it to you.

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And I, I kind of learned a mixture of

auditory written seeing and they did a

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lot of Latin on their spelling tests.

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And me, I was just like,

this isn't sticking.

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Like I can't just hear it and like,

oh yeah, lemme know how to spell that.

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And the fifth grade teacher, like

there was another girl and I who

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would end up staying in it recess to,

to go over and she'd be so nice to

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us re assess recess and helping us.

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But in class she would like, make us

feel really ashamed and stupid for not

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knowing the answer or knowing how she

wanted the answer presented back to her.

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So that I would say is a more explicit

example of shame from an adult.

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But I think in general, watched other

people hide what they don't know and I

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think have picked up on their sense of

it's bad that I don't know this and I

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should, and, and therefore they hide it.

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So I think I've seen a lot more of that.

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Christine: Yeah,

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Alexandra: but

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Christine: I,

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Alexandra: and then I've, I've met

more people recently who are like,

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no, I know nothing about this.

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Teach me.

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Or like, Ooh, let me tell you.

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I don't know.

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And

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Christine: yeah.

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Alexandra: ask a ton of questions.

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So it's very interesting to see that.

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And I love to see judgment and shame

asking questions about something you

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don't know, disappear or fear of judgment.

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Christine: Right.

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I think that's really the

driving factor is, is fear.

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That's what will keep people

from doing everything.

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And it's really kind of like,

if you sort of sit with it for a

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little bit, to think about, like,

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to think about it is like, what's really

gonna ha what's, what really bad is

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gonna come of you not knowing something.

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If anything, you're, it's an

opportunity for you to then know it

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and learn and try and understand.

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I think a, a another, I think a large part

of it is people don't have the patience to

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Maybe sit and help.

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Teach you or help or even just like

have a conversation that will hopefully

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leave a lasting enough impression on

you that you then go and do your own

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research and learn more about it.

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That's one of the many things that I love

about our friendship, my relationship

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with family and friend and other friends

is like we, we'll have a conversation.

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We'll introduce something new to each

other, have a chat about it for a bit.

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And then from there, it's like a couple

days later or a week or however many

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months later, having them come back

and say, Hey, I actually learned,

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went and read this about this.

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And it was all thanks to

this conversation we had.

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And I think that gets lost a

lot of the time and people just

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don't wanna take that time.

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Especially those I fear who.

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Really are those sort of quick to judge.

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If you don't already know, like well then

there's no hope for you kind of a thing.

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I feel, and that in a lot of ways this

can be a whole nother conversation can

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be really sort of exact exacerbated by

social media and like cancel culture and

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like it really just a tool that's supposed

to connect us is really dividing us.

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So

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Alexandra: Yeah, I think you said a couple

interesting things there that I wanna hit.

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A desire to learn on your own.

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I don't know that everyone experiences

that, but I think particularly if

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somebody's felt, been made to feel ashamed

for not knowing something that might

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kill their desire to then go on their

own and explore and learn something which

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Christine: And that.

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Yeah.

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And that will not only affect

that one thing, they don't

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know it'll affect everything.

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The, if they effectively by somebody being

closed-minded about them, not about people

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not knowing something that they do will

make that person feel like, well, I'm just

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gonna close myself off from everything.

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And then that you're just perpetuating

more and more close-minded

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People,

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Alexandra: Yeah.

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Christine: Instead of just fostering

that curiosity and understanding.

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Because like we're not

meant to know everything.

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Alexandra: Yeah.

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And I think that also brings up like there

are ways in which people ask questions

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and ways in people, which people, when

they ask a question because they don't

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know when they're curious, you can tell.

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Versus somebody who's like,

why don't you know that?

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Or like, you know, some that might

be a bit more demeaning because

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: might be close-minded.

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So I think there's like situationally that

you read into some of that stuff too, but

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Christine: Yeah.

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And

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Alexandra: the people who you can

be the idiot with and be like, yeah,

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let me tell you because I really

enjoy teaching people about this.

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And,

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I think timing and patience, people

who have patience is a hard one.

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Patience to learn, but

patience to teach is both.

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Christine: That's a big thing.

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That's probably the biggest thing, right?

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Be, and I, because of my past experiences

and wanting to just spread kindness I

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never wanna make anyone feel that way.

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I, that I feel like is one of the

worst things I could do to another

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person is to make them feel dumb.

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Because I made, I've been made to feel

that way, and it's not, it's not great.

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So.

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Alexandra: All right.

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So Christine,

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: when you didn't ask

a question and regretted it,

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Christine: I feel like so many times.

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I'll give you like one example.

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I went to something this past week.

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Uh, it was kind of like a

demonstration of sorts of something

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that I'm, I'm familiar with.

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But we do something

slightly different and.

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I talked myself out of asking the

question, why'd you do it this way?

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I've seen it done this way.

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Not that it necessarily relied on

anything major, but it just was like, uh,

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something recent that happened and I, I

explicitly said to my mom, like, I felt so

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weird, like, speaking up in that moment.

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But sometimes it's environmental

too that can like sort of keep

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you from asking the question.

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There's been two instances in

particular relatively recently,

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like being in a space where there's

a lot of distractions around me.

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It's like a little overwhelming

and, sometimes I miss parts of

354

:

things and I never wanna, like, I

sometimes feel get insecure about

355

:

asking a question if that person's

already addressed it previously, but.

356

:

Maybe I missed it.

357

:

And so like I get in my head about

it those are sort of recent examples.

358

:

But yeah, there's so many.

359

:

I like, if I sit and think about

it, I can come up with a laundry

360

:

list of things that of times when

I regretted not asking a question.

361

:

But what about you love?

362

:

Alexandra: Definitely there.

363

:

um, recent examples in specific, I

can't think of anything specifically

364

:

right off the top of my head.

365

:

So I probably should have

prepared a little bit better

366

:

and like thought of sometimes.

367

:

But there are definitely, I've

walked away from conversations going,

368

:

why didn't I ask who?

369

:

Because who cares?

370

:

Christine: Yeah.

371

:

Alexandra: and I say that now as I'm

listening to Mel Robbins Let them theory

372

:

book and there's like a chapter where

she's talking about let them other people

373

:

have negative thoughts about you, which

really I was talking about like the

374

:

fear of like what other people think

and kind of getting caught up there.

375

:

So I just need to learn to let them,

and then let me just ask the questions,

376

:

Christine: Hmm.

377

:

Alexandra: particularly in

situations where if like, I'm

378

:

not gonna see these people again.

379

:

Why do I care what they're

thinking genuinely?

380

:

Why do I care?

381

:

Christine: Yeah.

382

:

Alexandra: 'cause it's not stunting them.

383

:

It may just be stunting me.

384

:

And, and the other part is I.

385

:

I guess you never really know who else

may have a similar question but may

386

:

also be too afraid to speak up because

of the environment that they're in.

387

:

Or you know, the fear of looking

or sounding stupid or what

388

:

other people may think of them.

389

:

So

390

:

when it comes to situations, do I always

feel like, oh, I'm just gonna go for it?

391

:

No, but I think I'm working on

just going, you know what, who

392

:

cares what other people think.

393

:

I'm gonna ask the question.

394

:

And to your point Christina, I think

it would be a fair preface to say,

395

:

Hey, I'm sorry if I missed and you

already addressed this, but can you

396

:

repeat or go over this one more time?

397

:

You know, maybe there's somebody else

who wants to hear it a second time

398

:

because the first time was too fast.

399

:

Even if they heard it, I dunno.

400

:

Christine: Yeah, no,

401

:

Alexandra: So

402

:

Christine: I agree.

403

:

definitely.

404

:

Alexandra: and I will walk away

saying, damn, if only I have been

405

:

brave enough just to ask that question.

406

:

So you know, if I wanna

go continue researching.

407

:

have a good starting point, or just for

408

:

Knowledge.

409

:

Christine: Definitely.

410

:

Alexandra: So

411

:

Christine: Yeah.

412

:

Alexandra: Christine, for this part of

the conversation, how does this fear, do

413

:

you think this fear holds us back in life?

414

:

or do you have any examples of where

you've seen this fear hold you back?

415

:

Christine: Well, I think if you let it,

it can hold you back from everything.

416

:

Can hold you back in relationships

and can keep you stuck at work.

417

:

Can keep you from growing and learning.

418

:

I also, there was a conver, there was,

I was trying to remember a point that

419

:

came up for me as you were sharing.

420

:

I, in so many situations recently, as

I've started working, particularly with

421

:

my last, in a previous position I had,

I would leave conversations usually ones

422

:

about more focused on me and, and how I'm

working and my role within the company

423

:

being more confused than when I walked in.

424

:

Like, I like knowing that there was an

issue, but leaving the conversation not

425

:

feeling resolved and like not knowing

what questions to ask, because sometimes

426

:

that happens too, is like, I know, like

I don't understand what's happening,

427

:

but I don't know what questions to

ask to understand better because.

428

:

But I think that's also a fault

on the other person you're

429

:

in that conversation with.

430

:

And this is obviously something very

specific to a work, work environment.

431

:

And now it's like been a

complete 180 where I am now.

432

:

And

433

:

I think if anything, like the

sphere can hold you back from

434

:

everything it in a lot of ways.

435

:

This has sort of popped up at

different areas of my life.

436

:

I'm trying to think if there,

if there's anything right now

437

:

that may be holding me back.

438

:

So, yeah, I don't know if there's

anything like specifically happening

439

:

right now, but I, I will say that

the most recent, sort of relatively

440

:

recent experience of not knowing what

questions to ask, and that's really hard.

441

:

That's a hard position to be in.

442

:

And it was only through having long

conversations with you and your

443

:

mom and conversations with my mom

and my dad and other friends and

444

:

stuff that it sort of helped me.

445

:

It was a situation where

I had to learn on my own.

446

:

Like I wasn't gonna be able to

get the answers I needed from

447

:

that particular environment.

448

:

Which is an, which I think is kind of.

449

:

A unique position to be in because I

think especially in a work environment,

450

:

you hopefully, like the questions

and things that you are facing can be

451

:

answered by the people you're working

alongside or, or the environment in which

452

:

you're dedicating a lot of your time.

453

:

How about you?

454

:

What, what about you?

455

:

What's holding you back and how is fear

playing that role in, in your life?

456

:

Alexandra: I do think fear of looking

at silly or being the idiot, whether

457

:

it's asking a question or you know, how

you show up, really has held me back.

458

:

I, I would say definitely how like I,

I'd like to get better at social media

459

:

and I think looking like an idiot, fear

of what people say definitely holds

460

:

me back, particularly for my business

account or even my personal account.

461

:

I worried what people will think.

462

:

So that me from starting and at some

point I just have to let them and

463

:

rip off the bandaid and do it because

I think the more you do something.

464

:

Even if it's uncomfortable,

the more comfortable you'll get

465

:

with that and then it'll become

easier to do so at some point.

466

:

For me, I think I just have

to rip off the bandaid.

467

:

Christine: Do you feel that way

even with like your close people

468

:

is it more because I think

it's, I think it's situationally

469

:

and like who you're around.

470

:

Would you?

471

:

Alexandra: with close people like

you, my mom, your mom, no friends.

472

:

I have now much less.

473

:

I think being more comfortable and

saying, I don't know, something and

474

:

asking people about it led me to

people who are also of a similar vein

475

:

and mindset, meaning they don't know

everything, but they're curious to learn.

476

:

So I am very appreciative when

I just got outta my own way.

477

:

I have found more friends like that.

478

:

So closer people, communities,

which has been wonderful, right?

479

:

Because it's a lot less pretense, I will

say the people that I used to do a podcast

480

:

with I do feel like I felt that way.

481

:

Like I, you know, fear of what

will they think if I don't know

482

:

this or you know, how to show up.

483

:

But I think that was also maybe

a lot of that group's fear too.

484

:

Like if they didn't know that, like you

had said earlier or something about if

485

:

you're not learning, you're not growing.

486

:

And that's kind of bullshit to not think

that we're not here to constantly learn.

487

:

I will say that from when I

was friends with them, that

488

:

to me seemed where they were.

489

:

They're like, I'm at some level

of knowledge and then I'm good.

490

:

I'm know where I'm at.

491

:

I don't, not that I don't need

to keep learning, but that's

492

:

where they were comfortable.

493

:

And um, so from that, I think came maybe

that kind of bred that environment of I.

494

:

Don't ask questions, don't

be an idiot, kind of thing.

495

:

So I'll say, yeah, with close people, not.

496

:

I think sometimes in working situations,

not people I'm close with at work,

497

:

there is a little bit of fear.

498

:

I'm definitely trying to get over that

and be like, you know what, what and

499

:

I'd rather ask a question and know

an answer than make an assumption or

500

:

guess, or, so I think that's part of it.

501

:

with, you know, the masses

and social media, definitely

502

:

some fear holding me back.

503

:

Christine: Hmm.

504

:

There's so much like unknown there, and

I think your, your hesitancy is very

505

:

valid and totally I totally get it.

506

:

I think what helps me is that there's

so much being screamed into that void

507

:

that if I do something that isn't,

that looks a little dumb, I feel

508

:

like it'll get lost and whatever.

509

:

You can always take it down

or whatever, or just like.

510

:

Learn from it.

511

:

I think there's so much you can learn,

obviously from not knowing stuff.

512

:

I know wise words from me.

513

:

Alexandra: Like you said earlier, we

come into this life not knowing anything.

514

:

We're here to learn, and you

know, why is it as an adult that

515

:

Christine: I,

516

:

Alexandra: it's not okay to be a novice?

517

:

Christine: Yeah, totally.

518

:

It can be exhausting too.

519

:

Alexandra: What?

520

:

Not knowing or pretending that you know.

521

:

Christine: everything existing.

522

:

I think more so in like, I think I

also feel like I've reached a point

523

:

in my life where I don't wanna pretend

524

:

That is just an exertion of

energy I don't have time for.

525

:

But then also.

526

:

My point and my thought

about , knowing everything is

527

:

like more now, more than ever.

528

:

We're probably the most aware and

connect generation of everything that

529

:

could be going on in the world than

ever before, thanks to social media,

530

:

the internet, and all of this stuff.

531

:

And that is overwhelming.

532

:

Um, and I, I truly believe that

we're, we were not meant to know

533

:

everything constantly, all the time.

534

:

And I think that has just sort

of also, you now have to be aware

535

:

of like fake news and bias news

and everything has a bias now.

536

:

I, I, I mean, nothing is truly just facts.

537

:

And then you just got people who just

don't have the patience and the grace

538

:

to allow people to not know things.

539

:

Like if you don't know something,

where if you have a different

540

:

view and that feeds into the fear.

541

:

I think now, now more and ever, now more

than ever, there is like this heightened

542

:

sense of fear of this sort of overwhelming

flood of people you don't even know.

543

:

But all of a sudden what if you're

a public figure or somebody out,

544

:

somebody in the, um, the public eye,

545

:

that amount of pressure, like knowing

that that, that at the drop of a hat,

546

:

the entire sort of shift of how the

world views you and it just be constant.

547

:

Like you can't escape from it.

548

:

That is terrifying and overwhelming

and would obviously, like

549

:

anybody, would be afraid

of something like that.

550

:

So that's obviously a

very extreme, , situation.

551

:

Anyway, shall we, shall we segue?

552

:

Alexandra: Sure.

553

:

Christine: All right.

554

:

Let's segue this conversation and

chat a bit about the power of asking.

555

:

Anyway, we have established why

people are afraid, but let's push

556

:

through the fear and ask anyway.

557

:

So.

558

:

I am gonna start us

off with this question.

559

:

What does it really mean to be the idiot?

560

:

Alexandra: Okay.

561

:

In the sense of Simon

Sinek, I think it means

562

:

being comfortable being a

perpetual student in a sense, or

563

:

just saying, Hey, you know what?

564

:

I wanna know.

565

:

Who

566

:

Other people think I, you know, I

want to know this for myself, so I'm

567

:

gonna sit here and I'm gonna ask that

question 'cause I'm gonna get some

568

:

information I didn't have previously.

569

:

So yeah, putting yourself back

in that student role of saying,

570

:

Hey, what can I learn today?

571

:

That's how I feel about it.

572

:

do you think, Christine?

573

:

Christine: I agree.

574

:

I do agree completely and I think like I,

the best way to do that is to obviously

575

:

ask questions, but ask it of other people,

gather as many points of view as possible.

576

:

'cause every.

577

:

Everybody has sort of their unique

interpretation of something.

578

:

And I think like, you gotta go beyond

just the quick Google search of something.

579

:

You gotta dig in and learn for yourself.

580

:

Go beyond like the first

five minutes of conversation.

581

:

You know, if you're watching a, a

Ted Talk or, or a YouTube, podcast

582

:

episode or something like that.

583

:

Really like stick with it

and see all the way through.

584

:

I think there, in addition to people not

having patience to have that conversation

585

:

with you and help you understand.

586

:

I think on the other side of the coin

is people don't have the patience to

587

:

stick with something, to see it all

the way through, to fully understand.

588

:

And they have sort of like this half-baked

understanding of, of what this is,

589

:

and then they feel like they have the

authority to go out and sort of like,

590

:

and I understand that that's going to

just be the nature of how people are.

591

:

Alexandra: Certainly much more

592

:

Christine: But I wanna hold

those people accountable.

593

:

I wanna push them like, no, like to your

point earlier of a person who, is an

594

:

expert in something, should be able to

explain it at all levels of understanding.

595

:

If you can't do that, shut fucking mouth.

596

:

Sorry,

597

:

Pearl's wisdom from me today.

598

:

Alexandra: Uh,

599

:

Christine: keep coming.

600

:

Alexandra: tell us how

you feel, Christine.

601

:

My goodness.

602

:

Oh, I love that.

603

:

Christine: Yeah.

604

:

This, this episode will have

that big e in red of the show,

605

:

Alexandra: Oh,

606

:

Christine: just letting.

607

:

Alexandra: that's our

default setting there.

608

:

I'm trying to remember.

609

:

I maybe you sent it or somebody

else sent it to me and it was like a

610

:

professor in a, like a more advanced

physics class or something, and it

611

:

was like, okay, who knows this stuff?

612

:

And or like, this is the question we're

gonna be working on all semester and

613

:

does anyone know the answer or something?

614

:

It was like the first

day and they're like, no.

615

:

Okay, well, I don't either.

616

:

So, I really wish I could remember

who sent me that video and if I had

617

:

it queued up, well I would play it.

618

:

'cause it was, it was really funny.

619

:

And I was like, that's a great

attitude for a professor to

620

:

have saying I don't know either.

621

:

So, you know, Hey, we're here together,

we're gonna wanna, we're gonna learn

622

:

with such a great, I think modeling

of how to alleviate that pressure of

623

:

Christine: yeah.

624

:

Alexandra: all just figuring it out.

625

:

And I think there are some people

who know a lot and like savants

626

:

and all that stuff, they know,

627

:

But I do think a lot of people are

just pretending to know everything

628

:

to cover up what they don't know

629

:

Christine: Yeah.

630

:

Alexandra: and why do we get

stuck, feeling or afraid to ask

631

:

questions for our own edification.

632

:

When it would just be helpful only

to ourselves, a benefit only to

633

:

us and potentially other people,

but at least for ourselves.

634

:

So I feel like being the idiot is I.

635

:

Being able to stand up to learn

something for yourself regardless

636

:

of what, where anyone else is.

637

:

Yeah.

638

:

Christine: Absolutely.

639

:

Definitely.

640

:

Well said.

641

:

Alright, let's, here's

my next question for you.

642

:

You ever asked a dumb question and

been surprised by how many people

643

:

were relieved you asked the question?

644

:

Alexandra: Yes, I know I, and

I know I have haven't, I feel

645

:

like it's been more recently,

646

:

Christine: Okay.

647

:

' Alexandra: cause I was thinking,

I definitely did not feel this way

648

:

during my first Master's program.

649

:

And there were a few classes during

my, the my MBA where I did not feel

650

:

comfortable asking the questions.

651

:

But then there were a few, and I can't

remember specific examples of being like.

652

:

Whether I asked my teammates

or something, or the professor,

653

:

if it was a small group thing.

654

:

And there was with our teammates

and I said, Hey, I really

655

:

am not understanding this.

656

:

And then the professor hopped outta

the room and it was on my other team

657

:

saying, I'm so glad you asked that.

658

:

I had the same question.

659

:

And I was like, oh, good, okay.

660

:

Gra glad I'm not the only

one who didn't get that.

661

:

So there's some of that sense of

community I had some friends and we're

662

:

all kind of teaching you stuff about

different areas and I had asked a

663

:

question, I'm like, wait, can we back up?

664

:

What does this mean?

665

:

And later I was talking to somebody,

they're like, oh, I'm so glad you

666

:

asked that because I didn't know.

667

:

And I, we definitely don't have a group

dynamic where you can't ask questions.

668

:

But I think, there's general sense

of like, I don't wanna be an idiot.

669

:

don't wanna look, you know,

silly for asking this question.

670

:

So that was helpful.

671

:

And then sometimes.

672

:

Have you ever felt like if you know

more about a subject than maybe your

673

:

peers, but not maybe the person who's

teaching or lecturing, you wanna ask

674

:

a question for your own notification

because you're interested in something

675

:

specific, but you're like, I don't

know how everyone else, if they're

676

:

gonna get along, do you feel like

you're afraid to ask that question?

677

:

Or do you go like, Hey, I'm

gonna go ahead and ask it?

678

:

Christine: Hmm.

679

:

I think where I'm at my life, I would

be okay with asking that question if

680

:

maybe I was a little self-conscious about

bringing it up in a lecture setting or

681

:

a class setting or something like that.

682

:

Pulling the professor aside

after or pulling whoever aside

683

:

after to ask them one-on-one?

684

:

I don't think it would keep me from

getting the answer, but I think maybe

685

:

like situationally it would, depend.

686

:

I think I would maybe wanna strive to push

myself to ask in that moment because who

687

:

knows, maybe there's somebody else in the

room who is in a similar spot that you are

688

:

and that question could really help them.

689

:

Or it could be like, I don't know, could

help people, other people in the room

690

:

be like, oh wow, they're at this level.

691

:

I wanna see how far I can get and

how much I can understand if because.

692

:

I think as long as like we're pushing

each other in a positive direction,

693

:

it's just going to continue to help us.

694

:

It can't hurt us.

695

:

So what can happen when we get

comfortable with not knowing?

696

:

That helps me remember what I, the thought

that I had just a little while ago.

697

:

I wanna sort of take a moment to just

acknowledge The negative words that

698

:

are around that, that tend to come

up with you not knowing something.

699

:

And I think they're only negative

because that's like what we're made,

700

:

how we're made to feel about them.

701

:

Like the word idiot or you know,

just how people can speak to you

702

:

when they're sort of judging the

fact that you don't know something.

703

:

words only have power if you

allow them to have power over you.

704

:

And one of the things I love most

about what Simon Sinek shares and

705

:

his philosophy, and I think how he's

just moving through the world is like

706

:

he's ta he's not given the idea of

being an idiot in any negative way.

707

:

Any power.

708

:

Power.

709

:

He's totally fine with it.

710

:

He's

711

:

Alexandra: i.

712

:

Christine: happy to be here and if

anything, it's making me a better person.

713

:

And I really like that idea.

714

:

So I, to that point, what can happen

when we get comfortable with not knowing?

715

:

Alexandra: I think the pressure to

show up a certain way with a certain

716

:

set of base knowledge which means

I think you get more comfortable

717

:

saying, Hey, I'm just learning.

718

:

Like I'm comfortable

continuing to be the student.

719

:

And I keep coming back to like

student teacher relationships because

720

:

I feel, I know Christine, you and

I have had many conversations of,

721

:

we're constantly learning and that's

our desire to constantly lo grow

722

:

and learn about different things.

723

:

So I think some of that is shaking

off the, what will people think of me

724

:

if I'm new or I'm just starting over.

725

:

So yeah, I think there's a

losing a lot of the pressure.

726

:

Christine: Hmm.

727

:

Which I think is very much self-inflicted.

728

:

Alexandra: Yeah.

729

:

Yeah.

730

:

Christine: I

731

:

Alexandra: uh, a minuscule might be.

732

:

Christine: Sure.

733

:

Societal, environmental,

734

:

Alexandra: so much more

of it's self-inflicted.

735

:

Christine: Yeah.

736

:

And I think it's because

737

:

you and I certainly tend to sort of

start obsessing and just overthinking

738

:

and like I get in a get stuck in a loop.

739

:

But I think also a way

to help alleviate that.

740

:

And something I started to do is For

instance, say you and I are having a

741

:

conversation and I'm seeing you get sort

of like close yourself off a little bit.

742

:

Maybe you're stuck in your head,

you're, you're overthinking like,

743

:

I don't know this, and I'm, you're

just sort of like stuck in that.

744

:

I'm trying to recognize that more in,

in those around me and those that I care

745

:

about and ask them a question and be

like, what are you thinking right now?

746

:

Why what's holding you

back in this moment?

747

:

Or for instance there was a situation

with a, a friend of mine recently, I

748

:

was helping them out with something

and I was asking them questions

749

:

about things and I could tell like

how they were, taking my questions.

750

:

It was maybe they were thinking, I

thinking I was, um, pressuring them.

751

:

And I blankly.

752

:

I just took a moment just to, to

myself and I said, okay, maybe

753

:

this isn't the most productive.

754

:

And I just say, and I said, I'm not

asking these questions to pressure you,

755

:

to make you feel pressured to do one

thing or the one go one way or the other.

756

:

And she's like, you're not.

757

:

I was like, no, no.

758

:

I'm just trying to help, just trying

to help, just asking a question.

759

:

I don't want you to answer it because you

think I like want it this way or that way.

760

:

It's just a question.

761

:

And in that moment it was so eye-opening

for the both of us in our relationship.

762

:

And it's like, I, I hope it was, for

me, it was something very positive.

763

:

I hope it was for that person as well.

764

:

But I'm just trying to be more sort of.

765

:

Aware of, of those

situations when they come up.

766

:

Hopefully, , you know, I, I believe

in the pH in the philosophy of treat

767

:

others the way you wanna be treated.

768

:

If that's how if that's how I start

to move through the world, maybe

769

:

that inspires somebody else to

start, like, examining themselves and

770

:

their, and their peers differently

and like, just a different way of

771

:

communicating with each other, yeah.

772

:

Alexandra: Okay.

773

:

Christine: No, it's okay.

774

:

We were talking about like what will

happen when we get comfortable with

775

:

not knowing, so to that point then

that I was just talking about how

776

:

I'm trying to be a bit more aware of,

of those around me and just trying

777

:

to keep learning from each other.

778

:

How would we like to see leaders,

teachers, and mentors model this?

779

:

Alexandra: I think earlier first part of

this, this section I had talked about the

780

:

pro physics professor saying something.

781

:

I love that because I really

admire and respect people.

782

:

In authority, figure

authoritative situation,

783

:

roll that back.

784

:

I really admire people who are

mentors, leaders, or you know, teachers

785

:

who say, I don't know about this.

786

:

Let me come ask questions.

787

:

To me, it shows like, hey, they may

know knowledge about a specific area.

788

:

That's why they're the teacher.

789

:

That's why they're the leader.

790

:

That's why they're a mentor.

791

:

when they show and demonstrate

that, Hey, I'm also still learning.

792

:

I don't know everything.

793

:

I'm gonna go to people and get answers

to me, it then models like, it's okay to

794

:

not know something, but you're not doing

nothing about not knowing something.

795

:

You see them going to ask the questions.

796

:

You see them learning something.

797

:

You go, oh, it's okay to still be

learnings, to still be figuring it out.

798

:

It makes me feel like

I can trust them more

799

:

A leader or a teacher who.

800

:

Who says they know everything.

801

:

I know how to do your job.

802

:

I've done it, I've done this.

803

:

I know all this area, I know all

the answers to the questions.

804

:

And sit at the feet as I, as I share

all this with, you know, I, I, to me,

805

:

I can go, they have some knowledge,

I can see that I can learn from them,

806

:

but to me, I go, there's a point at

which I will no longer be able to learn

807

:

from 'em, then that's not what I want.

808

:

So to me, those kind of teachers,

those kind of leaders, I lose a

809

:

little bit of respect for because

it seems more like posturing.

810

:

And I, you know, I prefer to, walk

alongside and learn from people who

811

:

admit that they're still learning.

812

:

You know, when people ask me about

tarot, 'cause I do read professionally,

813

:

it's, know, and people are like,

oh, I'm interested in learning.

814

:

I'm like, Hey.

815

:

I'm still learning.

816

:

I'm constantly reading.

817

:

I'm constantly learning because

I want to know more to better

818

:

readings for myself and others.

819

:

And I absolutely love to talk about it.

820

:

So let's, let's talk about it.

821

:

Somebody learn something interesting.

822

:

I'm like, oh, tell me more.

823

:

What do you tell?

824

:

I have to know that, but you

know, I wanna learn more.

825

:

I like that.

826

:

You know, I just, I really admire

and respect leaders, mentors,

827

:

and teachers who say, I don't

know how I don't know about this.

828

:

Let me go find the person who

does let me ask questions.

829

:

Let me understand so I know

how I'm better to operate.

830

:

Christine: Absolutely.

831

:

Alexandra: So

832

:

Christine: Yeah.

833

:

Alexandra: how I'd like to see it modeled.

834

:

Christine: I agree.

835

:

I think like

836

:

if you're in that position of

influencing people you, it's important

837

:

to foster an environment that

838

:

allows for growth.

839

:

And I think the best way to

grow, keep growing is by, is by

840

:

learning and know and accepting.

841

:

Like when you don't know

something and, and not

842

:

keep not allowing that to hold

you back from understanding

843

:

something you don't know.

844

:

So if you, if you're in that

position of power, that's what

845

:

I wanna hold you accountable to.

846

:

Yeah.

847

:

Alexandra: I had one last thought

about what it means to be the idiot,

848

:

Christine: Okay.

849

:

Do you share it?

850

:

Alexandra: so I think.

851

:

You and I have talked and like

we both said, we are overthinkers

852

:

and we kind of get in our heads.

853

:

I think being the idiot maybe for

us, or some people similar to us

854

:

means losing the comparison to others

855

:

Christine: Hmm

856

:

Alexandra: I

857

:

Christine: hmm.

858

:

Yeah.

859

:

Alexandra: our, in our

860

:

Christine: I, Hmm.

861

:

Alexandra: Now, somebody out there could

be listening go, no, duh, Alexandra, but

862

:

hey, now as Christine said, there's my

863

:

Christine: No.

864

:

Alexandra: today.

865

:

Christine: Yeah, no, I think

that's a, that's a good point.

866

:

Absolutely.

867

:

Because what does that really,

how is that serving you?

868

:

Alexandra: There was somebody,

um, I was talking to for a

869

:

little bit and talking about

870

:

whoa, what was I talking about?

871

:

I was talking about lifting

weights and saying that, I'm like,

872

:

oh, I don't really lift weights.

873

:

It's not super heavy, da da da.

874

:

And this person was like, you're already

comparing yourself to other people.

875

:

'cause I, I was feeling, I'm

like, I feel kind of silly.

876

:

I don't know if I'm doing, proper

form in a, you know, an RDLI

877

:

think it's a Romanian deadlift.

878

:

This person was like, you're

already comparing yourselves to

879

:

other yourself, to other people.

880

:

Who cares if that weight is

lighter, heavy for somebody else?

881

:

Do what you need to do.

882

:

Form isn't where you think it

should be, drop to no weights.

883

:

Figure out the form.

884

:

Do this, the building bet,

885

:

come back to the building

blocks, the foundation.

886

:

And to me that was like, that

was that spark of oh my gosh,

887

:

I need to let go of comparison.

888

:

To be the idiot.

889

:

To be okay being the idiot.

890

:

To be like, this is where I need to

go to get where I, is where I need

891

:

to start to get where I want to go.

892

:

Because if I pretend like I know, I'm

never gonna get where I actually wanna go.

893

:

Christine: Yeah, very true.

894

:

Alexandra: That was my last

895

:

Christine: I love it.

896

:

Alexandra: Okay.

897

:

So in that, I feel like

we've started touch on how

898

:

curiosity can be a superpower.

899

:

What is your re,

900

:

what are your recommendations

on some practical ways to start

901

:

building habits around asking

questions and being that idiot?

902

:

Christine: I think sometimes like I

can be caught up in the execution of

903

:

asking a question, so maybe I wanna

I'm a, as I've said many times, I'm

904

:

also a processor, so sometimes sit with

the information and write down your

905

:

questions and at the next opportunity

where you're able to ask those questions.

906

:

Like just say, oh, I actually

thought about this more and

907

:

I wrote some things down.

908

:

Are you, do you have some

time to just go through them?

909

:

And I think that's like

910

:

a great way to, to help push you more

to like, and it also gives you, um,

911

:

it gives you time to sort of think

about the questions you wanna ask.

912

:

So that's what has come to my mind.

913

:

How about you?

914

:

Have any recommendations?

915

:

Alexandra: This is a terrible

one, but it's probably 'cause of

916

:

what I, it's what I need to do.

917

:

When I talked about ripping

off the bandaid earlier, that's

918

:

why I have tattooed on my ribs.

919

:

Sometimes you just have

to jump off cliffs and.

920

:

Build your wings on the way down To

me, it's like sometimes I just need

921

:

to open my mouth and let the words

come out before my brain catches up.

922

:

For me, yeah, I think it's just

doing it, but that's, works for me.

923

:

Some other practical steps might be

just like baby steps with people,

924

:

you know, and trust and then

branching out maybe in a specific

925

:

work situation with a specific work.

926

:

You know, okay, oh, I

feel confident after that.

927

:

I've done it like four or five times

with this person and I feel good.

928

:

Okay, let me do it with a different

person in a different situation.

929

:

yeah, I was saying to my therapist

one day, I was like, you know, I

930

:

really just, I don't remember what

it was about, but I was like, it's

931

:

kind of like I need, sometimes I need

help jumping off that cliff more.

932

:

Like I need somebody to take their

foot and like push, kick me off the

933

:

cliff and then I'll figure it out.

934

:

So whether you need somebody to shove

you or you can start with baby steps.

935

:

I think sometimes just doing

it, is a practical way.

936

:

Yeah.

937

:

And it doesn't have to be

as drastic as, off a cliff.

938

:

So maybe it doesn't have to be asking that

question the first time that you're gonna

939

:

try this in front of all your coworkers at

the, you know, big organization meeting.

940

:

It doesn't have to be that one.

941

:

Just start somewhere small.

942

:

So something that you can build

your confidence and keep going.

943

:

But if, if you're the person who can,

go into that big meeting and say, you

944

:

know what, I'm gonna ask the question

as your first one out the gate.

945

:

That's amazing.

946

:

I aim for that level of, you know,

ability to not jump off a cliff,

947

:

but go run flying towards the

edge of the cliff and just go, oh.

948

:

But

949

:

Christine: Totally.

950

:

No, I like that.

951

:

Alexandra: Yeah.

952

:

So how does curiosity impact

things like creativity, innovation,

953

:

and connection with others?

954

:

Christine: Oh, I think it

has the biggest impact.

955

:

I think without curiosity, you

don't have those three things.

956

:

I think without it.

957

:

Yeah.

958

:

it's what's pushes people.

959

:

It what's, it's what makes people.

960

:

Ask the question hopefully.

961

:

So it's, it's essential I think.

962

:

Alexandra: on the bookshelves that

Christine very nicely helped me organize.

963

:

for my innovations class,

it was really interesting.

964

:

There was the process, the iterative

process of innovation where you

965

:

kind of take some materials that

you just find around your house,

966

:

whether it be like paper, pencil,

just like inexpensive things to figure

967

:

out a better way to do something.

968

:

And I think for that, as we talked about,

Christine, it's needed for everything.

969

:

It starts with asking question.

970

:

hold on.

971

:

There were two books.

972

:

So there are two books that

we had read in that class.

973

:

One was, um, Carol Dweck's Mindset,

the New Psychology of Success,

974

:

how We Can Be, how We Can Learn to

Fulfill Our Potential In Parenting

975

:

Business, school, and Relationships.

976

:

And My, and Mindfulness For a More

Creative Life by Danny Penman.

977

:

I thought they were interesting reads.

978

:

Would definitely

recommend them for anyone.

979

:

'cause it was kind of just very much in

the vein of what we were talking about.

980

:

How do you get comfortable not

knowing how do you get comfortable

981

:

to iterate new processes or,

you know, new ways of learning.

982

:

So it just, I would

recommend them for, it's

983

:

While since I read 'em, but,

984

:

Christine: nice.

985

:

Alexandra: thing takeaway for that I got

from that class was just be open to being

986

:

curious and doing things in new ways.

987

:

And you might be surprised by the answer

or you know, what comes out of it.

988

:

Christine: Very true.

989

:

Nice.

990

:

Alexandra: for connection,

991

:

learning about somebody builds me

builds deeper connections or meaningful

992

:

connections rather than just what

you can pick up from the surface

993

:

Christine: Absolutely.

994

:

Alexandra: Okay.

995

:

So Christine,

996

:

Christine: Yes.

997

:

Alexandra: an area of your life

right now that where you are

998

:

currently embracing a beginner,

999

:

Christine: I feel like

there's many areas of my life.

:

00:53:46,752 --> 00:53:48,342

Alexandra: are there a few

that you'd like to share?

:

00:53:48,577 --> 00:53:49,687

Christine: Sure.

:

00:53:50,692 --> 00:53:52,417

I, let me think.

:

00:53:53,245 --> 00:53:57,835

I still consider myself a beginner in a

lot of ways in the metaphysical space.

:

00:53:57,835 --> 00:54:02,225

I feel like there's so much there

that maybe I'll always feel that way.

:

00:54:04,115 --> 00:54:10,475

But, you know, I still is an area of

great interest and to me, and I have

:

00:54:10,475 --> 00:54:16,025

many books that I need to, to sit down

and read and, and work my way through.

:

00:54:16,025 --> 00:54:21,155

And so that's like, I think the, the

big one that comes to mind immediately.

:

00:54:21,665 --> 00:54:22,835

Let me think.

:

00:54:24,057 --> 00:54:25,137

Is there anything else?

:

00:54:25,825 --> 00:54:30,055

I think I'm still a beginner in

:

00:54:30,155 --> 00:54:32,135

in a lot of, in a lot of ways,

:

00:54:32,260 --> 00:54:33,100

Being an adult

:

00:54:35,590 --> 00:54:36,790

let's just put it out there.

:

00:54:37,150 --> 00:54:41,470

Uh, you know, like there's, there's

a lot to manage, for yourself.

:

00:54:41,550 --> 00:54:43,740

So still trying to figure all that out.

:

00:54:46,230 --> 00:54:46,520

Alexandra: Yeah,

:

00:54:47,259 --> 00:54:47,769

Christine: How about you?

:

00:54:47,769 --> 00:54:51,125

What areas of your life are

you embracing being a beginner?

:

00:54:52,042 --> 00:54:52,792

Alexandra: I had two.

:

00:54:53,212 --> 00:54:53,902

I know one.

:

00:54:54,712 --> 00:54:57,172

Oh, sorry.

:

00:54:57,232 --> 00:54:58,642

My brain took a moment to catch up.

:

00:54:58,982 --> 00:55:00,752

I agree with you about

the metaphysical one.

:

00:55:00,752 --> 00:55:02,972

There is just so much in

that space that there is.

:

00:55:03,872 --> 00:55:06,332

I think you can always be a beginner,

but the two that I was thinking

:

00:55:06,332 --> 00:55:09,272

of specifically were languages.

:

00:55:09,272 --> 00:55:13,952

One of my life goals dreams

is to become a polyglot.

:

00:55:14,162 --> 00:55:18,842

And so the, the language I'm, other than

English that I'm starting with is French.

:

00:55:18,842 --> 00:55:22,592

And so I've been taking French

my whole life and I'm trying

:

00:55:22,592 --> 00:55:24,832

to go back to the beginning.

:

00:55:24,832 --> 00:55:28,552

I'm trying to embrace being a beginner.

:

00:55:29,272 --> 00:55:33,982

I think part of, and this is something

I think common with English speakers

:

00:55:34,292 --> 00:55:37,432

or at least maybe Americans fear

of trying things in a different

:

00:55:37,432 --> 00:55:38,932

language and sounding stupid.

:

00:55:38,932 --> 00:55:43,042

So I, in that, I think I really wanna walk

back and be a pretend to be a beginner and

:

00:55:43,042 --> 00:55:47,722

just say, Hey, say something incorrectly,

let it be corrected and move on.

:

00:55:47,772 --> 00:55:51,572

So I can learn more easily

versus, building, making it

:

00:55:51,572 --> 00:55:52,712

harder for myself to learn.

:

00:55:53,012 --> 00:55:56,822

And the other is the social

media just kind of doing it just

:

00:55:56,822 --> 00:55:57,722

kinda be like, you know what?

:

00:55:58,007 --> 00:55:59,507

So what, I'm a beginner.

:

00:55:59,897 --> 00:56:04,467

I am not gonna be perfect for time

out or even maybe the hundredth

:

00:56:04,467 --> 00:56:06,387

or the thousandth, but I will try.

:

00:56:06,667 --> 00:56:07,327

So I think those are the

:

00:56:07,452 --> 00:56:07,572

Christine: I?

:

00:56:07,807 --> 00:56:14,527

Alexandra: right now where I am working on

that, which leads me to a mini challenge

:

00:56:14,737 --> 00:56:16,987

for ourselves and the listeners this week.

:

00:56:17,197 --> 00:56:17,977

Christine: Yes.

:

00:56:19,777 --> 00:56:20,137

Alexandra: okay.

:

00:56:20,287 --> 00:56:23,887

So the challenge is to write down

one area of your life where you've

:

00:56:23,887 --> 00:56:26,467

been pretending to understand.

:

00:56:28,177 --> 00:56:32,407

Then begin, then give yourself

permission to start asking questions.

:

00:56:33,907 --> 00:56:34,897

Christine: I like that a lot.

:

00:56:34,957 --> 00:56:35,617

I think.

:

00:56:36,817 --> 00:56:37,897

I think that's.

:

00:56:39,307 --> 00:56:42,787

A great way to sort of, to the

points that we were sort of talking

:

00:56:42,787 --> 00:56:47,707

about at the top of this section

in particular is writing it down.

:

00:56:47,707 --> 00:56:52,437

Like maybe this is a journal prompt

for you this week, or something for you

:

00:56:52,437 --> 00:56:57,927

to think about while in the shower and

then like, write 'em down or put 'em in

:

00:56:57,927 --> 00:57:00,147

your, your notes section on your phone.

:

00:57:00,147 --> 00:57:04,967

And just like when that, when

situations arise where you can

:

00:57:04,967 --> 00:57:08,387

start asking the questions in this

particular area, like, go for it.

:

00:57:08,477 --> 00:57:14,747

I hope this gives, this conversation is

giving you the permission to do so if

:

00:57:14,747 --> 00:57:16,457

you feel like you've been waiting for it.

:

00:57:16,612 --> 00:57:16,912

Wow.

:

00:57:17,387 --> 00:57:20,572

Alexandra: Do you have any last

thoughts on being the idiot?

:

00:57:21,202 --> 00:57:24,862

The power of curiosity

and asking questions?

:

00:57:25,162 --> 00:57:28,912

Christine: I think after this I'm

feeling pretty proud to be one right now.

:

00:57:29,182 --> 00:57:29,272

Alexandra: What?

:

00:57:30,837 --> 00:57:31,457

Christine: How about you?

:

00:57:31,972 --> 00:57:32,152

Alexandra: Yeah.

:

00:57:32,152 --> 00:57:32,752

I love that.

:

00:57:32,752 --> 00:57:34,672

I'm confident in being the idiot.

:

00:57:34,977 --> 00:57:35,517

Christine: Yes.

:

00:57:35,517 --> 00:57:35,967

Let's see.

:

00:57:35,967 --> 00:57:39,267

Let's see what the day has to offer,

what new things I can learn today.

:

00:57:41,037 --> 00:57:41,667

Awesome.

:

00:57:41,667 --> 00:57:44,558

Well, everybody, thank you

so much for joining us.

:

00:57:44,558 --> 00:57:48,038

Here's the thing, as we've

just sort of dived into here,

:

00:57:48,038 --> 00:57:49,718

nobody has it all figured out.

:

00:57:50,078 --> 00:57:53,498

Not your boss, not your teacher,

not the person sitting next to

:

00:57:53,498 --> 00:57:55,478

you in that meeting or classroom.

:

00:57:55,898 --> 00:57:59,348

And the truth is, the bravest people

we know are the ones who raise

:

00:57:59,348 --> 00:58:01,208

their hand and say, I don't get it.

:

00:58:01,958 --> 00:58:06,098

We spend so much of our lives

trying to be smart or seem

:

00:58:06,098 --> 00:58:08,558

capable, put together, you name it.

:

00:58:08,828 --> 00:58:13,523

But what if the most powerful thing we

can do is admit, we're still learning.

:

00:58:14,413 --> 00:58:16,543

I will admit that every day if I can.

:

00:58:18,133 --> 00:58:21,433

Today, we talked about the fear

of looking foolish and the freedom

:

00:58:21,433 --> 00:58:23,563

that comes when we let that fear go.

:

00:58:24,403 --> 00:58:27,583

When we trade performance for

presence, when we give ourselves

:

00:58:27,583 --> 00:58:34,183

permission to not know and ask anyway,

so as you move through this week,

:

00:58:34,663 --> 00:58:39,553

we invite you to try it, ask the

question, say, I don't understand.

:

00:58:39,973 --> 00:58:43,513

Be courageous, be curious, be the idiot.

:

00:58:43,963 --> 00:58:45,853

In the best, most beautiful way.

:

00:58:46,903 --> 00:58:51,163

Thanks for being here with us, and we'll

see you next time on the Near Project.

:

00:58:51,493 --> 00:58:52,423

Bye everyone.

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About the Podcast

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The Mirror Project

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About your hosts

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Christine Borowsky

Introducing our enchanting co-host Christine, a nostalgic soul with a creative spark and an infectious optimism. A devourer of books, a music aficionado, and a film buff, she's immersed in the art of storytelling. Nature is her sanctuary, from forests to oceans. Eager for adventure, she's a perpetual learner, finding growth in every experience. Family and friends provide her comfort and joy. Unafraid of uncomfortable conversations, she navigates them with humor, believing they're vital for understanding and growth. Join her and Alexandra on this podcast where creativity meets curiosity, and laughter blends with wisdom.
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Alexandra Montross

Meet Alexandra, the spirited co-host of this captivating podcast, where everyday topics transform into enchanting conversations. With an old soul and a knack for the eclectic, she weaves a unique blend of organization and quirky charm into each discussion. Alexandra's passions span from wellness to metaphysics and dive into the thrilling world of entrepreneurship. Tune in for her lively perspective and insightful takes, adding a touch of magic to every episode alongside Christine. Get ready for a journey where Alexandra's vibrant energy and depth of knowledge create an unforgettable podcast experience.