Episode 18

Daddies' Girls

Episode 18: Celebrating Our Fathers - From Laughter to Heartache and Everything In Between

Welcome to The Mirror Project!

Hello and welcome to The Mirror Project! We’re your hosts, Alexandra and Christine, and we’re thrilled to have you with us. With Father's Day around the corner, today’s episode is all about our dads. From fun childhood memories to navigating the loss of a parent and dealing with chronic illness, this episode promises a mix of laughter, tears, and everything in between.

Stay Connected

Before we delve into today's riveting topic, make sure to hit that like, subscribe, or follow button on your favorite listening platform. Let's make this journey together

Dads and Their Daughters

Memories from Childhood: Alexandra shares memories of building things with her dad, going to baseball games, and how he taught her to pack a suitcase. Christine shares Adventure Guides Camping Trips, fishing trips at sea, pool play at her grandparents, and the "Tetris” game of packing the car. Not forgetting the unforgettable moments of driving with ACDC's "Hells Bells" on repeat. Alexandra talks about how her dad's MBA journey meant he was away a lot and how the relationship was one thing when he started then it changed significantly by the time he finished.

Grief & Loss of a Father

Alexandra shares about the death of her father, James, who passed away at 58 from a heart attack on a day that started as normal. From a mundane errand run to a spirit circle where she felt otherworldly presences, the day took an unexpected turn. While sadness and disbelief were profound, anger never came. She finds comfort in believing he's on his next soul journey and in the signs she still receives from him. Sharing the most challenging moments, the support from loved ones, and how she has been caring for herself.

Engage with Us on Socials

Craving more of our company? Join the fun over on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. Dive deeper into our world and engage with us on a whole new level!

A Father’s Health Journey

Christine shares her dad's battle with chronic Lyme disease and its impact on her family’s dynamics. The illness brought both challenges and moments that brought them closer, including major lifestyle changes. Highlighting the time when a treatment led to emergency open heart surgery. She discusses how her dad’s illness has reshaped her outlook on life and health. The following resources and support systems that have been invaluable for her father and support for family members.

Lyme Disease Resources

Documentaries

Books

  • Love, Hope, Lyme: What Family Members, Partners, and Friends Who Love a Chronic Lyme Survivor Need to Know by Fred Diamond
  • Bitten: The Secret History of Lyme Disease and Biological Weapons by Kris Newby
  • Why Can't I Get Better? by Dr. Richard Horowitz

Information for individuals with Lyme and/or family supporters

Closing Thoughts

Thanks for joining us on this heartfelt episode about our fathers. We hope you found comfort, laughter, and maybe even a few tears. Cherish the time with your loved ones and remember those we've lost. Share your own stories with us on social media. Tune in next week as we explore the world of being misunderstood.

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Enjoying our content? Consider supporting us through our Buy Us a Coffee page! Your support fuels our passion for these conversations.

Join Us Next Time  

Don't forget to like, subscribe, or follow on your preferred platform. Until next time, let's keep the conversation going. See you in the next episode!

Transcript
Alexandra:

Hello, and welcome to the Mirror Project.

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We are your host, Alexandra,

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Christine: And Christine.

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Alexandra: and we are

thrilled to have you with us.

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Today's episode is all about

our dads, because Father's

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Day is just around the corner.

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Get ready for a rollercoaster of

stories from the funny and goofy

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moments to the growing pains

that shaped our relationships.

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Christine will take us on a deeper

journey as she asked me about the

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loss of my father and navigating

the grief of losing a parent.

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Then I'll return the favor and ask

Christine about her experiences as

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the daughter of someone battling

chronic health issues, resulting

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in other medical complications.

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Grab your tissues and your

popcorn, because this episode is

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going to be a mix of laughter,

tears, and everything in between.

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Christine: Before we delve into today's

riveting topic, make sure to hit that

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like, subscribe, or follow button on

your Preferred listening platform.

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Take a moment to do it now

before it slips your mind.

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Trust us, we're not getting

started without you.

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Let's make this journey together.

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Alexandra: So let's kick off the episode

talking about dads and their daughters.

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So Christine, do you have any memories

of your dad from when you were a little

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girl that just pop out in your memory?

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Christine: Oh wow,

there's so many of them.

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I had such a fun time reflecting

back on all of the stuff.

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And sometimes it really just takes

me back to that time and I really

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wish I was a little girl again.

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But there's many.

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So, one thing that first.

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And my sisters and I still talk

about and tease my dad about to

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this day is when we were little

driving around with him in the car.

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Just him and my sisters and I My

dad is really big into like 80s

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rock ACDC, Van Halen, Led Zeppelin.

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And we would love, he, he would

rock out with us in the car.

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And the one song that my sisters

and I fell absolutely in love with

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is called Hell's Bells by ACDC.

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And for those who don't know, it

starts off with these church bells

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ringing at the start of the track.

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And We were so little, we

didn't necessarily understand

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what the song was about.

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But we loved the song, like the, not

only was with the bells, but like

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the, the guitar, the bass it just

was like, it's such a good track.

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I S I love it to this day.

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And we would, I, we would always

say when we were in the car with

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him, daddy, daddy, play the bell

song, play the bell song, dad.

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And He would, and we would just

have such a great time singing

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along, listening for those bells.

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I just, it's.

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I can't stop smiling for those who are

listening thinking about this, but that's

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one, one big one that comes to mind,

but also, you know, going on fishing

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trips out, out on the ocean with my dad.

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One of the things he did with each

of us was adventure guides, which

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was through the YMCA, and we would

go on campouts together with my dad.

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It was some, it was just a father daughter

group, which we had such a blast doing.

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And it was nice because I had Girl

Scouts with my mom and this with my dad.

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And another, another funny memory that

God bless my dad, when we would be playing

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up at my grandparents house they had a

pool in the backyard in the summertime

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and we'd all be hanging out in the pool.

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Dad would come in and one of our

favorite things to do was to jump off

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my dad's shoulders into the deep end.

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And he would do that over and over

and over again with each of us, and

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he'd go under the water, let us climb

up, and stand on his shoulders, we'd hold

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his hands, he'd have his hands above his

head, and then we'd launch our shelves

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off, and he would just do that over and

over again, and Gosh, I can't even imagine

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how sore he must have felt the next day

having to endure that so many times.

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But yeah, you know, my dad, he

just was a big old goofball.

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I just love thinking back on

all of those times together.

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And as I got older and some of the

things, some of the lessons that

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I, I, he would teach when it comes.

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To packing the car up it's

like a game of Tetris.

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He's like, it's all, you know,

a family of five and four girls.

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There's a lot of luggage.

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So he'd always, he'd always

figure out a way to make it fit.

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And

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Alexandra: Everything has to

fit just so, so the door will

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just close.

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Christine: And you, you know,

there we be in this big old SUV and

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before the time of we didn't have

a car that had like the TV in the.

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In the seats or that comes

down from the ceiling.

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But he, he, he MacGyvered away to hook

up a laptop so he could watch DVDs.

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And we wouldn't,

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cause we were using DVDs.

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We didn't need wifi.

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And he had like a plug, an outlet

for the car for the laptop so that

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the laptop could plug into the car.

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So yeah, he just, he, he

always was clever that way.

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Still to this day is.

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And one of, one of the things we

always look forward to at the holidays

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is the dad gift because it's always,

it's always something you know, I

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have all these, I have, I'm, I'm ready

for any situation thanks to my dad.

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And it all started one Christmas.

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Like the first Christmas after I had

my license and he, because he's so

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funny, he got himself, my mom and

I what we dubbed the Arbogaddon bag

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he stocked it full of all essential

things that you would need.

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And some, some crazy things that

I didn't necessarily think would.

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One would need and I'll share

one more thing about this.

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He had me help him wrap

these gifts that year.

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And he was like, Christine,

don't be peeking.

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And I was like, well, you told me not to.

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So I peeked,

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Alexandra: No, I have

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Christine: I peeked and I was

like, why is there a hazmat suit?

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I was like, dad,

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Alexandra: ready for

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anything.

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Christine: And.

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It's not actually a hazmat suit,

it's like a, a rain gear, like

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pants and a coat, so like if you're

stuck and it's torrentially pouring,

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you, you have some protective gear.

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But yeah, that's just to give you an idea

into my dad and the sense of humor he has,

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and he's always just been, been such a

good of pillar in my life, him and my mom.

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There's such a great team.

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And I look back on my childhood and

I'm really grateful to have, have

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him and him and my mom together.

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It's just really, really special, but

enough about me, Alexandra, let's hear

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about you and, and memories you have

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from when you were little.

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Alexandra: so some of the things

that came up was, I think our dads

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would have got along very well

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together because the whole

bag prep for the car thing.

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I don't think my dad went as

far as you, your dad went.

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I think he was like, just have a pair

of like tennis shoes, a white towel.

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Like if you had to put it in

your window you know, a jacket,

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an extra pair of socks or

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something,

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Christine: And I will say, I still,

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I still have that bag in my car

to this day, so I am prepared.

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Alexandra: Clearly for anything except

for the situation, which calls for hazmat.

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And you mentioned like

dad's Christmas gifts.

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So mine actually went the other way.

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Every year I would try to find a

kind of ridiculous gift for my dad.

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I'm trying to think of one of the

ones that we got was like a box of

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three different wooden 3D characters.

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Like puzzles.

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And he would just sit

there and try to figure it

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out.

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So I'd always get like one kind

of like gag gift that was a little

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funny or a little kind of useless.

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Just something, I think there was one

day it was a reindeer like head and you

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squeeze it and it like shot out a little,

like a red nose ball for no other reason.

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I was like, I think this

is a dad, like a dad gift.

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So, but.

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From when I was young one of

the biggest things I remember

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is my dad really loved baseball.

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And in some ways I was very much a daddy's

girl and I liked baseball, but I think

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I liked baseball cause my dad liked it.

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And I remember I lost quite a

few teeth at baseball games.

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I feel like like when you're

young enough to lose your teeth,

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like not like adult teeth.

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Well, my teeth are currently in my

head, but I remember those giant

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frozen Toll House ice cream cookie

sandwiches, the ones that were like

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the size of your head as a kid.

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And they would be so frozen and

I would have like a loose tooth

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and I like bite into it and like.

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Hey, there's blood on my sandwich!

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And then my tooth would come out.

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But if it didn't come out in that, like,

he would always help me when my tooth

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was falling out by taking a frozen paper

towel and kind of like, pulling it.

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We never did the door handle

thing, which I was grateful for.

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Like, the

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string around the tooth, and yeah.

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No, he would just use a frozen paper

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Christine: I wonder, is that, was that

just in the movies, or was that a thing?

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Alexandra: No, I think that was the thing.

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If you look on, like, YouTube,

people were trying stupid

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Christine: Okay.

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Of course.

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Of course it would be on YouTube.

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Sure.

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Alexandra: of the internet, you know,

where everyone put anything on YouTube.

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Not that they don't now, but like,

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: you look at

some early days of YouTube

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and you're like,

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Christine: What?

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Alexandra: what were people thinking?

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Like we just had no shame.

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We're just like everything

out here all the time.

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But yeah, he would, he

would play tennis with me.

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He would come to all my

competitions for a Taekwondo.

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But I, I always joke that my dad really.

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Either, you know, obviously wanted

me to do business as I've mentioned

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before with him wanting me to pursue

an MBA or be an engineer because

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he would give me like Tetris, like

the game on Game Boy Tetris or, you

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know, Lincoln Logs and Tinker Toys.

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And he would sit there and play.

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Build things with me, or he would

encourage me to build, I don't know.

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They brought something in a house,

like a crib or or like a vacuum.

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And it was just like,

okay, here, build it.

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And I was like, okay.

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So, you know, I did a lot of like

handy stuff around the house with my

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dad.

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And it was funny cause he always

told me to the classical standing

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of measure twice, cut once.

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Which my dad did sometimes, but

would rush through and then cut wrong

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and then spend half the day upset.

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It was hilarious, and it

just something would go

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Christine: Yep.

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My dad Would be known to say,

do as I say, not as I do.

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Alexandra: not as I do.

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Christine: Okay, Dad.

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Alexandra: One thing I really remember

as like a little girl was my dad

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used to go on a lot of business trips

and I got really excited to help him

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pack and he taught me how to pack.

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So like using the packing cubes

and the folding and sometimes like,

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okay, honey, I'm going on a trip.

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Do you want to pack my suitcase for me?

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And I was enough of a OCD, anal

retentive person to enjoy packing.

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So I'm like, okay, let's do

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it.

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But as I, Right?

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It's kind of fun.

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It's a little

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Christine: I love the

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Alexandra: if I'm not the one

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Christine: yeah, I love the initial pack.

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I hate packing at the end of a vacation.

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Cause it never quite fits the

way it went in the first time.

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Anyway.

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Bye.

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Alexandra: But when, you know, my, my

Simmy moved in, so I call her my sister.

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When we were all living together and she

was in school and I was, you know starting

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working, my dad would like to joke with

us, like, who was the favorite daughter?

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And like, there was some time I

would do something as like, Oh, well,

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Alexander's pulling ahead in points.

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And and then I remember, I

think Simmi wiped out the board.

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Like I was just completely

off that point when she got.

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Dad, a man crate for Christmas and it

had its own tiny little crowbar and I

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just remember him like, he's like, I

don't know how you're going to beat this.

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I just, she's the favorite

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Christine: Oh no!

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Alexandra: So it was

just one of the funny.

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things, you know, so one more

thing I will always remember.

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I was a kid and my At the time we

were in California and my dad was very

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almost fastidious about his car, right?

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Like everything was clean and it's placed.

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There wasn't extra stuff.

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Didn't like it to get dirty.

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And it must've been an evening.

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I think during the summer, cause we went

for ice cream and my godmother was in

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the car and he was very particular about

like, letting people have food in his

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car.

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cause he didn't want it to drop or spill.

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So usually we had to eat outside the car,

but for some reason he had her ice cream.

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And, and my godmother Sharon was

sitting in the front seat and she

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always loved pistachio ice cream.

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It was like that, like

bright green pistachio.

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I don't know what happened either.

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She was laughing.

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Somebody said something.

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And her cone goes flying right

into the car vent, and my dad

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never let her live it down.

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Never.

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So those are just some funny memories.

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So even now today, if I say, Oh, you

remember that pistachio ice cream, Sharon?

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And she's like, I can't

believe you brought that up.

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So, you know.

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Christine: She's like, well,

I never know peace about this.

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Jesus!

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Alexandra: Well, not now,

because it's on a podcast

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Christine: That's very true.

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It will now live forever.

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Alexandra: yep, in the

hearts and minds of those who

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listen.

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So, that said, Christine, do you

have any stories of growing pains

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from the transition of childhood

memories and childhood dad daughter

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relationship to more adult dad?

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Christine: I mean, I'm sure.

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Nothing, nothing's really like,

sticking out, but I'm sure You know,

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God bless my dad being in a house

full of women, my three sisters,

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would, you know, we, we gang up and

give, give him a run for his money.

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But sometimes we kid and say like,

dad, you're more dramatic than us.

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And But

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Alexandra: he's just got

to stay on par with you

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guys.

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He's got to compete.

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Christine: exactly.

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But yeah, no, nothing, nothing

specific, but how about you, Alexandra?

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Alexandra: Okay.

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So what's the one as an adult, but

there, I think I've definitely mentioned

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on the podcast for those listening

that there was a period of my life

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where my dad wasn't really around, not

because he and my mom had problems.

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They were totally fine, but he

was doing an MBA program and

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that was evening and weekends.

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So yeah.

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And I was young enough that he left for

work before I got up in the morning.

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And after class, I was an early sleeper.

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I'm much more of a morning person

now as Christine can well attest to.

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Christine: Yes.

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Alexandra: I'm like, you know, 9 PM.

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Okay.

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Where's my bed?

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10 out.

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Christine: Although when I come to visit,

you, you hold out as long as you can.

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Alexandra: I do.

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And you start to see my

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eyes droop.

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Christine: And then she kindly

lets me sleep in because she's

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up bright eyed at 6, 7 a.

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m.

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And I'm like, don't

even, even knock on the

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door.

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Alexandra: So yeah, so there was a couple,

there was that time and it, his MBA

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program was probably, I want to say at

minimum two, if not three years to do.

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And, and so, you know, I was, whatever

age when he started and then two,

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three years older when he finished.

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And he thought, Oh, I'm just

going to pick up with Alexander,

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like exactly where we left off.

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And I was like, Oh no, dad,

I am a different person now.

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And so there was this weird disconnect

of of relearning like who this person was

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and him going, who is my daughter now?

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Because he wanted to pick up and

I was like, well, sorry, sir,

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you haven't really been around.

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And like, now I'm just living

life as you know, a kid.

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And so kind of rediscovering that and

like, we had a, like a couple of rocky

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years of trying to like, you know, daddy

daughter dates that it was just a myth.

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But we're like, Dad was

like, why did you have me?

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Like, why did we do this?

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And, and dad would take me to a baseball

game and I'd be like, why did you do this?

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I don't really like baseball anymore.

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But one last memory I remember

so strongly about my dad and

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it would kill me twice a year.

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He would do this to me.

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Once was like Christmas time.

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He'd always want to go shopping New

Year's Eve, not New Year's, Christmas Eve.

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He'd wait to do all the

Christmas shopping for my mom.

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Until Christmas Eve.

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So we were out at the stores,

Christmas Eve, and then we had

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to come home and wrap everything.

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Christine: My dad, we have, we don't wait

until Christmas Eve, but we, we usually

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set up a date where like him and I, it's.

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Dad and daughter date, and we go

and do Christmas shopping together,

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but I can't imagine why, why dad?

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Why would you wait that long?

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Alexandra: And I was young too, like,

this was, I'm like, maybe up until high

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school and then college came around and

after I moved to North Carolina, he'd be

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like, okay, I ordered this for your mom,

or like, can you order this for your mom?

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And I'll just pay you, I'll

tell mom to pay you back the

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money, and then can you wrap it for me?

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And he's like, how's my little elf

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coming along with all

the Christmas wrapping?

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I think one year, I was like, That's it.

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I'm done.

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I think it was, I think it

was the year before he passed.

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I was like, Elf is out of business.

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If you do not have your gifts in by the

10th of December, Elf is out of business.

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You are on your

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own.

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Christine: of

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Damn, girl.

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That's an early deadline.

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Alexandra: cause it would be the end.

353

:

Cause otherwise it would

be the end of December.

354

:

And he was like, can you

just wrap one more present?

355

:

I'm like, no, wrap your

own stinking presents.

356

:

And then the other time was

every year for my mom's birthday.

357

:

Cause my mom's is February 13th.

358

:

13th, right before Valentine's Day.

359

:

And it was like, the man had

amnesia every single year and would

360

:

like, miraculously forget that

it's right before Valentine's Day.

361

:

It was like, oh, it would be two

weeks before he's like, okay,

362

:

where should I take your mother?

363

:

I was like, you don't have a reservation.

364

:

You know, when I was older and he was

like, no, he's like, you know, it's before

365

:

Valentine's, I was like, dad, depends on

when Valentine's falls, like either people

366

:

are celebrating before on or during or

after, you know, every year we do this.

367

:

And I think at some point

it just became tradition.

368

:

Like, I don't think he

369

:

continually forgot.

370

:

I think it was just, this is

371

:

Christine: Have our annual discussion.

372

:

Alexandra: Yeah.

373

:

I was like, dad, do you not

already have a reservation?

374

:

No.

375

:

Okay.

376

:

But yeah, that was That was, those

are the memories and the, the awkward

377

:

transition of going, who are you trying

to tell me what you're, what to do now?

378

:

And he's like, who are you?

379

:

You're not the kid I had a

relationship with before.

380

:

And you know, what happened to the girl

who loved baseball and would do this?

381

:

And I was like, eh, not baseball, but

I did love to build things with my dad.

382

:

You know, Christmas would come

around if it was, I don't know,

383

:

an example of a bookshelf.

384

:

I'd be like, all right, let's

open it up and build it.

385

:

and

386

:

he's

387

:

Christine: Yeah.

388

:

Aw.

389

:

Alexandra: funny enough, one last

story right before I went to college.

390

:

We were out in New Jersey and we went

to Home Depot and he got me a toolkit.

391

:

Great.

392

:

And it had all the things in it, had it

all through college, all through here.

393

:

And then Simmi moved down to Charlotte.

394

:

I was like, I'm never going to see that

kid again, but I'm glad it lives on.

395

:

It feels like a piece of dad with

396

:

me.

397

:

It's like, it's gonna.

398

:

Yep.

399

:

Christine: Yeah.

400

:

Alexandra: I need to find

my own new tool tool set.

401

:

Christine: Alright, well,

I can enlist my dad.

402

:

Because he's sent me and my sisters up.

403

:

We're, we're ready for anything.

404

:

But yeah.

405

:

Oh, that's, it's so fun

to look back on that time.

406

:

And

407

:

Alexandra: Things that make you

408

:

Christine: yeah.

409

:

It just makes you feel good.

410

:

Let's you, yeah, it's fun to

reminisce on stuff like that.

411

:

Alexandra: craving more of our company.

412

:

Join the fun over on YouTube at near

project pod, dive deeper into our world,

413

:

engage with us on a whole new level.

414

:

Don't miss out on the excitement

415

:

Christine: Why don't we transition

a little bit into, this is a heavier

416

:

section of this episode but Alexandra,

I know your father passed away a

417

:

few years ago, and I think it's

important that we, we talk about this

418

:

together so do you want to share the

details with us about what happened?

419

:

Alexandra: Of course.

420

:

You know, it's sad and

I still miss my dad.

421

:

Quite a lot, but I enjoy

getting to talk about him.

422

:

So thank you for letting me do this.

423

:

So my dad was James and he died fairly

years old in July of:

424

:

And I know I've mentioned before

he passed a month to the day

425

:

of me starting my MBA program.

426

:

So that was very bittersweet.

427

:

And he died of a heart attack,

just a sudden onset heart attack.

428

:

Later we found out that the EMTs

don't think that if, had he had the

429

:

heart attack in an ER, they don't

know if he would have survived.

430

:

this very sudden.

431

:

And the weird thing about that

day was it was so, so normal.

432

:

Christine: Mm hmm.

433

:

Mm.

434

:

Alexandra: looking back, there was a

couple of out of the blue things, but,

435

:

or like not just not totally normal,

but overall it was kind of a normal day.

436

:

I remember being really upset

about something and don't even

437

:

remember what now at this point,

but I was just not in a great mood.

438

:

And my dad was like, okay,

well, do you want to get ready?

439

:

And mom and I are going to go, you know,

I don't know, to Lowe's or something,

440

:

Lowe's hardware and look at some stuff.

441

:

Cause they were always just doing

projects in the backyard and they

442

:

wanted to finish out some things and

and, and come grab lunch with them.

443

:

And I didn't really want to,

but I was like, okay, I'll go.

444

:

And we went, it was a nice trip.

445

:

We had Chick fil a for lunch, because

that's what my dad really wanted.

446

:

And then we went back to the house and

I helped, helped my dad take all these

447

:

security cameras that he had spent Month

researching like he'd love to research

448

:

things and then get it and hopefully

they worked this one He just didn't

449

:

really like so he had put them all up

the weekend before and I was helping him

450

:

take it down And I you know, I thought

it was odd later that my mom wasn't out

451

:

helping us because usually she would and

Like later she told me she's like, yeah,

452

:

I thought it was a weird but I was like

now I'm just gonna Do this I don't know,

453

:

paperwork or something she had to do.

454

:

And you know, it was a windy day

and it was a really tall ladder.

455

:

Like part of the house was very

high off the ground, just the

456

:

way it was graded and whatnot.

457

:

And even our next door neighbor was

like, Oh, it's going to come over and

458

:

help, but it looked like you had it.

459

:

And so, so normal.

460

:

And we came in, I remember my

dad being slightly breathless,

461

:

but all in all things were fine.

462

:

And then I was getting ready to go do

something with some friends of mine.

463

:

And so I know I've mentioned before

that I am not Christian and I'm pagan.

464

:

So quite a bit witchy and very

into spirituality, metaphysics.

465

:

So if you do not share those

beliefs, that is totally okay.

466

:

For those of you

listening, I just thought.

467

:

Ask that you temporarily suspend

disbelief for this next part of the story.

468

:

I was getting ready to go to a

spirit circle with some then friends.

469

:

And during that, you'd like,

don't have your phones on you.

470

:

You're in a completely dark room.

471

:

Lights are all blacked out.

472

:

Just kind of very opening

yourself up to you.

473

:

Sensory feelings.

474

:

And remember One of the people

in the circle across from me, I

475

:

don't remember who it was, was

like, I think Anubis was, is here.

476

:

Like the, the ancient

Egyptian god of not death.

477

:

But kind of that, that role of

the, not the gatekeeper, but

478

:

kind of helping fairy souls.

479

:

And I was like, oh,

okay, that's interesting.

480

:

And I have been told that I've

had a past life in ancient Egypt.

481

:

And I was like, you know,

maybe that's for me.

482

:

Cool.

483

:

Just to think of like, maybe do

some more research into that.

484

:

And then my hand starts twitching.

485

:

And and one of the people in the

circle was a writer, liked to write.

486

:

And so I Sent to that person.

487

:

I was like, maybe this is for you.

488

:

Like you have to write in and that

person's like, no, I'm not really

489

:

feeling them, but maybe you should.

490

:

So somebody grabbed me a pen and paper.

491

:

And as I said, it was pitch

dark, so I couldn't see anything.

492

:

But like, I just let my

hand move on the paper.

493

:

And about after an hour, we closed

the circle lights, come on, we're

494

:

all adjusting and put down the paper.

495

:

And somebody else was like,

well, don't you want that?

496

:

And I remember distinctly going, I

don't want anything to do with it.

497

:

I don't want to touch that paper.

498

:

I don't want to see that paper.

499

:

And come downstairs see a bunch

of phone calls from my mom.

500

:

So I call her back and she was

like, honey, like you, you gotta

501

:

come back on, like your cousin's

gonna come get you something.

502

:

You know, I was like,

okay, mom was having.

503

:

And when she said my cousin

was going to come get me.

504

:

I was like, I kind of had

a feeling like something.

505

:

Not great had happened, but

I thought it was somebody on

506

:

my dad's side of the family.

507

:

So I was like, why would my cousin

come up here to get me just to go

508

:

back down to like where they were?

509

:

So I was like, I'll just drive.

510

:

And she's like, no,

just come to the house.

511

:

If you're going to drive,

just come to the house.

512

:

And I was like, okay, so didn't

know what was really going on.

513

:

A little irritated at that

514

:

point because I'm like, what's

515

:

Christine: Mm hmm.

516

:

Mm

517

:

Hmm.

518

:

Mm

519

:

Alexandra: And I, I pulled up and my

cousins were there and my mom met me at

520

:

the driveway and she had a strange look

on her face and like an ambulance was

521

:

here and yeah, she told me in a driveway

and It was still one of the hardest.

522

:

I just remember sitting down like

in the passenger side of my car and

523

:

going, my whole world has changed.

524

:

And my mom was like, do

you, do you want to see him?

525

:

And I asked my mom, do I want to see him?

526

:

Cause we'd have a lot of

conversations about People dying.

527

:

And you know, I didn't grow up where a

lot of our family members had passed away.

528

:

And so seeing them, and I don't really

love seeing people when they're involved.

529

:

It look quite real to me.

530

:

And and uh, you know, but

I think it would be okay.

531

:

Right.

532

:

And I, I don't love that.

533

:

For me, that farce of

534

:

Christine: don't either.

535

:

Yeah.

536

:

Alexandra: life.

537

:

Christine: hmm.

538

:

Mm

539

:

Alexandra: So but I think I'd be okay with

seeing somebody who'd recently passed.

540

:

And so I asked her, I was

like, do I want to see him?

541

:

And she's like, no, honey,

he's past that point.

542

:

And I was like, I'm okay.

543

:

I don't want to remember my dad that way.

544

:

I'd rather remember him from earlier that

545

:

Christine: hmm.

546

:

Alexandra: And The hard thing was

my sister Simmi was studying abroad

547

:

and my dad and mom dropped her off.

548

:

She was in Amsterdam, I think

that week, a week or so before.

549

:

And I was like, Oh my God, we

gotta, we gotta tell Simmi.

550

:

And so I'm calling and Amsterdam

was quite a few hours ahead of us.

551

:

And I know she turns her

phone off and do not disturb.

552

:

So I was like, Hey Simmi when you wake

up and get this, can, can you call me?

553

:

And I, you know, I just, I

just need to talk to you.

554

:

And so, you know, it was a, it was

a weird night that night, and I went

555

:

to bed, and I don't think Piper,

my puppy, knew what was going on.

556

:

She was really freaked out.

557

:

The cat we had at the time

was in total mourning.

558

:

I think she just totally disappeared

and Got to sleep, like, slept in a bit,

559

:

woke up, and I get a call from my sister

and she's like so upbeat and peppy

560

:

and, And she's like, hey, so, you know,

it's going great and yeah, what's up?

561

:

And I was like, Sumi Where are you?

562

:

And she's like, Oh, I'm out taking a walk.

563

:

I was like, Okay, can you

find a, a place to sit down?

564

:

And she's like, Ah, no,

I'm just going to stand.

565

:

Like, what's up?

566

:

And I was like, No, I think you

really need to find a place to sit.

567

:

I just remember repeating that.

568

:

And and I said dad's dead.

569

:

And she just went what?

570

:

Like just that I could hear

the shock through the phone.

571

:

And I was like I don't

know how to handle this.

572

:

So I'm like running downstairs.

573

:

And I was like, scrapping mom.

574

:

I was like, mom, Simmi's on the

phone and I don't, I told her

575

:

and I don't know what else to do.

576

:

And I think that was probably

other than hearing my dad was dead.

577

:

Like that was the hardest part for me.

578

:

So

579

:

that was lot of, a lot of disbelief at the

580

:

Christine: Mm hmm.

581

:

I remember, I don't know when after

you spoke with Simmi, I remember

582

:

you calling me the next morning.

583

:

Alexandra: I think, Yeah,

584

:

it was probably right after

585

:

Christine: yeah, you called me and I I

was up visiting my sister at the time

586

:

and I remember my phone going off and

I think I texted you because I was

587

:

like, can I call you back in a bit?

588

:

And I think you left me a voicemail

and I heard you on the voicemail.

589

:

And I was like, Oh no, what's.

590

:

And I got up and I went out into

the living room of my sister's

591

:

apartment and I called you and,

592

:

Oh, it was I just, I remember

being in total shock.

593

:

I was like, what do you mean?

594

:

He's, what do you mean?

595

:

What do you mean?

596

:

I don't, I, I was like, I

don't, I couldn't fathom

597

:

Alexandra: much like the

brain couldn't, you know,

598

:

it's like a computer

kind of stuck on reload.

599

:

It's like, what?

600

:

like,

601

:

Christine: I don't

602

:

understand in that moment, it was like,

I don't understand, like having someone

603

:

suddenly pass has, has not been something

I had experienced up until that point.

604

:

So I was like, I don't, what

was, cause, you know, there was

605

:

no preexisting condition that

we were aware of necessarily, or

606

:

that would cause something

so drastic to happen.

607

:

And I just remember, my dad and my mom

were also up visiting, and after we

608

:

talked, I called my mom immediately,

and I was like, is dad there with you?

609

:

And I shared the news with my parents,

and I just said, dad, I'm gonna need to

610

:

give you a really big hug when I see you.

611

:

And I just was like, I was ready to

drop everything and fly down, to be

612

:

with you and mom, but I didn't, I

was like, I need to let them do what

613

:

they need to do, and I just made it

known, like, I'm here for whatever

614

:

you need, and I'm ready to come down.

615

:

Alexandra: That was so helpful.

616

:

It really

617

:

Christine: Yeah.

618

:

called, he was dad, he was

like my second dad too, I,

619

:

Alexandra: Yeah.

620

:

Christine: it was,

621

:

Certainly earth shattering.

622

:

And I, anyway,

623

:

I'm just so grateful that we're able

to talk about this and share this.

624

:

And that you're,

625

:

Alexandra: Definitely.

626

:

Christine: I mean, if, if you're

okay with it, can we maybe

627

:

talk a little bit about, How has the

grieving process been like for you?

628

:

And is it still ongoing?

629

:

Like what, What can you

share with us on this?

630

:

Alexandra: Well, I think, I think

the first thing is like, there's

631

:

no one right way to grieve and I

think it's different for everyone.

632

:

And I think I was expecting

like all five, what stages of

633

:

Christine: Mm hmm.

634

:

Alexandra: But I, I never experienced

the anger stage, still haven't.

635

:

I think I've kind of

wondered at how sad it was.

636

:

And I think I need to backtrack for a

637

:

second because the spirit circled that

piece of paper I didn't want to touch

638

:

later connected with Somebody in the

group and they're like, we looked at that

639

:

paper after we had heard cause somebody

else in you and was family was at that

640

:

spirit circle and ended up coming over

641

:

and she must've texted the group

and said, Hey, this is happening.

642

:

And they said they said

you had written the word.

643

:

Sorry.

644

:

And if you turned it around,

it spelled your dad's name.

645

:

And so like my dad came to say goodbye,

646

:

which was really sweet.

647

:

And that makes sense why Anubis was there.

648

:

Christine: Yeah.

649

:

Alexandra: But I think because of

that and just the way I look at death

650

:

and life I, I was okay with that.

651

:

It was just, it was a change.

652

:

But I never experienced the anger

of like, you know, why is he gone?

653

:

Like, he shouldn't be angry in that sense.

654

:

I think there was just deep, profound

sadness and at first a lot of disbelief.

655

:

Like, no, I don't want my dad to be gone.

656

:

Christine: Sure.

657

:

I'm sure it also feels like he,

it doesn't feel like he's gone.

658

:

Like,

659

:

Alexandra: not for the first bit.

660

:

And so you know, I just kind of think

of it as He's not gone gone just not

661

:

here in a physical tangible form, but

his soul is doing what his soul needs

662

:

to do and we could still get messages

whether it's a song on the radio

663

:

or the thought that I'd be like, you know,

Certainly with my program I feel like I

664

:

get nudges of like hey My dad's like this

is you know, the right way to go or the

665

:

you know, the answer or you know You on a

project, this is the direction, take it.

666

:

And I mean, a lot of sadness at first.

667

:

And there's moments where it feels like

he's been gone for many, many years, and

668

:

then other days where he was just here.

669

:

So a lot of sadness.

670

:

Christine: yeah, I mean, that's certainly

all very understandable and one of the,

671

:

one of the things I've heard, actually,

I think I first heard it shortly after

672

:

this all happened was that the, that

grief is all of the unexpressed love

673

:

for the people who have passed that

we're not able to share with them,

674

:

but it's something that we keep and.

675

:

This is such a beautiful way to look

at something that is quite painful,

676

:

and that doesn't ever really go away.

677

:

That it's,

678

:

Alexandra: No.

679

:

Christine: it's just the

love you have for them.

680

:

So,

681

:

Alexandra: I think one of the best

images I saw about grief was, I think

682

:

people have a misconception that grief

gets easier or smaller over time, and

683

:

it's not so much that the grief gets

smaller, it's just the container that

684

:

you have to hold it gets larger, and your

ability to handle it, it's a lot easier.

685

:

Christine: hmm, I

686

:

Alexandra: Yeah.

687

:

Yeah.

688

:

Christine: haven't heard that, I haven't

heard it put quite that way before.

689

:

Alrighty, well if you're comfortable

with sharing, ha what have been

690

:

some of the hardest moments for

you since he, he passed away?

691

:

Alexandra: First day of classes

692

:

was really kind of hard because it

was just like, you know, this was a

693

:

shared dream I had with my dad, so

694

:

Christine: Yeah.

695

:

Alexandra: it was really hard.

696

:

Sometimes I would call my dad

on my drive home from work

697

:

and just chat about the day or

698

:

if I needed help with an Excel

function, I would just call my dad.

699

:

It really went in time.

700

:

Even if he was at work, he would

stop and take my call or he's

701

:

like, honey, can I call you back?

702

:

Like I'm in a meeting.

703

:

And I'm like, sure.

704

:

Christine: Yeah.

705

:

Alexandra: So I think

those were sometimes.

706

:

Still are, the hardest moments when I just

want to call my dad and ask for advice.

707

:

And my dad gave the best hugs.

708

:

Christine: He did.

709

:

Alexandra: Like, you, you

knew you had been hugged.

710

:

And recently I was just going through

some stuff and Like emotionally, or

711

:

just kind of feeling in a certain

way, I just kept thinking like I

712

:

really want one of dad's hugs right

713

:

Christine: Yeah.

714

:

Alexandra: Those are the hardest moments.

715

:

They kind of sneak up sometimes too,

where it's like totally fine, and

716

:

then out of the blue, I'm like, whoa,

717

:

Christine: Yeah.

718

:

it's so interesting how grief evolves

over time because in the beginning I feel

719

:

like it's just persistent and ever, it's

just with you every day, every minute.

720

:

And every breath, but as time begins

to pass and you know, life continues

721

:

to move on it's like sense memories,

like things that come, come to mind

722

:

and it just, you're just back in back

there and it's so immediate It's so,

723

:

it's jarring sometimes.

724

:

Alexandra: the other hard

part was Simmie's law school

725

:

graduation, and dad wasn't there.

726

:

And then I'm having, I think my graduation

is going to be a bit difficult for that.

727

:

I'd have recently pooped.

728

:

There was Even before that passed, he

had a box of things of, you know, from

729

:

his career in life that he wanted me to

have and some stuff he thought would be

730

:

valuable that I could sell in the future.

731

:

So I have a feeling going through that

box, it's going to be a little bit

732

:

difficult.

733

:

I

734

:

can put that on for a little bit

735

:

Christine: Sure.

736

:

Yeah, I think, you know, I don't know if,

737

:

it's hard to say if there'll be ever a

moment when you're ready to do that, but.

738

:

The time will come.

739

:

Alexandra: Yeah.

740

:

Christine: So, I'm curious, Alexandra,

are there any lessons or values from your

741

:

dad that you hold dear and try to live by

now that he's, he's no longer here with

742

:

should have known better too, sorry,

before you answered, to have tissues.

743

:

Alexandra: Right?

744

:

I've got like no tissue box up

745

:

Christine: Yeah, that was a mistake.

746

:

I, we even mentioned

747

:

it in the, yes, why

weren't we better prepared?

748

:

Alexandra: You know, there's, now

that you asked me though, there's not

749

:

something I'm thinking of that he said.

750

:

It's more of just he really

loved people and took people's

751

:

Good things with their flaws.

752

:

He also loved to laugh,

753

:

but I think and smile And in business,

I mean he taught me a lot about business

754

:

and stuff so all that kind of plays

in my mind and caring for the people

755

:

who work for you and that it's a

responsibility To manage people and

756

:

that their welfare is in your hands.

757

:

So there's a lot of that that I

think in terms of business, you know,

758

:

if I'm interviewing for a job, he

would always help me with my resume.

759

:

So I'm just kind of coming

across professional, like I

760

:

can go to him for anything.

761

:

And so I just.

762

:

Try to live by that example of, you know,

the things that he held important to put a

763

:

conscious effort into if I don't already.

764

:

But he had I think I have a,

I'm smiling and I've got one.

765

:

One dimple.

766

:

And he had a dimple and it was funny

because like he could go from so serious

767

:

and then if he needed to get something

and he wasn't particularly like male

768

:

or female but particularly it worked

on females like he could pull out

769

:

that smile with that dimple and like

everyone would fall at his feet just like

770

:

Christine: he was very, he's so charming.

771

:

Alexandra: he was but that was something

I learned Charm in, in doses, right?

772

:

Like, you don't want to over charm people,

like, you, you want to think, you want to

773

:

pull out the big guns when you need them.

774

:

But to, to laugh and smile a lot.

775

:

Yeah.

776

:

And to, to measure twice, cut

once, but don't do what he did.

777

:

Uh,

778

:

Christine: Yeah, oh, that's

779

:

I'm curious if there's any advice you

would give to someone who's recently lost

780

:

their dad or a close, a father figure

or a loved one that's really close to

781

:

them.

782

:

Alexandra: Not everyone, but a lot of

people say some really useless stuff

783

:

when you lose people that are close to

784

:

you.

785

:

Either they don't know what to say,

so then they just stick their foot

786

:

in their mouth, which happens a

lot and just ignore those idiots.

787

:

because they really are.

788

:

Don't expect your grief process to be

like anyone else's, and if it doesn't

789

:

look like anyone else's, that's okay.

790

:

You're not grieving wrong, you're

just grieving in your own way.

791

:

And do what you need to do to become

okay with it, to hold on to the

792

:

memories without holding so tight to

the person that you don't move on.

793

:

That's finding a different way forward.

794

:

And you will have a bond with people

who have also lost their parent.

795

:

I had a co worker who lost her

parent not long after my dad passed.

796

:

And it's not always easy.

797

:

the best bond to share with people, but

it was easy to go to her and say, Hey,

798

:

I'm really missing, you know, my dad.

799

:

And I, I know you

understand what that's like.

800

:

Christine: Yeah.

801

:

Alexandra: And so for the first

year, we would kind of check in on

802

:

each other, which makes me, I don't

think I should go check on her.

803

:

Christine: Yeah.

804

:

Alexandra: that's, that's the

best advice I can give to people

805

:

is just one day at a time.

806

:

Yours does not have to

look like anyone else.

807

:

People don't know what to say.

808

:

Christine: Yeah.

809

:

I certainly, I tried my best,

810

:

but

811

:

Alexandra: you weren't, you weren't

one of the people that stuff in front

812

:

Christine: so, I reflect back on moments

when, when you're in a situation of losing

813

:

a loved one and you're, you know, people,

they don't, I don't know It's so funny.

814

:

It's like, this is a part of

life, but people don't know how to

815

:

necessarily navigate or deal with

it or know the best way to show up.

816

:

And, and honestly, I think

I look on the traditions of

817

:

like the wake and the funeral.

818

:

And I, I, I find that the

wake isn't for the family.

819

:

It's for the, the friends or the

acquaintances or the other people.

820

:

They come and they, they're there to.

821

:

Essentially pay their respects, but I feel

like that's it's it's for it's for them.

822

:

The people coming to that sort of service

and then, you know, my experiences.

823

:

As a cat growing up Catholic is

like, then you go to the funeral

824

:

mass and I find like that and the

burial is more for the family.

825

:

It's more intimate, but it's, it's,

it's just really interesting to see

826

:

how people act in those situations.

827

:

Alexandra: I will say that death

does not seem to bring out the best

828

:

behavior in my dad inside of the family.

829

:

That I'm not really in

any mood to get angry

830

:

right now

831

:

Christine: fair.

832

:

I

833

:

Alexandra: was uh,

834

:

Christine: know, I know

835

:

Alexandra: Yeah, no, Christine

definitely knows what happened and

836

:

maybe one day I'll feel like recovering,

837

:

Christine: I know.

838

:

There's plenty of anger to go

839

:

around.

840

:

I'll say that.

841

:

And I wasn't there.

842

:

Alexandra: not today.

843

:

Christine: Yeah.

844

:

Alexandra: I don't know, but I think

I called you like the because it was

845

:

an evening, the day after, and I was

like, you will not believe what can

846

:

Christine: I was like, who?

847

:

Alright, where you need me?

848

:

I'm ready.

849

:

Alexandra: She's like,

I'll bring the shovel.

850

:

Christine: I guess the last thing

I, I wanna say is I wanted to ask

851

:

you, Alexandra, is what are your

hopes for the future in terms of

852

:

your, your healing process here and

853

:

how you're going to carry

your dad with you forward?

854

:

Alexandra: I hope to

not cry at my wedding.

855

:

Christine: I know.

856

:

Alexandra: Christine knows last year

we went to my college roommate's

857

:

wedding and the Father daughter dance

hit me, but I was not expecting it.

858

:

Oh In hindsight, I should have been

like, oh Let's think a little bit.

859

:

Because my dad was a terrible dancer,

and, and everyone I do mean terrible!

860

:

Like he could not dance.

861

:

Like maybe some disco,

but like that was about

862

:

Christine: Oh, I would have

863

:

loved to see your dad

864

:

Alexandra: shifts and a

finger yeah that was it.

865

:

Christine: doing the electric slider.

866

:

Alexandra: but like

otherwise not a good dancer.

867

:

So the healing I I think.

868

:

It may not matter how much

healing or time has passed.

869

:

I think that is going to hit me.

870

:

So haven't met my person, so there's no

wedding to plan, but I don't know if I

871

:

would ask somebody who like a male figure

in my life who's been like another dad

872

:

or hopefully my partner, his dad Or if

I would just do a dance with the mom.

873

:

So, not sure yet, but I have

a feeling that will come up.

874

:

Christine: Yeah.

875

:

Alexandra: and probably sharing

stories about my dad so my kids get

876

:

to know him without knowing him.

877

:

Christine: Yeah.

878

:

I think your mom talked about that

how she knew people like her, how

879

:

her, her family talked about people

who she never got to meet, but she

880

:

feels like she know them, knew them

because the people who were still

881

:

here kept that person's memory alive.

882

:

And I think that's such a beautiful

883

:

beautiful thing.

884

:

Alexandra: yeah.

885

:

Christine: And I have every,

I have no doubt that you'll

886

:

do that for your children.

887

:

And.

888

:

Alexandra: It'll definitely

come through and lay out the

889

:

instructions to build things, and

890

:

how I teach my kids what to do, and,

funny enough, of my parents, they were the

891

:

one I thought, like, as a grandparent, who

would, Spend a lot of time on Pinterest

892

:

figuring out stuff to do with a crank,

it would have been my dad, not my mom.

893

:

So,

894

:

Christine: Yeah.

895

:

Alexandra: but yeah, that's the, I think

that's, it's always in waves, right?

896

:

Like, and I think through going

through different stages of life, there

897

:

will be different parts and reasons.

898

:

Why more than others that I miss my

dad, so I just kind of rolling with

899

:

it, not trying to stop an emotion

or a feeling of sadness, just

900

:

kind of going, Hey, you're here.

901

:

Okay, let's roll with it.

902

:

Christine: And

903

:

Alexandra: what my healing

journey will look like.

904

:

But yeah.

905

:

Christine: I got your back, always.

906

:

We're in this together, friend.

907

:

I walk, I walk by your side on this.

908

:

Always.

909

:

Alexandra: Yeah.

910

:

And I love you for it.

911

:

Thank you.

912

:

Christine: I love you, too.

913

:

Alexandra: Okay.

914

:

Now that we are both

stuffed up and crying,

915

:

why don't we turn the

tables there, Christine,

916

:

Christine: Okay.

917

:

Alexandra: shine the spotlight on you.

918

:

So I think you mentioned before that

your dad's had a bit of a health journey.

919

:

Do you want to share what he

has before you kind of jump

920

:

in more to what's been like?

921

:

Christine: Sure, absolutely.

922

:

Yeah, I'd say the last, oh goodness,

six years since I've, yeah, six years or

923

:

so my dad's been on quite the journey.

924

:

Different things he had a partial

knee replacement done and then shortly

925

:

thereafter we discovered my dad was Had

multiple tick borne illnesses the most

926

:

notable one being Lyme, but there was

many others Bartonella was another and

927

:

this all was discovered I can't quite

recall when, but I think it was, it, it,

928

:

it, it's been in At least four or five

years since this discovery was found.

929

:

And we believe he's actually been

suffering and with dealing with

930

:

these illnesses for over a decade.

931

:

Which is crazy.

932

:

The, I don't know why, but it's

so difficult for these illnesses

933

:

to be detected and you have

to specifically test for them.

934

:

So because they don't just show up.

935

:

On normal tests, like you have

to have specific tests done and

936

:

it's been quite a journey for him.

937

:

He.

938

:

It's, it, it's to the point where he

has chronic Lyme disease and he'll

939

:

be dealing with it for the rest of

his life but over the last several

940

:

years he's been undergoing treatment.

941

:

At one point, he was on a, A course

of treatment that was intravenous.

942

:

He had a port put in his chest.

943

:

I want to say for almost a

year, he had had that and was

944

:

undergoing those treatments.

945

:

And I just, I, I know I, I.

946

:

Remember how taxing that was for him.

947

:

And God love my dad.

948

:

He always underestimates surgeries

and like the recovery time.

949

:

And like the recommendation from

the doctor was you don't, you can't

950

:

live to above a X amount of weight.

951

:

He always, he always said, dad,

you're listening, stop pushing it.

952

:

But,

953

:

Alexandra: doctor.

954

:

Yeah.

955

:

Christine: he, he, for, for

almost a year maybe even over

956

:

a year, can't quite recall.

957

:

The details are a little fuzzy.

958

:

He had, was undergoing intravenous

treatment several doctors,

959

:

constant tests were being done.

960

:

And that was a very, very

taxing time for him and for my

961

:

mom and for me and my sisters.

962

:

The end of it it was

discovered something was wrong.

963

:

My dad knew something was

wrong, but we didn't know what.

964

:

And based, based on where he was

feeling discomfort and issues

965

:

we were looking at his digestive

tract and wasn't finding anything.

966

:

And I remember I was down in Florida

with my sister at the time when he

967

:

was taken to, like an emergency clinic

because also guys at the time were like

968

:

a year into COVID, like this was February

969

:

2021, like almost a year after COVID.

970

:

So it wasn't easy for him to get

The, the attention he needed.

971

:

So he went to an emergency clinic and

wasn't getting the answers he needed.

972

:

And after we had come back and I was

home my sister, my sisters were home

973

:

and I can't quite recall where he got

this diagnosis, but they, they found

974

:

out that essentially a bacteria had.

975

:

Started eating away at one of the

heart, the valves of his heart.

976

:

And it, it deteriorated significantly

that he fell into a coma the

977

:

night before he was about to

undergo emergency heart surgery.

978

:

And, I you know, my sisters

and I were all home, so we were

979

:

there for my mom to support her.

980

:

But.

981

:

Yeah, it's just, it was, it was

shocking that the treatment that was

982

:

supposed to help my dad with the Lyme

disease and the Bartonella and all

983

:

the other tick borne illnesses he was

battling ended up You know, hurting

984

:

him in another way and causing some,

985

:

Alexandra: Yeah,

986

:

Christine: you know, it, it was crazy

because you hear emergency open heart

987

:

surgery and like that serious surgery,

988

:

Alexandra: yeah,

989

:

Christine: that's, that's

nothing to sneeze at.

990

:

But I just remember someone also

making the point like, yes, that's

991

:

a very significant surgery, but

it's one that done count, like.

992

:

hundreds, thousands of times.

993

:

So it's a surgery that has a very

high success rate and all these

994

:

things, but it's still like,

I didn't know what was going

995

:

to happen.

996

:

And my mom, had to make some decisions

for my dad because he wasn't,

997

:

he wasn't able to to make

the decisions for himself.

998

:

So my mom, as his advocate had to do that.

999

:

But, you know, we, we, Me

and my sisters were there.

:

00:52:03,942 --> 00:52:05,112

We supported her.

:

00:52:05,805 --> 00:52:06,165

yeah.

:

00:52:07,659 --> 00:52:11,469

I've kind of really gone deep

in on it all, but it's that's

:

00:52:11,469 --> 00:52:13,839

kind of a little insight into

:

00:52:14,499 --> 00:52:19,789

Alexandra: well, you briefly started

to touch on it, but how has the chronic

:

00:52:19,789 --> 00:52:24,109

Lyme disease and the other complications

impacted your family dynamics?

:

00:52:25,894 --> 00:52:29,064

Christine: forever changed We're

forever changed because of it.

:

00:52:29,094 --> 00:52:35,014

And it's something that I

have learned so much about.

:

00:52:35,064 --> 00:52:37,964

I, there's still so much for me to learn.

:

00:52:38,494 --> 00:52:42,494

But this is truly something that, you

know, yeah, it's, it's affecting my dad.

:

00:52:42,494 --> 00:52:43,214

He lives with it.

:

00:52:43,214 --> 00:52:47,784

I'm never, I'm not gonna fully understand

what he's experiencing it, experiencing,

:

00:52:47,944 --> 00:52:49,914

but we're all living it in some way.

:

00:52:49,914 --> 00:52:51,124

It affects all of us.

:

00:52:51,354 --> 00:52:57,304

You know, we're, you know, I, I

mean, He's still my dad, but there's

:

00:52:57,344 --> 00:52:59,134

parts of him that are different now.

:

00:52:59,364 --> 00:52:59,944

Alexandra: Yeah.

:

00:53:01,314 --> 00:53:01,834

Christine: so,

:

00:53:03,034 --> 00:53:06,744

Alexandra: In the, what aspect

of your relationship has changed

:

00:53:07,374 --> 00:53:08,814

specifically for you?

:

00:53:08,924 --> 00:53:13,664

Christine: For instance, like what's

some of the lasting effects of chronic

:

00:53:13,664 --> 00:53:19,944

Lyme is, you know, cognitively he,

he he struggles, his memory, and It's

:

00:53:19,944 --> 00:53:26,974

just, it's, he, he knows, like, he's,

When people have, are diagnosed with

:

00:53:27,314 --> 00:53:31,354

Alzheimer's or dementia, there's a certain

point where they don't necessarily know

:

00:53:31,874 --> 00:53:33,934

consistently what's happening with them.

:

00:53:33,934 --> 00:53:36,684

But he, he, he is aware of that.

:

00:53:36,724 --> 00:53:42,134

So it's hard to, to see your, see

your, your parent go through that.

:

00:53:42,134 --> 00:53:45,839

I mean, As kids, they're super,

your parents are superhuman.

:

00:53:45,849 --> 00:53:46,929

They're superheroes.

:

00:53:46,969 --> 00:53:48,209

They're, they're infallible.

:

00:53:48,219 --> 00:53:50,309

They're, they're, indestructible.

:

00:53:50,559 --> 00:53:51,089

Yeah.

:

00:53:51,569 --> 00:53:57,271

But as, as you reach adulthood and

your parents move into a different

:

00:53:57,271 --> 00:54:00,411

phase of their lives, you quickly

learned that that's not the case.

:

00:54:00,491 --> 00:54:00,701

And

:

00:54:01,871 --> 00:54:03,242

I wasn't expecting this all to start.

:

00:54:03,242 --> 00:54:07,589

Uh, My, when my dad, I mean,

he's still pretty young guy.

:

00:54:07,589 --> 00:54:09,073

I mean, he's 61.

:

00:54:09,814 --> 00:54:10,185

first

:

00:54:10,185 --> 00:54:10,556

at.

:

00:54:11,271 --> 00:54:11,631

Alexandra: still

:

00:54:11,806 --> 00:54:13,926

Christine: Yeah, he was first

diagnosed with all of this when

:

00:54:13,926 --> 00:54:16,606

he was in his late fifties.

:

00:54:16,646 --> 00:54:22,146

So it wasn't necessarily a phase,

an era of, of life that I thought

:

00:54:22,146 --> 00:54:23,596

was going to start right now.

:

00:54:23,616 --> 00:54:25,316

I thought, Oh, I had a little more time.

:

00:54:26,428 --> 00:54:27,538

and, uh,

:

00:54:29,094 --> 00:54:34,464

we, we all, you know, there's moments

where my dad's still my dad, but there's a

:

00:54:34,464 --> 00:54:36,274

part of him that's now forever different.

:

00:54:36,364 --> 00:54:38,024

But it doesn't mean I love him any less.

:

00:54:38,654 --> 00:54:42,274

I just, it, it's just our new normal.

:

00:54:43,014 --> 00:54:47,914

Sometimes I'm like, wow, I kind of, I

miss how life was before, but really

:

00:54:47,914 --> 00:54:49,949

my dad's been living with this for.

:

00:54:50,466 --> 00:54:54,746

Over a decade and it was before he

didn't even have a diagnosis and he

:

00:54:54,746 --> 00:54:56,426

was suffering for all from all of this.

:

00:54:56,466 --> 00:55:00,596

So in hindsight, we were like,

yeah, that's, you know, why,

:

00:55:00,666 --> 00:55:03,186

why dad was slowly changing.

:

00:55:03,186 --> 00:55:05,366

It started to all add up and make sense.

:

00:55:05,516 --> 00:55:11,673

And so just finally all caught up now and

he's finally you know, our family dynamic,

:

00:55:11,673 --> 00:55:13,613

we're still, we're still super close.

:

00:55:13,633 --> 00:55:14,143

We're still

:

00:55:14,313 --> 00:55:14,833

Alexandra: Good.

:

00:55:15,071 --> 00:55:16,801

Christine: We still have such a fun time.

:

00:55:16,871 --> 00:55:19,611

And you know, there's just

certain things are a little

:

00:55:19,621 --> 00:55:21,141

different now and that's okay.

:

00:55:21,331 --> 00:55:23,194

And that's, that's that's just what it is.

:

00:55:23,505 --> 00:55:27,465

Alexandra: So what, is there anything

specific that you and your sisters

:

00:55:27,465 --> 00:55:30,775

and your mom have had to change about

how you do things that have been

:

00:55:30,825 --> 00:55:35,305

adapted to support him in, in his

journey through the chronic line?

:

00:55:35,945 --> 00:55:37,805

Can you share a little bit

of what that looks like?

:

00:55:37,915 --> 00:55:39,515

Like the, the change?

:

00:55:40,020 --> 00:55:45,270

Christine: So, well, when I was

still living at home, when this

:

00:55:45,270 --> 00:55:50,540

was all first happening and him

doing the intravenous medication.

:

00:55:50,590 --> 00:55:54,850

So when that phase of this whole

journey happened, so much changed.

:

00:55:54,910 --> 00:55:59,560

Like my dad Was using a different

bathroom because he had to

:

00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:02,360

shower differently because of the

port the port couldn't get wet

:

00:56:02,790 --> 00:56:09,610

and you know assisting him with with the

administering the the medication like my

:

00:56:09,610 --> 00:56:14,210

mom had to learn how to do all of that and

Life just sort of changed a little bit.

:

00:56:14,210 --> 00:56:16,820

Dad wasn't able to lift heavy things.

:

00:56:16,820 --> 00:56:24,389

He Exercise like how he was before this

all started and you know, it just sort of

:

00:56:24,389 --> 00:56:29,544

all became the new normal and, and today,

I mean, he's, doing very well he's doing

:

00:56:29,544 --> 00:56:33,794

a lot better, we'll say that, I mean,

it's something he's living with but he's

:

00:56:33,814 --> 00:56:41,908

managing it he has some He's found support

groups that he has become very active in.

:

00:56:41,988 --> 00:56:43,798

It's been a wonderful outlet for him.

:

00:56:43,798 --> 00:56:50,118

It's, it's allowed him to connect with

people who understand what, what he's

:

00:56:50,118 --> 00:56:54,408

going through because us as his family,

we, we will never truly understand it.

:

00:56:54,888 --> 00:56:57,888

And as a result, I, you know,

we've learned a lot and there's

:

00:56:57,898 --> 00:56:59,388

still a lot left to learn.

:

00:56:59,448 --> 00:57:03,318

Lyme disease and tick borne illnesses

in general are as an area that

:

00:57:03,318 --> 00:57:11,128

is, Not heavily researched, but

it is rapidly spreading because

:

00:57:11,228 --> 00:57:11,918

Alexandra: Interesting.

:

00:57:12,151 --> 00:57:13,861

Christine: yeah, it's interesting.

:

00:57:13,941 --> 00:57:18,961

Bartonella that I mentioned, I believe

is known as cat scratch disease, but

:

00:57:18,961 --> 00:57:21,141

it is actually a tick borne illness.

:

00:57:21,681 --> 00:57:27,746

And there's multiple, like, Lyme isn't

the only one and they all affect the

:

00:57:27,746 --> 00:57:32,186

human body differently and it, it

blows my mind that this is such, this

:

00:57:32,186 --> 00:57:34,166

is, this is honestly an epidemic.

:

00:57:34,266 --> 00:57:39,666

A lot of people consider this to

be the, the, the increase in the

:

00:57:39,666 --> 00:57:44,626

rise of people suffering from, from

Lyme disease and other tick borne

:

00:57:44,626 --> 00:57:49,176

illnesses that go undiagnosed for,

for some people their whole life.

:

00:57:49,656 --> 00:57:53,236

I mean, towards the end, before my

grandfather passed away, we discovered

:

00:57:53,266 --> 00:57:55,336

he was suffering from Lyme disease.

:

00:57:55,976 --> 00:57:57,246

I mean, you know, like,

:

00:57:57,516 --> 00:58:03,356

people, people don't realize when

they're bit by a tick, and they don't,

:

00:58:03,996 --> 00:58:08,336

for whatever reason, it doesn't then, I

don't know why immediately it's not taken

:

00:58:08,556 --> 00:58:14,056

seriously as to, okay, you, you found

a tick, we need to have it tested, you

:

00:58:14,056 --> 00:58:15,916

need to be tested, and we need to start.

:

00:58:16,871 --> 00:58:21,611

undergoing the treatments needed because

I think when, when it's caught early

:

00:58:21,611 --> 00:58:27,101

enough, it can, things can, measures can

be taken to ensure a recovery from it.

:

00:58:27,631 --> 00:58:33,511

But left undiagnosed, that's when it

becomes chronic and your body, it's

:

00:58:33,521 --> 00:58:35,321

just, your body is forever altered.

:

00:58:36,096 --> 00:58:36,566

a result,

:

00:58:36,751 --> 00:58:37,301

Alexandra: Right.

:

00:58:37,581 --> 00:58:41,521

And then I'm sure it's a pact

impacting his immune system and

:

00:58:41,951 --> 00:58:44,301

how he fights other diseases.

:

00:58:44,871 --> 00:58:46,151

You know, it makes me think about

:

00:58:46,666 --> 00:58:49,206

Christine: it's also what

made COVID scary because

:

00:58:49,786 --> 00:58:54,606

when vaccinations, we didn't know how it

was going to interact with his treatment.

:

00:58:54,636 --> 00:58:55,876

So, know,

:

00:58:56,251 --> 00:58:59,761

Alexandra: And if he had an open port,

just, you know, anything that could have,

:

00:59:00,546 --> 00:59:02,116

Christine: yeah, yeah,

:

00:59:02,441 --> 00:59:08,091

Alexandra: makes me think of when I take

Piper to her vet, veterinary doctor.

:

00:59:08,592 --> 00:59:13,122

I think there's two vaccines that

she gets one for wild animal urine.

:

00:59:13,142 --> 00:59:18,252

And then I think there's one for tick

and Lyme and it's so maybe not Lyme

:

00:59:18,252 --> 00:59:20,962

disease, but like tick born things.

:

00:59:21,612 --> 00:59:24,052

And so I find that interesting, right?

:

00:59:24,052 --> 00:59:27,412

We do that for their, our dogs or

pets, and maybe that's because they're

:

00:59:27,412 --> 00:59:33,992

on four paws and close to the ground,

but then we haven't done that or

:

00:59:34,122 --> 00:59:36,092

figured out how to do that for humans.

:

00:59:36,362 --> 00:59:36,962

Christine: yeah,

:

00:59:37,182 --> 00:59:39,062

Alexandra: It's, I find interesting and.

:

00:59:39,772 --> 00:59:39,982

Christine: it's,

:

00:59:40,802 --> 00:59:41,332

Alexandra: You know,

:

00:59:41,412 --> 00:59:41,722

Christine: is.

:

00:59:41,762 --> 00:59:45,142

And it's I'm still, as I've, as I've

mentioned, there's still a lot for me

:

00:59:45,142 --> 00:59:49,922

to learn, but as someone who's watched

someone they love so much go through

:

00:59:49,922 --> 00:59:54,322

this and it doesn't make sense to

me, like this affects so many people.

:

00:59:54,322 --> 00:59:56,622

And a lot of people don't even

know they're affected by it.

:

00:59:57,072 --> 01:00:01,532

Alexandra: Well, that's so interesting

because I really only learned more

:

01:00:01,532 --> 01:00:06,062

about ticks moving to the east coast

of like when I would go run with

:

01:00:06,722 --> 01:00:08,532

when I thought I would be a runner.

:

01:00:09,683 --> 01:00:11,283

Yes, Christine knows

how laughable that was.

:

01:00:11,818 --> 01:00:15,178

Christine: Well, I also tried,

but I knew I would never be one.

:

01:00:15,388 --> 01:00:17,738

I just was there to on

:

01:00:17,808 --> 01:00:18,168

Alexandra: I forgot.

:

01:00:19,488 --> 01:00:22,938

Yeah, I remember when we went running

with Kaylee and somebody else.

:

01:00:22,988 --> 01:00:26,828

And, and you guys were like, okay, like

now check your socks, shoes, you know,

:

01:00:26,828 --> 01:00:30,108

let let's check you over for tics and

check, you know, check the next person.

:

01:00:30,108 --> 01:00:31,148

And I was like, what,

:

01:00:31,898 --> 01:00:32,938

what are you guys on?

:

01:00:33,458 --> 01:00:34,078

Christine: I know.

:

01:00:34,078 --> 01:00:37,398

Alexandra: And but now it's,

You know, it's something to take

:

01:00:37,398 --> 01:00:39,548

seriously even if you're

not just on the East

:

01:00:39,793 --> 01:00:43,703

Christine: And if you are in the

East coast, just being aware, like,

:

01:00:43,703 --> 01:00:47,513

the deer, they're they're now tra

they've traveled far enough south,

:

01:00:47,523 --> 01:00:51,483

they're they they travel the beach,

like, you The beach isn't even safe.

:

01:00:51,483 --> 01:00:56,523

Like you need to be aware of the

possibility that you might catch a tick

:

01:00:56,523 --> 01:01:03,503

while you're out at the beach or so always

check your, you know, check yourself

:

01:01:03,533 --> 01:01:09,023

after you come in from a hike or a walk or

working in the yard or out in the outdoors

:

01:01:09,063 --> 01:01:11,153

Alexandra: Even just

working in your backyard.

:

01:01:11,608 --> 01:01:15,858

Christine: My dad for years

before they hired people to help.

:

01:01:16,318 --> 01:01:20,558

Manage the lawn every weekend

in the spring and summer

:

01:01:20,558 --> 01:01:21,838

was out mowing the grass.

:

01:01:22,058 --> 01:01:25,708

And yeah, I, I, it's really

interesting talking to him about this.

:

01:01:25,758 --> 01:01:28,558

He remembers that one summer when he had.

:

01:01:29,223 --> 01:01:30,773

Quote unquote, summer flu.

:

01:01:30,833 --> 01:01:35,203

And looking back on that, that was a

clear sign that he was suffering from

:

01:01:36,203 --> 01:01:38,733

the effects of being bitten by a tick.

:

01:01:38,883 --> 01:01:42,083

So, you know, like don't

write that stuff off.

:

01:01:42,113 --> 01:01:46,683

And when, when you find that,

that insect on you, like.

:

01:01:46,828 --> 01:01:51,368

Take it seriously and there,

there's plenty of, of resources

:

01:01:51,368 --> 01:01:54,288

out there on the differences

between like what ticks carry what,

:

01:01:54,648 --> 01:01:57,458

so just be aware of all of it.

:

01:01:57,458 --> 01:02:02,048

I mean, it's best to just better safe

than sorry when it comes to a tick.

:

01:02:03,393 --> 01:02:07,893

Alexandra: Okay, you briefly mentioned

some support groups for your dad in

:

01:02:07,893 --> 01:02:12,373

terms of Talking to people who've been

through something helping mentally, is

:

01:02:12,383 --> 01:02:16,573

there any other strategies or resources

that you want to share with people who

:

01:02:16,573 --> 01:02:20,943

are listening in case they, or they know,

are going through chronic Lyme disease

:

01:02:21,003 --> 01:02:24,703

or know somebody who is experiencing

that, that has helped you and your

:

01:02:25,165 --> 01:02:28,375

. Christine: So, you know what , in our

show notes, I'm going to have, I'm

:

01:02:28,375 --> 01:02:32,485

going to list the specific organizations

and things that I would recommend you

:

01:02:32,485 --> 01:02:39,685

guys looking into if you are someone

who is in need of support, but also

:

01:02:39,735 --> 01:02:43,791

there is also services out there for

family members and loved ones who

:

01:02:43,791 --> 01:02:45,301

have a loved one experiencing this.

:

01:02:45,331 --> 01:02:49,671

So there is, there, there is

resources out there for you.

:

01:02:49,671 --> 01:02:54,071

And, and honestly, like the biggest

thing I want someone to take away from

:

01:02:54,071 --> 01:02:58,341

this is that they learn something new

and that this is an issue and that

:

01:02:58,381 --> 01:03:03,111

you can, there's books out there,

there's, there's documentaries just.

:

01:03:03,984 --> 01:03:09,845

Hopefully promoting better awareness

of this issue and realizing the lasting

:

01:03:09,845 --> 01:03:14,145

effect it does have on people because

so many people do suffer from this when

:

01:03:14,145 --> 01:03:16,125

it be when it becomes a chronic issue

:

01:03:16,125 --> 01:03:16,735

Alexandra: definitely.

:

01:03:16,935 --> 01:03:20,405

I think that will be very helpful

for people and even for people who

:

01:03:20,415 --> 01:03:25,105

don't have a personal connection

to the disease to be aware of.

:

01:03:26,165 --> 01:03:28,855

All right, let's bring

the focus back to you once

:

01:03:28,895 --> 01:03:29,225

more.

:

01:03:30,258 --> 01:03:35,168

How has your dad's illness

influenced your outlook on life and

:

01:03:35,168 --> 01:03:36,268

your outlook on your own health?

:

01:03:37,528 --> 01:03:43,031

Christine: Well, when something drastic

happens to somebody you love, It's

:

01:03:43,031 --> 01:03:45,181

like kind of a reality check almost.

:

01:03:45,181 --> 01:03:51,361

It like snaps you back into your own

body and realize it, it makes you realize

:

01:03:51,371 --> 01:03:57,521

like, wow, this can happen to, to me or

like it's happening to somebody I love.

:

01:03:57,521 --> 01:04:01,231

Like a lot of people say, Oh, I could

never imagine something like that

:

01:04:01,251 --> 01:04:03,761

happening to, to me or someone I love.

:

01:04:03,761 --> 01:04:09,044

Well so that's kind of how

it initially impacted me.

:

01:04:09,044 --> 01:04:09,274

And

:

01:04:09,754 --> 01:04:10,243

Alexandra: Mm hmm.

:

01:04:10,798 --> 01:04:14,643

Christine: I've just, what I've taken

from it is like, life's too short

:

01:04:14,653 --> 01:04:16,890

to not take your health seriously.

:

01:04:16,890 --> 01:04:20,345

Like you, you, you've really,

it, it really instilled in

:

01:04:20,345 --> 01:04:22,120

me the importance of being.

:

01:04:22,700 --> 01:04:25,970

An advocate for yourself when it

comes to your health, like, yes,

:

01:04:25,980 --> 01:04:31,110

the doctors have knowledge and the

education and the experience, but

:

01:04:31,110 --> 01:04:32,550

they're not living in your body.

:

01:04:32,880 --> 01:04:37,020

So if you're suffering from

something or something's not right,

:

01:04:37,040 --> 01:04:40,710

and you're You're not finding

people who are listening to you.

:

01:04:41,720 --> 01:04:43,270

Keep searching, keep pushing.

:

01:04:43,270 --> 01:04:46,965

Don't, don't just take,

take what they're saying.

:

01:04:47,345 --> 01:04:47,785

Yeah.

:

01:04:47,885 --> 01:04:53,721

Don't take the first opinion as gospel or

the final say, like keep pushing because

:

01:04:53,862 --> 01:05:00,770

you, You know your body and also it makes

you stop and think like, how am in tuned?

:

01:05:00,770 --> 01:05:01,950

Am I with my body?

:

01:05:02,350 --> 01:05:06,029

And what can I do to better

take care of my body?

:

01:05:06,430 --> 01:05:10,369

Alexandra: I think we've talked about

that on the show before, is in getting

:

01:05:10,379 --> 01:05:14,799

better in tune with our own bodies to,

to listen because like you said, we,

:

01:05:14,919 --> 01:05:17,409

we, the only ones living in our bodies.

:

01:05:17,899 --> 01:05:18,339

Hopefully.

:

01:05:18,989 --> 01:05:20,399

Hopefully there's nothing

else living in our bodies.

:

01:05:20,929 --> 01:05:24,959

But I think we have that, whether

it's been conditioned or we just

:

01:05:25,089 --> 01:05:28,109

have stopped listening to when our

bodies are telling us things, or

:

01:05:28,109 --> 01:05:29,899

we think, Oh, it's no big deal.

:

01:05:31,749 --> 01:05:32,259

You know,

:

01:05:32,651 --> 01:05:37,611

really learning what the different

signs have been actually learning.

:

01:05:37,621 --> 01:05:39,721

Like this is saying my body's okay.

:

01:05:39,721 --> 01:05:43,801

It's on its own recovery,

but this is abnormal is

:

01:05:43,971 --> 01:05:44,611

Christine: certainly.

:

01:05:45,201 --> 01:05:48,801

And I think the one other thing I'll

say is like the biggest lesson I

:

01:05:48,801 --> 01:05:51,581

learned, one of the biggest lessons

I learned from all of this is

:

01:05:52,877 --> 01:05:56,267

it's been a struggle watching someone

I love go through something like this.

:

01:05:56,527 --> 01:06:00,317

So I don't want to ever, I want to

do all I can to not necessarily put.

:

01:06:01,221 --> 01:06:03,302

My loved ones in a similar position.

:

01:06:03,352 --> 01:06:05,762

So I do take my health seriously.

:

01:06:05,952 --> 01:06:14,418

It's important for me to, to do my yearly

checkup or go to the gynecologist and have

:

01:06:14,618 --> 01:06:16,958

my pap smeared on like all these things.

:

01:06:17,178 --> 01:06:22,128

You're you really got to be

an active participant in your,

:

01:06:22,248 --> 01:06:24,228

your in your healthcare journey.

:

01:06:24,418 --> 01:06:27,958

Like it's not going to happen

unless you do something about it.

:

01:06:29,663 --> 01:06:31,123

Alexandra: I would

suggest one step further.

:

01:06:31,123 --> 01:06:33,793

It's also on the day to

day of what food are you

:

01:06:33,793 --> 01:06:34,313

putting in

:

01:06:34,313 --> 01:06:35,063

your body?

:

01:06:35,063 --> 01:06:38,343

Are you drinking enough

water in terms of tick?

:

01:06:38,373 --> 01:06:42,063

Are you checking your body to

make sure nothing is stuck to it?

:

01:06:42,103 --> 01:06:43,143

Taking good care of your skin.

:

01:06:43,173 --> 01:06:44,363

I mean, it really

:

01:06:44,468 --> 01:06:49,568

Christine: Yeah, I didn't even touch on

other family history, but you know, my,

:

01:06:50,408 --> 01:06:52,568

my family has history of skin cancer.

:

01:06:52,578 --> 01:06:58,772

Like that's very important thing that

I now am very cognizant of like putting

:

01:06:58,772 --> 01:07:04,252

sunscreen on, even when it's, even in

December even when it's cloudy, like,

:

01:07:04,652 --> 01:07:07,342

you know, it's, it's just my reality.

:

01:07:07,577 --> 01:07:09,417

It's what I'm predisposed to.

:

01:07:09,525 --> 01:07:12,225

Alexandra: it's better to look

silly than to end up with something.

:

01:07:12,875 --> 01:07:16,295

You had mentioned family history

is like, my dad's family does not

:

01:07:16,295 --> 01:07:18,425

have a great heart health history.

:

01:07:19,085 --> 01:07:19,435

And.

:

01:07:19,935 --> 01:07:21,555

He did have some blockages.

:

01:07:21,605 --> 01:07:23,545

Nothing that the doctor

seemed overly concerned about.

:

01:07:23,545 --> 01:07:26,485

Cause I think otherwise he would have

been in for surgery, but it was like, you

:

01:07:26,485 --> 01:07:28,125

need to get your diet and stuff in order.

:

01:07:28,125 --> 01:07:30,165

And he was working on that.

:

01:07:30,185 --> 01:07:30,765

Maybe.

:

01:07:31,424 --> 01:07:32,124

I love my dad.

:

01:07:32,163 --> 01:07:32,874

Loved my dad.

:

01:07:32,964 --> 01:07:33,464

Still do.

:

01:07:33,863 --> 01:07:35,693

I wish he had taken

better care of his health.

:

01:07:36,653 --> 01:07:41,963

I think both Christine and I can say

we, we wish our fathers had been more in

:

01:07:41,963 --> 01:07:46,533

tune with their body to listen to when

things were going awry a little earlier.

:

01:07:47,038 --> 01:07:48,198

Christine: My dad's there now.

:

01:07:48,278 --> 01:07:49,018

He takes his health

:

01:07:49,038 --> 01:07:50,028

very seriously now,

:

01:07:50,463 --> 01:07:50,853

Alexandra: Good.

:

01:07:51,108 --> 01:07:51,658

Christine: which I'm very

:

01:07:51,658 --> 01:07:52,338

grateful for.

:

01:07:53,588 --> 01:07:54,348

You know, it's

:

01:07:54,633 --> 01:07:56,693

Alexandra: you don't want to

keep waiting, but yeah, there's.

:

01:07:57,078 --> 01:08:02,108

You, if you know you have underlying

family history with not even Lyme

:

01:08:02,108 --> 01:08:07,148

disease, but other stuff, you should,

you should take your health seriously.

:

01:08:07,268 --> 01:08:09,838

It's something definitely not

to be taken for granted for,

:

01:08:10,138 --> 01:08:10,874

Christine: 100%.

:

01:08:11,264 --> 01:08:16,524

Alexandra: but I think my doc, my

family doctor was like, I don't know

:

01:08:16,524 --> 01:08:20,754

why we, Oh, we had to get a death

certificate called her and she was

:

01:08:20,834 --> 01:08:24,224

like, you're coming in for your, I

was coming in for my annual anyways.

:

01:08:24,294 --> 01:08:26,743

And she's like, okay, you're also

going to get a cardiac CT scan.

:

01:08:27,764 --> 01:08:31,484

And so she, because of my dad also say

that it's all the same practitioner.

:

01:08:31,484 --> 01:08:33,214

She was like, we're

going to do this rundown.

:

01:08:33,304 --> 01:08:37,464

So it is very much like you said,

Christine, like I don't ever want

:

01:08:37,464 --> 01:08:41,493

to put a family member I care

about and the situation like that

:

01:08:41,533 --> 01:08:42,604

Christine: And that's why it's so

:

01:08:42,729 --> 01:08:44,099

Alexandra: to the extent

it could be prevented.

:

01:08:44,113 --> 01:08:44,834

Christine: exactly.

:

01:08:44,854 --> 01:08:48,734

And that's why it's so important to talk

to your family members and get a family

:

01:08:48,734 --> 01:08:53,345

medical history, and then I understand

that that's not the case for everybody.

:

01:08:53,595 --> 01:08:57,046

So I encourage you to

talk to your doctors.

:

01:08:57,046 --> 01:08:58,366

Like, I really don't know.

:

01:08:58,435 --> 01:09:00,406

Is there anything we can do to.

:

01:09:00,696 --> 01:09:01,556

I'll take tests.

:

01:09:01,736 --> 01:09:04,106

I'll do whatever I need to.

:

01:09:04,256 --> 01:09:07,906

I, I want, I want you and

myself to have a full picture.

:

01:09:08,236 --> 01:09:13,086

So I know what I can, you

know, within reason you can't,

:

01:09:14,206 --> 01:09:15,765

can't foresee everything, but

:

01:09:16,701 --> 01:09:18,711

Alexandra: No, and you can't

live your life in a bubble.

:

01:09:18,770 --> 01:09:20,621

You have to, you have to live your life.

:

01:09:20,671 --> 01:09:21,100

So

:

01:09:22,100 --> 01:09:22,501

Christine: Yeah,

:

01:09:22,711 --> 01:09:25,651

Alexandra: the, the tight rope of

:

01:09:27,831 --> 01:09:28,801

the best balance or

:

01:09:28,801 --> 01:09:30,931

something between it all.

:

01:09:31,551 --> 01:09:34,171

Christine: And yeah, absolutely.

:

01:09:34,171 --> 01:09:39,551

I, and then I encourage, I encourage

anybody who's listening, who is struggling

:

01:09:39,551 --> 01:09:45,241

with a similar situation to reach out

find there's, there are, we'll include

:

01:09:45,241 --> 01:09:51,011

some resources and show notes and and know

that there, there, there are organizations

:

01:09:51,011 --> 01:09:53,161

and services out there for you.

:

01:09:53,631 --> 01:09:54,991

So you're not alone.

:

01:09:56,439 --> 01:09:56,829

Alexandra: certainly not.

:

01:09:57,129 --> 01:09:58,249

And you have both of us.

:

01:09:58,249 --> 01:09:58,869

If you ever need

:

01:09:58,899 --> 01:09:59,749

Christine: Absolutely.

:

01:10:00,594 --> 01:10:00,824

Yes.

:

01:10:02,219 --> 01:10:03,089

All right.

:

01:10:04,169 --> 01:10:07,737

And with that, I would like to

thank you all for joining us on this

:

01:10:07,737 --> 01:10:11,837

heartfelt episode about our fathers,

who we love so very, very much.

:

01:10:12,467 --> 01:10:16,607

We hope you found comfort, laughter,

and maybe even a few tears as

:

01:10:16,747 --> 01:10:18,667

we've shared our personal stories.

:

01:10:19,397 --> 01:10:23,327

From the joyous memories of childhood

to the challenging and transformative

:

01:10:23,347 --> 01:10:27,667

experiences of loss and illness,

we appreciate you being a part

:

01:10:27,667 --> 01:10:29,217

of this intimate conversation.

:

01:10:29,867 --> 01:10:33,137

As we approach Father's Day, we wish

Let's remember to cherish the time

:

01:10:33,137 --> 01:10:36,847

we have with our loved ones and hold

close the memories of those we've

:

01:10:36,847 --> 01:10:41,977

lost, whether you're celebrating with

your dad, reflecting on his legacy or

:

01:10:41,977 --> 01:10:43,527

supporting him through tough times.

:

01:10:44,017 --> 01:10:46,457

We hope this episode

has resonated with you.

:

01:10:46,925 --> 01:10:50,571

If you enjoyed today's conversation,

please let us know in the

:

01:10:50,571 --> 01:10:53,931

comments, and we encourage you to

share with us your own stories.

:

01:10:54,641 --> 01:10:57,211

We'd love to hear how you

honor and remember your dad.

:

01:10:58,740 --> 01:11:01,980

And don't forget to tune in next

time for a lively and insightful

:

01:11:01,980 --> 01:11:05,059

ride as we contemplate the

world of being misunderstood.

:

01:11:05,670 --> 01:11:09,210

We'll share our personal stories

from our journey as chronic people

:

01:11:09,210 --> 01:11:11,485

pleasers, To a newfound outlook.

:

01:11:12,095 --> 01:11:13,915

Thanks so much and chat soon.

:

01:11:14,288 --> 01:11:16,688

Alexandra: Are you enjoying the

banter and insights we're serving up?

:

01:11:17,208 --> 01:11:21,148

If so, consider tossing some support our

way through our buy us a coffee page.

:

01:11:21,508 --> 01:11:24,128

Every bit helps in fueling

this passion project of ours.

:

01:11:24,638 --> 01:11:27,274

Find the link in our show

notes and visit our link tree.

:

01:11:27,474 --> 01:11:29,744

We are immensely grateful

for your generosity.

:

01:11:29,931 --> 01:11:33,211

As we wrap up, remember to hit

that like subscribe or follow

:

01:11:33,211 --> 01:11:34,751

button on your preferred platform.

:

01:11:34,971 --> 01:11:38,011

Until next time, let's keep the

conversations going and we'll

:

01:11:38,011 --> 01:11:39,400

catch you on the next episode.

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About the Podcast

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The Mirror Project

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About your hosts

Profile picture for Christine Borowsky

Christine Borowsky

Introducing our enchanting co-host Christine, a nostalgic soul with a creative spark and an infectious optimism. A devourer of books, a music aficionado, and a film buff, she's immersed in the art of storytelling. Nature is her sanctuary, from forests to oceans. Eager for adventure, she's a perpetual learner, finding growth in every experience. Family and friends provide her comfort and joy. Unafraid of uncomfortable conversations, she navigates them with humor, believing they're vital for understanding and growth. Join her and Alexandra on this podcast where creativity meets curiosity, and laughter blends with wisdom.
Profile picture for Alexandra Montross

Alexandra Montross

Meet Alexandra, the spirited co-host of this captivating podcast, where everyday topics transform into enchanting conversations. With an old soul and a knack for the eclectic, she weaves a unique blend of organization and quirky charm into each discussion. Alexandra's passions span from wellness to metaphysics and dive into the thrilling world of entrepreneurship. Tune in for her lively perspective and insightful takes, adding a touch of magic to every episode alongside Christine. Get ready for a journey where Alexandra's vibrant energy and depth of knowledge create an unforgettable podcast experience.