Episode 16

Our Mums Pt. 2, ft. Rose & Candace

Episode 16: Maternal Bonds: From Parenting to Friendship

Welcome to The Mirror Project!

Welcome back, dear listeners, to The Mirror Project! I'm Alexandra, and I'm Christine, and today, we're embarking on part two of our special Mother's Day series. Join us as we explore the enchanting evolution of our relationships with our moms, from traditional caregivers to cherished friends. With laughter, tears, and heartfelt conversations, we'll delve into the unique journey of shaping and nurturing these enduring connections. So, grab your favorite drink, settle in, and let's dive into the beauty of maternal bonds.

Guest Introductions

Welcome back, Rose, the beacon of love and laughter in our lives, and welcome again, Candace, the epitome of intellect and curiosity. We're delighted to have you join us once more on this heartfelt journey.

Stay Connected

Before we delve into today's conversation, make sure to like, subscribe, or follow us on your preferred platform. Your support means the world to us!

Relationship Evolution

Navigating the change to transitional moments. Candace and Rose reflect on the shifts in their relationships with Christine and Alexandra, from the roles of fixer and teacher to advisors and supporters. Exploring the transition from dependence to independence from both the mothers' and daughters' perspectives, shedding light on the challenges and joys along the way

Engage with Us on Socials

Stay connected with us on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube for more intimate conversations and behind-the-scenes insights.

Relationships Now

Reflecting on friendship dynamics, to awkward transitions, to navigating the balance, Rose and Candace discuss how their relationships with their daughters have evolved into friendships, marked by meaningful conversations and mutual respect. Sharing humorous and awkward moments from the transition, including candid discussions about intimacy and entrepreneurial pursuits. Sharing humorous and awkward moments from the transition, including candid discussions about intimacy and entrepreneurial pursuits.

Carrying It Forward

Exploring what makes the relationships between mothers and daughters so special, and how Christine and Alexandra plan to carry forward these traditions with their own children. Rose and Candace share their excitement about the prospect of becoming grandparents, envisioning a future filled with love, laughter, and cherished memories.

Closing Thoughts

As we bid farewell to this heartwarming episode, we're filled with gratitude for the enduring love and support of our moms. Join us in celebrating the beauty of maternal bonds, and stay tuned for more engaging conversations when we return in June with a listener Q&A session. Until then, cherish the moments, hug your loved ones tight, and remember to spread love wherever you go. Goodbye for now, and we'll catch you in the next chapter of The Mirror Project!

Support Our Journey

If you've enjoyed our conversations, consider supporting us through our Buy Us a Coffee! Every contribution helps us continue creating content we love.

Join Us Next Time  

Before we wrap up, don’t forget to like, subscribe, or follow us on your preferred platform. Until next time, happy listening!

Transcript
Alexandra:

Hello and welcome back to the mirror project.

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We are your hosts, Alexandra.

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Christine: and Christine,

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Alexandra: We are thrilled.

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You are joining us for part two of our

episode, celebrating our mothers today.

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We're diving into the delightful evolution

of our relationships with our moms from

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the traditional parent child dynamic

to the cherished bond of friendship.

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It's a journey filled with laughter,

tears, and countless heartwarming moments.

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And who better to share it with.

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Then our very own moms, Candace and Rose.

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So grab your favorite beverage, settle in

and let's explore how we're shaping the

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future of these beautiful connections.

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Christine: Today I have the privilege

of welcoming back a woman whose love

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and laughter light up many lives.

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None other than the incredible Rose,

the nurturing mother of three remarkable

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daughters, yours truly, Nicole and

Victoria, And the devoted caretaker

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of her beloved pup, Beau, Rose brings

nearly three decades of motherly

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wisdom and warmth to every moment.

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With a passion for the beach,

gardening, and creating laughter

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filled memories with loved ones,

she infuses joy into every moment.

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Her infectious smile has the

power to brighten even the

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gloomiest of days, and her hugs?

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Well, They're nothing short of magic.

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With a newfound passion for furniture

restoration and a career spanning over

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15 years in school administration,

Rose's journey is one of boundless

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curiosity and endless possibility.

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Thank you so much for

joining us again today, Mama.

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Welcome back.

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Rose: Thank you, Christine.

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It's a delight to be here with

you and Alexandra and Candace.

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Looking forward to a

lively discussion today.

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Christine: Yes.

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Alexandra: And on that note, reintroducing

our fabulous guest and my mom Candace

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brings a vibrant blend of intellect,

creativity, and curiosity to the table

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when she's not busy being an amazing mom,

you can find her lost in the pages of

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a book exploring arts and gardening or

engaging and lively philosophical debates

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that span from the mundane to the mind

bending armed with her favorite question.

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Why Candace fearlessly explores

the depths of all things that make

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us human unraveling mysteries and

challenging conventions along the way.

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With a background in advertising and

a stint in web design and development,

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she's no stranger to navigating new paths.

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Currently embarking on a quest

to discover her next passion.

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Candace is a true inspiration to us all.

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Welcome back, mom.

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Candace: Thank you.

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Thank you.

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I'm glad to be back for section 2.

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We had a lot of fun last time.

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So I think we can do this.

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Christine: think so too.

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Before we dive into today's topic,

like, subscribe, or follow us on

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your preferred listening platform.

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Go ahead, pause, and do

it now before you forget.

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Don't worry, we won't

get started without you!

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Alexandra: Why don't we kick

off today's episode with the

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evolution of our relationships

and how have our relationships as

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mothers and daughters evolved as

Christine and I have gotten older?

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Who wants to start?

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Candace: Okay.

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I'll jump in.

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Let's see.

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this was a challenging question.

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I was trying to I don't.

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There are some big shifts

and then there are the just.

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Gradual general shifts into change

from, keeping their fingers out of

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light sockets to making sure where they

are when they take off in the car by

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themselves for the 1st time to even

today that job interview or the, the

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day they come home and something not so

great has happened in their workplace

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and, they need to tell you about it.

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So I think they're gradual

shifts and then there are.

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Big shifts that happen along the way.

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And, think in general, it's become, it's,

I was going to say caretaker at one point,

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but I, but we're always a caretaker.

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We're moms.

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I don't know if Rose would

agree, but you're always.

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caring for your child.

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It just changes how it looks.

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So it's less fixer teacher and it

becomes more advisor and supporter.

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As they mature into adulthood.

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So as parents or as a mother, I think

it's smoother if you know, that's

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coming and you accept it and you don't

fight it and I think that's a hard

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step to take is to not see them as.

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Little toddlers with droopy,

droopy bottoms and not remember

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we're supposed to fix everything.

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And the band aids, they aren't big enough

when you guys are all grown up and you

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have to pick your own band aids out.

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Christine: Yeah, that sucks.

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Alexandra: Yes, it

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does.

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Sometimes we still just

want our moms to fix it.

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Candace: you were in such a

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hurry to be

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grown up.

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Welcome.

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Christine: Yeah.

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Well, I

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I realized that was stupid Now

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Alexandra: Hindsight.

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Christine: How about you mama

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Rose: Well, I wholeheartedly

agree with Candace.

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She brings up a lot of good points and as

the transition happens from when you're

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younger going through your elementary.

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Middle school, high school

years, and then off to college.

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For me, the big shift happened

when Christine went off to

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college and I was left with wow,

how did that happen so quickly?

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And I recall one of the first

times Christine came back home

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after being away at college.

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And for some reason I woke up in the

middle of the night, maybe to get

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something to drink and she wasn't

home and she was out with friends.

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And I was like, Ooh, that's

new for me to process.

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But I also get the fact that when

you're in college your time is your own.

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And I just learned quickly that I couldn't

control everything that was happening in

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her life like I could when she was little.

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And I had to learn to let go

and let Christine grow into

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the person she was meant to be.

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And it was exciting to watch and still is.

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I had to make the shift from being

the major caretaker, organizer,

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planner, problem solver to.

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Listening, listening to her share

what was happening and learn to

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ask when she wanted advice and when

she just wanted someone to listen.

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And the majority of the time

it was, please just listen.

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Life stinks at times.

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It's hard.

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And I was just there to offer

a friendly smile, a hug.

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A sympathetic ear and let her

know that she's doing just great.

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And this too shall pass and there

will be brighter days soon to come.

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Candace: I think those are the

moments when you realize your

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child is no longer a child, they're

becoming a woman, and you interact

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like you would with any other woman

and with a good friend, you're

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supportive, you're a listener,

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Rose: Yeah, I

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agree.

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Candace: it's a monumental shift

and when it happens the way it has,

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or I feel it has with Alexandra,

and I think I observed with you and

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Christine, it's a beautiful thing.

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And I'm not so sure that sometimes

it doesn't happen for other people.

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And that, what a loss not to have that.

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Rose: Oh, I totally

agree with you, Kansas.

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Everyone has their unique individual

relationships with their own.

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And so we, we learned from a lot of

different experiences and learn what's

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best for us and how to cultivate our

relationships with our daughters.

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Alexandra: both talked about a

little bit how the relationship has

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changed, but what for each of you,

what were some of the more poignant

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points of that change or memories?

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I know Rosie had talked about the

Christine not coming home one night and

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you're like, Oh, that's new, but any

other stories or things you want to share?

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Rose: I would say Christine

navigating the workforce that was

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interesting you can't, You can't go

in and, and try and try to fix it.

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Christine: I couldn't take

my mom to my interview Yeah,

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Rose: I really would want to I don't

wanna be that type of parent gosh,

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just sitting on pins and needles

waiting to hear, how did it go?

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What sort of questions did they ask you?

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Or just dealing with once you, you have

the first job and dealing with, bosses

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and the expectations that they set and

knowing that there's times where she

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would be extremely frustrated and was

looking for answers and where to go next.

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And it, it became a, An interesting

conversation to listen to what she was

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saying and try not to tell her what to

do, but help her find her way and what she

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needed to do what was best for herself.

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Candace: Yeah.

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Christine: sometimes I want

you to tell me what to do

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Rose: I know, I

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know, but you wouldn't,

You wouldn't like me

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Christine: yeah, well

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with the big things, right.

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It's

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Rose: it?

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Christine: I appreciate you mom.

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Alexandra: It's but some of

the smaller things, however,

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I would take the direction.

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Rose: offer?

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Some thoughts that you might consider

in the end, it's your choice.

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Candace: I think Rose that hit on

that, man you going off to college

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was a fundamental change, not only

for you, but a life change for me,

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you're a one and only, and the nest was

empty when you went to college across

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country, there were no weekends back.

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No, you know, that you came

home at the semester break.

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And when you came home at semester

break, you were a different person.

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It was a different relationship.

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Like you said, you went out, I, you

didn't have a, not that you did have

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a curfew, but you had an expectation.

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And once you went to college, you

could, you were living your own life.

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You made your own decisions.

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And it was a chance

for me to see how well.

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You had made those decisions and

your problems from that point

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forward were much more, much bigger

and outside of my control to fix.

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It wasn't like when you went to

kindergarten and I walked you in and

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could speak to a teacher and out when you

were having issues with a very difficult

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professor or situations like that.

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You know, The mom in you wants to go

knock on an office door, but you can't.

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That time has passed.

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It's a different time.

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We can guide you, can

offer you suggestions,

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but

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Alexandra: pretty sure that you were

happy to kick me out of the house when

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I went off to college because I was

not the peachiest person that summer

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Candace: Oh yeah, that last summer was,

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Alexandra: I think I was just

kind of getting ready for,

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Candace: absolutely.

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Yes,

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recognize that.

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Christine: I would say that was

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the same.

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I think mom and I can agree that

was the same for us too, that last

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summer before going off to college,

but it was also a crazy one because.

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Mom and dad had started a

renovation on the, on our house.

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We had to move out.

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We moved into a two bedroom condo.

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I say two bedroom generously because the

room that mom and dad had was really tiny.

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And then my two sisters and I were

in what's considered the master room.

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So I was able to go off to college, but

you know, they significantly downsized

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and, you're getting ready for college.

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You have all this crap.

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So my crap was taking over the condo

and it was, once I was settled, I

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feel like there was a little bit of

a ease of pressure, but then it was

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like the realization of, oh shit, I'm

now living on my own and I'm, don't

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have my family here with me every day.

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So yeah, the, that was, that

was, Something I was ready for.

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Yeah.

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It was like something I was ready

for, but not at the same time.

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Once it happened, I don't think I fully

understood, but leading up to it, I

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was like, yeah, I'm ready for this.

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I'm I need it.

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I want to spread my wings.

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And then I was like, I don't want

to spread my wings that much.

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Rose: Yeah.

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The world's pretty scary at

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times.

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And I think your sisters were

gently nudging you out the

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door rather quickly so they

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Christine: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I just remember everything.

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They were . Making fun of

me or pick poking at me out.

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I'm like, I'll be gone just

before you like, before, you

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know, it just hang in there kids.

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but yeah,

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Candace: it's like those nature shows

where you see the eaglets standing

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on the edge of the nest and they're

beating those wings in the air.

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And that was the summer before college.

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And then they, she took off and she.

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Turned around, we left her, her

dad and I were in the car and she

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walked away and she wouldn't look

back because she didn't want to cry.

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And she just realized that's

the wings out and she's soaring.

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And then she

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comes home and changed

and, just so much more.

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Confidence and maturity in

her and it was just lovely.

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It was lovely.

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First few weeks we got very brief texts.

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That's the most we could get out of her.

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And then about three weeks after

that she started calling again.

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And then pretty much called daily

just to check in and say hi.

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Really not check in, just to say hi.

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It was and I knew it was going to be okay.

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Okay.

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I knew that our relationship was

going to be really something special

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in the end as she navigated this

and we moved further into adulthood.

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Alexandra: Christine, do you

have any other comments on what

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that transition like was for

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on our

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Christine: just about to say

that I really struggled to call

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when I first went off to college.

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I don't think I really

called all that much.

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I think I texted, but there was one.

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I can't remember.

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How far into it, it might've been

like a week or two into settling in.

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I think it was maybe two weeks in.

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And I was, had just gone

to one of my a first class.

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I don't know if it was my first

class of the semester, but it

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was one of my first classes.

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I had signed up for a class and I went

and I just remember, I left feeling like.

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Oh, no, I made a horrible mistake.

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I don't think I should have signed

up for this class and I called

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mom and she came and I remember, I

don't know if you remember this mom,

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but you came and you sat with me.

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We talked all about it.

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You helped guide me through it.

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And I ended up, dropping

out of that class.

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It wasn't the time for me to take it.

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I think I felt overwhelmed with

the workload and I didn't need

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to take, I think I was able, I

didn't have to take that class.

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So I, made the decision to drop it for

that semester and focus on other classes.

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And it was so, meant so much to have you

there and actually come and be with me.

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Apparently I'm.

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making me very emotional

thinking about it, but um, it.

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It was, it's just, if I had decided,

cause when I was first looking about

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going what colleges to go to, I was

like, I want to leave New Jersey.

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I want to move far away.

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But if I had done that, I wouldn't

have had that opportunity for mom

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to come and help me through that.

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Rose: Oh, what makes you think I

wouldn't have hopped on an airplane and

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Christine: It was significantly easier

for you to come get me, come to me.

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I guess it's

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Rose: was.

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Yes,

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it certainly was.

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We sat in the diner there in South

Orange and we had a lovely conversation.

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And I was I was thrilled that

you reached out to me and we're

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looking for some help and some

guidance and making your decision.

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And, Of course I remember that.

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I know you were, there were so many things

that were weighing on you and it just was,

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it was, Wonderful to be able to be there

to help you realize it was your choice

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and you had to do what was best for you.

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And it didn't matter what other

people thought or were expectations.

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You were the one doing the work.

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You were the one that

needed to pass the class.

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And so it was just, it was great

that you were able to feel confident

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and comfortable enough to reach

out to me and look for that help.

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So that's the kind of relationship about

I've tried to cultivate with each of you.

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Just to always know that I'm

here with, for whatever you need,

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and it's still happening today.

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Christine: Yes, it is.

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Candace: It's amazing how comfortable

thinking about what you're saying,

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closeness, that was a big sort of

like knot in the stomach for me, for

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us thinking how far she was away.

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And that if something came up,

getting there was a half a day, even

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if even urgent, it was a half a day.

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and and, But it's amazing how comfortable

you can get having profound conversations

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in the parking lot of the grocery store

because of the time change and where,

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you know, inevitably she caught me

going into or out of the grocery store.

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So it was funny the times that it

worked out that we had very serious

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conversations and and learned to.

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Thank goodness for cell phones, right?

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At that point, but I don't

know how my parents did.

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I remember I was Sunday afternoons.

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I had a mandatory call home.

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And if I didn't call home, I

could expect the National Guard.

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It was very different.

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Being able to do that with Alexandra

and having the opportunity to

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be that kind of touchstone for

her through some challenging,

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challenging moments at college.

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I think it made a real difference.

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And but yeah.

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It is a big, you guys took

big steps in those early days.

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And when she came home that first semester

and we talked, we talked, she said, she

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wanted me to know that the first three

weeks she didn't call because it was

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going to be too hard to hear our voices.

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She was, homesick as we all are

when we are leave the nest and

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move away for the first time.

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And mom and dad aren't there to come

home and just see, even see every day.

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And and so it I knew that was what

was happening when we just got very

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brief texts, but it surprised me.

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And again, this is the recognition

of the change in her when she.

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stated what that was.

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It was about being homesick and it would

have been too hard to just not be crying.

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What real maturity and

only 18 at the time.

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Alexandra: I think that transition was

Difficult in the sense of trying to

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find the footing of, still my mom, still

her daughter, but now we're moving into

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this, not so much that mom daughter

relationship and into something else.

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So it's always like how much to

share, how much not to share, what to

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talk about, what not to talk about.

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And don't talk to her like

a friend or not a friend.

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So it's that was, I remember

that part of the transition being

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a little more difficult to navigate.

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And even sometimes still to this day,

it's like, Hey, you're still my mom.

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However, this is what I would like to say.

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Christine: You have to reestablish

boundaries with each new stage,

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right?

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Like the boundaries we had when we were

little or middle school or high school,

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once we went off to college and now that

we're, out of school and working and what

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I begrudgingly call finally in adulthood

your boundaries constantly shift.

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So, It's you got to reevaluate

every few years and figure out okay,

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how is our relationship changing?

363

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Because, our relationship with you guys

is the longest one we have ever had.

364

:

We wouldn't be here without you,

so yeah, but how about we talk

365

:

a little bit about how we would

classify our relationships now?

366

:

I think you were just alluding to that a

little bit, but mom, do you want to start?

367

:

Rose: Sure.

368

:

I would classify our relationship

now as adult friends.

369

:

We're still mother daughter, but yet

we sit and we chat and we have very

370

:

meaningful conversations, whether

it's about work or new opportunities.

371

:

It's more, it's a different

level conversation.

372

:

One of mutual respect, understanding,

we, at the heart of the conversation,

373

:

we, as me, as your mother have

your best interests at heart.

374

:

But I also understand that

you're an independent woman who.

375

:

Is making your way in the world

and making some decisions and of

376

:

where you're, you're going and yet

it's uncertain and a bit scary.

377

:

I have to be mindful of the fact that

although you're my daughter, you're

378

:

also, as I just said, independent

thinking woman who is trying to navigate.

379

:

Your future.

380

:

And as if we were sitting with

friends, having dinner together and

381

:

you're asking, what is my opinion?

382

:

And instead of, you're asking

for my opinion, not asking

383

:

me, mom, what should I do?

384

:

You're like, what do you think of my.

385

:

do you think of my process?

386

:

And it's just that affirmation of you

are heading in the right direction.

387

:

You're doing what's best for yourself.

388

:

it's, it's interesting.

389

:

Christine: Yeah.

390

:

This past week we had one of those

and I was at, I told her everything.

391

:

And then at the end of

it, she was just quiet.

392

:

And I'm I think processing.

393

:

And I said, so what do you think?

394

:

Am I making like a bad decision?

395

:

Do you think this is the right way to go?

396

:

Because it this week felt like it

was leading up to this conversation

397

:

or this meeting that I had.

398

:

And At the end of it, I was

like, okay, I've made it through

399

:

and I've just debriefed you.

400

:

Did I do the right thing?

401

:

Did I make a mistake?

402

:

Rose: Right.

403

:

And I think my comment was you're

young enough to recover if it's not the

404

:

Christine: Yeah.

405

:

Rose: So go for it.

406

:

Christine: Yeah.

407

:

Alexandra: wrong thing?

408

:

Christine: No, it was just,

409

:

Helped sort of ease my anxieties

that I was like, okay, I did it.

410

:

I had the, because up until

that meeting I had, the anxiety

411

:

was about having the meeting.

412

:

And then after the meeting, the anxiety

was like, did I make the right decision?

413

:

So just sitting down and telling

mom everything and asking

414

:

her for her thoughts on it.

415

:

And.

416

:

Talking it all through,

it, it helped ease my mind.

417

:

And and then I was like,

Hey mom, how was your day?

418

:

So yeah, I agree, mama.

419

:

I think our relationship

now, it's probably the best.

420

:

In my opinion, the my favorite like

era of our relationship, if I was to

421

:

say, although I did really love being

like a little bit of kid, a little

422

:

kid and playing and all of that.

423

:

But being at this stage

now, this is a lot of fun.

424

:

And I have a built in best

friend for my whole life.

425

:

And I'm just so grateful how I like,

feel like I won the mom lottery.

426

:

I think Alexander and I

can both agree on that.

427

:

Alexandra: Mm

428

:

Christine: You, you know,

429

:

really blessed with two

amazing mother figures.

430

:

And yeah, I'm just I'm ready

for, I feel like I'm ready for

431

:

whatever possibility can come next.

432

:

Cause I know that this

relationship is strong and

433

:

Rose: Definitely rock solid.

434

:

Christine: good home base.

435

:

Alexandra: Yeah.

436

:

Rose: I definitely look forward

to what's to come in the future.

437

:

And I open that with open arms and

438

:

Christine: Yeah.

439

:

Rose: buckle up.

440

:

Christine: Yes.

441

:

Alexandra: Strap in for the wild ride.

442

:

Christine: All right.

443

:

Alexandra and Candace, you're up.

444

:

Alexandra: Okay, I'll leave

the floor to you, mom.

445

:

Okay.

446

:

Candace: when she was sharing,

I'm thinking, you're unloading

447

:

today is a little bit harder

than just changing a diaper.

448

:

And it's man, it's just, it's a

lot to take in and everything in

449

:

you that fixer, the thing where we

could problem solve, you become a.

450

:

You ask questions, you bring up

things that, they can, you can

451

:

think about when there's an issue.

452

:

Did you think about this?

453

:

Did you think about that?

454

:

And, and in a way getting in

helping you to look at it.

455

:

And it's fullest all the sides of

it so that you can make a decision

456

:

about it because in the end, you

have to make the decision you have

457

:

to live with the decision you make.

458

:

And as far as classifying

our relationship, I.

459

:

I think now it's it can be confidant and

it can be supporter and it's not the only

460

:

confident and not the only supporter,

but I'm the one that I feel like that

461

:

no matter how it turns out, whatever

decision she makes you know, a a hundred

462

:

percent, I'm behind her a hundred percent.

463

:

She never has to doubt that.

464

:

and and I don't believe she ever,

she doesn't, I don't believe she

465

:

does doubt it because sometimes

it's, she does say what she thinks.

466

:

And, we work it out together.

467

:

We work it out

468

:

Alexandra: Reap the consequences anyway?

469

:

Candace: Yeah.

470

:

I started this relationship with you

thinking that we'd be, I'd be respectful

471

:

and honest, and there was nothing you

couldn't ask or you couldn't Or share and

472

:

precisely what's happened along the way.

473

:

Would you agree?

474

:

Alexandra: I think sometimes

much to your chagrin, but I just

475

:

want to To make this announcement

that she asked for an intelligent

476

:

child who would question things.

477

:

So anytime she's like,

why are you this way?

478

:

I'm like, you know what?

479

:

Just gonna bring that back to you.

480

:

I think you asked the universe for

481

:

Candace: Thank you universe.

482

:

Alexandra: and she's dang it,

483

:

Candace: No, I am,

484

:

Alexandra: that.

485

:

Candace: I am enormously

blessed and grateful.

486

:

I cannot.

487

:

Christine: well

488

:

Candace: To love anyone or anything as

much as that moment I first heard you cry.

489

:

Came out yelling.

490

:

Howling.

491

:

She was C section.

492

:

A C section baby, so she came out howling.

493

:

They had taken her out of

a nice, warm, cozy place.

494

:

She was expressing her first

opinion and that moment,

495

:

Alexandra: I

496

:

think The point that the

anesthesiologist had said.

497

:

Nothing wrong with her lungs.

498

:

Candace: They have that little

team on the wait for the baby

499

:

and, they didn't need the team.

500

:

She was there and present and

it was a magnificent sound.

501

:

Rose: Aw,

502

:

Alexandra: I was very upset to

be taken from my watery home.

503

:

No.

504

:

I was

505

:

not ready.

506

:

Candace: She is a Pisces.

507

:

That's for sure.

508

:

Christine: On that note there, are

there any hard moments because we've

509

:

we've transitioned into this friend.

510

:

Like mother daughter, but also

friend era of our relationship.

511

:

Are there any hard moments because

we're now in that area that we

512

:

want to share and reflect on?

513

:

Rose: Whenever you're dealing with

relationship transitions, there's

514

:

going to be hard moments for me.

515

:

One instance with Christine was when

she was making the decision to move

516

:

out and live on her own navigating

that that process with her and just

517

:

just wanting to share that I knew it

was something that she needed to do,

518

:

even though she was a bit hesitant.

519

:

But she most importantly knew that

she needed to live on her own pro, and

520

:

just reassuring her that I was there

to support and help navigate it, and I

521

:

just wanted to be a part of the process.

522

:

I didn't want to tell her how to do it.

523

:

I think that was a time where there

might have been some uncertainty on

524

:

Christine's part that we were gonna have

to, have to, have to tell her how to

525

:

do it and where to go and what to do.

526

:

But more, it was just for me to

say, I'm just here to be a part of

527

:

the process to offer some guidance

or experience that I had in doing

528

:

so in navigating the real estate.

529

:

And do you remember that conversation

we had again, centered around food and

530

:

Christine: Yeah.

531

:

Rose: a little restaurant in

Montclair just opening up and.

532

:

And it was it was frightening show

different emotions to her that I was

533

:

understanding what she wanted to do.

534

:

I was going to miss having her

around on a daily basis, but I knew

535

:

that she This was different than

when she was going off to college.

536

:

This was I'm ready to leave the

house now and live on my own

537

:

and go where the world takes me.

538

:

And that was another transition

to say, okay, here we go.

539

:

Buckle up.

540

:

Do you remember that conversation

541

:

Christine: I do.

542

:

Yes, I do.

543

:

It was

544

:

it was a very

545

:

an enlightening experience and

conversation because, I uh, I too was

546

:

like, I'm ready for this, but I don't.

547

:

But at the same time, you're scared

of that unknown or change and taking

548

:

a leap of faith on yourself and

Leaving the safe environment of home

549

:

and constantly having somebody there

to talk to at the end of the day and

550

:

all of that it was, it was a really

beautiful moment for the both of us, I

551

:

think, and to have that conversation.

552

:

And even though I have moved out,

I would say we've both really.

553

:

Have made an effort to

554

:

see each other and do things together.

555

:

And we have lots of fun that I think

if maybe we, if we didn't, if I

556

:

didn't do the move out when I did,

we wouldn't have had those moments.

557

:

So I'm grateful for that as well.

558

:

Even though, that short amount of

time where you're living with that

559

:

uncomfortability and, fear of change.

560

:

Rose: The fear of change.

561

:

And I think what happened for

both of us is we realized that our

562

:

relationship wasn't going to change.

563

:

It was going to grow and blossom into the

564

:

next step

565

:

Where we go.

566

:

We have dinners together, we

go shopping together, we go to.

567

:

Movies together.

568

:

We go to the museums together.

569

:

We, we've grown in our relationship

where we know that even though

570

:

we're not with each other

571

:

But in the way we are with each other

each day, cause we either text or call

572

:

and check in and we plan to do things.

573

:

I think we were, I was worried like

our relationship was going to end.

574

:

You were going to go off and do your own

thing and never, not see me or call me.

575

:

Like we were when you were

576

:

living at home.

577

:

And, uh, I think it was a realization

that our relationship was to the

578

:

next level and continuing to grow.

579

:

Christine: Yeah,

580

:

I think it also has done wonderful.

581

:

I still learn new things

about you as a result.

582

:

Like, I don't know if I was still living

at home and seeing you every day like,

583

:

because we're going out and doing these

new activities together or having these

584

:

new experiences, I'm continuously learning

new things about you as who you are, that

585

:

I don't know if I would have, you know,

been able to experience if I, was still

586

:

living at home and seeing you every day.

587

:

And I think after having that,

like time apart makes coming back

588

:

together, all the more like sweeter.

589

:

And, there's the insight, excitement and

anticipation leading up to it, and then

590

:

it's like the big catch up data dump.

591

:

And then it's, and then,

592

:

Rose: Yeah.

593

:

Christine: and then, you know,

you're, you're, you're, you're

594

:

Rose: And then it's

595

:

the bittersweet moment when

we have to part our ways.

596

:

Christine: then, you know, when we

make those special times to go out and

597

:

experience something new together, or

you know, I, you take me to do something

598

:

that you've done with some friends

and vice versa we get to continue to

599

:

learn more about each other because.

600

:

That's part that's what makes us human.

601

:

We're constantly growing and finding

out new things about ourselves.

602

:

And it's even sweeter when you get

to find out new things about somebody

603

:

who's been such a constant in your life.

604

:

Like, I thought I already

knew everything about you.

605

:

Turns out I don't.

606

:

Rose: I still have a few more

607

:

Christine: Yes.

608

:

Candace: and probably some

things that she will never share.

609

:

So I know I have those

but, thinking about.

610

:

Rose: Of course.

611

:

Of course.

612

:

Candace: Thinking about hard moments,

I would have to say Alexandra has such

613

:

a, an entrepreneurial spirit and she

does not come by that strangely multiple

614

:

generations of people who thought,

They wanted to do something and they

615

:

wanted to do something their way.

616

:

They believed in what they wanted to do.

617

:

And she started a project that

had looked so positive and hopeful

618

:

from the beginning, but then turned

out to be something that was not.

619

:

And in fact became very difficult

and in some ways watched it

620

:

become a little toxic for her.

621

:

And.

622

:

And the, that next big transition

was being there to listen and to

623

:

offer support, but understand that,

that I didn't have the answers for

624

:

it, that I could only help her find

her own answer, whatever that was.

625

:

That I didn't really know the

answer for her, that really had to

626

:

come from someplace deep inside.

627

:

That she had to make a decision

about what she wanted to do, who she

628

:

wanted to be, where she wanted to go.

629

:

And that was a very challenging

and difficult few, And she made the

630

:

decision and extricated herself from it.

631

:

And I think today the tell is that

she's moved on and grown in many ways

632

:

and it worked out exactly as it should

have worked out and led her to doing

633

:

this podcast and taking on some other

endeavors and continuing to build.

634

:

Towards her future goal of being her

own boss, being her own and having goals

635

:

and leading and having a business and

I'm really happy and proud of her for.

636

:

Taking the steps she took and learning

from those steps, man, she learned a lot.

637

:

So did I, but that was a hard,

638

:

Alexandra: I think it was a hard

moment when I realized, my mom

639

:

didn't have all the answers.

640

:

And when I needed help and wanted to

know the next step that she didn't have

641

:

that magical answer for me, I think that

was really difficult because it was just

642

:

like, but you always have the answer.

643

:

And so she's sorry, sweetie, this

is when you're going to have to.

644

:

Figure out a happy to be here.

645

:

Listen, you can talk through what you

want to do, but ultimately we don't know.

646

:

It's like, I don't like that answer.

647

:

So

648

:

Christine: I have a new one?

649

:

Alexandra: which is funny, right?

650

:

Cause like having an entrepreneurial

spirit, you're a little bit more

651

:

comfortable with risk and the unknown.

652

:

But at the same time, I feel like I'm

also somewhat very risk adverse when

653

:

it comes to like business and stuff.

654

:

So it's a very weird combination of, I

want to do it, but then how do I make sure

655

:

I'm successful at it right out the door?

656

:

So in the moment, I was like, honey,

that's Not how most of life works.

657

:

I'm like, I don't like that answer.

658

:

So I think that's, I think a lot

of our relationship right now,

659

:

she's I hear you, I hear what

you want does not work that way.

660

:

I would say one of the hard moments for

me is like the time, trying to get better

661

:

at communicating to my mom when I want

her to fix something for me, because I

662

:

think right now with, everything that's

going on for the past few years, it's.

663

:

Mom's kind of in a mode of okay,

you're telling me a problem.

664

:

I will fix it.

665

:

And I'm like, okay, I actually

don't need you to fix this one.

666

:

I just want you to listen right now.

667

:

I'm not even to the stage

where I'm ready to fix it.

668

:

So I'm trying to get better at

communicating that and be like,

669

:

I just need a sympathetic ear.

670

:

I need you to tell me these people suck.

671

:

Yeah, you're right.

672

:

It's terrible.

673

:

And then maybe tomorrow we can figure

out a path forward or vice versa.

674

:

Sometimes when I'm like looking

for the thing and she's just giving

675

:

me a sympathetic ear and I'm like,

okay, clearly our wires are not.

676

:

Our wires are crossed.

677

:

They're not communicating.

678

:

So I think sometimes that's

the hard part of okay, where,

679

:

what stage are we at right now?

680

:

Do

681

:

Candace: need to be prefaced

with opinion or listener then

682

:

I know which way to zig or zag.

683

:

But it's good.

684

:

It's always good.

685

:

It's still, the problems

get bigger and harder.

686

:

And then when you're little,

but I'm glad to be there to be a

687

:

sounding board, to help you find

the answer that works for you.

688

:

Yeah.

689

:

That's that's, I think the ultimate

goal of parenting to help your child be

690

:

able to make the really tough decisions.

691

:

And do them confidently.

692

:

Rose: Yeah, absolutely.

693

:

I agree with you, Candice.

694

:

I think about so many of my friends,

their children don't come to them.

695

:

With things they go to their own friends.

696

:

And so it's really quite wonderful that

our daughters feel so comfortable and

697

:

confident that they can come to us with

these hard questions to help navigate it.

698

:

I know I feel very blessed to have that.

699

:

With each of my daughters.

700

:

Christine: Yeah, well, I think it

goes to show just the, how the work

701

:

you put in mom and like also knowing

when to step back and give each of us

702

:

room to breathe and figure out, okay,

wait, no, I do need mom come back.

703

:

So you really, walked that tight

rope, I think really beautifully.

704

:

Rose: it hasn't been easy.

705

:

I tell you the scars in my heart,

706

:

Christine: can't imagine.

707

:

Rose: it's been a very rewarding

process to say the least.

708

:

Christine: All right.

709

:

Well, Before we move on, how about

we share any funny or awkward stories

710

:

or moments in this transition period?

711

:

How about Candice, do you have one?

712

:

Candace: Yeah, we were, I asked

permission to share this too.

713

:

I was, I saw that question when I was

714

:

reviewing the notes last night.

715

:

And Alexandra said she was

the tiniest person has ever.

716

:

Has liked to status herself.

717

:

If there was a boom and we were out

of the room, we'd hear, I'm okay.

718

:

And, didn't matter what else was going on.

719

:

Or if she is something, she had done

something, she was the first one to

720

:

come and say, this is what I did.

721

:

How can you be upset

that she, dropped, broke.

722

:

Something because she was

the first to tell on herself.

723

:

And as I said before, I really wanted to

feel, have her feel like she could say and

724

:

share whatever she needed to feel or say.

725

:

And so she goes off to college,

man, that first semester was

726

:

tough and she, I get a phone call.

727

:

Again, in the parking lot outside

Albertsons, a market chain out

728

:

in California, I know they're

all over country, but this was

729

:

very vividly seared into my mind.

730

:

She goes, mom, I want

to have a conversation.

731

:

And I'm like, okay.

732

:

Cause the preface of mom.

733

:

I want to have a conversation

is just that early warning sign.

734

:

And she

735

:

goes,

736

:

I'm thinking about it.

737

:

I know she was, I'm thinking

about having sex with the.

738

:

This person she'd been seeing for a while

and I'm like, in the moment going in my

739

:

head, I'm like, is she asking permission?

740

:

And I'm not sure I'm the one she

should be asking for permission,

741

:

or is she looking for information?

742

:

We did the biology part of it first.

743

:

And then I said, But if you're

looking for permission, you

744

:

Alexandra: hold on.

745

:

I gotta jump in here.

746

:

We had that kind of biology

conversation long before

747

:

wasn't really asking for permission, but

748

:

Candace: No I'm not, to this day,

I'm not entirely sure other than you

749

:

just wanted to share and what it was.

750

:

And that was okay too.

751

:

Again, that was another transition moment.

752

:

And, but it was just so funny.

753

:

I'm like, what is she?

754

:

Asking me for, cause I'm still in

the pre, the childhood of am I,

755

:

what am I supposed to fix here?

756

:

And what is it that we, we don't,

have we done, condoms, birth

757

:

control, et cetera, et cetera.

758

:

And our, or are we looking for,

how am I, what's this going to

759

:

look like emotionally in that?

760

:

And so I would just remember.

761

:

Being like, Oh my God, I can't

believe she's sharing this.

762

:

And Oh my God, I can't

believe she's sharing this.

763

:

And I'm just so grateful that she felt

that she could, that she, because that she

764

:

could trust me to have the conversation

and that I would tell her the truth that I

765

:

knew and the truth that I knew about her.

766

:

And, but that ultimately.

767

:

It was in, it was her decision

when, where, who, but that.

768

:

Could make that decision knowing she

was armed with facts and expectations

769

:

and understanding, fully appreciating

and understanding consequences and

770

:

what the, how that, what that is on the

other side of that and not going to a

771

:

friend that may not know her as well or

have her future, um, her wellbeing at

772

:

heart, like a mom, like a mother does.

773

:

Man, that was, I still can, I

can remember the parking spot.

774

:

Alexandra: I think it was one

of those things that goes back

775

:

to You as a parent, right?

776

:

Like you told me that if I couldn't have

conversations about things or talk about

777

:

things that were important or serious

in life, then maybe I wasn't, you

778

:

know, old enough or responsible enough

to handle the consequences good or bad.

779

:

And I think at that point I wasn't

asking for permission, but I was

780

:

just like, Hey, just so you know.

781

:

This is what's going on in my

life and this is where I'm at.

782

:

And I'm like, she was like, okay,

you didn't need to tell me that.

783

:

I was like would you

rather me hide it from you?

784

:

Would you rather not know about and

I don't, cause I don't think that

785

:

was really what you were hoping for.

786

:

So yeah, it was funny.

787

:

It was just also like, okay.

788

:

Am I, I I think it was also

less of permission, but more of

789

:

another way for me to talk out.

790

:

Yeah.

791

:

Am I ready to have sex with somebody

and deal with any consequences

792

:

that may happen from that?

793

:

And you know, didn't work out with that

person, but live to love another day.

794

:

Candace: for both of us.

795

:

Christine: Yeah.

796

:

How

797

:

Rose: Yeah.

798

:

Christine: Any funny or awkward moment?

799

:

Rose: You're going to have to help

me out with this one, Christine.

800

:

I've been does anything,

anything really come to mind?

801

:

Christine: Terms of the

transition, I don't know.

802

:

Not to say that we don't have

whenever we're together, it's always

803

:

fun and we always have laughed,

804

:

Rose: of laughter, no doubt.

805

:

A

806

:

Christine: but I don't know if there's,

807

:

Rose: lot of giggling going on.

808

:

Christine: any awkward.

809

:

Rose: I don't know how

we follow that Candice

810

:

and Alexandra either.

811

:

I don't think we can either.

812

:

Christine: yeah, I'm ready

to move on if you are.

813

:

That was just,

814

:

Candace: Yeah.

815

:

Alexandra: I think people have learned

way too much about me today, but

816

:

Christine: no, I just,

I didn't, I don't have

817

:

any story that can come second to that.

818

:

Rose: Or even come in the top five.

819

:

Christine: Oh gosh.

820

:

Candace: Although Rose, you, can you, I'm

821

:

sure you were, when I

was talking, you were

822

:

sitting there thinking,

823

:

I'm glad I didn't have that conversation

with Christine or, then again, you're

824

:

probably like, yeah but they happen.

825

:

They happen when you least expect them.

826

:

Rose: They, no, they absolutely do

happen and they've happened with other

827

:

daughters and I just didn't feel it was

since they were not here to be a part

828

:

of the conversation that I should it.

829

:

Christine: Yes.

830

:

That could be a free future episode

where we have the siblings on.

831

:

I'm sure that'll be very

832

:

entertaining.

833

:

Rose: That would be hysterical.

834

:

Christine: sure they would have

plenty to say about the awkward,

835

:

funny moments all about me.

836

:

Because they, you know, it's funny when,

837

:

Candace said that, yeah it's funny

that when you said that Alexander's

838

:

the first to tell on herself, it's

yeah, cause she didn't have siblings.

839

:

Siblings are the first to tell on you.

840

:

Rose: out.

841

:

Christine: Oh my gosh.

842

:

Before you could even, like,

process what you've done.

843

:

They're off and running to mom.

844

:

Rose: girls in the room.

845

:

Who did it?

846

:

They all point to one.

847

:

Candace: Yep.

848

:

Rose: The two of them point to one.

849

:

Alexandra: I think the one

pointing a different direction

850

:

might be the one who did it.

851

:

Rose: yeah, exactly.

852

:

Christine: Oh gosh.

853

:

Alexandra: On that funny note, let's

roll into our last topic of the day

854

:

and carrying these traditions of the

evolution of relationships with our

855

:

mothers on what do we find so special

about our relationships that we want

856

:

to carry forward into the future

and possibly future generations,

857

:

Christine, you want to kick us off?

858

:

Christine: Sure.

859

:

I think I touched on it a little bit

already, like I've just loved this

860

:

era of our relationship and that we're

still learning new things about each

861

:

other and like reassessing boundaries.

862

:

I think that's, those are some really

key pillars that I want to carry

863

:

forward, not only in our relationship,

but like any relationship I think.

864

:

My relationship with my

mom is really what I model.

865

:

Any sort of relationship, friendship,

new relationship what my expectations

866

:

are and also just, you know,

keep being genuinely who I am.

867

:

I think that's something my mom

has really instilled in all three

868

:

of us, all three of her children.

869

:

And I definitely, I think I'm, I embrace

that to its extreme sometimes, but yeah,

870

:

I think those are some things that I find

so special about this relationship and

871

:

would love to hear what mom has to share.

872

:

Rose: Yeah, I think also carry on

traditions of we center a lot of our

873

:

experiences around Activities, whether

we're in the kitchen or doing a craft

874

:

together carrying that forward with

the next gen, next generation of of who

875

:

the individuals that will come into our

family being open and sharing ourselves

876

:

in an authentic way with them and having

them be all comfortable enough to be.

877

:

Who they are around us

is my ultimate goal.

878

:

I would never want anyone to ever come

into my home and not feel welcomed

879

:

Or felt judged.

880

:

I want them to just know that I'm

happy to embrace them into our lives

881

:

and some of the things that we like to

do, whether it's cooking or holiday,

882

:

Crafting together just a lot of a

great memories have been made without

883

:

a lot of shenanigans have happened.

884

:

A lot of laughter has

885

:

happened.

886

:

And I look forward to planning

887

:

Christine: Yeah.

888

:

Rose: the next opportunity for

that to happen, which I think

889

:

is going to be next weekend.

890

:

Um, Christine And I are going to

Boston to be with Nicole and her

891

:

roommate is graduating from law school.

892

:

And I'm just looking forward

to That whole experience

893

:

Christine: Yeah.

894

:

Rose: again.

895

:

Christine: Yeah.

896

:

I think it's reflecting on where we're at.

897

:

It's like we, our family was so big,

in terms of our traditions, it was,

898

:

holidays were the whole extended family

gets together and these last several

899

:

years, it just shrunk down a lot.

900

:

And I think Part of that was due to COVID,

but also part of that was due to family

901

:

members passing and people establishing

new traditions for themselves.

902

:

And so our family, it shrunk we've

shrunk down to our core five, but now

903

:

I think looking forward, our family

is going to start expanding again

904

:

as we find significant others, or we

invite a found family into things.

905

:

Carrying, carrying, What we've established

in this in this time into what we're going

906

:

to move into next and embracing that.

907

:

I think just wanted to echo what

you were saying there, mom and

908

:

reflecting on how on that change

909

:

Rose: It

910

:

Christine: yeah, it's

interesting to think about.

911

:

Rose: Was an interesting

change that we went through.

912

:

And it gave us an opportunity as the core

five to, to really come closer together

913

:

and figure out where we go forward, what

sort of things that we like to do and

914

:

cherish when we're together and welcoming

individuals into that setting with us.

915

:

Absolutely.

916

:

Christine: Yeah.

917

:

about you guys?

918

:

Alexandra: find so special

about our relationship?

919

:

Candace: I consider memory building

the greatest joy and, family life, and

920

:

I, it started when I was very young.

921

:

My grandfather's birthday was July 4th,

and I was probably eight or nine before I

922

:

realized that the fireworks and everything

were not because it was my grandfather's

923

:

birthday, that it was, that it, that was

the country's birthday, and and then, I

924

:

had 22 cousins and we were all together

and three aunts and uncles, and then we

925

:

had, my my aunts were my father's sisters.

926

:

So their husbands, part of their

families would be there and those huge

927

:

events and then smaller events with

my father and one of his sisters and

928

:

our families, and then we would do.

929

:

Vacations with friends, summer vacations

with friends, with families, these

930

:

events, memories have always been

tied with laughter fun, and they just.

931

:

And that's what I think Dad

and I tried to build with you.

932

:

And what I look forward to

carrying forward is this when

933

:

Christine comes, it's an event.

934

:

We do things we go see

things, we enjoy things.

935

:

And those, those are just great.

936

:

Gifts and wonderful moments.

937

:

And those are the things that I got

from my grandparents and in talking

938

:

with cousins and all of our parents

have passed now that we say, yeah,

939

:

that's the thing that we take forward.

940

:

Those are those good times, happy

times, getting together, sharing the

941

:

histories, knowing our past and looking

forward to our future and encouraging

942

:

those that are going to deliver the

future that that we're, we share those.

943

:

and and I think I like to think that

one of them is, just, Gosh, laughter.

944

:

It just solves so many problems

and brings so much joy.

945

:

Alexandra: I think the thing

that I find so special about our

946

:

relationship is the two things really.

947

:

One that you taught me that family

is so much more than the people

948

:

that you're born into blood wise.

949

:

Because it's so interesting.

950

:

Mom talks about how she had a

huge family events growing up.

951

:

And I don't recall the same way

because being an only child, mom

952

:

and dad were the only ones of their

families to live on the West coast.

953

:

So really creating that found family.

954

:

and

955

:

That's why I call Christine, my sister.

956

:

And and my sister sent me and just

finding the family that means so

957

:

much because you did choose them

and you just love to be around them.

958

:

So that is something I choose

to make family wherever I go.

959

:

And I can really say that when I was, in

New Jersey, when mom was in California,

960

:

was so nice to have a second set of

parents with mama B and Christine's dad.

961

:

And it felt Rose really does make

people feel like they're family.

962

:

So I was always super special to

come to your house for Saturday night

963

:

steak and potato dinner with salad.

964

:

And then

965

:

Rose: it wasn't too boring of a meal, but

966

:

Alexandra: no, honestly, I love steak.

967

:

It's one of my favorite meals.

968

:

And the other thing I find so special

about mom and I's relationship is

969

:

that we can talk about everything as

indicated by the very awkward story

970

:

of that transition in our relationship

is that I felt very comfortable

971

:

talking about anything and everything.

972

:

In fact, I remember not about sex,

but like mom and I will just go

973

:

off on very like esoteric type

subject conversations and debates.

974

:

And

975

:

we were sitting down when dad was

still here and I think it was mum.

976

:

I, dad and Simi.

977

:

And so mom and I were, I don't know

what we were talking about, but

978

:

we were just going back and forth.

979

:

And but what about this and

the world, this theory and

980

:

this theory brings in that.

981

:

And I could just see both of dad

and Simi's eyes just glaze over

982

:

and they're going, We're out.

983

:

We're just out.

984

:

So I love that.

985

:

And I love that we still have those

986

:

Christine: Yeah.

987

:

I feel like I love those two.

988

:

And then I always ask the

question, how do we get here?

989

:

then we

990

:

recap how one thing led to the

next and I was like, oh, okay.

991

:

Goodness.

992

:

Alexandra: Um,

993

:

Rose: complete sense to us.

994

:

Candace: yes, if you can follow

the trail, I consider it reasonable

995

:

to have gone that direction.

996

:

Yeah.

997

:

Alexandra: So Christine, anything

tradition wise that you've done with

998

:

your mother that you want to do with

your children, daughter, sons, whomever.

999

:

Um,

:

00:55:55,104 --> 00:55:59,274

Christine: I love, as I mentioned,

I love how we're establishing

:

00:56:00,144 --> 00:56:01,444

our new traditions now.

:

00:56:01,494 --> 00:56:04,344

So I look forward to carrying those on.

:

00:56:04,824 --> 00:56:10,314

Like mom mentioned, we love to cook, like

we love to come around a table together.

:

00:56:10,734 --> 00:56:11,674

We love to cook.

:

00:56:11,674 --> 00:56:14,634

One of the things I've loved ever

since we were little was that my

:

00:56:14,634 --> 00:56:18,454

parents always made sure that we had

family dinner together every night.

:

00:56:18,854 --> 00:56:21,124

So just keeping that going.

:

00:56:21,124 --> 00:56:25,134

And I was so surprised when I learned

that wasn't a normal thing, that

:

00:56:25,134 --> 00:56:27,854

families didn't do that hardly ever.

:

00:56:27,904 --> 00:56:29,554

And I always loved that.

:

00:56:29,554 --> 00:56:35,344

It was like our touch base for the day

where we all checked in and shared.

:

00:56:35,984 --> 00:56:38,474

Was able to hear how

everybody else is doing.

:

00:56:38,524 --> 00:56:39,594

And we still do that.

:

00:56:39,594 --> 00:56:43,094

I love that when we all come

together, when everybody's home we

:

00:56:43,094 --> 00:56:44,704

all come around the dinner table.

:

00:56:45,124 --> 00:56:48,914

And we also have our best conversations

around the table, regardless if

:

00:56:48,914 --> 00:56:50,954

we've or eating a meal or not.

:

00:56:51,004 --> 00:56:55,284

But yeah, just I think that's the

one big tradition I want to carry

:

00:56:55,284 --> 00:57:01,064

forward and I look forward to any

new ones that we create In the

:

00:57:01,064 --> 00:57:02,714

years to come, but how about you,

:

00:57:04,703 --> 00:57:06,753

Alexandra: I think what I mentioned

before about what I find so special

:

00:57:06,753 --> 00:57:11,033

about moms and I relationship that I

want to carry that on with my children.

:

00:57:11,103 --> 00:57:12,193

But there's two things.

:

00:57:12,213 --> 00:57:16,433

I think Christine, you're the only other

friend that I have whose parents ever

:

00:57:16,433 --> 00:57:19,433

made a, um, a plan to have family dinner.

:

00:57:19,483 --> 00:57:22,283

And that was common with my

parents because I have friends.

:

00:57:23,088 --> 00:57:25,818

In high school at college

who really never had that.

:

00:57:26,218 --> 00:57:29,468

So that was mind bending to me when

I found out, that wasn't normal.

:

00:57:29,518 --> 00:57:31,658

And then to find somebody else

who did that, I was like, yes.

:

00:57:32,248 --> 00:57:33,898

So that's important to me.

:

00:57:33,898 --> 00:57:35,828

And then doing at least once a month with.

:

00:57:36,138 --> 00:57:39,828

Simi and her family, Christine,

when you're down, or we're in

:

00:57:39,838 --> 00:57:43,168

the same city, just doing the big

get together things like that.

:

00:57:43,198 --> 00:57:47,088

And then the other thing is I loved

what mom did when I was younger.

:

00:57:47,088 --> 00:57:49,878

She didn't care if I made a

mess, she would put down like

:

00:57:49,938 --> 00:57:51,328

butcher paper on a table.

:

00:57:51,378 --> 00:57:55,908

Put out like when I had friends over and

really young, like crayons, Play Doh, just

:

00:57:55,998 --> 00:57:57,738

would let us go to town and have wild.

:

00:57:57,778 --> 00:58:00,608

And wasn't like worried about the mess it

would make because it could be cleaned up.

:

00:58:01,058 --> 00:58:03,288

And that's something I want to

do with my kids to realize that

:

00:58:03,678 --> 00:58:05,328

there is, there's time, like just.

:

00:58:05,638 --> 00:58:07,468

Go play, go have wild, just be

:

00:58:07,468 --> 00:58:08,778

fun and do that.

:

00:58:08,838 --> 00:58:11,268

Cause I think as an adult, sometimes

I struggle with that and I'm like,

:

00:58:11,268 --> 00:58:14,908

I always have to be so serious all

the time to get back to the place of

:

00:58:14,908 --> 00:58:19,725

like wild play and reckless abandoned

something I would like to do.

:

00:58:20,077 --> 00:58:25,487

Candace: I think family dinners

is such a given for me that.

:

00:58:25,907 --> 00:58:27,097

It's what I grew up with.

:

00:58:27,247 --> 00:58:32,037

It was dinner table was always, everyone

went around and how was your day?

:

00:58:32,107 --> 00:58:32,847

What happened?

:

00:58:32,877 --> 00:58:33,887

What was special?

:

00:58:34,327 --> 00:58:38,887

And and always the scene

of very lively debates.

:

00:58:38,937 --> 00:58:44,117

Sometimes we'd lose people in the process

of having, debates, but but it was

:

00:58:44,147 --> 00:58:49,617

never, it was an opportunity to learn,

to express your opinion and to share

:

00:58:49,617 --> 00:58:55,237

your opinion and to realize it's okay for

other people to have other opinions to

:

00:58:55,257 --> 00:58:57,587

riff off of that and to learn from that.

:

00:58:58,147 --> 00:59:01,987

And I did not realize how

important those were to Alexandra.

:

00:59:02,427 --> 00:59:06,447

Until the times we moved and the

dining room table is covered with

:

00:59:06,467 --> 00:59:10,267

boxes and she'll go, can, when,

how soon are we going to be sitting

:

00:59:10,267 --> 00:59:11,697

at the dining room table again?

:

00:59:12,167 --> 00:59:16,157

Even when it's just the two of us

sitting at a dining room table, it's

:

00:59:16,287 --> 00:59:22,077

that idea of this special time of

sitting down and sharing a meal and

:

00:59:22,077 --> 00:59:26,887

sharing our thoughts and how the day

went as simple as how the day went.

:

00:59:27,550 --> 00:59:28,270

so I didn't.

:

00:59:29,200 --> 00:59:33,740

You don't, yes, you don't realize how

fundamentally important that is until

:

00:59:33,740 --> 00:59:35,460

something changes that from happening.

:

00:59:35,880 --> 00:59:37,780

And I would like to see that go forward.

:

00:59:37,880 --> 00:59:42,250

I truly would like to be that be

a part of both of your futures

:

00:59:42,350 --> 00:59:43,910

and your family's future.

:

00:59:44,308 --> 00:59:45,818

Alexandra: Oh, I think it definitely will.

:

00:59:46,328 --> 00:59:48,248

And I have one last question for our moms.

:

00:59:49,718 --> 00:59:50,108

Okay.

:

00:59:50,483 --> 00:59:55,183

What are you looking forward to in your

relationship with your grandchildren when

:

00:59:55,183 --> 00:59:56,823

Christina and I eventually have children?

:

00:59:56,823 --> 00:59:58,414

Yeah.

:

00:59:58,414 --> 01:00:05,208

Candace: I would like to be The

The grandmother that I remember

:

01:00:05,208 --> 01:00:08,438

my grandparents, my grandmother

and my grandparents together,

:

01:00:09,108 --> 01:00:16,718

the sort of place to come and be

hugged and loved and supported just

:

01:00:17,098 --> 01:00:19,038

unconditionally to make a mess.

:

01:00:19,808 --> 01:00:25,918

And it not be a problem to say

whatever I felt and be loved

:

01:00:25,968 --> 01:00:27,818

regardless to learn things.

:

01:00:27,898 --> 01:00:31,898

I remembered so many things that I

learned just doing with my grandparents

:

01:00:32,118 --> 01:00:37,728

and then the histories, the family

histories at, even as a young child, I

:

01:00:37,738 --> 01:00:43,498

feel like I knew people who had passed

away before my parents were born.

:

01:00:43,908 --> 01:00:44,818

And I knew.

:

01:00:45,578 --> 01:00:50,528

I knew a lot about who I was and

where I came from those conversations.

:

01:00:51,098 --> 01:00:57,948

And they also set the expectations of who

I would become, who I would strive to be.

:

01:00:58,408 --> 01:01:04,178

And it was all done with open

arms and complete love and fun.

:

01:01:04,858 --> 01:01:08,278

I just have such fond memories

of my grandparents and I and

:

01:01:08,278 --> 01:01:12,138

they had 22 grandchildren and

we have talked individually.

:

01:01:12,663 --> 01:01:15,463

They did something like this

with each and every one of us.

:

01:01:16,223 --> 01:01:17,513

Each and every one of us.

:

01:01:18,173 --> 01:01:23,723

And we all have these super special

memories that are unique to us.

:

01:01:24,453 --> 01:01:25,363

It's remarkable.

:

01:01:25,553 --> 01:01:30,063

They were just loving giving people

and they just loved their family.

:

01:01:30,443 --> 01:01:31,523

Loved their family.

:

01:01:32,063 --> 01:01:35,813

And it's shown in my

cousin's grandchildren.

:

01:01:35,843 --> 01:01:37,203

They see the same.

:

01:01:37,918 --> 01:01:39,608

They see it moving forward too.

:

01:01:39,738 --> 01:01:44,768

So some family traditions that are

good move forward through time and

:

01:01:44,768 --> 01:01:46,598

I'd like to extend that as well.

:

01:01:47,638 --> 01:01:50,638

And I'm looking forward to giving them

back when they get really difficult.

:

01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:55,200

My grandmother even

:

01:01:55,200 --> 01:01:57,110

loved me when I was 11 years old.

:

01:01:59,032 --> 01:02:00,321

Rose: That's awesome, Candice.

:

01:02:00,391 --> 01:02:04,211

I'm so happy that you had grandparents

that were such a significant

:

01:02:04,221 --> 01:02:05,821

part of your life growing up.

:

01:02:06,338 --> 01:02:11,080

for me, I was, as Candice was

speaking, I was thinking back with

:

01:02:11,080 --> 01:02:15,300

my grandparents and unfortunately

I didn't really have a lot of that.

:

01:02:15,490 --> 01:02:21,280

But I have always thought if and when

the day does come and I am a grandparent

:

01:02:21,330 --> 01:02:29,100

look to share my interests with them

and whether it's gardening or movies or

:

01:02:29,130 --> 01:02:36,080

cooking Easter egg dyeing Christmas tree

trimming, just being together as a family.

:

01:02:36,801 --> 01:02:42,127

and sharing different holidays and

interests and also getting to know

:

01:02:42,127 --> 01:02:47,717

what their interests are and creating

and becoming part of that, whether

:

01:02:47,717 --> 01:02:54,217

it's a sports or dance or knitting,

whatever it may be, or just being open

:

01:02:54,217 --> 01:02:57,157

to, um, where their interests lie.

:

01:02:59,167 --> 01:03:01,577

So that's that's what

I most look forward to.

:

01:03:02,027 --> 01:03:06,267

There might be a few let's go to

Costco and scam food off the vendors.

:

01:03:06,367 --> 01:03:10,477

And I promised Christine, I won't teach

them how to sneak into a movie without

:

01:03:10,767 --> 01:03:11,137

Christine: Okay.

:

01:03:12,897 --> 01:03:12,917

Alexandra: Yeah.

:

01:03:12,917 --> 01:03:15,227

Oh

:

01:03:19,047 --> 01:03:19,497

Rose: Well,

:

01:03:19,583 --> 01:03:19,893

I had to

:

01:03:19,943 --> 01:03:21,333

Christine: I, I know.

:

01:03:21,413 --> 01:03:21,723

Rose: a grandparent,

:

01:03:22,683 --> 01:03:23,803

Christine: I know.

:

01:03:24,413 --> 01:03:25,193

Oh boy.

:

01:03:25,283 --> 01:03:31,823

Candace: I learned that when my father

took Alexander out for a frozen yogurt

:

01:03:32,878 --> 01:03:36,488

Less than an hour before the dinner

that I was actually making at the time.

:

01:03:36,488 --> 01:03:41,678

And I watched him say, come on, Alexandra,

let's go get some frozen yogurt.

:

01:03:41,718 --> 01:03:43,458

And I'm like, who are you?

:

01:03:43,888 --> 01:03:45,718

And he said, Oh, I'm a grandparent.

:

01:03:45,988 --> 01:03:47,148

So different rules.

:

01:03:47,788 --> 01:03:51,358

And Alexandra has already told

me what I'm not allowed to do.

:

01:03:51,428 --> 01:03:52,008

I think she's.

:

01:03:52,498 --> 01:03:54,528

Making that list a little early, but

:

01:03:54,633 --> 01:03:57,133

I don't really know that she knows me very

:

01:03:57,133 --> 01:04:03,863

well to be telling me something like that,

but but yeah, I think the sharing of what

:

01:04:03,983 --> 01:04:11,612

you love and then the sharing of what they

love is just the, of being a grandparent.

:

01:04:13,192 --> 01:04:18,721

Of having those moments that were not so

fraught as they are with your children,

:

01:04:18,721 --> 01:04:25,572

where you're trying so hard to, you're

learning, I think grandparents take

:

01:04:25,572 --> 01:04:27,062

the benefit of what you've learned.

:

01:04:27,682 --> 01:04:32,442

And as I said previously, let

you relax a little bit more.

:

01:04:32,971 --> 01:04:33,732

Rose: absolutely.

:

01:04:33,907 --> 01:04:37,587

Candace: And I'm still going to

wish the universe sends us bright,

:

01:04:37,797 --> 01:04:43,428

intelligent grandchildren, and I

know we'll get what we asked for.

:

01:04:44,283 --> 01:04:46,413

Rose: Oh, there's no doubt

about that happening, Candice.

:

01:04:47,753 --> 01:04:49,123

There's no doubt about that.

:

01:04:49,723 --> 01:04:50,663

The prototypes.

:

01:04:51,498 --> 01:04:53,891

Candace: oh yeah, Yeah, I

think that's almost a given.

:

01:04:56,310 --> 01:04:57,410

Christine: And there you have it, folks.

:

01:04:57,570 --> 01:05:01,430

That brings us to the conclusion of our

heartfelt journey through the evolving

:

01:05:01,430 --> 01:05:03,820

tapestry of mother daughter relationships.

:

01:05:04,490 --> 01:05:08,060

We hope you enjoyed this intimate

journey that's been filled with laughter,

:

01:05:08,500 --> 01:05:10,590

tears, and countless cherished moments.

:

01:05:11,380 --> 01:05:15,390

As we've explored the transitions from

traditional parent child dynamics to

:

01:05:15,390 --> 01:05:19,220

the beautiful bonds of friendship, it's

clear that our connections with our moms

:

01:05:19,220 --> 01:05:21,420

are as dynamic and enduring as ever.

:

01:05:22,110 --> 01:05:26,580

As we look towards the future, we're

inspired to carry forward the traditions

:

01:05:26,590 --> 01:05:31,590

of love, laughter, and unwavering support,

shaping the future of these beautiful

:

01:05:31,590 --> 01:05:33,440

connections for generations to come.

:

01:05:34,285 --> 01:05:38,904

Thank you so much to our moms for joining

us and we eagerly anticipate their return

:

01:05:38,904 --> 01:05:41,805

to the podcast soon until next time.

:

01:05:41,904 --> 01:05:46,105

Remember to cherish the moments, hug your

loved ones tight and continue building

:

01:05:46,115 --> 01:05:47,805

bridges of love and understanding.

:

01:05:48,580 --> 01:05:49,510

Goodbye for now.

:

01:05:49,540 --> 01:05:52,010

And we'll be back with

more conversations in June.

:

01:05:52,050 --> 01:05:56,740

After brief hiatus, our first episode

back will be a listener Q and a, so

:

01:05:56,740 --> 01:06:01,910

please send us any questions you'd

like us to answer until then chat soon.

:

01:06:02,783 --> 01:06:04,523

Alexandra: Enjoying the

conversations we're having and

:

01:06:04,523 --> 01:06:05,603

the topics we're discussing?

:

01:06:05,861 --> 01:06:08,161

Consider supporting us through

our Buy Us a Coffee page.

:

01:06:08,321 --> 01:06:11,681

We greatly appreciate any help in

creating this podcast we love so much.

:

01:06:11,874 --> 01:06:13,324

Link in our show notes and link tree.

:

01:06:13,585 --> 01:06:16,705

Before we end, don't forget to

like, subscribe, or follow us on

:

01:06:16,705 --> 01:06:17,985

your preferred listening platforms.

:

01:06:18,195 --> 01:06:19,215

And we'll catch you next time.

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About the Podcast

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About your hosts

Profile picture for Christine Borowsky

Christine Borowsky

Introducing our enchanting co-host Christine, a nostalgic soul with a creative spark and an infectious optimism. A devourer of books, a music aficionado, and a film buff, she's immersed in the art of storytelling. Nature is her sanctuary, from forests to oceans. Eager for adventure, she's a perpetual learner, finding growth in every experience. Family and friends provide her comfort and joy. Unafraid of uncomfortable conversations, she navigates them with humor, believing they're vital for understanding and growth. Join her and Alexandra on this podcast where creativity meets curiosity, and laughter blends with wisdom.
Profile picture for Alexandra Montross

Alexandra Montross

Meet Alexandra, the spirited co-host of this captivating podcast, where everyday topics transform into enchanting conversations. With an old soul and a knack for the eclectic, she weaves a unique blend of organization and quirky charm into each discussion. Alexandra's passions span from wellness to metaphysics and dive into the thrilling world of entrepreneurship. Tune in for her lively perspective and insightful takes, adding a touch of magic to every episode alongside Christine. Get ready for a journey where Alexandra's vibrant energy and depth of knowledge create an unforgettable podcast experience.