Episode 4
What's in a Name?
Episode 4: Exploring the Layers of Names
Welcome to The Mirror Project!
Alexandra and Christine are your hosts, and today, we’re delving into the intricate world of names—our given ones, the monikers we earn, and the choices we make.
Stay Connected
But first, hit that like, subscribe, or follow button on your favorite listening platform. Let’s dive in together!
Childhood Nicknames
The Nicknames We Carried: Sharing stories of our childhood nicknames.
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites: Unveiling our preferred and less-liked nicknames.
Hilarious Name Mishaps: Reflecting on funny name-related tales from our past.
Engage with Us on Socials
Find us on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. Let’s connect further!
Exploring the Significance of Names
Name Significance: What factors do we think contribute to the essence of a name?
Name Stereotypes: Do names shape us or do we fit into the stereotypes associated with certain names? Think Karen, Brittany, Chet, Chad, and more.
Name Changes Due to Marriage or Divorce: Exploring the cultural norms and implications, especially for women, in changing surnames due to marital or personal circumstances.
Alexandra’s Name Change Journey
Decision-making Process: Delving into the considerations and thoughts behind Alexandra’s decision to change her name.
The Why and When: The catalysts and timing behind this choice.
The Legal Process: Explaining the legal procedure, in NC, involved in a name change.
Closing Thoughts
We hope this deep dive into the layers of names encourages you to reflect on your own name journey. Share your stories or insights with us on social media. Christine resonates with a quote about missing the idea of someone, while Alexandra resonates with clarifying her name's connection to her family history.
Support Our Journey
Support us via Buy Us a Coffee! Your backing helps us continue these conversations.
Join Us Next Time
Like, subscribe, or follow on your chosen platform. Until next time on The Mirror Project!
Transcript
to the Mirror Project.
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:We're your host, Alexandra,
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:Christine: And Christine.
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:Alexandra: and we are so
glad you are joining us.
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:Today we'll be talking about names,
the ones we're born with, the ones
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:we are given, and the ones we make.
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:Let's get started.
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:Christine: Before we dive into today's
topic, like, subscribe, or follow us
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:on your preferred listening platform.
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:Go ahead, pause, and do
it now before you forget.
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:Don't worry, we won't
get started without you!
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:So Alexandra, why don't you start by
telling us some childhood nicknames
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:you had as a kid, or Ones that
stick out to you, that were your
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:favorite, that weren't your favorite.
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:Tell us, tell us, tell us.
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:Alexandra: Okay.
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:Well, I have definitely, I feel
like run the gamut of every possible
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:nickname you can pull out of Alexandra.
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:So for a long time, when I was
really young, I hated my full name.
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:Like I absolutely hated Alexandra.
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:Mostly because I feel like my parents used
it, my full name, when I was in trouble.
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:So I was like, okay, I
don't really like it.
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:Every time they pulled out
Alexandra Nicole and you're
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:like, oh shit, did something.
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:So the most common ones I remember
from my childhood was Alex.
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:And that one was very common.
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:I mean, even up through high school.
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:I used to compete a lot in Taekwondo
and there was another Alexandra
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:at the same belt level I was at.
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:And we were known as the two owls
because she competed predominantly in
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:sparring and I competed predominantly
in poomsae, which is forms or patterns.
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:And so I always felt like I was
one half of a person at that time
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:with like being the two owls.
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:And out of competing I don't think I keep
all of my name badges, but I remember
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:checking in for multiple competitions
and it would be Alexandra, obviously.
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:There was Alex, Alexa, Alexis,
Lexi, Alejandra Alexandra with a Z.
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:Alexandria was quite popular.
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:People would always call
me Drea, now I'm like Dra.
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:It's just druh.
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:Please don't add an extra syllable there.
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:And then the most interesting
one I want to say that I got
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:from competing was Alexander.
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:And I was checking in, and you have
to identify your sex and stuff.
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:And I wanted to go, I'm female.
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:I'm standing right in front of you.
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:I understand I'm a teenager,
but I still have breasts.
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:And I am In front of you.
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:It's druh, not der, druh.
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:So yeah, that was probably the most
from my childhood in, when I was
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:about, in high school, I was kind
of over the nickname Alex, right?
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:I was like, okay, I'm It
felt a bit too masculine.
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:And also there were a ton of Alex's
at the high school I went to.
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:It felt like, so people would
have to like, shout at me.
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:Like, you, cause I just
assumed it was somebody else.
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:So I got to college and I was this
was my first year and I was trying
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:to figure out what name I wanted to.
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:I didn't want to be Alex, definitely
wasn't Alexi, or an Alexis,
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:or Alexa, until when one of my
exes was like, Oh, I like Lexi.
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:It's sexy.
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:And so I tried it out for one week when
I was starting at a, an on campus job.
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:And unfortunately that's the name
that stuck with everyone there.
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:And so they only knew me as Lexi
and I'm sure Christine can test
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:how much I hate that nickname.
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:Christine: does.
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:Me.
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:Alexandra: I, you know, some old friends
still call me Alex, which I don't mind
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:so much, but when I meet people in
business or just life, it's, yeah, it's
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:Alexandra to everyone else, but to like
Christine or my sister, it's like Alex.
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:But yeah, so I've, I've had quite an
interesting journey with nicknames,
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:but what about you, Christine?
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:What are some ones that you've loved,
ones that you've hated and your ones
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:that can, you know, die in a fiery pit?
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:Christine: Yeah, I definitely have
a couple of those which I will share
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:because I This is why we're here.
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:It's to share, but I don't like them.
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:So disclaimer, so as a
kid it's really cute.
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:My family has a nickname for me that
sort of has evolved and has, been
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:shortened even more in some cases,
but it all started because My one
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:sister, Nicole, couldn't pronounce
my full name when we were little.
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:She's two and a half
years younger than me.
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:So, I became Teenie instead of Christine.
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:And, my mom, my mom has this, vivid
memory of one day, the first time
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:Nicole said my name in full, I
royally pissed her off, I guess?
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:I don't know what I did, but I pissed
her off so much that she stomped
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:her little foot and said, Christine!
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:Which I think is so cute, but that's not
the, that's not why we're here today.
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:But yeah, my family has a nickname
for me, which is Teenie teen.
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:My sisters call me.
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:Many things like Nicole calls me
TeenB sometimes now where she takes my
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:nickname and add our last initial to it.
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:Alexandra: Mhm.
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:Christine: calls my other
sister Torreb sometimes.
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:It's really, it's really quite funny.
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:My mom I love a martini.
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:That's like one of my favorite cocktails.
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:So sometimes I'm called
teeny martini today.
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:And then of course it wasn't until we
all were in our twenties that my sisters
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:decided to pull out teenie weenie.
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:And it drives me up the walls.
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:They know how much it pisses me off.
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:I'm like, how did we make it
through adolescence and teenage
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:years without this nickname?
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:And now all of a sudden, you
guys are on this bandwagon.
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:But they're, they're good about it.
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:They, they only, they
don't pull it out as much.
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:But when they first did, I was like,
F you guys, why are you doing this?
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:Alexandra: It's like if you want
to see Christine's eye twitch, you
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:just have to pull out teenie weenie.
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:Christine: yeah, exactly.
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:So, most of my nicknames have always
been associated with my family.
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:I prefer to be called Christine otherwise.
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:Even when I was a kid in school,
there was I was the only Christine.
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:It wasn't until, like, I was an
adult that I started meeting.
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:So many Christine's.
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:It's kind of crazy how many I've
met in the last three years.
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:But when I was a kid, I didn't
have anybody named Christine also.
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:So I didn't have to change my name
or be considered a nickname in class.
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:Like there were multiple
Christopher's or Brittany's or
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:Brianna's or things like that.
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:But even when I was.
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:In elementary school, I
preferred to be Christine.
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:But one thing that did always happen
for years when I was a kid, People
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:would mistakenly call me Christina.
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:And that, Also drove me crazy because
even though it's like one letter
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:off, it's a totally different name.
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:And I just didn't feel
like that was me at all.
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:Like, I really identify
with the name Christine.
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:I feel like when I was a kid,
nobody else had that name.
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:And I always did love my name.
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:I know some people don't.
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:And like you, Alexandra, my
mom and dad would pull out the
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:full, usually first and middle.
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:You know you were in trouble, but
full name, first, middle, last.
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:Oof.
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:Look out.
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:Alexandra: You better be running.
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:Christine: You better
be like, what did I do?
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:Like, how did I screw up this bad?
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:Alexandra: Well, it's, you're
right, because Christina, it
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:almost adds a whole other syllable,
and you're like, it's not me.
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:It's like, would people
call me Alexandria?
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:I was like, what?
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:Not me.
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:Why are you making my name louder?
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:Christine: right.
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:And the only time I didn't, like, cringe
at being called Christina when I was in
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:elementary school is when we took Spanish.
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:We all had, like, Spanish versions of our
names, and I was Christina in that class.
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:So, I didn't mind it
so much then, but yeah.
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:It hasn't happened Too much as an
adult, people calling me Christina,
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:but yeah, it really, throughout middle
school, high school, it would happen
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:constantly and it bothered me so much.
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:Alexandra: And I know that a
common nickname for Christine or
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:Christinas is Chris or Chrissy,
which is so funny because I've met
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:some, you know females who go by
Chris and some who go by Chrissy and
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:Christine: Christie's another one.
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:Alexandra: that is so not, Oh yes,
Christy as just, I can't even see
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:you as a Chrissy or a Chris
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:Christine: I I also, it bugs me when
people take it upon themselves to give
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:me a nickname, like I'll introduce
myself and I say, hi, I'm Christine.
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:And then I'll, you know, whether
it's, I work with them or get to
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:know them a little bit and they'll
like start calling me Chris.
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:And I'm like, no, I'm
not a, I'm not a Chris.
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:I'm not a Chrissy.
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:Alexandra: like.
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:If I introduce myself as
Alexandra, or it's Christine,
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:it's Alexandra, or it's Christine.
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:It's not like we're saying, hey,
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:I'm,
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:my name is Alexandra,
you can call me Alex.
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:You know, it's like, that's why
if people say that, then I'll
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:call them by their nickname.
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:But like, if they don't, I'm like, I'm
not gonna assume it's your full name.
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:Christine: Exactly.
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:Alexandra: And you had brought up
stories about school and nicknames,
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:which made me, if it's totally okay,
I want to jump in with a quick story.
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:I My fourth grade year, I just confused
the hell out of everyone, right?
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:I went to a small private school and I
had mentioned previously that there was
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:an Alexandra that I did taekwondo with.
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:Well, we went to the same school and
I want to say there was maybe three
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:or four, four, three classrooms,
like there wasn't that many.
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:And so we were in the same class
that year and the first day of
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:classes, she got there early.
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:So she got to claim the nickname Alex,
cause that's what I was using at the time.
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:I was like, okay, dang.
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:And.
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:There was another kid in my class,
had the same initials, first and
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:last initials with me, A H, right?
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:and he did not have a middle name, so it
was left to me to do A N H, my full name.
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:And the school I went to,
we had to sign everything.
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:Our full name on every single piece of
paper were our initials, and I, within
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:about a week, I was so fed up with being
A N H or writing my whole name out.
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:And so I was like, fine.
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:I went to the teacher.
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:I was like, can I go by my middle name?
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:Just N H.
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:So I don't have to write, you know, a N H
on everything or, you know, my full name.
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:And she's like, yeah, sure.
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:So that teacher only ever knew
me as Nicole and my parents have
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:gone to the teacher conference
and she's like, yeah, Nicole's
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:doing all this and Nicole's great.
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:And yeah, I was in there like.
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:Who are you
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:talking
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:Christine: daughter, what are you saying?
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:Alexandra: And so, our Taekwondo
instructor was also taught at that school,
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:and that's where we would do Taekwondo was
right after school one of the green areas.
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:And my 4th grade teacher would
come over and she's like,
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:Oh, Nicole's looking great!
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:She's doing a good job!
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:And he would go, Who
are you talking about?
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:So you know, it's funny, like,
I just completely was not even
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:a version of my first name.
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:I was like, I'm gonna just Be
a different, different person.
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:So I mean, it's still me.
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:Like, it's still my name.
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:I still very much identify with
Nicole, but It was, it was just
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:I confused everyone that year.
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:But, yeah, it was funny.
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:You were talking about school
names, and that made me think,
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:Christine: Yeah.
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:Alexandra: I confused everyone that year.
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:Christine: Exactly.
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:Alexandra: Okay, so now that we've covered
the nicknames that we've had as children,
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:the ones we prefer, and the ones we hate,
why don't we explore what's in a name?
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:So Christina, what do you
think makes up a name?
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:Christine: First of all,
did you just say Christina?
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:Alexandra: And every time
someone's called you Christina,
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:I'm like, Christine okay, okay,
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:Christine, why don't you
tell us what's in a name?
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:Like what makes up a name?
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:Christine: That's a really good question.
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:So, I mean, everybody's given a name at
birth, and I think for a lot of people,
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:who they are gets wrapped up in what that
name is, whether they like it or not.
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:So, I think for me, I
mentioned, I do love my name.
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:I feel like there is no other
name I would rather be called.
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:It's something I identify with deeply, so
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:I don't know exactly how
to answer your question.
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:Alexandra: kind of a strange one,
but when we were planning out
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:the topics for this month and I
was thinking, wow, really, what?
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:Does make a Nipa name, right?
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:Because it's a combination of
letters, sounds, and a language.
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:But like you said, it can be so wrapped
up in our identity, and if you think about
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:our last names, that can be wrapped up in
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:family history and stuff, so.
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:It just got me thinking, I was
like, what, what isn't a name?
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:So to any of our listeners, if you have
any thoughts, go ahead and hit pause
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:and send us an email or a comment on the
social media post teasing this episode,
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:because we would love to hear your
thoughts of what you think makes up a
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:Christine: Yeah, definitely.
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:To your point around last names,
too, like, My mom, when she married
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:my dad, she changed her name.
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:Although her initials didn't change,
which I think is pretty interesting.
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:Alexandra: That's pretty cool.
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:Christine: yeah.
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:Made any, if she had anything
monogrammed, it made things very easy.
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:Alexandra: And speaking of monograms,
I've never quite understood why it's
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:always like first, last, and then middle.
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:I mean, I get if you want your
last name to be, like, the big one,
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:but also I'm like, it just feels
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:weird to
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:Christine: Yeah, my initials are C E
B, so having C and E, like, bookend
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:a B doesn't make sense, I feel like.
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:I like saying it C E B.
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:Alexandra: So, oh, yeah, back
to your point about your mom
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:and her changing her name.
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:So Traditionally, in America and
many Western countries, it seems
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:to be that the woman, the female,
changes her name if she gets married.
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:I know in some other places in the
world that's not necessarily the case
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:or passing that name on to children.
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:It's the, the woman's first.
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:But.
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:Do you think that should change?
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:Like when a woman gets married,
should it always be her changing
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:her name to her partners?
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:Or if she gets divorced, does she have to
be the one to go back to her maiden name?
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:And,
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:Christine: yeah.
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:Alexandra: you know,
what, what do you think
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:Christine: think it comes
down to preference, right?
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:Like, I don't know when we had, had
conversations about this initially, I
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:don't know if I could ever be anything but
Christine Borowsky, which is my last name.
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:So, I don't know.
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:If I would ever do it, I mean, it comes
down to, I think, your preference.
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:And I don't think it necessarily
always has to be the female to do it.
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:And I've heard of stories where
the man will change his name.
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:I think if you don't like your last
name, it's a good reason to change it.
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:I've seen people create entirely
new names as their last name, and
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:they both change their last name.
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:Or they do They hyphenate it, and
they both go by both the last names.
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:So,
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:Alexandra: That's pretty cool.
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:Christine: first and foremost,
it comes down to what you want
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:how you want to be referred to.
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:And then from there Deciding
with your partner, like, how do
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:we want to refer to ourselves?
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:And I think it's kind of cool actually,
like, creating an entirely new name out
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:of your, your relationship and your union.
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:Alexandra: Cause it's like,
it's, it's almost like two
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:people going forward together.
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:It's almost, I don't know, in some ways
it's like leaving the baggage at the door
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:and we're like choosing how we go for it.
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:I think that's kind of cool.
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:Like you said,
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:Christine: So maybe, like, if I did change
my last name, I would want us to maybe
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:both change it and come up with something
all our own, but, yeah, I don't know.
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:We'll see.
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:Alexandra: I know earlier we had talked
about how Nameshape identities, right?
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:And so what do you think about is it
the individual who shapes our names?
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:Or is it the names that carry
a personality type with them?
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:And that person kind of who has
that name sort of morphs into that.
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:So if you think of like all the
stereotypes around Karens or Chads or
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:You know, if you have an association with
the name Britney and the Britneys you've
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:known in your life are all a certain way
What do you what is your thought on that?
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:Like Do you give a name
and somebody becomes that?
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:Or,
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:Christine: Well, I think kinda, yeah.
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:I, I mean, I don't, I've never had a name
that's become a stereotype, I don't think.
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:I don't think Christine's a stereotype.
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:You guys tell me.
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:Alexandra: I think we could check urban
dictionary, but nothing that I've heard.
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:Christine: I think, yeah, to a certain
extent people do Can morph into a
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:stereotype of, of a certain name.
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:But I've also met some lovely
Karens before, I had a hairstylist
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:who used to cut my hair.
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:Her name's Karen.
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:She's great.
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:I really think she's lovely.
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:Definitely doesn't in my interactions
with her fit the stereotype of what a
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:Karen is today, but I think, you When it
comes to name stereotypes, it's like the
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:most extreme of a person's personality.
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:So like when you think of a
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:Karen, it's someone who's
super rude or impatient or
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:Alexandra: I was asking for the
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:Christine: yes, exactly.
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:But you know, that's only a snippet
of what we're seeing of that person.
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:So, and then from there
it's become memes and.
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:It's taken on a life of
its own, but I don't know.
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:I feel like
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:Yeah, I think people can morph
into the stereotypes around names.
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:What about you?
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:What do you think?
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:Alexandra: I would agree.
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:And I know it's not a human based
example, but I'm thinking of I had
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:a cat and when we got her, she was,
we found her in a shelter and we
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:got her when she was four months old
and the shelter named her Jasmine.
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:And I was like, ah, she's not a Jasmine.
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:And for some reason at the time, I
think I was watching Nikita, right?
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:The show.
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:And I was like, oh, we're
gonna, let's name her Nikita,
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:and we'll just call her Nikki.
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:And by gosh, did that cat live up to
the name Nikita, like, she was stealthy,
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:she was Kind of a pain in the ass.
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:She very much thought she was a
queen and kind of like hide and
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:attack your ankles kind of thing.
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:I mean, she really was
like lived up to the name.
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:So I'm, I was thinking about people
and then I was like, okay, yeah.
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:But like you said, not every Karen or
not every Chad that you meet lives up
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:to the memes, the stereotypes, the, the
things that we colloquially refer to
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:as Karens or Chads but I would always
wonder if you have to work twice as
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:hard to be taken half as seriously when
you've got a name that's become so, so
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:widely known as like a Karen or a Kevin.
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:Christine: Would wonder, like,
do those stereotypes come up
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:for people when they first, get
introduced to a Karen or a Chad?
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:I would say, I don't know.
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:I, I, I don't know if I've met
that sort of situation yet,
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:Alexandra: Well, I don't know.
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:And it's like, when I was thinking
about the nickname Lexi, right,
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:my ex was like, oh, sexy Lexi.
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:And to me, Whether or not Lexis are
like this, I just have this image
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:of this kind of like vapid, not
a whole lot of brain between the
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:ears kind of thing, image going on.
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:And so it's like that's definitely
not something if I have that.
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:Association with that name.
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:That's probably not something
I want to be telling people.
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:Yes, think of me like this.
377
:But yeah, you said it's not representative
of everyone and it is the extreme
378
:of a personality, but it is, it's
just kind of interesting sometimes.
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:And then if you see like a
generation, like you said,
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:your name wasn't very common.
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:Well, where I was born, there weren't a
lot of Alexandras, but when I moved to
382
:Southern California, there were a lot of
Alexanders and Alexandras and Alexas, so
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:it's kind of interesting generationally.
384
:You'll see a Certain period where there's
a lot of Jennifer's or a lot of Debra's
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:Christine: Yep.
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:Brianna's
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:Alexandra: And I think that's always
so interesting to look at if you see
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:a lot of people with the same name
born around the same Time like you
389
:you are all very similar or you're all
very different and it's kind of cool.
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:Christine: Yeah, well it definitely
shows, how Our parents generation
391
:was influenced at the time when they
were starting to have children and
392
:like, you know, every year there's
that list of popular baby names.
393
:Alexandra: Mm hmm
394
:Christine: It's really interesting to
see how pop culture influences what the,
395
:those popular names are of the time.
396
:whether it's from movies or
TV shows and music and stuff.
397
:Okay, so now that we've covered
what we think isn't a name and
398
:gone over It's named Stereotypes
and all our thoughts on that.
399
:Why don't we hear from Alexandra a little
bit about her journey because she has
400
:just recently changed her last name
and is going to share with us a little
401
:bit about why she decided to do that.
402
:So, Alexandra, why
don't you share with us?
403
:Alexandra: Okay.
404
:Yeah.
405
:So I have to recently change my
last name and it's been a process.
406
:So when I was preparing for the
episode, I kept trying to write down
407
:notes of how I would tell the story.
408
:I would write it and I'll delete it
and I would start somewhere else.
409
:And then I, I'm like, that's not right.
410
:So finally, I started on when,
why, and then how I made that
411
:decision and started the process.
412
:Christine: All right, cool.
413
:So when did you first start thinking
about changing your last name?
414
:Alexandra: it was about 12 ish years ago
now, I would want to say, but I became
415
:more serious about wanting to change
my name about eight years ago and in
416
:college, but it wasn't until recently that
I made the decision to actually do it.
417
:So I started thinking about
it way back in high school.
418
:And, you know, now here in my
late 20s, I've finally done it.
419
:So it's, it's definitely
not something on a whim.
420
:I was like, Oh, let me just do this.
421
:It's, it's been well thought out and
422
:Christine: it.
423
:Okay, so what made you want to change
your name and why did you wait so long?
424
:Alexandra: So I originally didn't
love how my last name sounded and
425
:I didn't feel like it was me when I
went with my first and middle names.
426
:And we've talked a lot about today.
427
:How our name can be our identity, right?
428
:Very much it is.
429
:And I remember a story when I
was in kindergarten and where
430
:we were living at the time.
431
:I think I, the washing and dryer
machine were outside in the garage.
432
:So I'd gone out to my mom and I'd asked
him, I was like, I was like, do you know?
433
:That there are nine letters
in each of my names.
434
:That's like 18 letters.
435
:That's so many compared to, and
I remember like holding up my
436
:hands like, that's nine letters.
437
:And I was just remembering
thinking it was so long.
438
:And I'm like, of course, that's not
the longest name out there, but for
439
:There were so many, like, I feel like
Nicole Smiths or something like that
440
:in my class with very short names.
441
:I was like, it's always so long.
442
:And
443
:so that was one of the funny
things I remember about not
444
:really liking my last name.
445
:Part of it was the length, which
kind of seems silly, right?
446
:You're like, Oh, that's not
really an identifying, but it was
447
:something funny for my childhood.
448
:But as I grew up, there was a lot about.
449
:My dad's childhood that I don't know
about and still don't, but from the
450
:bit I've gleaned and the stories
that I have heard, he, he essentially
451
:hated the man who gave him the name.
452
:And to say I wasn't impressed
and disappointed was a
453
:massive understatement, right?
454
:Because your family name is
the traditions in history that
455
:you carry forward with you.
456
:And for most of my life, I had heard very
different stories from my mom's side of
457
:the family and my mom's dad and stuff.
458
:And not to say that, you know,
my mom's father was perfect by
459
:any stretch of the imagination,
460
:Christine: Mm
461
:Alexandra: but there was a lot
more to live up to and a lot of
462
:pride within that name versus.
463
:Inheriting a name that
even my father didn't like.
464
:So, I'm definitely not blind to
the dysfunctions in any family.
465
:Christine: Mm hmm.
466
:Alexandra: Or a name.
467
:But it was when I really started
to seriously consider changing
468
:my name of wanting to carry
on my mom's father's name.
469
:And so, fast forward
to about two years ago.
470
:I don't know if I've mentioned
it, but I might have.
471
:My father passed away.
472
:And It was a bit after that, after some
of the initial grieving process had
473
:ended, that I really did get more serious
about changing the name, because I had
474
:been a bit more serious about it prior,
but I was always nervous to tell my dad
475
:that I wanted to change my last name.
476
:I was a little concerned that he would
think It was about him and it really
477
:wasn't it was more about carrying on my
mother's maiden name because I would be
478
:the last biological grandchild to carry
it on and to that I started looking
479
:into the process of changing your name
Legally changing your name and what
480
:all that entails to the point where
I was getting a little confused and I
481
:was like I could seriously mess this
up and mess up a lot of, make a lot
482
:of trouble for myself in the future.
483
:So I ended up reaching out to an
attorney who did help with that.
484
:And because yeah, you can do it yourself.
485
:And I think looking back, I could
have done it, but I was glad to have
486
:somebody who knew what they were doing
could help with the legal process.
487
:And I may have mentioned
my sister is an attorney.
488
:And so she did help me find somebody
locally who would be able to help that.
489
:So yeah, I started the process, I think,
back in September, right around when we
490
:got serious into planning the podcast.
491
:So, it's been a, it's been a bit.
492
:Christine: So, why don't you share
with us, what is that process
493
:like to legally change your name?
494
:Alexandra: Well, that's a really good
question, and I can kind of give you a
495
:vague answer, because from my research,
it depends on the state you're in, right?
496
:So, for North Carolina, you can
only legally change your name once.
497
:It's not.
498
:pursuant to a marriage or divorce.
499
:So if you get married and you change
your name and you get divorced,
500
:you can go back to your maiden
name, and if you get married again,
501
:you can change your name again.
502
:But outside of that, you can only legally
change your name once in the state.
503
:So I guess if you wanted to do it
multiple times, you would have to move
504
:to a different state, live there for a
while, and then start the process over.
505
:But having gone through it,
I don't think I'd want to.
506
:You know, didn't necessarily
want to go and change my name
507
:again in a different state.
508
:So the work the attorney I worked
with did it for a flat fee.
509
:And part of the process is you have to
submit an application to the court of
510
:request for a name change and with that
I also had to get fingerprinted to do
511
:different background checks through the
FBI and the State Bureau of Investigation
512
:and I had to get two people I knew who
were not blood related that I known
513
:more for 12 More than 12 months and
who lived in the same county as I do
514
:Sign affidavits of like content of good
character and how long they had known me
515
:So it was a process and I will say that
the FBI One did take the longest to get
516
:back mostly because I did not know that
there was an option to do it online I
517
:sent it in which just It took longer.
518
:But, you know, it was,
it was a process, right?
519
:Because I had to go get fingerprinted,
which they charge you for.
520
:And then you have to send in the
applications, which they charge you for.
521
:And then you have to get the affidavits,
which notaries can charge you for.
522
:And so by the time, like, I went
and submitted all the paperwork and
523
:brought it to the attorney, I was like,
finally, this part is almost done.
524
:And one of the other things is, We
had to, and this is something that
525
:the attorney did, because she they
run to the courthouse more frequently,
526
:was you have to put your name up and
saying that this person's going to
527
:change your name, her name, and for 10
business days in the court, and just
528
:an area where people, if they had.
529
:A claim they wanted to file they could
before you change your name and for
530
:I remember for the application I had
to state why I was changing my name
531
:what I was changing it from what it
was to And to did I have any children?
532
:I didn't know about was I trying to
escape child support Is there any debts
533
:that you know, I need to be aware of
I was like, so it's definitely You
534
:can have your ducks in a row and do it
535
:But all in all, it, was a lot
of paperwork on the front end.
536
:So, yeah, if you're serious,
like, it's not a big deal.
537
:It just takes time.
538
:But if you're not serious, then I think
some of this process is designed, I think,
539
:to make you go, ah, maybe I won't do it.
540
:So, I did finally get it submitted
to the court right before
541
:the, the holidays this winter.
542
:So that was nice.
543
:Christine: Yeah, That's,
544
:That's, that's right, that is when
it finally all came together for you.
545
:And then, okay, so now what
happens when you change your name?
546
:Is that it?
547
:Or are there more steps to still do?
548
:Alexandra: So yeah, it took a little bit
not too long to get the, the name change.
549
:I think it's called
certificate of name change.
550
:I have it here with me.
551
:So it's like, Oh my gosh, I've,
I've made it to the finish line.
552
:And then you're like, Oh no, you haven't.
553
:Because then it begins the process
of changing your name on everything.
554
:Right.
555
:So, I remember the email that
I got from the paralegal at the
556
:attorney's office is like, you
know, congratulations Miss Montra.
557
:And I was like, ah.
558
:So she's like, yeah, you can legally
start using your new name, but you
559
:have to start changing everything over.
560
:So, and it seems to be a bit
of a, a dominant effect, right?
561
:Like you can change one,
then you can change another.
562
:So the first thing that I had to do
was I had to go to Social Security
563
:Administration and have my s social
security chart changed over, which I
564
:think I waited about an hour, which
is not terrible, but, it was like,
565
:you have to have an application filled
out for updating your information.
566
:You have to bring the court order.
567
:You have to bring your, you know,
current stuff, your driver's
568
:license to identify who you are.
569
:So then you can do that.
570
:And I think I got the receipt and she was
like, okay, well now you just have to wait
571
:24 hours and then you can go to the DMV
to have your driver's license changed.
572
:I was like, okay.
573
:So I went to the DMV and of
course you're waiting more there.
574
:You have to.
575
:Sometimes you can set an appointment.
576
:Sometimes just easier to walk in.
577
:And so then I'm going, and of course
they're like, if here in North Carolina,
578
:at least where I am, if you go in, they
just automatically take a new picture.
579
:And I was like, Oh, was not
prepared for a new picture.
580
:Okay.
581
:Does not look the greatest.
582
:And so then I mean, yeah,
but it was like really bad.
583
:There's like this one hair,
like sticking up and around.
584
:I was like, Ugh.
585
:You remember the commercial, I
think, back when probably we were
586
:learning to drive that was like all
the really bad teenage like driver's
587
:license photo of like bedhead braces.
588
:Christine: I do remember.
589
:Alexandra: That was the vibe of
590
:the photo I got.
591
:So yeah, so then I got my
driver's license and so now.
592
:Now that that's done, I can take my
new social security card to my employer
593
:and start having my name changed for
employment records with an insurance.
594
:And then I do need to get a new official
birth certificate so that I can go
595
:get a new passport because I know that
Christine and I have Plans in the future
596
:to go traveling outside the country.
597
:So need to get those ducks in a row.
598
:But yes, I am now as you can see on
our website, I'm officially Alexandra
599
:Montross, which I'm so excited to
carry on my grandfather's name.
600
:But yes, it is definitely
not like, Oh, here you go.
601
:Here's your new name.
602
:So I'm in that weird
spot of still using my.
603
:My old last name on, like, credit
cards and stuff until I can get my
604
:bank changed over because, yes, that's
also another thing you have to change.
605
:And, you know, insurance and stuff,
so it's like, I still feel like I'm
606
:straddling the line of, like, Henderson,
Montross, Henderson, Montross.
607
:And it's not like, as I said earlier,
Montross is all that much shorter
608
:than Henderson, but I definitely think
it's kind of cool that my initials
609
:now are A M, like, and I am, I tend
to be more of a morning person.
610
:Christine: That is, that is funny.
611
:So, I mean, taking it back to that
first question you had asked me about,
612
:changing last names when married.
613
:Would you change your name?
614
:Or are you gonna just stick
with Montross now forever?
615
:Alexandra: This is so funny that
you say that because like, that
616
:is the first question I get when
people like, you've said, Oh yeah,
617
:my name, last name's changed.
618
:Well, I'm sorry.
619
:That's not the first question.
620
:They go, did you get married?
621
:And I'm like, no.
622
:At the time of this recording, I am
willfully single but you know, then
623
:it's always felt a little, are you
going to change it when you get married?
624
:And my response to that is it really
depends and they better have a
625
:Amazing last name for me to change
it again to go through this process.
626
:Although from what I can understand,
it is much simpler to change.
627
:Paperwork wise in the front end to change
your name when you get married, right?
628
:Christine: Yeah.
629
:Alexandra: you still have to do the
process of if you want to change
630
:your social security and number and
you're Obviously a driver's license.
631
:You have to do that part
and change your bank stuff.
632
:But
633
:the
634
:Christine: know if, like, when
635
:you get married, do you have to,
like, go back and change your birth
636
:certificate and social security?
637
:Or is it just, like, any future documents?
638
:Your license, your passport, your
insurance with your employer and stuff?
639
:Alexandra: Check with your local state
I don't think you have to change your
640
:official birth certificate or your birth
certificate But if you're going to use
641
:the name on bank accounts and stuff or
employer, I think you do have to change
642
:your social security because that's
always tied to your employer information.
643
:But again, I think when you get married,
there's a little bit more information
644
:of like when you go file at the court,
like, Hey, you were getting married.
645
:Or this wasn't an awful idea.
646
:Maybe my person could change
his name to my last name.
647
:And actually fun fact, that's
the only reason we have Montross
648
:in the family is I think.
649
:I'd have to ask my mother for specific
details, but I think back in like the
650
:1800s a man married into the family and
ended up taking his wife's name, which was
651
:Montrose, and that's how it passed down.
652
:Which I was like, that's pretty
forward thinking of a family.
653
:Ooh.
654
:Christine: Wow!
655
:Alexandra: Yeah, so I was like, dang.
656
:So yeah, my question is
that it's, it depends.
657
:Christine: Got it.
658
:Alexandra: It better be an amazing
last name for me to go through all this
659
:Christine: Right.
660
:Yeah.
661
:Or maybe
662
:you'll, maybe you'll
create one all your own.
663
:Who knows?
664
:Who knows?
665
:Okay.
666
:Alexandra: I think my face just went, no.
667
:Actually, I don't even know if I'd
be allowed to do that in this state.
668
:Now, 'cause I think I've
used my one name change
669
:Christine: I
670
:Alexandra: not pursuant to a marriage.
671
:.Yeah, I guess I gotta move.
672
:So yeah.
673
:But for right now I'm gonna keep Montross.
674
:It's definitely the name I wanna
be known by in business and you
675
:know, podcast going forward.
676
:So I think that's where I've landed today,
677
:,
Christine: well, speaking of that, I've had I've met people who for
678
:business purposes keep their name and
I don't know if they go through the
679
:whole process of changing their name
to their spouse's last name or what,
680
:but I have, encountered people who
professionally go by their maiden name
681
:Alexandra: I think that's
a lot more common nowadays.
682
:I know my sister and her
friends who are both.
683
:attorneys have talked about that they'll
probably not change their name and
684
:they'll professionally always go by the
name that they've started their career
685
:with, which makes sense because you can
build quite a reputation with your name.
686
:And I've talked about it with my mom
and I don't think that my dad would
687
:have been opposed to my name change.
688
:I think he might have been a
little hurt at first, but I
689
:think he would have understood.
690
:And you know, my mom's like, I
don't think your dad would have been
691
:opposed to changing his name too.
692
:His last name to my mother's but it
was the time and in the south where
693
:I was born, which was not very common
so you know, I'm so glad to know
694
:that times are changing and that
people are definitely more open to
695
:Christine: Yeah.
696
:Alexandra: acknowledging
you by the names that
697
:Christine: Mm hmm.
698
:For sure.
699
:Definitely.
700
:And so my last question is, now that
you've done this, how do you feel
701
:that you finally changed your name?
702
:Alexandra: Well, I feel really good.
703
:I'm like, yay.
704
:The finish line of almost changing
everything is, is, is very close.
705
:I'm almost there.
706
:And it finally feels like my name,
you know, I, I think I said, I
707
:didn't like my last name and it
didn't ever really feel like.
708
:Me.
709
:I know I feel like, ah, this is my name.
710
:Christine: That's great.
711
:Alexandra: I feel very, not
settled in a bad way, I feel very
712
:settled though.
713
:So, that's really
714
:cool.
715
:So I also feel like it's the
start of:
716
:is happening, so it feels like
a really good year for change.
717
:Christine: That's great.
718
:I'm very happy for you.
719
:I'm, I know that this has
720
:been,
721
:A long road for you and that I'm glad
that it's finally, the day's finally here.
722
:I've changed your name in my
phone and I, I'll get there.
723
:It might take me a while to get
used to it, but I am happy for you.
724
:Alexandra: Well thank you.
725
:And Christine can attest to the fact of
how long I've wanted to change my name,
726
:because I think we've talked about it.
727
:Back when we first met.
728
:So, it's very cool.
729
:And if anyone has a similar story or, you
know, a name they would like to change,
730
:I hope they feel free to share and, or
that, you know, my experience with it
731
:and talking about it just go, oh, okay.
732
:It feels a little bit more approachable
because I remember when I first started
733
:looking into it, my mom was helping me
research and I was like, oh, my gosh.
734
:Christine: They don't make this easy.
735
:Alexandra: And I, I think part of
it is like they don't want people
736
:to be Running away from fiscal
responsibilities, which I can't, but
737
:at the same time, it's like, yikes!
738
:Christine: Exactly.
739
:Yeah.
740
:All right, so before we close,
is there anything else you
741
:want to share, Alexandra, or?
742
:Alexandra: I mean, just that I can
jump up and down with joy that,
743
:you know, my name has changed.
744
:I'm so excited about it, and it's still a
bit surreal, I think, at the moment, too.
745
:It's like, okay, but I'm so happy.
746
:Christine: Oh, good.
747
:Well, great.
748
:yay!
749
:Alright everyone.
750
:Thanks so much for joining
us for today's episode.
751
:We hope you enjoyed hearing our stories,
and maybe it encouraged you to think
752
:about the nicknames you had as a kid, and
how you identify with your name today.
753
:Share with us in the comments any
memorable moments that stick out to you.
754
:We would love to hear them.
755
:And Next week kicks off a two part episode
around body image and health, where we
756
:welcome our first guest to the podcast.
757
:We really enjoyed digging deep with this
conversation and are looking forward
758
:to hearing your thoughts next week.
759
:Chat soon!
760
:Enjoying the conversations we're
having and the topics we're discussing?
761
:Consider supporting us through
our Buy Us a Coffee page.
762
:We greatly appreciate any help in
creating this podcast we love so much.
763
:Link in our show notes and link tree.
764
:Before we end, don't forget to
like, subscribe, or follow us on
765
:your preferred listening platform.
766
:And we'll catch you next time.