Episode 4

What's in a Name?

Episode 4: Exploring the Layers of Names

Welcome to The Mirror Project!

Alexandra and Christine are your hosts, and today, we’re delving into the intricate world of names—our given ones, the monikers we earn, and the choices we make.

Stay Connected

But first, hit that like, subscribe, or follow button on your favorite listening platform. Let’s dive in together!

Childhood Nicknames

The Nicknames We Carried: Sharing stories of our childhood nicknames.

Favorites and Not-so-Favorites: Unveiling our preferred and less-liked nicknames.

Hilarious Name Mishaps: Reflecting on funny name-related tales from our past.

Engage with Us on Socials

Find us on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube. Let’s connect further!

Exploring the Significance of Names

Name Significance: What factors do we think contribute to the essence of a name?

Name Stereotypes: Do names shape us or do we fit into the stereotypes associated with certain names? Think Karen, Brittany, Chet, Chad, and more.

Name Changes Due to Marriage or Divorce: Exploring the cultural norms and implications, especially for women, in changing surnames due to marital or personal circumstances.

Alexandra’s Name Change Journey 

Decision-making Process: Delving into the considerations and thoughts behind Alexandra’s decision to change her name.

The Why and When: The catalysts and timing behind this choice.

The Legal Process: Explaining the legal procedure, in NC, involved in a name change.

Closing Thoughts

We hope this deep dive into the layers of names encourages you to reflect on your own name journey. Share your stories or insights with us on social media. Christine resonates with a quote about missing the idea of someone, while Alexandra resonates with clarifying her name's connection to her family history.

Support Our Journey

Support us via Buy Us a Coffee! Your backing helps us continue these conversations.

Join Us Next Time  

Like, subscribe, or follow on your chosen platform. Until next time on The Mirror Project!

Transcript
Alexandra:

to the Mirror Project.

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We're your host, Alexandra,

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Christine: And Christine.

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Alexandra: and we are so

glad you are joining us.

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Today we'll be talking about names,

the ones we're born with, the ones

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we are given, and the ones we make.

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Let's get started.

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Christine: Before we dive into today's

topic, like, subscribe, or follow us

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on your preferred listening platform.

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Go ahead, pause, and do

it now before you forget.

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Don't worry, we won't

get started without you!

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So Alexandra, why don't you start by

telling us some childhood nicknames

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you had as a kid, or Ones that

stick out to you, that were your

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favorite, that weren't your favorite.

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Tell us, tell us, tell us.

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Alexandra: Okay.

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Well, I have definitely, I feel

like run the gamut of every possible

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nickname you can pull out of Alexandra.

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So for a long time, when I was

really young, I hated my full name.

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Like I absolutely hated Alexandra.

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Mostly because I feel like my parents used

it, my full name, when I was in trouble.

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So I was like, okay, I

don't really like it.

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Every time they pulled out

Alexandra Nicole and you're

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like, oh shit, did something.

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So the most common ones I remember

from my childhood was Alex.

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And that one was very common.

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I mean, even up through high school.

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I used to compete a lot in Taekwondo

and there was another Alexandra

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at the same belt level I was at.

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And we were known as the two owls

because she competed predominantly in

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sparring and I competed predominantly

in poomsae, which is forms or patterns.

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And so I always felt like I was

one half of a person at that time

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with like being the two owls.

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And out of competing I don't think I keep

all of my name badges, but I remember

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checking in for multiple competitions

and it would be Alexandra, obviously.

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There was Alex, Alexa, Alexis,

Lexi, Alejandra Alexandra with a Z.

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Alexandria was quite popular.

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People would always call

me Drea, now I'm like Dra.

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It's just druh.

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Please don't add an extra syllable there.

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And then the most interesting

one I want to say that I got

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from competing was Alexander.

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And I was checking in, and you have

to identify your sex and stuff.

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And I wanted to go, I'm female.

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I'm standing right in front of you.

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I understand I'm a teenager,

but I still have breasts.

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And I am In front of you.

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It's druh, not der, druh.

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So yeah, that was probably the most

from my childhood in, when I was

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about, in high school, I was kind

of over the nickname Alex, right?

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I was like, okay, I'm It

felt a bit too masculine.

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And also there were a ton of Alex's

at the high school I went to.

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It felt like, so people would

have to like, shout at me.

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Like, you, cause I just

assumed it was somebody else.

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So I got to college and I was this

was my first year and I was trying

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to figure out what name I wanted to.

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I didn't want to be Alex, definitely

wasn't Alexi, or an Alexis,

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or Alexa, until when one of my

exes was like, Oh, I like Lexi.

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It's sexy.

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And so I tried it out for one week when

I was starting at a, an on campus job.

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And unfortunately that's the name

that stuck with everyone there.

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And so they only knew me as Lexi

and I'm sure Christine can test

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how much I hate that nickname.

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Christine: does.

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Me.

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Alexandra: I, you know, some old friends

still call me Alex, which I don't mind

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so much, but when I meet people in

business or just life, it's, yeah, it's

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Alexandra to everyone else, but to like

Christine or my sister, it's like Alex.

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But yeah, so I've, I've had quite an

interesting journey with nicknames,

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but what about you, Christine?

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What are some ones that you've loved,

ones that you've hated and your ones

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that can, you know, die in a fiery pit?

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Christine: Yeah, I definitely have

a couple of those which I will share

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because I This is why we're here.

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It's to share, but I don't like them.

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So disclaimer, so as a

kid it's really cute.

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My family has a nickname for me that

sort of has evolved and has, been

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shortened even more in some cases,

but it all started because My one

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sister, Nicole, couldn't pronounce

my full name when we were little.

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She's two and a half

years younger than me.

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So, I became Teenie instead of Christine.

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And, my mom, my mom has this, vivid

memory of one day, the first time

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Nicole said my name in full, I

royally pissed her off, I guess?

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I don't know what I did, but I pissed

her off so much that she stomped

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her little foot and said, Christine!

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Which I think is so cute, but that's not

the, that's not why we're here today.

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But yeah, my family has a nickname

for me, which is Teenie teen.

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My sisters call me.

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Many things like Nicole calls me

TeenB sometimes now where she takes my

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nickname and add our last initial to it.

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Alexandra: Mhm.

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Christine: calls my other

sister Torreb sometimes.

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It's really, it's really quite funny.

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My mom I love a martini.

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That's like one of my favorite cocktails.

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So sometimes I'm called

teeny martini today.

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And then of course it wasn't until we

all were in our twenties that my sisters

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decided to pull out teenie weenie.

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And it drives me up the walls.

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They know how much it pisses me off.

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I'm like, how did we make it

through adolescence and teenage

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years without this nickname?

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And now all of a sudden, you

guys are on this bandwagon.

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But they're, they're good about it.

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They, they only, they

don't pull it out as much.

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But when they first did, I was like,

F you guys, why are you doing this?

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Alexandra: It's like if you want

to see Christine's eye twitch, you

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just have to pull out teenie weenie.

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Christine: yeah, exactly.

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So, most of my nicknames have always

been associated with my family.

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I prefer to be called Christine otherwise.

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Even when I was a kid in school,

there was I was the only Christine.

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It wasn't until, like, I was an

adult that I started meeting.

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So many Christine's.

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It's kind of crazy how many I've

met in the last three years.

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But when I was a kid, I didn't

have anybody named Christine also.

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So I didn't have to change my name

or be considered a nickname in class.

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Like there were multiple

Christopher's or Brittany's or

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Brianna's or things like that.

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But even when I was.

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In elementary school, I

preferred to be Christine.

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But one thing that did always happen

for years when I was a kid, People

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would mistakenly call me Christina.

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And that, Also drove me crazy because

even though it's like one letter

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off, it's a totally different name.

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And I just didn't feel

like that was me at all.

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Like, I really identify

with the name Christine.

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I feel like when I was a kid,

nobody else had that name.

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And I always did love my name.

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I know some people don't.

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And like you, Alexandra, my

mom and dad would pull out the

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full, usually first and middle.

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You know you were in trouble, but

full name, first, middle, last.

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Oof.

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Look out.

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Alexandra: You better be running.

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Christine: You better

be like, what did I do?

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Like, how did I screw up this bad?

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Alexandra: Well, it's, you're

right, because Christina, it

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almost adds a whole other syllable,

and you're like, it's not me.

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It's like, would people

call me Alexandria?

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I was like, what?

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Not me.

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Why are you making my name louder?

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Christine: right.

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And the only time I didn't, like, cringe

at being called Christina when I was in

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elementary school is when we took Spanish.

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We all had, like, Spanish versions of our

names, and I was Christina in that class.

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So, I didn't mind it

so much then, but yeah.

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It hasn't happened Too much as an

adult, people calling me Christina,

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but yeah, it really, throughout middle

school, high school, it would happen

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constantly and it bothered me so much.

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Alexandra: And I know that a

common nickname for Christine or

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Christinas is Chris or Chrissy,

which is so funny because I've met

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some, you know females who go by

Chris and some who go by Chrissy and

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Christine: Christie's another one.

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Alexandra: that is so not, Oh yes,

Christy as just, I can't even see

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you as a Chrissy or a Chris

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Christine: I I also, it bugs me when

people take it upon themselves to give

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me a nickname, like I'll introduce

myself and I say, hi, I'm Christine.

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And then I'll, you know, whether

it's, I work with them or get to

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know them a little bit and they'll

like start calling me Chris.

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And I'm like, no, I'm

not a, I'm not a Chris.

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I'm not a Chrissy.

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Alexandra: like.

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If I introduce myself as

Alexandra, or it's Christine,

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it's Alexandra, or it's Christine.

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It's not like we're saying, hey,

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I'm,

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my name is Alexandra,

you can call me Alex.

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You know, it's like, that's why

if people say that, then I'll

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call them by their nickname.

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But like, if they don't, I'm like, I'm

not gonna assume it's your full name.

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Christine: Exactly.

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Alexandra: And you had brought up

stories about school and nicknames,

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which made me, if it's totally okay,

I want to jump in with a quick story.

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I My fourth grade year, I just confused

the hell out of everyone, right?

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I went to a small private school and I

had mentioned previously that there was

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an Alexandra that I did taekwondo with.

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Well, we went to the same school and

I want to say there was maybe three

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or four, four, three classrooms,

like there wasn't that many.

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And so we were in the same class

that year and the first day of

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classes, she got there early.

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So she got to claim the nickname Alex,

cause that's what I was using at the time.

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I was like, okay, dang.

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And.

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There was another kid in my class,

had the same initials, first and

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last initials with me, A H, right?

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and he did not have a middle name, so it

was left to me to do A N H, my full name.

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And the school I went to,

we had to sign everything.

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Our full name on every single piece of

paper were our initials, and I, within

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about a week, I was so fed up with being

A N H or writing my whole name out.

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And so I was like, fine.

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I went to the teacher.

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I was like, can I go by my middle name?

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Just N H.

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So I don't have to write, you know, a N H

on everything or, you know, my full name.

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And she's like, yeah, sure.

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So that teacher only ever knew

me as Nicole and my parents have

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gone to the teacher conference

and she's like, yeah, Nicole's

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doing all this and Nicole's great.

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And yeah, I was in there like.

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Who are you

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talking

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Christine: daughter, what are you saying?

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Alexandra: And so, our Taekwondo

instructor was also taught at that school,

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and that's where we would do Taekwondo was

right after school one of the green areas.

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And my 4th grade teacher would

come over and she's like,

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Oh, Nicole's looking great!

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She's doing a good job!

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And he would go, Who

are you talking about?

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So you know, it's funny, like,

I just completely was not even

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a version of my first name.

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I was like, I'm gonna just Be

a different, different person.

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So I mean, it's still me.

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Like, it's still my name.

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I still very much identify with

Nicole, but It was, it was just

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I confused everyone that year.

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But, yeah, it was funny.

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You were talking about school

names, and that made me think,

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: I confused everyone that year.

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Christine: Exactly.

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Alexandra: Okay, so now that we've covered

the nicknames that we've had as children,

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the ones we prefer, and the ones we hate,

why don't we explore what's in a name?

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So Christina, what do you

think makes up a name?

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Christine: First of all,

did you just say Christina?

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Alexandra: And every time

someone's called you Christina,

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I'm like, Christine okay, okay,

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Christine, why don't you

tell us what's in a name?

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Like what makes up a name?

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Christine: That's a really good question.

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So, I mean, everybody's given a name at

birth, and I think for a lot of people,

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who they are gets wrapped up in what that

name is, whether they like it or not.

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So, I think for me, I

mentioned, I do love my name.

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I feel like there is no other

name I would rather be called.

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It's something I identify with deeply, so

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I don't know exactly how

to answer your question.

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Alexandra: kind of a strange one,

but when we were planning out

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the topics for this month and I

was thinking, wow, really, what?

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Does make a Nipa name, right?

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Because it's a combination of

letters, sounds, and a language.

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But like you said, it can be so wrapped

up in our identity, and if you think about

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our last names, that can be wrapped up in

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family history and stuff, so.

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It just got me thinking, I was

like, what, what isn't a name?

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So to any of our listeners, if you have

any thoughts, go ahead and hit pause

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and send us an email or a comment on the

social media post teasing this episode,

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because we would love to hear your

thoughts of what you think makes up a

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Christine: Yeah, definitely.

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To your point around last names,

too, like, My mom, when she married

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my dad, she changed her name.

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Although her initials didn't change,

which I think is pretty interesting.

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Alexandra: That's pretty cool.

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Christine: yeah.

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Made any, if she had anything

monogrammed, it made things very easy.

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Alexandra: And speaking of monograms,

I've never quite understood why it's

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always like first, last, and then middle.

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I mean, I get if you want your

last name to be, like, the big one,

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but also I'm like, it just feels

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weird to

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Christine: Yeah, my initials are C E

B, so having C and E, like, bookend

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a B doesn't make sense, I feel like.

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I like saying it C E B.

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Alexandra: So, oh, yeah, back

to your point about your mom

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and her changing her name.

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So Traditionally, in America and

many Western countries, it seems

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to be that the woman, the female,

changes her name if she gets married.

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I know in some other places in the

world that's not necessarily the case

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or passing that name on to children.

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It's the, the woman's first.

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But.

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Do you think that should change?

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Like when a woman gets married,

should it always be her changing

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her name to her partners?

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Or if she gets divorced, does she have to

be the one to go back to her maiden name?

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And,

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Christine: yeah.

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Alexandra: you know,

what, what do you think

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Christine: think it comes

down to preference, right?

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Like, I don't know when we had, had

conversations about this initially, I

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don't know if I could ever be anything but

Christine Borowsky, which is my last name.

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So, I don't know.

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If I would ever do it, I mean, it comes

down to, I think, your preference.

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And I don't think it necessarily

always has to be the female to do it.

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And I've heard of stories where

the man will change his name.

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I think if you don't like your last

name, it's a good reason to change it.

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I've seen people create entirely

new names as their last name, and

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they both change their last name.

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Or they do They hyphenate it, and

they both go by both the last names.

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So,

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Alexandra: That's pretty cool.

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Christine: first and foremost,

it comes down to what you want

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how you want to be referred to.

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And then from there Deciding

with your partner, like, how do

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we want to refer to ourselves?

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And I think it's kind of cool actually,

like, creating an entirely new name out

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of your, your relationship and your union.

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Alexandra: Cause it's like,

it's, it's almost like two

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people going forward together.

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It's almost, I don't know, in some ways

it's like leaving the baggage at the door

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and we're like choosing how we go for it.

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I think that's kind of cool.

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Like you said,

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Christine: So maybe, like, if I did change

my last name, I would want us to maybe

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both change it and come up with something

all our own, but, yeah, I don't know.

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We'll see.

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Alexandra: I know earlier we had talked

about how Nameshape identities, right?

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And so what do you think about is it

the individual who shapes our names?

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Or is it the names that carry

a personality type with them?

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And that person kind of who has

that name sort of morphs into that.

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So if you think of like all the

stereotypes around Karens or Chads or

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You know, if you have an association with

the name Britney and the Britneys you've

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known in your life are all a certain way

What do you what is your thought on that?

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Like Do you give a name

and somebody becomes that?

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Or,

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Christine: Well, I think kinda, yeah.

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I, I mean, I don't, I've never had a name

that's become a stereotype, I don't think.

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I don't think Christine's a stereotype.

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You guys tell me.

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Alexandra: I think we could check urban

dictionary, but nothing that I've heard.

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Christine: I think, yeah, to a certain

extent people do Can morph into a

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stereotype of, of a certain name.

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But I've also met some lovely

Karens before, I had a hairstylist

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who used to cut my hair.

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Her name's Karen.

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She's great.

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I really think she's lovely.

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Definitely doesn't in my interactions

with her fit the stereotype of what a

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Karen is today, but I think, you When it

comes to name stereotypes, it's like the

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most extreme of a person's personality.

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So like when you think of a

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Karen, it's someone who's

super rude or impatient or

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Alexandra: I was asking for the

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Christine: yes, exactly.

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But you know, that's only a snippet

of what we're seeing of that person.

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So, and then from there

it's become memes and.

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It's taken on a life of

its own, but I don't know.

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I feel like

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Yeah, I think people can morph

into the stereotypes around names.

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What about you?

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What do you think?

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Alexandra: I would agree.

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And I know it's not a human based

example, but I'm thinking of I had

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a cat and when we got her, she was,

we found her in a shelter and we

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got her when she was four months old

and the shelter named her Jasmine.

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And I was like, ah, she's not a Jasmine.

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And for some reason at the time, I

think I was watching Nikita, right?

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The show.

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And I was like, oh, we're

gonna, let's name her Nikita,

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and we'll just call her Nikki.

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And by gosh, did that cat live up to

the name Nikita, like, she was stealthy,

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she was Kind of a pain in the ass.

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She very much thought she was a

queen and kind of like hide and

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attack your ankles kind of thing.

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I mean, she really was

like lived up to the name.

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So I'm, I was thinking about people

and then I was like, okay, yeah.

358

:

But like you said, not every Karen or

not every Chad that you meet lives up

359

:

to the memes, the stereotypes, the, the

things that we colloquially refer to

360

:

as Karens or Chads but I would always

wonder if you have to work twice as

361

:

hard to be taken half as seriously when

you've got a name that's become so, so

362

:

widely known as like a Karen or a Kevin.

363

:

Christine: Would wonder, like,

do those stereotypes come up

364

:

for people when they first, get

introduced to a Karen or a Chad?

365

:

I would say, I don't know.

366

:

I, I, I don't know if I've met

that sort of situation yet,

367

:

Alexandra: Well, I don't know.

368

:

And it's like, when I was thinking

about the nickname Lexi, right,

369

:

my ex was like, oh, sexy Lexi.

370

:

And to me, Whether or not Lexis are

like this, I just have this image

371

:

of this kind of like vapid, not

a whole lot of brain between the

372

:

ears kind of thing, image going on.

373

:

And so it's like that's definitely

not something if I have that.

374

:

Association with that name.

375

:

That's probably not something

I want to be telling people.

376

:

Yes, think of me like this.

377

:

But yeah, you said it's not representative

of everyone and it is the extreme

378

:

of a personality, but it is, it's

just kind of interesting sometimes.

379

:

And then if you see like a

generation, like you said,

380

:

your name wasn't very common.

381

:

Well, where I was born, there weren't a

lot of Alexandras, but when I moved to

382

:

Southern California, there were a lot of

Alexanders and Alexandras and Alexas, so

383

:

it's kind of interesting generationally.

384

:

You'll see a Certain period where there's

a lot of Jennifer's or a lot of Debra's

385

:

Christine: Yep.

386

:

Brianna's

387

:

Alexandra: And I think that's always

so interesting to look at if you see

388

:

a lot of people with the same name

born around the same Time like you

389

:

you are all very similar or you're all

very different and it's kind of cool.

390

:

Christine: Yeah, well it definitely

shows, how Our parents generation

391

:

was influenced at the time when they

were starting to have children and

392

:

like, you know, every year there's

that list of popular baby names.

393

:

Alexandra: Mm hmm

394

:

Christine: It's really interesting to

see how pop culture influences what the,

395

:

those popular names are of the time.

396

:

whether it's from movies or

TV shows and music and stuff.

397

:

Okay, so now that we've covered

what we think isn't a name and

398

:

gone over It's named Stereotypes

and all our thoughts on that.

399

:

Why don't we hear from Alexandra a little

bit about her journey because she has

400

:

just recently changed her last name

and is going to share with us a little

401

:

bit about why she decided to do that.

402

:

So, Alexandra, why

don't you share with us?

403

:

Alexandra: Okay.

404

:

Yeah.

405

:

So I have to recently change my

last name and it's been a process.

406

:

So when I was preparing for the

episode, I kept trying to write down

407

:

notes of how I would tell the story.

408

:

I would write it and I'll delete it

and I would start somewhere else.

409

:

And then I, I'm like, that's not right.

410

:

So finally, I started on when,

why, and then how I made that

411

:

decision and started the process.

412

:

Christine: All right, cool.

413

:

So when did you first start thinking

about changing your last name?

414

:

Alexandra: it was about 12 ish years ago

now, I would want to say, but I became

415

:

more serious about wanting to change

my name about eight years ago and in

416

:

college, but it wasn't until recently that

I made the decision to actually do it.

417

:

So I started thinking about

it way back in high school.

418

:

And, you know, now here in my

late 20s, I've finally done it.

419

:

So it's, it's definitely

not something on a whim.

420

:

I was like, Oh, let me just do this.

421

:

It's, it's been well thought out and

422

:

Christine: it.

423

:

Okay, so what made you want to change

your name and why did you wait so long?

424

:

Alexandra: So I originally didn't

love how my last name sounded and

425

:

I didn't feel like it was me when I

went with my first and middle names.

426

:

And we've talked a lot about today.

427

:

How our name can be our identity, right?

428

:

Very much it is.

429

:

And I remember a story when I

was in kindergarten and where

430

:

we were living at the time.

431

:

I think I, the washing and dryer

machine were outside in the garage.

432

:

So I'd gone out to my mom and I'd asked

him, I was like, I was like, do you know?

433

:

That there are nine letters

in each of my names.

434

:

That's like 18 letters.

435

:

That's so many compared to, and

I remember like holding up my

436

:

hands like, that's nine letters.

437

:

And I was just remembering

thinking it was so long.

438

:

And I'm like, of course, that's not

the longest name out there, but for

439

:

There were so many, like, I feel like

Nicole Smiths or something like that

440

:

in my class with very short names.

441

:

I was like, it's always so long.

442

:

And

443

:

so that was one of the funny

things I remember about not

444

:

really liking my last name.

445

:

Part of it was the length, which

kind of seems silly, right?

446

:

You're like, Oh, that's not

really an identifying, but it was

447

:

something funny for my childhood.

448

:

But as I grew up, there was a lot about.

449

:

My dad's childhood that I don't know

about and still don't, but from the

450

:

bit I've gleaned and the stories

that I have heard, he, he essentially

451

:

hated the man who gave him the name.

452

:

And to say I wasn't impressed

and disappointed was a

453

:

massive understatement, right?

454

:

Because your family name is

the traditions in history that

455

:

you carry forward with you.

456

:

And for most of my life, I had heard very

different stories from my mom's side of

457

:

the family and my mom's dad and stuff.

458

:

And not to say that, you know,

my mom's father was perfect by

459

:

any stretch of the imagination,

460

:

Christine: Mm

461

:

Alexandra: but there was a lot

more to live up to and a lot of

462

:

pride within that name versus.

463

:

Inheriting a name that

even my father didn't like.

464

:

So, I'm definitely not blind to

the dysfunctions in any family.

465

:

Christine: Mm hmm.

466

:

Alexandra: Or a name.

467

:

But it was when I really started

to seriously consider changing

468

:

my name of wanting to carry

on my mom's father's name.

469

:

And so, fast forward

to about two years ago.

470

:

I don't know if I've mentioned

it, but I might have.

471

:

My father passed away.

472

:

And It was a bit after that, after some

of the initial grieving process had

473

:

ended, that I really did get more serious

about changing the name, because I had

474

:

been a bit more serious about it prior,

but I was always nervous to tell my dad

475

:

that I wanted to change my last name.

476

:

I was a little concerned that he would

think It was about him and it really

477

:

wasn't it was more about carrying on my

mother's maiden name because I would be

478

:

the last biological grandchild to carry

it on and to that I started looking

479

:

into the process of changing your name

Legally changing your name and what

480

:

all that entails to the point where

I was getting a little confused and I

481

:

was like I could seriously mess this

up and mess up a lot of, make a lot

482

:

of trouble for myself in the future.

483

:

So I ended up reaching out to an

attorney who did help with that.

484

:

And because yeah, you can do it yourself.

485

:

And I think looking back, I could

have done it, but I was glad to have

486

:

somebody who knew what they were doing

could help with the legal process.

487

:

And I may have mentioned

my sister is an attorney.

488

:

And so she did help me find somebody

locally who would be able to help that.

489

:

So yeah, I started the process, I think,

back in September, right around when we

490

:

got serious into planning the podcast.

491

:

So, it's been a, it's been a bit.

492

:

Christine: So, why don't you share

with us, what is that process

493

:

like to legally change your name?

494

:

Alexandra: Well, that's a really good

question, and I can kind of give you a

495

:

vague answer, because from my research,

it depends on the state you're in, right?

496

:

So, for North Carolina, you can

only legally change your name once.

497

:

It's not.

498

:

pursuant to a marriage or divorce.

499

:

So if you get married and you change

your name and you get divorced,

500

:

you can go back to your maiden

name, and if you get married again,

501

:

you can change your name again.

502

:

But outside of that, you can only legally

change your name once in the state.

503

:

So I guess if you wanted to do it

multiple times, you would have to move

504

:

to a different state, live there for a

while, and then start the process over.

505

:

But having gone through it,

I don't think I'd want to.

506

:

You know, didn't necessarily

want to go and change my name

507

:

again in a different state.

508

:

So the work the attorney I worked

with did it for a flat fee.

509

:

And part of the process is you have to

submit an application to the court of

510

:

request for a name change and with that

I also had to get fingerprinted to do

511

:

different background checks through the

FBI and the State Bureau of Investigation

512

:

and I had to get two people I knew who

were not blood related that I known

513

:

more for 12 More than 12 months and

who lived in the same county as I do

514

:

Sign affidavits of like content of good

character and how long they had known me

515

:

So it was a process and I will say that

the FBI One did take the longest to get

516

:

back mostly because I did not know that

there was an option to do it online I

517

:

sent it in which just It took longer.

518

:

But, you know, it was,

it was a process, right?

519

:

Because I had to go get fingerprinted,

which they charge you for.

520

:

And then you have to send in the

applications, which they charge you for.

521

:

And then you have to get the affidavits,

which notaries can charge you for.

522

:

And so by the time, like, I went

and submitted all the paperwork and

523

:

brought it to the attorney, I was like,

finally, this part is almost done.

524

:

And one of the other things is, We

had to, and this is something that

525

:

the attorney did, because she they

run to the courthouse more frequently,

526

:

was you have to put your name up and

saying that this person's going to

527

:

change your name, her name, and for 10

business days in the court, and just

528

:

an area where people, if they had.

529

:

A claim they wanted to file they could

before you change your name and for

530

:

I remember for the application I had

to state why I was changing my name

531

:

what I was changing it from what it

was to And to did I have any children?

532

:

I didn't know about was I trying to

escape child support Is there any debts

533

:

that you know, I need to be aware of

I was like, so it's definitely You

534

:

can have your ducks in a row and do it

535

:

But all in all, it, was a lot

of paperwork on the front end.

536

:

So, yeah, if you're serious,

like, it's not a big deal.

537

:

It just takes time.

538

:

But if you're not serious, then I think

some of this process is designed, I think,

539

:

to make you go, ah, maybe I won't do it.

540

:

So, I did finally get it submitted

to the court right before

541

:

the, the holidays this winter.

542

:

So that was nice.

543

:

Christine: Yeah, That's,

544

:

That's, that's right, that is when

it finally all came together for you.

545

:

And then, okay, so now what

happens when you change your name?

546

:

Is that it?

547

:

Or are there more steps to still do?

548

:

Alexandra: So yeah, it took a little bit

not too long to get the, the name change.

549

:

I think it's called

certificate of name change.

550

:

I have it here with me.

551

:

So it's like, Oh my gosh, I've,

I've made it to the finish line.

552

:

And then you're like, Oh no, you haven't.

553

:

Because then it begins the process

of changing your name on everything.

554

:

Right.

555

:

So, I remember the email that

I got from the paralegal at the

556

:

attorney's office is like, you

know, congratulations Miss Montra.

557

:

And I was like, ah.

558

:

So she's like, yeah, you can legally

start using your new name, but you

559

:

have to start changing everything over.

560

:

So, and it seems to be a bit

of a, a dominant effect, right?

561

:

Like you can change one,

then you can change another.

562

:

So the first thing that I had to do

was I had to go to Social Security

563

:

Administration and have my s social

security chart changed over, which I

564

:

think I waited about an hour, which

is not terrible, but, it was like,

565

:

you have to have an application filled

out for updating your information.

566

:

You have to bring the court order.

567

:

You have to bring your, you know,

current stuff, your driver's

568

:

license to identify who you are.

569

:

So then you can do that.

570

:

And I think I got the receipt and she was

like, okay, well now you just have to wait

571

:

24 hours and then you can go to the DMV

to have your driver's license changed.

572

:

I was like, okay.

573

:

So I went to the DMV and of

course you're waiting more there.

574

:

You have to.

575

:

Sometimes you can set an appointment.

576

:

Sometimes just easier to walk in.

577

:

And so then I'm going, and of course

they're like, if here in North Carolina,

578

:

at least where I am, if you go in, they

just automatically take a new picture.

579

:

And I was like, Oh, was not

prepared for a new picture.

580

:

Okay.

581

:

Does not look the greatest.

582

:

And so then I mean, yeah,

but it was like really bad.

583

:

There's like this one hair,

like sticking up and around.

584

:

I was like, Ugh.

585

:

You remember the commercial, I

think, back when probably we were

586

:

learning to drive that was like all

the really bad teenage like driver's

587

:

license photo of like bedhead braces.

588

:

Christine: I do remember.

589

:

Alexandra: That was the vibe of

590

:

the photo I got.

591

:

So yeah, so then I got my

driver's license and so now.

592

:

Now that that's done, I can take my

new social security card to my employer

593

:

and start having my name changed for

employment records with an insurance.

594

:

And then I do need to get a new official

birth certificate so that I can go

595

:

get a new passport because I know that

Christine and I have Plans in the future

596

:

to go traveling outside the country.

597

:

So need to get those ducks in a row.

598

:

But yes, I am now as you can see on

our website, I'm officially Alexandra

599

:

Montross, which I'm so excited to

carry on my grandfather's name.

600

:

But yes, it is definitely

not like, Oh, here you go.

601

:

Here's your new name.

602

:

So I'm in that weird

spot of still using my.

603

:

My old last name on, like, credit

cards and stuff until I can get my

604

:

bank changed over because, yes, that's

also another thing you have to change.

605

:

And, you know, insurance and stuff,

so it's like, I still feel like I'm

606

:

straddling the line of, like, Henderson,

Montross, Henderson, Montross.

607

:

And it's not like, as I said earlier,

Montross is all that much shorter

608

:

than Henderson, but I definitely think

it's kind of cool that my initials

609

:

now are A M, like, and I am, I tend

to be more of a morning person.

610

:

Christine: That is, that is funny.

611

:

So, I mean, taking it back to that

first question you had asked me about,

612

:

changing last names when married.

613

:

Would you change your name?

614

:

Or are you gonna just stick

with Montross now forever?

615

:

Alexandra: This is so funny that

you say that because like, that

616

:

is the first question I get when

people like, you've said, Oh yeah,

617

:

my name, last name's changed.

618

:

Well, I'm sorry.

619

:

That's not the first question.

620

:

They go, did you get married?

621

:

And I'm like, no.

622

:

At the time of this recording, I am

willfully single but you know, then

623

:

it's always felt a little, are you

going to change it when you get married?

624

:

And my response to that is it really

depends and they better have a

625

:

Amazing last name for me to change

it again to go through this process.

626

:

Although from what I can understand,

it is much simpler to change.

627

:

Paperwork wise in the front end to change

your name when you get married, right?

628

:

Christine: Yeah.

629

:

Alexandra: you still have to do the

process of if you want to change

630

:

your social security and number and

you're Obviously a driver's license.

631

:

You have to do that part

and change your bank stuff.

632

:

But

633

:

the

634

:

Christine: know if, like, when

635

:

you get married, do you have to,

like, go back and change your birth

636

:

certificate and social security?

637

:

Or is it just, like, any future documents?

638

:

Your license, your passport, your

insurance with your employer and stuff?

639

:

Alexandra: Check with your local state

I don't think you have to change your

640

:

official birth certificate or your birth

certificate But if you're going to use

641

:

the name on bank accounts and stuff or

employer, I think you do have to change

642

:

your social security because that's

always tied to your employer information.

643

:

But again, I think when you get married,

there's a little bit more information

644

:

of like when you go file at the court,

like, Hey, you were getting married.

645

:

Or this wasn't an awful idea.

646

:

Maybe my person could change

his name to my last name.

647

:

And actually fun fact, that's

the only reason we have Montross

648

:

in the family is I think.

649

:

I'd have to ask my mother for specific

details, but I think back in like the

650

:

1800s a man married into the family and

ended up taking his wife's name, which was

651

:

Montrose, and that's how it passed down.

652

:

Which I was like, that's pretty

forward thinking of a family.

653

:

Ooh.

654

:

Christine: Wow!

655

:

Alexandra: Yeah, so I was like, dang.

656

:

So yeah, my question is

that it's, it depends.

657

:

Christine: Got it.

658

:

Alexandra: It better be an amazing

last name for me to go through all this

659

:

Christine: Right.

660

:

Yeah.

661

:

Or maybe

662

:

you'll, maybe you'll

create one all your own.

663

:

Who knows?

664

:

Who knows?

665

:

Okay.

666

:

Alexandra: I think my face just went, no.

667

:

Actually, I don't even know if I'd

be allowed to do that in this state.

668

:

Now, 'cause I think I've

used my one name change

669

:

Christine: I

670

:

Alexandra: not pursuant to a marriage.

671

:

.Yeah, I guess I gotta move.

672

:

So yeah.

673

:

But for right now I'm gonna keep Montross.

674

:

It's definitely the name I wanna

be known by in business and you

675

:

know, podcast going forward.

676

:

So I think that's where I've landed today,

677

:

,

Christine: well, speaking of that, I've had I've met people who for

678

:

business purposes keep their name and

I don't know if they go through the

679

:

whole process of changing their name

to their spouse's last name or what,

680

:

but I have, encountered people who

professionally go by their maiden name

681

:

Alexandra: I think that's

a lot more common nowadays.

682

:

I know my sister and her

friends who are both.

683

:

attorneys have talked about that they'll

probably not change their name and

684

:

they'll professionally always go by the

name that they've started their career

685

:

with, which makes sense because you can

build quite a reputation with your name.

686

:

And I've talked about it with my mom

and I don't think that my dad would

687

:

have been opposed to my name change.

688

:

I think he might have been a

little hurt at first, but I

689

:

think he would have understood.

690

:

And you know, my mom's like, I

don't think your dad would have been

691

:

opposed to changing his name too.

692

:

His last name to my mother's but it

was the time and in the south where

693

:

I was born, which was not very common

so you know, I'm so glad to know

694

:

that times are changing and that

people are definitely more open to

695

:

Christine: Yeah.

696

:

Alexandra: acknowledging

you by the names that

697

:

Christine: Mm hmm.

698

:

For sure.

699

:

Definitely.

700

:

And so my last question is, now that

you've done this, how do you feel

701

:

that you finally changed your name?

702

:

Alexandra: Well, I feel really good.

703

:

I'm like, yay.

704

:

The finish line of almost changing

everything is, is, is very close.

705

:

I'm almost there.

706

:

And it finally feels like my name,

you know, I, I think I said, I

707

:

didn't like my last name and it

didn't ever really feel like.

708

:

Me.

709

:

I know I feel like, ah, this is my name.

710

:

Christine: That's great.

711

:

Alexandra: I feel very, not

settled in a bad way, I feel very

712

:

settled though.

713

:

So, that's really

714

:

cool.

715

:

So I also feel like it's the

start of:

716

:

is happening, so it feels like

a really good year for change.

717

:

Christine: That's great.

718

:

I'm very happy for you.

719

:

I'm, I know that this has

720

:

been,

721

:

A long road for you and that I'm glad

that it's finally, the day's finally here.

722

:

I've changed your name in my

phone and I, I'll get there.

723

:

It might take me a while to get

used to it, but I am happy for you.

724

:

Alexandra: Well thank you.

725

:

And Christine can attest to the fact of

how long I've wanted to change my name,

726

:

because I think we've talked about it.

727

:

Back when we first met.

728

:

So, it's very cool.

729

:

And if anyone has a similar story or, you

know, a name they would like to change,

730

:

I hope they feel free to share and, or

that, you know, my experience with it

731

:

and talking about it just go, oh, okay.

732

:

It feels a little bit more approachable

because I remember when I first started

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looking into it, my mom was helping me

research and I was like, oh, my gosh.

734

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Christine: They don't make this easy.

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:

Alexandra: And I, I think part of

it is like they don't want people

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to be Running away from fiscal

responsibilities, which I can't, but

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:

at the same time, it's like, yikes!

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Christine: Exactly.

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:

Yeah.

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:

All right, so before we close,

is there anything else you

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want to share, Alexandra, or?

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:

Alexandra: I mean, just that I can

jump up and down with joy that,

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you know, my name has changed.

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:

I'm so excited about it, and it's still a

bit surreal, I think, at the moment, too.

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:

It's like, okay, but I'm so happy.

746

:

Christine: Oh, good.

747

:

Well, great.

748

:

yay!

749

:

Alright everyone.

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:

Thanks so much for joining

us for today's episode.

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:

We hope you enjoyed hearing our stories,

and maybe it encouraged you to think

752

:

about the nicknames you had as a kid, and

how you identify with your name today.

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:

Share with us in the comments any

memorable moments that stick out to you.

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:

We would love to hear them.

755

:

And Next week kicks off a two part episode

around body image and health, where we

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:

welcome our first guest to the podcast.

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:

We really enjoyed digging deep with this

conversation and are looking forward

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:

to hearing your thoughts next week.

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:

Chat soon!

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:

Enjoying the conversations we're

having and the topics we're discussing?

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:

Consider supporting us through

our Buy Us a Coffee page.

762

:

We greatly appreciate any help in

creating this podcast we love so much.

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:

Link in our show notes and link tree.

764

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Before we end, don't forget to

like, subscribe, or follow us on

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:

your preferred listening platform.

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And we'll catch you next time.

About the Podcast

Show artwork for The Mirror Project
The Mirror Project

About your hosts

Profile picture for Christine Borowsky

Christine Borowsky

Introducing our enchanting co-host Christine, a nostalgic soul with a creative spark and an infectious optimism. A devourer of books, a music aficionado, and a film buff, she's immersed in the art of storytelling. Nature is her sanctuary, from forests to oceans. Eager for adventure, she's a perpetual learner, finding growth in every experience. Family and friends provide her comfort and joy. Unafraid of uncomfortable conversations, she navigates them with humor, believing they're vital for understanding and growth. Join her and Alexandra on this podcast where creativity meets curiosity, and laughter blends with wisdom.
Profile picture for Alexandra Montross

Alexandra Montross

Meet Alexandra, the spirited co-host of this captivating podcast, where everyday topics transform into enchanting conversations. With an old soul and a knack for the eclectic, she weaves a unique blend of organization and quirky charm into each discussion. Alexandra's passions span from wellness to metaphysics and dive into the thrilling world of entrepreneurship. Tune in for her lively perspective and insightful takes, adding a touch of magic to every episode alongside Christine. Get ready for a journey where Alexandra's vibrant energy and depth of knowledge create an unforgettable podcast experience.