What's in a Name?

Alexandra: 00:00:12

to the Mirror Project.

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We're your host, Alexandra,

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Christine: And Christine.

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Alexandra: and we are so

glad you are joining us.

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Today we'll be talking about names,

the ones we're born with, the ones

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we are given, and the ones we make.

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Let's get started.

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Christine: Before we dive into today's

topic, like, subscribe, or follow us

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on your preferred listening platform.

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Go ahead, pause, and do

it now before you forget.

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Don't worry, we won't

get started without you!

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So Alexandra, why don't you start by

telling us some childhood nicknames

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you had as a kid, or Ones that

stick out to you, that were your

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favorite, that weren't your favorite.

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Tell us, tell us, tell us.

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Alexandra: Okay.

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Well, I have definitely, I feel

like run the gamut of every possible

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nickname you can pull out of Alexandra.

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So for a long time, when I was

really young, I hated my full name.

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Like I absolutely hated Alexandra.

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Mostly because I feel like my parents used

it, my full name, when I was in trouble.

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So I was like, okay, I

don't really like it.

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Every time they pulled out

Alexandra Nicole and you're

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like, oh shit, did something.

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So the most common ones I remember

from my childhood was Alex.

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And that one was very common.

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I mean, even up through high school.

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I used to compete a lot in Taekwondo

and there was another Alexandra

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at the same belt level I was at.

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And we were known as the two owls

because she competed predominantly in

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sparring and I competed predominantly

in poomsae, which is forms or patterns.

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And so I always felt like I was

one half of a person at that time

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with like being the two owls.

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And out of competing I don't think I keep

all of my name badges, but I remember

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checking in for multiple competitions

and it would be Alexandra, obviously.

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There was Alex, Alexa, Alexis,

Lexi, Alejandra Alexandra with a Z.

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Alexandria was quite popular.

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People would always call

me Drea, now I'm like Dra.

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It's just druh.

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Please don't add an extra syllable there.

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And then the most interesting

one I want to say that I got

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from competing was Alexander.

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And I was checking in, and you have

to identify your sex and stuff.

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And I wanted to go, I'm female.

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I'm standing right in front of you.

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I understand I'm a teenager,

but I still have breasts.

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And I am In front of you.

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It's druh, not der, druh.

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So yeah, that was probably the most

from my childhood in, when I was

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about, in high school, I was kind

of over the nickname Alex, right?

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I was like, okay, I'm It

felt a bit too masculine.

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And also there were a ton of Alex's

at the high school I went to.

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It felt like, so people would

have to like, shout at me.

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Like, you, cause I just

assumed it was somebody else.

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So I got to college and I was this

was my first year and I was trying

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to figure out what name I wanted to.

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I didn't want to be Alex, definitely

wasn't Alexi, or an Alexis,

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or Alexa, until when one of my

exes was like, Oh, I like Lexi.

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It's sexy.

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And so I tried it out for one week when

I was starting at a, an on campus job.

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And unfortunately that's the name

that stuck with everyone there.

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And so they only knew me as Lexi

and I'm sure Christine can test

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how much I hate that nickname.

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Christine: does.

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Me.

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Alexandra: I, you know, some old friends

still call me Alex, which I don't mind

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so much, but when I meet people in

business or just life, it's, yeah, it's

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Alexandra to everyone else, but to like

Christine or my sister, it's like Alex.

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But yeah, so I've, I've had quite an

interesting journey with nicknames,

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but what about you, Christine?

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What are some ones that you've loved,

ones that you've hated and your ones

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that can, you know, die in a fiery pit?

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Christine: Yeah, I definitely have

a couple of those which I will share

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because I This is why we're here.

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It's to share, but I don't like them.

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So disclaimer, so as a

kid it's really cute.

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My family has a nickname for me that

sort of has evolved and has, been

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shortened even more in some cases,

but it all started because My one

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sister, Nicole, couldn't pronounce

my full name when we were little.

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She's two and a half

years younger than me.

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So, I became Teenie instead of Christine.

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And, my mom, my mom has this, vivid

memory of one day, the first time

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Nicole said my name in full, I

royally pissed her off, I guess?

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I don't know what I did, but I pissed

her off so much that she stomped

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her little foot and said, Christine!

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Which I think is so cute, but that's not

the, that's not why we're here today.

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But yeah, my family has a nickname

for me, which is Teenie teen.

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My sisters call me.

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Many things like Nicole calls me

TeenB sometimes now where she takes my

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nickname and add our last initial to it.

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Alexandra: Mhm.

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Christine: calls my other

sister Torreb sometimes.

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It's really, it's really quite funny.

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My mom I love a martini.

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That's like one of my favorite cocktails.

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So sometimes I'm called

teeny martini today.

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And then of course it wasn't until we

all were in our twenties that my sisters

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decided to pull out teenie weenie.

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And it drives me up the walls.

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They know how much it pisses me off.

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I'm like, how did we make it

through adolescence and teenage

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years without this nickname?

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And now all of a sudden, you

guys are on this bandwagon.

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But they're, they're good about it.

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They, they only, they

don't pull it out as much.

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But when they first did, I was like,

F you guys, why are you doing this?

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Alexandra: It's like if you want

to see Christine's eye twitch, you

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just have to pull out teenie weenie.

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Christine: yeah, exactly.

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So, most of my nicknames have always

been associated with my family.

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I prefer to be called Christine otherwise.

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Even when I was a kid in school,

there was I was the only Christine.

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It wasn't until, like, I was an

adult that I started meeting.

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So many Christine's.

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It's kind of crazy how many I've

met in the last three years.

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But when I was a kid, I didn't

have anybody named Christine also.

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So I didn't have to change my name

or be considered a nickname in class.

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Like there were multiple

Christopher's or Brittany's or

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Brianna's or things like that.

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But even when I was.

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In elementary school, I

preferred to be Christine.

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But one thing that did always happen

for years when I was a kid, People

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would mistakenly call me Christina.

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And that, Also drove me crazy because

even though it's like one letter

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off, it's a totally different name.

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And I just didn't feel

like that was me at all.

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Like, I really identify

with the name Christine.

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I feel like when I was a kid,

nobody else had that name.

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And I always did love my name.

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I know some people don't.

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And like you, Alexandra, my

mom and dad would pull out the

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full, usually first and middle.

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You know you were in trouble, but

full name, first, middle, last.

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Oof.

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Look out.

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Alexandra: You better be running.

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Christine: You better

be like, what did I do?

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Like, how did I screw up this bad?

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Alexandra: Well, it's, you're

right, because Christina, it

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almost adds a whole other syllable,

and you're like, it's not me.

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It's like, would people

call me Alexandria?

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I was like, what?

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Not me.

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Why are you making my name louder?

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Christine: right.

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And the only time I didn't, like, cringe

at being called Christina when I was in

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elementary school is when we took Spanish.

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We all had, like, Spanish versions of our

names, and I was Christina in that class.

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So, I didn't mind it

so much then, but yeah.

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It hasn't happened Too much as an

adult, people calling me Christina,

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but yeah, it really, throughout middle

school, high school, it would happen

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constantly and it bothered me so much.

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Alexandra: And I know that a

common nickname for Christine or

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Christinas is Chris or Chrissy,

which is so funny because I've met

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some, you know females who go by

Chris and some who go by Chrissy and

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Christine: Christie's another one.

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Alexandra: that is so not, Oh yes,

Christy as just, I can't even see

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you as a Chrissy or a Chris

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Christine: I I also, it bugs me when

people take it upon themselves to give

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me a nickname, like I'll introduce

myself and I say, hi, I'm Christine.

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And then I'll, you know, whether

it's, I work with them or get to

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know them a little bit and they'll

like start calling me Chris.

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And I'm like, no, I'm

not a, I'm not a Chris.

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I'm not a Chrissy.

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Alexandra: like.

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If I introduce myself as

Alexandra, or it's Christine,

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it's Alexandra, or it's Christine.

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It's not like we're saying, hey,

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I'm,

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my name is Alexandra,

you can call me Alex.

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You know, it's like, that's why

if people say that, then I'll

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call them by their nickname.

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But like, if they don't, I'm like, I'm

not gonna assume it's your full name.

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Christine: Exactly.

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Alexandra: And you had brought up

stories about school and nicknames,

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which made me, if it's totally okay,

I want to jump in with a quick story.

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I My fourth grade year, I just confused

the hell out of everyone, right?

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I went to a small private school and I

had mentioned previously that there was

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an Alexandra that I did taekwondo with.

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Well, we went to the same school and

I want to say there was maybe three

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or four, four, three classrooms,

like there wasn't that many.

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And so we were in the same class

that year and the first day of

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classes, she got there early.

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So she got to claim the nickname Alex,

cause that's what I was using at the time.

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I was like, okay, dang.

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And.

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There was another kid in my class,

had the same initials, first and

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last initials with me, A H, right?

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and he did not have a middle name, so it

was left to me to do A N H, my full name.

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And the school I went to,

we had to sign everything.

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Our full name on every single piece of

paper were our initials, and I, within

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about a week, I was so fed up with being

A N H or writing my whole name out.

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And so I was like, fine.

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I went to the teacher.

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I was like, can I go by my middle name?

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Just N H.

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So I don't have to write, you know, a N H

on everything or, you know, my full name.

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And she's like, yeah, sure.

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So that teacher only ever knew

me as Nicole and my parents have

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gone to the teacher conference

and she's like, yeah, Nicole's

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doing all this and Nicole's great.

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And yeah, I was in there like.

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Who are you

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talking

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Christine: daughter, what are you saying?

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Alexandra: And so, our Taekwondo

instructor was also taught at that school,

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and that's where we would do Taekwondo was

right after school one of the green areas.

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And my 4th grade teacher would

come over and she's like,

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Oh, Nicole's looking great!

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She's doing a good job!

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And he would go, Who

are you talking about?

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So you know, it's funny, like,

I just completely was not even

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a version of my first name.

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I was like, I'm gonna just Be

a different, different person.

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So I mean, it's still me.

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Like, it's still my name.

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I still very much identify with

Nicole, but It was, it was just

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I confused everyone that year.

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But, yeah, it was funny.

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You were talking about school

names, and that made me think,

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: I confused everyone that year.

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Christine: Exactly.

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Alexandra: Okay, so now that we've covered

the nicknames that we've had as children,

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the ones we prefer, and the ones we hate,

why don't we explore what's in a name?

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So Christina, what do you

think makes up a name?

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Christine: First of all,

did you just say Christina?

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Alexandra: And every time

someone's called you Christina,

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I'm like, Christine okay, okay,

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Christine, why don't you

tell us what's in a name?

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Like what makes up a name?

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Christine: That's a really good question.

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So, I mean, everybody's given a name at

birth, and I think for a lot of people,

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who they are gets wrapped up in what that

name is, whether they like it or not.

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So, I think for me, I

mentioned, I do love my name.

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I feel like there is no other

name I would rather be called.

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It's something I identify with deeply, so

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I don't know exactly how

to answer your question.

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Alexandra: kind of a strange one,

but when we were planning out

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the topics for this month and I

was thinking, wow, really, what?

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Does make a Nipa name, right?

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Because it's a combination of

letters, sounds, and a language.

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But like you said, it can be so wrapped

up in our identity, and if you think about

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our last names, that can be wrapped up in

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family history and stuff, so.

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It just got me thinking, I was

like, what, what isn't a name?

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So to any of our listeners, if you have

any thoughts, go ahead and hit pause

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and send us an email or a comment on the

social media post teasing this episode,

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because we would love to hear your

thoughts of what you think makes up a

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Christine: Yeah, definitely.

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To your point around last names,

too, like, My mom, when she married

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my dad, she changed her name.

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Although her initials didn't change,

which I think is pretty interesting.

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Alexandra: That's pretty cool.

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Christine: yeah.

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Made any, if she had anything

monogrammed, it made things very easy.

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Alexandra: And speaking of monograms,

I've never quite understood why it's

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always like first, last, and then middle.

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I mean, I get if you want your

last name to be, like, the big one,

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but also I'm like, it just feels

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weird to

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Christine: Yeah, my initials are C E

B, so having C and E, like, bookend

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a B doesn't make sense, I feel like.

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I like saying it C E B.

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Alexandra: So, oh, yeah, back

to your point about your mom

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and her changing her name.

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So Traditionally, in America and

many Western countries, it seems

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to be that the woman, the female,

changes her name if she gets married.

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I know in some other places in the

world that's not necessarily the case

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or passing that name on to children.

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It's the, the woman's first.

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But.

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Do you think that should change?

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Like when a woman gets married,

should it always be her changing

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her name to her partners?

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Or if she gets divorced, does she have to

be the one to go back to her maiden name?

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And,

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Christine: yeah.

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Alexandra: you know,

what, what do you think

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Christine: think it comes

down to preference, right?

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Like, I don't know when we had, had

conversations about this initially, I

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don't know if I could ever be anything but

Christine Borowsky, which is my last name.

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So, I don't know.

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If I would ever do it, I mean, it comes

down to, I think, your preference.

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And I don't think it necessarily

always has to be the female to do it.

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And I've heard of stories where

the man will change his name.

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I think if you don't like your last

name, it's a good reason to change it.

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I've seen people create entirely

new names as their last name, and

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they both change their last name.

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Or they do They hyphenate it, and

they both go by both the last names.

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So,

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Alexandra: That's pretty cool.

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Christine: first and foremost,

it comes down to what you want

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how you want to be referred to.

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And then from there Deciding

with your partner, like, how do

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we want to refer to ourselves?

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And I think it's kind of cool actually,

like, creating an entirely new name out

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of your, your relationship and your union.

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Alexandra: Cause it's like,

it's, it's almost like two

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people going forward together.

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It's almost, I don't know, in some ways

it's like leaving the baggage at the door

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and we're like choosing how we go for it.

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I think that's kind of cool.

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Like you said,

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Christine: So maybe, like, if I did change

my last name, I would want us to maybe

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both change it and come up with something

all our own, but, yeah, I don't know.

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We'll see.

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Alexandra: I know earlier we had talked

about how Nameshape identities, right?

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: 00:15:24

And so what do you think about is it

the individual who shapes our names?

310

: 00:15:29

Or is it the names that carry

a personality type with them?

311

: 00:15:32

And that person kind of who has

that name sort of morphs into that.

312

: 00:15:36

So if you think of like all the

stereotypes around Karens or Chads or

313

: 00:15:41

You know, if you have an association with

the name Britney and the Britneys you've

314

: 00:15:45

known in your life are all a certain way

What do you what is your thought on that?

315

: 00:15:48

Like Do you give a name

and somebody becomes that?

316

: 00:15:52

Or,

317

: 00:15:52

Christine: Well, I think kinda, yeah.

318

: 00:15:55

I, I mean, I don't, I've never had a name

that's become a stereotype, I don't think.

319

: 00:16:01

I don't think Christine's a stereotype.

320

: 00:16:03

You guys tell me.

321

: 00:16:04

Alexandra: I think we could check urban

dictionary, but nothing that I've heard.

322

: 00:16:07

Christine: I think, yeah, to a certain

extent people do Can morph into a

323

: 00:16:12

stereotype of, of a certain name.

324

: 00:16:14

But I've also met some lovely

Karens before, I had a hairstylist

325

: 00:16:19

who used to cut my hair.

326

: 00:16:19

Her name's Karen.

327

: 00:16:20

She's great.

328

: 00:16:21

I really think she's lovely.

329

: 00:16:23

Definitely doesn't in my interactions

with her fit the stereotype of what a

330

: 00:16:28

Karen is today, but I think, you When it

comes to name stereotypes, it's like the

331

: 00:16:35

most extreme of a person's personality.

332

: 00:16:37

So like when you think of a

333

: 00:16:38

Karen, it's someone who's

super rude or impatient or

334

: 00:16:44

Alexandra: I was asking for the

335

: 00:16:45

Christine: yes, exactly.

336

: 00:16:47

But you know, that's only a snippet

of what we're seeing of that person.

337

: 00:16:51

So, and then from there

it's become memes and.

338

: 00:16:54

It's taken on a life of

its own, but I don't know.

339

: 00:16:57

I feel like

340

: 00:16:57

Yeah, I think people can morph

into the stereotypes around names.

341

: 00:17:02

What about you?

342

: 00:17:02

What do you think?

343

: 00:17:03

Alexandra: I would agree.

344

: 00:17:04

And I know it's not a human based

example, but I'm thinking of I had

345

: 00:17:08

a cat and when we got her, she was,

we found her in a shelter and we

346

: 00:17:13

got her when she was four months old

and the shelter named her Jasmine.

347

: 00:17:15

And I was like, ah, she's not a Jasmine.

348

: 00:17:17

And for some reason at the time, I

think I was watching Nikita, right?

349

: 00:17:21

The show.

350

: 00:17:22

And I was like, oh, we're

gonna, let's name her Nikita,

351

: 00:17:25

and we'll just call her Nikki.

352

: 00:17:27

And by gosh, did that cat live up to

the name Nikita, like, she was stealthy,

353

: 00:17:32

she was Kind of a pain in the ass.

354

: 00:17:35

She very much thought she was a

queen and kind of like hide and

355

: 00:17:39

attack your ankles kind of thing.

356

: 00:17:41

I mean, she really was

like lived up to the name.

357

: 00:17:44

So I'm, I was thinking about people

and then I was like, okay, yeah.

358

: 00:17:48

But like you said, not every Karen or

not every Chad that you meet lives up

359

: 00:17:53

to the memes, the stereotypes, the, the

things that we colloquially refer to

360

: 00:17:57

as Karens or Chads but I would always

wonder if you have to work twice as

361

: 00:18:01

hard to be taken half as seriously when

you've got a name that's become so, so

362

: 00:18:07

widely known as like a Karen or a Kevin.

363

: 00:18:09

Christine: Would wonder, like,

do those stereotypes come up

364

: 00:18:11

for people when they first, get

introduced to a Karen or a Chad?

365

: 00:18:16

I would say, I don't know.

366

: 00:18:17

I, I, I don't know if I've met

that sort of situation yet,

367

: 00:18:20

Alexandra: Well, I don't know.

368

: 00:18:21

And it's like, when I was thinking

about the nickname Lexi, right,

369

: 00:18:24

my ex was like, oh, sexy Lexi.

370

: 00:18:25

And to me, Whether or not Lexis are

like this, I just have this image

371

: 00:18:29

of this kind of like vapid, not

a whole lot of brain between the

372

: 00:18:34

ears kind of thing, image going on.

373

: 00:18:36

And so it's like that's definitely

not something if I have that.

374

: 00:18:40

Association with that name.

375

: 00:18:41

That's probably not something

I want to be telling people.

376

: 00:18:44

Yes, think of me like this.

377

: 00:18:46

But yeah, you said it's not representative

of everyone and it is the extreme

378

: 00:18:50

of a personality, but it is, it's

just kind of interesting sometimes.

379

: 00:18:54

And then if you see like a

generation, like you said,

380

: 00:18:57

your name wasn't very common.

381

: 00:18:58

Well, where I was born, there weren't a

lot of Alexandras, but when I moved to

382

: 00:19:02

Southern California, there were a lot of

Alexanders and Alexandras and Alexas, so

383

: 00:19:07

it's kind of interesting generationally.

384

: 00:19:09

You'll see a Certain period where there's

a lot of Jennifer's or a lot of Debra's

385

: 00:19:15

Christine: Yep.

386

: 00:19:16

Brianna's

387

: 00:19:17

Alexandra: And I think that's always

so interesting to look at if you see

388

: 00:19:20

a lot of people with the same name

born around the same Time like you

389

: 00:19:23

you are all very similar or you're all

very different and it's kind of cool.

390

: 00:19:27

Christine: Yeah, well it definitely

shows, how Our parents generation

391

: 00:19:31

was influenced at the time when they

were starting to have children and

392

: 00:19:33

like, you know, every year there's

that list of popular baby names.

393

: 00:19:38

Alexandra: Mm hmm

394

: 00:19:39

Christine: It's really interesting to

see how pop culture influences what the,

395

: 00:19:43

those popular names are of the time.

396

: 00:19:45

whether it's from movies or

TV shows and music and stuff.

397

: 00:19:50

Okay, so now that we've covered

what we think isn't a name and

398

: 00:19:54

gone over It's named Stereotypes

and all our thoughts on that.

399

: 00:19:58

Why don't we hear from Alexandra a little

bit about her journey because she has

400

: 00:20:04

just recently changed her last name

and is going to share with us a little

401

: 00:20:09

bit about why she decided to do that.

402

: 00:20:13

So, Alexandra, why

don't you share with us?

403

: 00:20:15

Alexandra: Okay.

404

: 00:20:16

Yeah.

405

: 00:20:17

So I have to recently change my

last name and it's been a process.

406

: 00:20:21

So when I was preparing for the

episode, I kept trying to write down

407

: 00:20:24

notes of how I would tell the story.

408

: 00:20:26

I would write it and I'll delete it

and I would start somewhere else.

409

: 00:20:30

And then I, I'm like, that's not right.

410

: 00:20:32

So finally, I started on when,

why, and then how I made that

411

: 00:20:36

decision and started the process.

412

: 00:20:39

Christine: All right, cool.

413

: 00:20:40

So when did you first start thinking

about changing your last name?

414

: 00:20:44

Alexandra: it was about 12 ish years ago

now, I would want to say, but I became

415

: 00:20:49

more serious about wanting to change

my name about eight years ago and in

416

: 00:20:53

college, but it wasn't until recently that

I made the decision to actually do it.

417

: 00:20:58

So I started thinking about

it way back in high school.

418

: 00:21:00

And, you know, now here in my

late 20s, I've finally done it.

419

: 00:21:05

So it's, it's definitely

not something on a whim.

420

: 00:21:07

I was like, Oh, let me just do this.

421

: 00:21:09

It's, it's been well thought out and

422

: 00:21:11

Christine: it.

423

: 00:21:12

Okay, so what made you want to change

your name and why did you wait so long?

424

: 00:21:17

Alexandra: So I originally didn't

love how my last name sounded and

425

: 00:21:21

I didn't feel like it was me when I

went with my first and middle names.

426

: 00:21:24

And we've talked a lot about today.

427

: 00:21:26

How our name can be our identity, right?

428

: 00:21:29

Very much it is.

429

: 00:21:30

And I remember a story when I

was in kindergarten and where

430

: 00:21:33

we were living at the time.

431

: 00:21:35

I think I, the washing and dryer

machine were outside in the garage.

432

: 00:21:40

So I'd gone out to my mom and I'd asked

him, I was like, I was like, do you know?

433

: 00:21:45

That there are nine letters

in each of my names.

434

: 00:21:47

That's like 18 letters.

435

: 00:21:49

That's so many compared to, and

I remember like holding up my

436

: 00:21:52

hands like, that's nine letters.

437

: 00:21:55

And I was just remembering

thinking it was so long.

438

: 00:21:57

And I'm like, of course, that's not

the longest name out there, but for

439

: 00:22:00

There were so many, like, I feel like

Nicole Smiths or something like that

440

: 00:22:05

in my class with very short names.

441

: 00:22:07

I was like, it's always so long.

442

: 00:22:09

And

443

: 00:22:10

so that was one of the funny

things I remember about not

444

: 00:22:13

really liking my last name.

445

: 00:22:15

Part of it was the length, which

kind of seems silly, right?

446

: 00:22:18

You're like, Oh, that's not

really an identifying, but it was

447

: 00:22:20

something funny for my childhood.

448

: 00:22:22

But as I grew up, there was a lot about.

449

: 00:22:25

My dad's childhood that I don't know

about and still don't, but from the

450

: 00:22:30

bit I've gleaned and the stories

that I have heard, he, he essentially

451

: 00:22:34

hated the man who gave him the name.

452

: 00:22:36

And to say I wasn't impressed

and disappointed was a

453

: 00:22:40

massive understatement, right?

454

: 00:22:41

Because your family name is

the traditions in history that

455

: 00:22:45

you carry forward with you.

456

: 00:22:47

And for most of my life, I had heard very

different stories from my mom's side of

457

: 00:22:52

the family and my mom's dad and stuff.

458

: 00:22:55

And not to say that, you know,

my mom's father was perfect by

459

: 00:22:59

any stretch of the imagination,

460

: 00:23:01

Christine: Mm

461

: 00:23:02

Alexandra: but there was a lot

more to live up to and a lot of

462

: 00:23:06

pride within that name versus.

463

: 00:23:09

Inheriting a name that

even my father didn't like.

464

: 00:23:12

So, I'm definitely not blind to

the dysfunctions in any family.

465

: 00:23:16

Christine: Mm hmm.

466

: 00:23:17

Alexandra: Or a name.

467

: 00:23:18

But it was when I really started

to seriously consider changing

468

: 00:23:21

my name of wanting to carry

on my mom's father's name.

469

: 00:23:26

And so, fast forward

to about two years ago.

470

: 00:23:30

I don't know if I've mentioned

it, but I might have.

471

: 00:23:33

My father passed away.

472

: 00:23:35

And It was a bit after that, after some

of the initial grieving process had

473

: 00:23:43

ended, that I really did get more serious

about changing the name, because I had

474

: 00:23:48

been a bit more serious about it prior,

but I was always nervous to tell my dad

475

: 00:23:53

that I wanted to change my last name.

476

: 00:23:56

I was a little concerned that he would

think It was about him and it really

477

: 00:24:00

wasn't it was more about carrying on my

mother's maiden name because I would be

478

: 00:24:05

the last biological grandchild to carry

it on and to that I started looking

479

: 00:24:11

into the process of changing your name

Legally changing your name and what

480

: 00:24:17

all that entails to the point where

I was getting a little confused and I

481

: 00:24:21

was like I could seriously mess this

up and mess up a lot of, make a lot

482

: 00:24:26

of trouble for myself in the future.

483

: 00:24:27

So I ended up reaching out to an

attorney who did help with that.

484

: 00:24:32

And because yeah, you can do it yourself.

485

: 00:24:34

And I think looking back, I could

have done it, but I was glad to have

486

: 00:24:37

somebody who knew what they were doing

could help with the legal process.

487

: 00:24:40

And I may have mentioned

my sister is an attorney.

488

: 00:24:43

And so she did help me find somebody

locally who would be able to help that.

489

: 00:24:47

So yeah, I started the process, I think,

back in September, right around when we

490

: 00:24:51

got serious into planning the podcast.

491

: 00:24:54

So, it's been a, it's been a bit.

492

: 00:24:58

Christine: So, why don't you share

with us, what is that process

493

: 00:25:01

like to legally change your name?

494

: 00:25:03

Alexandra: Well, that's a really good

question, and I can kind of give you a

495

: 00:25:06

vague answer, because from my research,

it depends on the state you're in, right?

496

: 00:25:12

So, for North Carolina, you can

only legally change your name once.

497

: 00:25:16

It's not.

498

: 00:25:18

pursuant to a marriage or divorce.

499

: 00:25:19

So if you get married and you change

your name and you get divorced,

500

: 00:25:22

you can go back to your maiden

name, and if you get married again,

501

: 00:25:25

you can change your name again.

502

: 00:25:26

But outside of that, you can only legally

change your name once in the state.

503

: 00:25:30

So I guess if you wanted to do it

multiple times, you would have to move

504

: 00:25:33

to a different state, live there for a

while, and then start the process over.

505

: 00:25:37

But having gone through it,

I don't think I'd want to.

506

: 00:25:39

You know, didn't necessarily

want to go and change my name

507

: 00:25:42

again in a different state.

508

: 00:25:43

So the work the attorney I worked

with did it for a flat fee.

509

: 00:25:47

And part of the process is you have to

submit an application to the court of

510

: 00:25:52

request for a name change and with that

I also had to get fingerprinted to do

511

: 00:25:58

different background checks through the

FBI and the State Bureau of Investigation

512

: 00:26:03

and I had to get two people I knew who

were not blood related that I known

513

: 00:26:07

more for 12 More than 12 months and

who lived in the same county as I do

514

: 00:26:13

Sign affidavits of like content of good

character and how long they had known me

515

: 00:26:17

So it was a process and I will say that

the FBI One did take the longest to get

516

: 00:26:22

back mostly because I did not know that

there was an option to do it online I

517

: 00:26:27

sent it in which just It took longer.

518

: 00:26:29

But, you know, it was,

it was a process, right?

519

: 00:26:32

Because I had to go get fingerprinted,

which they charge you for.

520

: 00:26:35

And then you have to send in the

applications, which they charge you for.

521

: 00:26:37

And then you have to get the affidavits,

which notaries can charge you for.

522

: 00:26:41

And so by the time, like, I went

and submitted all the paperwork and

523

: 00:26:44

brought it to the attorney, I was like,

finally, this part is almost done.

524

: 00:26:48

And one of the other things is, We

had to, and this is something that

525

: 00:26:52

the attorney did, because she they

run to the courthouse more frequently,

526

: 00:26:56

was you have to put your name up and

saying that this person's going to

527

: 00:27:00

change your name, her name, and for 10

business days in the court, and just

528

: 00:27:05

an area where people, if they had.

529

: 00:27:07

A claim they wanted to file they could

before you change your name and for

530

: 00:27:11

I remember for the application I had

to state why I was changing my name

531

: 00:27:13

what I was changing it from what it

was to And to did I have any children?

532

: 00:27:18

I didn't know about was I trying to

escape child support Is there any debts

533

: 00:27:22

that you know, I need to be aware of

I was like, so it's definitely You

534

: 00:27:27

can have your ducks in a row and do it

535

: 00:27:29

But all in all, it, was a lot

of paperwork on the front end.

536

: 00:27:32

So, yeah, if you're serious,

like, it's not a big deal.

537

: 00:27:34

It just takes time.

538

: 00:27:36

But if you're not serious, then I think

some of this process is designed, I think,

539

: 00:27:39

to make you go, ah, maybe I won't do it.

540

: 00:27:41

So, I did finally get it submitted

to the court right before

541

: 00:27:46

the, the holidays this winter.

542

: 00:27:48

So that was nice.

543

: 00:27:49

Christine: Yeah, That's,

544

: 00:27:50

That's, that's right, that is when

it finally all came together for you.

545

: 00:27:54

And then, okay, so now what

happens when you change your name?

546

: 00:27:59

Is that it?

547

: 00:28:00

Or are there more steps to still do?

548

: 00:28:04

Alexandra: So yeah, it took a little bit

not too long to get the, the name change.

549

: 00:28:09

I think it's called

certificate of name change.

550

: 00:28:11

I have it here with me.

551

: 00:28:13

So it's like, Oh my gosh, I've,

I've made it to the finish line.

552

: 00:28:17

And then you're like, Oh no, you haven't.

553

: 00:28:19

Because then it begins the process

of changing your name on everything.

554

: 00:28:24

Right.

555

: 00:28:25

So, I remember the email that

I got from the paralegal at the

556

: 00:28:28

attorney's office is like, you

know, congratulations Miss Montra.

557

: 00:28:32

And I was like, ah.

558

: 00:28:34

So she's like, yeah, you can legally

start using your new name, but you

559

: 00:28:37

have to start changing everything over.

560

: 00:28:39

So, and it seems to be a bit

of a, a dominant effect, right?

561

: 00:28:42

Like you can change one,

then you can change another.

562

: 00:28:44

So the first thing that I had to do

was I had to go to Social Security

563

: 00:28:49

Administration and have my s social

security chart changed over, which I

564

: 00:28:52

think I waited about an hour, which

is not terrible, but, it was like,

565

: 00:28:57

you have to have an application filled

out for updating your information.

566

: 00:29:01

You have to bring the court order.

567

: 00:29:02

You have to bring your, you know,

current stuff, your driver's

568

: 00:29:05

license to identify who you are.

569

: 00:29:07

So then you can do that.

570

: 00:29:09

And I think I got the receipt and she was

like, okay, well now you just have to wait

571

: 00:29:13

24 hours and then you can go to the DMV

to have your driver's license changed.

572

: 00:29:17

I was like, okay.

573

: 00:29:18

So I went to the DMV and of

course you're waiting more there.

574

: 00:29:20

You have to.

575

: 00:29:20

Sometimes you can set an appointment.

576

: 00:29:22

Sometimes just easier to walk in.

577

: 00:29:24

And so then I'm going, and of course

they're like, if here in North Carolina,

578

: 00:29:28

at least where I am, if you go in, they

just automatically take a new picture.

579

: 00:29:30

And I was like, Oh, was not

prepared for a new picture.

580

: 00:29:33

Okay.

581

: 00:29:34

Does not look the greatest.

582

: 00:29:35

And so then I mean, yeah,

but it was like really bad.

583

: 00:29:39

There's like this one hair,

like sticking up and around.

584

: 00:29:41

I was like, Ugh.

585

: 00:29:43

You remember the commercial, I

think, back when probably we were

586

: 00:29:45

learning to drive that was like all

the really bad teenage like driver's

587

: 00:29:50

license photo of like bedhead braces.

588

: 00:29:53

Christine: I do remember.

589

: 00:29:54

Alexandra: That was the vibe of

590

: 00:29:55

the photo I got.

591

: 00:29:56

So yeah, so then I got my

driver's license and so now.

592

: 00:29:59

Now that that's done, I can take my

new social security card to my employer

593

: 00:30:06

and start having my name changed for

employment records with an insurance.

594

: 00:30:11

And then I do need to get a new official

birth certificate so that I can go

595

: 00:30:15

get a new passport because I know that

Christine and I have Plans in the future

596

: 00:30:19

to go traveling outside the country.

597

: 00:30:21

So need to get those ducks in a row.

598

: 00:30:23

But yes, I am now as you can see on

our website, I'm officially Alexandra

599

: 00:30:27

Montross, which I'm so excited to

carry on my grandfather's name.

600

: 00:30:31

But yes, it is definitely

not like, Oh, here you go.

601

: 00:30:36

Here's your new name.

602

: 00:30:37

So I'm in that weird

spot of still using my.

603

: 00:30:41

My old last name on, like, credit

cards and stuff until I can get my

604

: 00:30:45

bank changed over because, yes, that's

also another thing you have to change.

605

: 00:30:49

And, you know, insurance and stuff,

so it's like, I still feel like I'm

606

: 00:30:53

straddling the line of, like, Henderson,

Montross, Henderson, Montross.

607

: 00:30:59

And it's not like, as I said earlier,

Montross is all that much shorter

608

: 00:31:02

than Henderson, but I definitely think

it's kind of cool that my initials

609

: 00:31:05

now are A M, like, and I am, I tend

to be more of a morning person.

610

: 00:31:09

Christine: That is, that is funny.

611

: 00:31:11

So, I mean, taking it back to that

first question you had asked me about,

612

: 00:31:17

changing last names when married.

613

: 00:31:19

Would you change your name?

614

: 00:31:20

Or are you gonna just stick

with Montross now forever?

615

: 00:31:25

Alexandra: This is so funny that

you say that because like, that

616

: 00:31:28

is the first question I get when

people like, you've said, Oh yeah,

617

: 00:31:31

my name, last name's changed.

618

: 00:31:32

Well, I'm sorry.

619

: 00:31:33

That's not the first question.

620

: 00:31:34

They go, did you get married?

621

: 00:31:35

And I'm like, no.

622

: 00:31:37

At the time of this recording, I am

willfully single but you know, then

623

: 00:31:42

it's always felt a little, are you

going to change it when you get married?

624

: 00:31:44

And my response to that is it really

depends and they better have a

625

: 00:31:48

Amazing last name for me to change

it again to go through this process.

626

: 00:31:52

Although from what I can understand,

it is much simpler to change.

627

: 00:31:56

Paperwork wise in the front end to change

your name when you get married, right?

628

: 00:32:01

Christine: Yeah.

629

: 00:32:02

Alexandra: you still have to do the

process of if you want to change

630

: 00:32:04

your social security and number and

you're Obviously a driver's license.

631

: 00:32:08

You have to do that part

and change your bank stuff.

632

: 00:32:10

But

633

: 00:32:10

the

634

: 00:32:11

Christine: know if, like, when

635

: 00:32:12

you get married, do you have to,

like, go back and change your birth

636

: 00:32:15

certificate and social security?

637

: 00:32:17

Or is it just, like, any future documents?

638

: 00:32:21

Your license, your passport, your

insurance with your employer and stuff?

639

: 00:32:25

Alexandra: Check with your local state

I don't think you have to change your

640

: 00:32:28

official birth certificate or your birth

certificate But if you're going to use

641

: 00:32:31

the name on bank accounts and stuff or

employer, I think you do have to change

642

: 00:32:35

your social security because that's

always tied to your employer information.

643

: 00:32:39

But again, I think when you get married,

there's a little bit more information

644

: 00:32:42

of like when you go file at the court,

like, Hey, you were getting married.

645

: 00:32:46

Or this wasn't an awful idea.

646

: 00:32:48

Maybe my person could change

his name to my last name.

647

: 00:32:52

And actually fun fact, that's

the only reason we have Montross

648

: 00:32:55

in the family is I think.

649

: 00:32:57

I'd have to ask my mother for specific

details, but I think back in like the

650

: 00:32:59

1800s a man married into the family and

ended up taking his wife's name, which was

651

: 00:33:04

Montrose, and that's how it passed down.

652

: 00:33:06

Which I was like, that's pretty

forward thinking of a family.

653

: 00:33:10

Ooh.

654

: 00:33:11

Christine: Wow!

655

: 00:33:12

Alexandra: Yeah, so I was like, dang.

656

: 00:33:15

So yeah, my question is

that it's, it depends.

657

: 00:33:18

Christine: Got it.

658

: 00:33:19

Alexandra: It better be an amazing

last name for me to go through all this

659

: 00:33:22

Christine: Right.

660

: 00:33:23

Yeah.

661

: 00:33:24

Or maybe

662

: 00:33:24

you'll, maybe you'll

create one all your own.

663

: 00:33:26

Who knows?

664

: 00:33:28

Who knows?

665

: 00:33:28

Okay.

666

: 00:33:30

Alexandra: I think my face just went, no.

667

: 00:33:33

Actually, I don't even know if I'd

be allowed to do that in this state.

668

: 00:33:36

Now, 'cause I think I've

used my one name change

669

: 00:33:39

Christine: I

670

: 00:33:40

Alexandra: not pursuant to a marriage.

671

: 00:33:42

.Yeah, I guess I gotta move.

672

: 00:33:43

So yeah.

673

: 00:33:44

But for right now I'm gonna keep Montross.

674

: 00:33:46

It's definitely the name I wanna

be known by in business and you

675

: 00:33:49

know, podcast going forward.

676

: 00:33:51

So I think that's where I've landed today,

677

: 00:33:54

,

Christine: well, speaking of that, I've had I've met people who for

678

: 00:33:58

business purposes keep their name and

I don't know if they go through the

679

: 00:34:03

whole process of changing their name

to their spouse's last name or what,

680

: 00:34:08

but I have, encountered people who

professionally go by their maiden name

681

: 00:34:13

Alexandra: I think that's

a lot more common nowadays.

682

: 00:34:16

I know my sister and her

friends who are both.

683

: 00:34:18

attorneys have talked about that they'll

probably not change their name and

684

: 00:34:21

they'll professionally always go by the

name that they've started their career

685

: 00:34:24

with, which makes sense because you can

build quite a reputation with your name.

686

: 00:34:28

And I've talked about it with my mom

and I don't think that my dad would

687

: 00:34:32

have been opposed to my name change.

688

: 00:34:33

I think he might have been a

little hurt at first, but I

689

: 00:34:36

think he would have understood.

690

: 00:34:37

And you know, my mom's like, I

don't think your dad would have been

691

: 00:34:40

opposed to changing his name too.

692

: 00:34:42

His last name to my mother's but it

was the time and in the south where

693

: 00:34:47

I was born, which was not very common

so you know, I'm so glad to know

694

: 00:34:52

that times are changing and that

people are definitely more open to

695

: 00:34:57

Christine: Yeah.

696

: 00:34:58

Alexandra: acknowledging

you by the names that

697

: 00:34:59

Christine: Mm hmm.

698

: 00:35:00

For sure.

699

: 00:35:01

Definitely.

700

: 00:35:02

And so my last question is, now that

you've done this, how do you feel

701

: 00:35:07

that you finally changed your name?

702

: 00:35:09

Alexandra: Well, I feel really good.

703

: 00:35:10

I'm like, yay.

704

: 00:35:12

The finish line of almost changing

everything is, is, is very close.

705

: 00:35:15

I'm almost there.

706

: 00:35:17

And it finally feels like my name,

you know, I, I think I said, I

707

: 00:35:23

didn't like my last name and it

didn't ever really feel like.

708

: 00:35:26

Me.

709

: 00:35:27

I know I feel like, ah, this is my name.

710

: 00:35:31

Christine: That's great.

711

: 00:35:32

Alexandra: I feel very, not

settled in a bad way, I feel very

712

: 00:35:35

settled though.

713

: 00:35:36

So, that's really

714

: 00:35:36

cool.

715

: 00:35:38

So I also feel like it's the

start of: 2024

716

: 00:35:42

is happening, so it feels like

a really good year for change.

717

: 00:35:46

Christine: That's great.

718

: 00:35:47

I'm very happy for you.

719

: 00:35:49

I'm, I know that this has

720

: 00:35:50

been,

721

: 00:35:51

A long road for you and that I'm glad

that it's finally, the day's finally here.

722

: 00:35:56

I've changed your name in my

phone and I, I'll get there.

723

: 00:35:59

It might take me a while to get

used to it, but I am happy for you.

724

: 00:36:03

Alexandra: Well thank you.

725

: 00:36:04

And Christine can attest to the fact of

how long I've wanted to change my name,

726

: 00:36:08

because I think we've talked about it.

727

: 00:36:10

Back when we first met.

728

: 00:36:11

So, it's very cool.

729

: 00:36:13

And if anyone has a similar story or, you

know, a name they would like to change,

730

: 00:36:17

I hope they feel free to share and, or

that, you know, my experience with it

731

: 00:36:21

and talking about it just go, oh, okay.

732

: 00:36:24

It feels a little bit more approachable

because I remember when I first started

733

: 00:36:27

looking into it, my mom was helping me

research and I was like, oh, my gosh.

734

: 00:36:31

Christine: They don't make this easy.

735

: 00:36:33

Alexandra: And I, I think part of

it is like they don't want people

736

: 00:36:36

to be Running away from fiscal

responsibilities, which I can't, but

737

: 00:36:39

at the same time, it's like, yikes!

738

: 00:36:42

Christine: Exactly.

739

: 00:36:42

Yeah.

740

: 00:36:44

All right, so before we close,

is there anything else you

741

: 00:36:46

want to share, Alexandra, or?

742

: 00:36:49

Alexandra: I mean, just that I can

jump up and down with joy that,

743

: 00:36:53

you know, my name has changed.

744

: 00:36:54

I'm so excited about it, and it's still a

bit surreal, I think, at the moment, too.

745

: 00:36:58

It's like, okay, but I'm so happy.

746

: 00:37:02

Christine: Oh, good.

747

: 00:37:03

Well, great.

748

: 00:37:04

yay!

749

: 00:37:06

Alright everyone.

750

: 00:37:07

Thanks so much for joining

us for today's episode.

751

: 00:37:09

We hope you enjoyed hearing our stories,

and maybe it encouraged you to think

752

: 00:37:14

about the nicknames you had as a kid, and

how you identify with your name today.

753

: 00:37:19

Share with us in the comments any

memorable moments that stick out to you.

754

: 00:37:23

We would love to hear them.

755

: 00:37:25

And Next week kicks off a two part episode

around body image and health, where we

756

: 00:37:28

welcome our first guest to the podcast.

757

: 00:37:31

We really enjoyed digging deep with this

conversation and are looking forward

758

: 00:37:35

to hearing your thoughts next week.

759

: 00:37:37

Chat soon!

760

: 00:37:38

Enjoying the conversations we're

having and the topics we're discussing?

761

: 00:37:42

Consider supporting us through

our Buy Us a Coffee page.

762

: 00:37:45

We greatly appreciate any help in

creating this podcast we love so much.

763

: 00:37:49

Link in our show notes and link tree.

764

: 00:37:51

Before we end, don't forget to

like, subscribe, or follow us on

765

: 00:37:54

your preferred listening platform.

766

: 00:37:56

And we'll catch you next time.